The Great Leon Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I've been in a relationship with a girl throughout my high school years, and we are now dating once more. She is still in high school, while I am now in my first year of university. We have been dating now for 5 months. Arguments are becoming an increasing problem in the relationship, and I don't know how to fix this issue. To solve this fighting, I feel like we both need to look at what upsets the other when we argue, as well as the traits we have which cause the fights in the first place. On this front, I am 100% sure that I am better in doing so than her. Any critique of her behaviour or attitude will result in a "Oh, great, so you think I get defensive, that's just super. Sure seems like you hate me". This, to me, is an immature reaction, and though I understand that it is a sensitive issue, it is something that I am able to deal with when she complains about my behaviour, and work toward resolving. So, with this being the case, I feel like I really have no way of getting through to her, and am not sure if I ever will be able to. I am, at the same time, even unsure if I am being fair at all by bringing what upsets me about her up with her. I've just really become unsure of myself. The arguments have certainly taken their toll, and I'm not sure how much more I can deal with. I really do love her, and most certainly want to continue in the relationship, but at the same time, I'm not sure that I can deal with her, to me, immature attitude when we fight, for much longer. Any advice would be awesome, even if it puts the blame on my side. I just need to know what to do, because this needs to change. I really don't want this relationship to come to an end because of the fighting, but I need some sort of remedy here. Thanks very much in advance, Adam.
strlixx Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 r u sure that it's only her? i'm in a relationship right now nd we fight all the time but the other person never acknowledges what im saying so we keep fighting. and vice versa. with them i feel like nothing i say matters at all and i feel liek i'm always being taken advantage of/they dont care about me either way and itsthe worst feeling. :'( maybe its similar.? u say shes doing this but r u doing it too....its really hard to put blame anywhere because relationships r soo involved. i think u should tell her about this, like sit down wit the purpose of talking about it otherwise its never gonna change and if u really wanna fix ur relationship then u need to let her kno that thats ur priority. sounds like shes really insecure about ur feelings, and maybe u need to really think about y that is. like maybe u could say something like, "i really love u, and im sure this is right but its really important to me that u r able to understand my side." then say wat u feel is her doing.....then end it with, "i dont want us to fight." and let her say wat her issue is. she prolly doesnt want to fight either and is prolly thinking the same stuff as u.......remember/ problems always have 2 sides. shes prolly just insecure and nervous and so gets defensive and wants u to just understand her problems w/o her havin to say so......at least that's how it is in my relationship. i feel unhappy that they dont give me credit i feel i deserve nd then we fight cuz we both bring it up and then not get anywhere maybe do something real nice for each other??? if u do it first maybe shell follow ur lead anyway talk to her and goodluck if u love her like u say u do then im sure she does 2 and u 2 can easily work it out cuz nothin can be broken beyond repair when it comes to 2 ppl that love each other. u can do it!!!!!!!
strlixx Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 ps the more u guys try to be nice to each othr the less u'll fight. its true just keep remembering why u fell in love wit her in the first place an remeber ur both the same people and tht when she says "oh well its like u hate me" thats her way of saying that she is feeling insecure, so i think u 2 should relle go on a date or sumething. lol. its dumb, how well that works, but just remembering that u 2 r in a relationship and doing fun stfuff togethr can relle change the dynamic and it can create more memories, movies? dinner? something that reaffirms ur feelings, and that is lowkey, and at the end of it when ur both happy THEN bring up ur issue. unless shes evil i think shell listen goodluck
Professor X Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 It's easy to say that you're doing a better job than her, but the reality is, that women think differently than men, and so, some of the stuff you say will be viewed differently by your GF. Try and view stuff from her point of view first, before expecting her to view things from your point of view; It'll be easier. Some stuff will take you a while to figure, while some will be quick. If you think she's defensive, and she says she's not, than she's probably not (oh boy, you really remind me of me and my SO lol - we still got those kind of issues even today, but it's getting a lot better). A joke that has been posted here not to long ago about this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzDK70zO-Eo
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