all of those against relationships between older men and younger women respond

April 9, 2011

I'm 29 and male. I might look like I'm in my late teens to early twenties. This past Christmas a woman thought I was under 18. I'm not a professional. I only have an associate's at most. I don't make a six figure income. I don't own a home. I am not sexually experienced. Within a 25 mile radius of where I live are at least 4 colleges. There appears to be more college aged kids around than those close to my age. This is not so much a place for people my age it seems maybe since there aren't any big industries here anymore or enough job opportunities for young professionals. It is mostly a bed and breakfast for new york city transplants so most of the young people are underage. It is more a place to raise a family.

Considering this, what age range should I look for on dating sites or irl? What range would be the most effective in dating and women would be the most receptive toward me? The very lowest I'm going is 18. I think the AoC might be 17 but that is irrelevant. Sometime in the future I will want kids so women close to menopause won't work. Besides I doubt I am what they would want anyway with the many factors listed above.

Since the age distribution among younger people isn't in my favor should I lie about my age so I will have options?

April 9, 2011

Nothing wrong with being with an 18 year old, they're an adult, and are perfectly capable of being able to decide whether they want to have sex or not. I know it's seen as bad in the states, but in the UK it's seen as okay.

April 9, 2011

Looking at pof and okcupid it seemed there was a trend that women who were that young or around there didn't want a man as old as 29 and at most into his mid-20's. It wasn't until they were 25+ that their acceptable age range grew substantially. Then again they might have simply been reacting to the number and the numerical difference without realizing what it means to be in your late 20's or early 30's.

April 9, 2011

I'm 29 and male. I might look like I'm in my late teens to early twenties. This past Christmas a woman thought I was under 18. I'm not a professional. I only have an associate's at most. I don't make a six figure income. I don't own a home. I am not sexually experienced. Within a 25 mile radius of where I live are at least 4 colleges. There appears to be more college aged kids around than those close to my age. This is not so much a place for people my age it seems maybe since there aren't any big industries here anymore or enough job opportunities for young professionals. It is mostly a bed and breakfast for new york city transplants so most of the young people are underage. It is more a place to raise a family.

Considering this, what age range should I look for on dating sites or irl? What range would be the most effective in dating and women would be the most receptive toward me? The very lowest I'm going is 18. I think the AoC might be 17 but that is irrelevant. Sometime in the future I will want kids so women close to menopause won't work. Besides I doubt I am what they would want anyway with the many factors listed above.

Since the age distribution among younger people isn't in my favor should I lie about my age so I will have options?

That's fine. My parents are 10 years apart. My friend and her husband are 16 yrs apart. It's really just a number.

I am 28 but I am open to guys from ages 27-47.

April 9, 2011

I'm 20. My last bf was 27. He actually looks older than his age, but acts more like he's 23.

Age doesn't bother me at all. I tend to prefer older men. I just don't connect with boys my age. For the most part, they're all stupid. Not all of them are I'm sure, but I haven't had the pleasure of meeting any that I'd be interested in romantically.

April 9, 2011

I tend to go with the bottom of the age range being the old formula of divide in half +7.

So in your case the bottom end of the age range would be 19.5 and the top end would be 36, but that's just me.

April 9, 2011

Just go with what you're comfortable with. I know a few guys who say that they refuse to date a teenager, so they only look for 20+, or if they want someone they can go and grab a few drinks with, 21+. But others just think that if the United States (and other countries) considers the chick an adult, they will too, so 18 is fine with them. Personally, I like guys my age or just a couple years older, so from about 20-24 years old, anything older than that just feels weird to me for some reason. It's just a preference thing.

My one friend is 20 though and her fiance is 46, and they feel comfortable with their relationship (have been seeing each other since she was 18). So if you're 29, there's nothing really wrong with going for someone 11 years younger or older than you, as long as it's mutual. But no, never lie about your age. You might be able to get a date or two that way, but you wont be able to get a good relationship if you do so.

April 9, 2011

Let your eyes and heart set your age range. I think once you get out there talking to women, you'll get a feel for the possibilities that are out there. I suggest you have as wide a range as possible such as 18 - 32.

I think dating inexperience will make you want to go younger, but women who are older can be more secure in their life situation. I don't want to make generalizations though. I know 20 year old women who are secure and vibrant and 40 year old women who are train wrecks.

I also caution you in thinking that the next woman you date is the one. If you get too picky, you will miss out on dating experience. It's like a job in a way. You don't need to get the dream job at jump. Instead, you work towards that.

Good luck

Edit: I'm not against age gap relationships. I've had a few of them- older and younger men. And it was fine.

April 10, 2011

That's fine. My parents are 10 years apart. My friend and her husband are 16 yrs apart. It's really just a number.

I am 28 but I am open to guys from ages 27-47.

But I have been finding girls on the young side who have very set upper limits and even go into hysterics in their profiles about guys contacting them outside of their narrow age range as if they're pedophiles or something.

Maybe they would feel different if we met in life instead of online but that's irrelevant when first contact will be online.

April 10, 2011

But I have been finding girls on the young side who have very set upper limits and even go into hysterics in their profiles about guys contacting them outside of their narrow age range as if they're pedophiles or something.

Maybe they would feel different if we met in life instead of online but that's irrelevant when first contact will be online.

Yeah I think younger girls don't have a good impression of older guys. They feel safe with people near their age group. If they're that close minded, maybe it's just best staying away from them for now.

April 10, 2011

Yeah I think younger girls don't have a good impression of older guys. They feel safe with people near their age group. If they're that close minded, maybe it's just best staying away from them for now.

I get the feeling they might in part be afraid of growing up and being pulled into the marriage bed too soon.

April 10, 2011

What in the world would you have in common with an 18 - 21 year old? While there's the odd 18 - 21 year old who's beyond their biological age for maturity, how immature would a 29 year old guy have to be, to connect with most of them?

It's very much stage in life differences.

April 10, 2011

What in the world would you have in common with an 18 - 21 year old? While there's the odd 18 - 21 year old who's beyond their biological age for maturity, how immature would a 29 year old guy have to be, to connect with most of them?

It's very much stage in life differences.

The problem is I'm not nearly at the same lifestage as most of the women my age which will be a big turn off for them. I'm even thinking about going back to school to complete my degree where I'll be drowning in 18-21 year olds.

What exactly should I find in common with girls closer to 29 than a girl in early adulthood? What should I have found in common with 18-21 year old girls when I was their age?

Women tend to be the ones who support this idea of age based common ground you won't find with anyone else but no matter my age and no matter her age I have never felt that. The only common ground I could share are my hobbies/interests, but I don't care if we both have the same ones or not and the ones I have aren't ones women tend to care about. The closest I came so far was one girl liked yaoi. I don't like yaoi but I have a bit of interest in anime and Japanese culture except she only went up to 22. That's also the problem. Women even when you share a common interest they enjoy it for very different reasons than most men who have that same interest. I like gaming and because of the casualizing of gaming more women like gaming but they like dance games and rhythm games which I hate and I like more traditional genres like rpg's or action adventure.

April 10, 2011

I'm even thinking about going back to school to complete my degree where I'll be drowning in 18-21 year olds.

I think you should complete your degree. I am 28 and just went back to uni to do my degree. It's worth it. So you don't have to work in a factory for the rest of your life and you can earth a better living.

As for games, wow, I don't know, I'm really not into games at all. It's fine if he is, but not me....

I think it's fine if both have different common interests.....you can have very similiar common interests but not be able to hold a marriage together sometimes.

April 10, 2011

I think you should complete your degree. I am 28 and just went back to uni to do my degree. It's worth it. So you don't have to work in a factory for the rest of your life and you can earth a better living.

I kind of need to so I can adequately support myself but I'm already digging myself out of college loan debt. If this next attempt isn't successful there won't be another. There will just be too much debt to even bother trying.

There are no factories in America or at least here. They have pretty much all been outsourced.

As for games, wow, I don't know, I'm really not into games at all. It's fine if he is, but not me....

You like reading books. I like playing games. I treat it the same way one would treat reading a novel in one's leisure. It is a solitary activity I seldomly speak of especially at length. Even my name, sig, and avatar relate to a game. Can Anyone name it without googling? Yet I haven't played any in a few weeks.

I think it's fine if both have different common interests.....you can have very similiar common interests but not be able to hold a marriage together sometimes.

Having the same hobbies is more for friendships imo.

April 10, 2011

I kind of need to so I can adequately support myself but I'm already digging myself out of college loan debt. If this next attempt isn't successful there won't be another. There will just be too much debt to even bother trying.

Hmm you're not stupid. You can do it. I think you should try. The only failure that exists is when you don't try. What Degree are you thinking about? I don't really like the one I'm doing but it's the closest thing I like.

Having the same hobbies is more for friendships imo.

Gawd that's true. Not really for lovers huh.

April 10, 2011

Hmm you're not stupid. You can do it. I think you should try. The only failure that exists is when you don't try. What Degree are you thinking about? I don't really like the one I'm doing but it's the closest thing I like.

My associate's is in engineering science from a community college so it is basically bull**** and I didn't really learn the material well. I doubt it would be easy to pick it up again and proceed. Last time I was in college I moved on to a 4 year and changed my degree to computer science. I ended up flunking out but I think I could have done the work. I also think it will be the easiest to relearn and there is quite a bit of local interest in software engineering.

Gawd that's true. Not really for lovers huh.

As I see it lovers are for other things but I probably should see them more as somewhat friends as well. Women like the idea of her lover being her best friend, but as a man I can't comprehend that notion. The only way I can reason it is women want to be friends with everyone. Then I am over here thinking if I have a best friend why do I need my lover to be a best friend? I am not looking for a lover because I want a friend. If I really wanted another friend then I would go get one and it would be easier.

April 10, 2011

What in the world would you have in common with an 18 - 21 year old? While there's the odd 18 - 21 year old who's beyond their biological age for maturity, how immature would a 29 year old guy have to be, to connect with most of them?

It's very much stage in life differences.

Age is just a number. They still may have a few things in common, and they may get on really well anyway.

If it's just a casual boyfriend girlfriend thing, then not having that many things in common isn't that much of a big deal. Just the fact that you'd find her attractive would probably be enough.

Edited April 10, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

April 10, 2011

Age is just a number. They still may have a few things in common, and they may get on really well anyway.

If it's just a casual boyfriend girlfriend thing, then not having that many things in common isn't that much of a big deal. Just the fact that you'd find her attractive would probably be enough.

I would have thought having attraction as well as your personalities being able to get along and intertwine without any major deal breakers like children or marital status would be enough for a LTR.

April 10, 2011

I dunno. The fact that I am genetically wired into choosing women younger than me? Because fertility is related to youth, and a woman's fertility peak when she's 18-25(at most)?

The fertility argument is absolute BS. As if you want to have babies as fast as possible with the young women you meet.

April 10, 2011

I would have thought having attraction as well as your personalities being able to get along and intertwine without any major deal breakers like children or marital status would be enough for a LTR.

Yeah maybe. It depends on how important having things in common is for whether you'd both click/get along with each other.

April 10, 2011

Beginagain,

I hope you can go back to college, it will be worth your while. As for the age difference, I think you are fine, given your life stage, with women in early 20's age range, but not sure about 18 -- most people are really immature at that age. Of course, this is based on the assumption you are looking for a relationship, not just sex. If it's just sex, it doesn't matter the age.

The fertility argument is absolute BS. As if you want to have babies as fast as possible with the young women you meet.

Of course this evo-psych stuff is BS and nothing but speculation. Mr Cairo is also not taking into account that men are drawn to the appearance of a woman, and back in the day 18-25 year-olds did NOT look like the 18-25 year-olds of today because of, you know, all that lack of medical care and steady nutrition, disease, parasites, sun exposure and having kids soon after they became fertile. Even Steven Pinker concedes that today's Western women can mimic the signs of youth and fertility through our superior nutrition and medical care and make-up well into middle age. It is not really about age -- men like attractive women, period.

April 10, 2011

The fertility argument is absolute BS. As if you want to have babies as fast as possible with the young women you meet.

You are confusing the conscious mind with the subconscious and the instinctive. Attraction is based much more on instincts and the purpose of sex drive is to get you to procreate even if you don't intend to.

Everyone around me had no strong intentions to get married or have children but after awhile they get comfortable enough to not use protection, a little bit of the old in and out, and OOPS! They are all pregnant, married, and with children. Some could even see that as instinct and the subconscious mind overriding the conscious mind's desire to prevent procreation. Notice they didn't stop having sex after foregoing protection though they still were against children.

April 10, 2011

Beginagain,

I hope you can go back to college, it will be worth your while. As for the age difference, I think you are fine, given your life stage, with women in early 20's age range, but not sure about 18 -- most people are really immature at that age. Of course, this is based on the assumption you are looking for a relationship, not just sex. If it's just sex, it doesn't matter the age.

I would want sex and a relationship but not a sexless relationship. I can't understand the benefits of a short term relationship that comes up in some people's profiles. Then there are those who make a distinction between dating and LTR when I see them as one and the same or that you only get into dating for LTR. I guess I am not enough of a serial dater to understand the point in dating with no interest in LTR. I don't think dating outside of a LTR is fun but the pits.

April 10, 2011

I would want sex and a relationship but not a sexless relationship. I can't understand the benefits of a short term relationship that comes up in some people's profiles. Then there are those who make a distinction between dating and LTR when I see them as one and the same or that you only get into dating for LTR. I guess I am not enough of a serial dater to understand the point in dating with no interest in LTR. I don't think dating outside of a LTR is fun but the pits.

I think the people who want short-term relationships usually (there are exceptions) fall into three categories: a) those who know they will never want a serious relationship or b) know they are not yet ready for anything serious and c) those who have been burned and probably want a LTR but are being cautious and protecting themselves. That is just my observation, might not be true in general.

If you want sex along with a relationship, you might want to stick with the 20+ group.

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