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Do you have better luck with getting women in real life or on dating sites?

Ross MwcFan

By Ross MwcFan
in Dating

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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

Posted
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Now some of you may think 'duh, dating sites are for people who don't have much luck in real life, so obviously they must have more luck on dating sites'

 

But I have heard a couple of people say they have better luck in real life.

 

So, it got me curious. :)

irc333 Established Member

irc333

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Real life....women are limited in their selection of men who approach them. No full inbox to deal with, and their main focus is you.

EasyHeart Established Member

EasyHeart

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Real life.

 

I haven't put much effort into online dating. It seems very superficial. I prefer meeting people in real life so that I can get a good reading of how how they speak and how they carry themselves. For me, the most important thing in a woman is intelligence. That's much easier to figure out when I chat someone up than if I just look at a dating profile.

fishtaco Established Member

fishtaco

Posted
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Real life.

 

Online dating should only be used, if at all, as a lowest priority supplementation to your real life dating, or you live some place with very low number of available women locally. Say you're in Antarctica.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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Personally, I have better luck/odds meeting *single* women online. IRL, inevitably, historically, the women I meet are married/attached. I find this dynamic to largely continue unabated subsequent to the hiatus of my ten year M. As a point of reference, if I search a ten mile radius on Match.com, I generally return a response of between five and fifteen women in *any* age group. I don't live in Antacrtica, but do drive a half-hour to get groceries. :)

 

I don't look at women as something to 'get'.

Sabali Established Member

Sabali

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Real life.

 

Online dating should only be used, if at all, as a lowest priority supplementation to your real life dating, or you live some place with very low number of available women locally. Say you're in Antarctica.

 

 

I agree with this. I really wouldn't recommend it but if you had to do it, I would say use it in the manner as stated above.

irc333 Established Member

irc333

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Yeah, where I live people get attached/engaged/ or married by the age of 21.

 

There's this cute cashier I had a crush on for a few months....she looked about probably not even legal drinking age...probably 20 years old...MAYBE AT 21.

 

She was "showing" a baby bump, turned out she already had 2 kids and one on the way...she was married, because she said something about the "in-laws" coming over for the holidays.

 

You go out and about at the mall or grocery store, nothing but married women with their kids runnin' around.

 

You have to be careful, if you do catch a woman by herself at the Cafe court...if you appraoch her, approach with caution, because she's probably waiting for her boyfriend.

 

Someone did tell me there are single women around here, but you have to "know" where to find them.

 

I believe there are single women, but I think they bunkered up at home (spending time online dating sites, lol)

 

My theory is, this is one of those communities where there ARE single women, but if they go out, they'd have to go out alone, because all their friends are married, so they just stay in. rather sit a mom and pop bar where you see only 2 people dancing on small dancefloor and a DJ just sittin' back readin' a magazine while he presses "play" on the music box. LOL

 

 

 

 

 

Personally, I have better luck/odds meeting *single* women online. IRL, inevitably, historically, the women I meet are married/attached. I find this dynamic to largely continue unabated subsequent to the hiatus of my ten year M. As a point of reference, if I search a ten mile radius on Match.com, I generally return a response of between five and fifteen women in *any* age group. I don't live in Antacrtica, but do drive a half-hour to get groceries. :)

 

I don't look at women as something to 'get'.

mo mo Established Member

mo mo

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Real life by far. In fact, the attention I receive in real life is the polar opposite of the attention I receive online. On dating sites I hardly ever get noticed, but in real life I get hit on at work, the grocery store, the beach, on the street, parties, clubs, etc.

 

I have no patience for online dating.

sumdude Established Member

sumdude

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Real life by far. My personality just doesn't come across really well in text. I also don't seem to photograph well and my physical presence, body language etc are more obvious when you spend time with me.

musemaj11 Established Member

musemaj11

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I look so bad on pictures, so obviously I have better impression in real life.

DollyGirl12 Established Member

DollyGirl12

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I've never tried a dating site. Just not in to it. I've seen a few people, including my ex, who have previously used dating sites, and boy, they are nothing with regard to what they state they are. People can be the most honest, outgoing, have great morals, etc. online, but when you get to know them, they are exactly the opposite. I think for some it's to easy to fall for that "profile and picture" and get stuck on it.

However, with my last ex, I did meet him on an online group that we were both involved in. We were friends for a little over a year before we actually met. I had began to like him as a person, we began speaking on the phone more and getting more flirty. So, I did develop an opinion of him before I met him and did find that I really liked him before I met him. He can be very sweet and charming, and he is sweet and charming. I knew of his disability before we met and knew that there were alot of things that he could not do. I was very accepting of that. However, after going over things in retrospect, had I met him in person first, I don't think I would have been as interested in him. He does alot of oddball and very quirky things that would most likely be a turn off to someone who did not know him before.

I remember seeing his online profile when we first began talking about meeting each other. He was HONEST, had GOOD MORALS, was TRUSTWORTHY, and all the good stuff that a dream man should be. He was none of those and our relationship ended when I found he was emailing personals on craigslist and looking up escort services. And come to find out, he was doing it with his previous ex girlfriend. He has a fetish for 3somes and he was having them with a couple behind her back a good portion of the time they were together. He also had pictures of a 20 year old college girl (he was about 31 at the time) giving him a BJ, while he was with his previous gf.

I think his only option for meeting women is online, because he "looks good" and has all the "qualities" someone is looking for in a man.

sumdude Established Member

sumdude

Posted
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I think his only option for meeting women is online, because he "looks good" and has all the "qualities" someone is looking for in a man.

 

Too bad you had to go through all that to find out. Makes me think that the real reason I don't have much online success is.. because I'm honest in my profiles. Which is fine with me... I don't have time for BS.

DollyGirl12 Established Member

DollyGirl12

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Too bad you had to go through all that to find out. Makes me think that the real reason I don't have much online success is.. because I'm honest in my profiles. Which is fine with me... I don't have time for BS.

 

Well, I guess the way I look at it is that everything is a learning experience. Sometimes it hurts like hell though!

 

But, I do think he probably has alot of success, at least attracting women and probably getting the date. That does no good when the true you comes out though. I remember him telling me that he is use to being left. Gee, I wonder why??? He is self sabotaging but because he has "problems" and is very narcissistic it's something that he has no control over, because he does not want to change. These kind of people usually don't change though. Coming to that realization makes it easier not to take what he did to me personally.

 

So, if you are honest the true you is already there. At least when you do finally meet someone that you care about you will not drive them away. They will appreciate you for being the good person that you are!!! :)

  • 1 month later...
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Ross MwcFan Established Member

Ross MwcFan

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Well this is really strange. That you are all more successful with attracting women in real life.

 

I have never had a woman show interest in me in real life, not one, but lot's of women online have shown interest in me, and it's not just on dating sites, in fact it's mainly been on forums.

 

I don't get it. This is what makes me think that maybe in real life I look nothing like my good photo's, and that I must actually look very ugly in person. :(

Edited by Ross MwcFan
Dust Established Member

Dust

Posted
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Well this is really strange. That you are all more successful with attracting women in real life.

 

I have never had a woman show interest in me in real life, not one, but lot's of women online have shown interest in me, and it's not just on dating sites, in fact it's mainly been on forums.

 

I don't get it. This is what makes me think that maybe in real life I look nothing like my good photo's, and that I must actually look very ugly in person. :(

 

I do better in real life. By far.

 

But, if you spend all your time on the internet, instead of meeting and talking to people in real life then that’s why things are the way they are for you. Why not get out and meet people?

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

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I don't know. I guess I've had more or less the same luck. I've dated three girls in my life, one I met in class, another was a former classmate of mine who asked ME out over facebook, and the last was a girl from Okcupid. So, I guess it's 50-50 for me.

Dust Established Member

Dust

Posted
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I don't know. I guess I've had more or less the same luck. I've dated three girls in my life, one I met in class, another was a former classmate of mine who asked ME out over facebook, and the last was a girl from Okcupid. So, I guess it's 50-50 for me.

 

A former classmate (from real life) you reconnected with over facebook is not a dating site. There for 2/3 of the people you dated were from real life.

 

I think the only reason a person will not do better in real life is if they are too afraid to try. Trying means actually leaving your house, (as opposed to hiding away from the world) and talking to women. Then asking them out, and making moves.

oaks Established Member

oaks

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I'm having better luck meeting suitable people to date (right age, single enough) online than in real life. I'm trying this real life thing, too, but it's delivering fewer hits. That's not a complaint. (and it's probably just a numbers thing... I can sift through lots of potential women online faster than I'll meet that many women offline)

 

The end result isn't too successful at the moment, because my goal is to have a relationship rather than a series of first (and sometimes second) dates, so I'm still looking when I'm out there away from the keyboard.

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
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A former classmate (from real life) you reconnected with over facebook is not a dating site. There for 2/3 of the people you dated were from real life.

 

I think the only reason a person will not do better in real life is if they are too afraid to try. Trying means actually leaving your house, (as opposed to hiding away from the world) and talking to women. Then asking them out, and making moves.

 

Yeah I didn't really know how to count her since she obviously wasn't from online, but I hadn't really seen her in person since we were in 8th grade so I kind of left her out of the final tally.

 

The last part is slightly true. I'm not afraid of trying necessarily, I just view it (sometimes) as a waste of time. I don't know if you play sports, but imagine you wanted to start playing basketball. Every time you went to play you played horribly. And you weren't getting any better as time went on. Eventually you would get frustrated and it would no longer be any fun. That's how "trying" has become for me.

 

I know that this kind of defeatism is not going to help me in any way. But, it's very hard to get rid of the "culture of defeatism". Rejection tends to breed rejection (at least for me) so it might take a while.

thehead Established Member

thehead

Posted
Posted (edited)

You have better luck online because it's where you spend the majority of your time.

 

You don't have luck in RL because you aren't out talking. You avoid and feel shy around women.

 

So, of course you'd be more successful online. It's how they get to know you.

 

To be successful in RL, overcome the fears (get therapy, medication, whatever), and risk some rejection. It's not easy but it's how it's done.

 

BTW, I'm more successful online because my work inhibits me from being out socializing. It's where I meet more women.

 

Out on the street, women never approach me or come on to me. But, I've had many dates, relationships and sex after I've put myself out there and risked talking to them.

Edited by thehead
Dust Established Member

Dust

Posted
Posted
Yeah I didn't really know how to count her since she obviously wasn't from online, but I hadn't really seen her in person since we were in 8th grade so I kind of left her out of the final tally.

 

The last part is slightly true. I'm not afraid of trying necessarily, I just view it (sometimes) as a waste of time. I don't know if you play sports, but imagine you wanted to start playing basketball. Every time you went to play you played horribly. And you weren't getting any better as time went on. Eventually you would get frustrated and it would no longer be any fun. That's how "trying" has become for me.

 

I know that this kind of defeatism is not going to help me in any way. But, it's very hard to get rid of the "culture of defeatism". Rejection tends to breed rejection (at least for me) so it might take a while.

 

The thing is if you want something you just have to try. If you’ve given up you have no place to complain.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
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OP, since it's you, me and I think one other person who do 'better' online, can I ask if you (general 'you') who do better online have no issues relating to women otherwise? I ask this question because, even though I list my historical 'better' as online, I have no issues relating to women and didn't even when young and have been married and have many female friends. For myself, it's strictly an efficiency to meet *single* women. I've met hundreds of married and attached women IRL over the last 30 years. Like IRC related, most women in my area were attached or married by the time they were 21 and generally to/with their high school boyfriends. I didn't gain my social confidence until in college so I missed out on that first round and remained 'behind' subsequently. Nearly all my good friends are married, most for decades and, as I shared prior, the demographic for single women is pretty sparse, save for longer distances, which I have no problem with either.

 

So, to provide an example, do I message a lady who has put herself online as single and available or do I chat with the lady at the grocery store who has caught my attention? I do both. The lady at the store has a 50% chance of being single (0% so far, anecdotally, since being divorced) and the online lady purportedly (no one knows for sure) 100% chance. Which is more efficient? Which seems to present the greater opportunity for success? Unlike a number of males here on LS who have shared horrible results from online dating, my experiences have universally been positive, and my marriage was a result of an online date about 12 years ago. Not every date resulted in a love connection, but I don't expect that. I expect to meet ostensibly single women with the *potential* for attraction and compatibility. If no joy, no joy. Life goes on. Groceries must be bought or travel must occur, as examples, and I meet more ladies IRL.

 

Perhaps these dynamics are age-dependent. As an old fart, my experiences my differ greatly from a man half my age. It is what it is. Enjoy your youth. :)

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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almost all the chicks i've banged i met IRL. there were 2 or 3 i met on dating sites

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

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The thing is if you want something you just have to try. If you’ve given up you have no place to complain.

 

I only complain after I try and then nothing happens.

 

It's not about wanting something and thinking I don't have to try; lately I've been more of the mind where I think it's a lost cause and it makes no sense to get my hopes up. This is the vicious cycle: I get confident, go talk to a few women, but then after a few days/weeks when nothing happens I get down again and don't try for a while; then the process begins again. Look, I don't make the claim that this is justifiable or that I'm a martyr or a victim of some kind, nor do I expect anyone to understand or relate to me, but it is what it is.

 

To be quite honest I think I'm going to stop coming on here for a while and stop worrying about women (in fact I'm going to just completely avoid them) and put 100% of my focus on my career and academic pursuits. At least in that arena I have the ability to excel and actually achieve the goals I set for myself. I appreciate the advice that you and others have given me, and hopefully one day I'll actually be able to put it to good use.

oaks Established Member

oaks

Posted
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OP, since it's you, me and I think one other person who do 'better' online,

 

Might've been me.

 

can I ask if you (general 'you') who do better online have no issues relating to women otherwise?

 

I don't think I have any particular issues in this area.

 

For myself, it's strictly an efficiency to meet *single* women.

 

^^ yes, this. Same here.

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