Finally happened

[broken-and-lost]

Hey Guys /Gals

 

Well the day i've been dreading has finally happened it's been 6 months since my break up and if i'm honest i'm still not over my Ex tho i have accepted it's over and she is never coming back.

 

She has started seeing someone else, she's been keeping it quiet but i think it's so that i didn't find out and save my feelings or she might have always had him in the background and reason she took off, not really sure.

 

My question is how did you cope when your Ex started dating someone else how did you manage ??? i'm finding it quite hard thought i was getting better but feeling really crap and down, i knew this day would come and thought i could handle it i can't

 

Any advice on best ways to push through?? the last 6 months have been hell it's really taken a toil on me as a person, i brought it on myself the whole breakup thing well i got ill and suffered with depression which i accept cost me my relationship as it's a cruel disease if your every unfortunate to let it into your life but i did deal with it !!!!

 

i don't want to be dragged back into that place but i am struggling with this new feeling of total loss from the breakup i knew this day would come but i'm still finding it hard to deal with....... any advice or encouragement welcomed

[Fufu]

I'm not in contact with my ex anymore, and I believe he has a new gf, in fact by thinking this way I felt more relieve.

 

Not much advice, only, "Just be happy for yourself."

[Steven T]

Realise and understand you both were never meant to be. Try not to be selfish and let her be happy with someone else, as in time you will be too.

 

Chin up mate and move on with your life, accept and let it go.

[broken-and-lost]

Realise and understand you both were never meant to be. Try not to be selfish and let her be happy with someone else, as in time you will be too.

 

Chin up mate and move on with your life, accept and let it go.

 

cheers m8, i'm trying really am just not sure i know anymore what is meant to be? i don't wish her any unhappiness it's just really hard watching her move on as it really should have been with me, but i guess that statement is me not letting go.

[DollyGirl12]

Hi, I'm sorry you are having to cope with this. It seems like there's always another hump to get over, but you will get there.

I guess with me, because of the way my relationship ended, I just assumed that my ex was going to move on immediately. He's kind of that type of guy that has to have a zillion female friends to play with. So, for me, thinking with this attitude has helped me. I'm 8 months NC but I developed this attitude immediately at our breakup.

I feel so lucky that we were a LDR and we don't have to bump in to each other.

Hang in there!

[EmperorR]

it sucks but you knew in the back of your mind it would happen one time or another, at least it gives you some sort of its final time to move on, with time you can do it.

[Good Arms]

I'm really sorry to hear this, I know how you feel as I found out last week that my ex is now in a relationship. Still not sure with who, but it may be a guy I've seen her with at work. I also saw her with someone else at Christmas, so who knows if she's had a few flings since dumping me.

 

I've been feeling totally empty and directionless for the past 4.5 months since the break-up, but having this confirmation that she's OFFICIALLY moved on (though logically I knew she would sooner or later) really has set me back even more. I've been struggling with sleep anyway, but the day I found out I got virtually none. Even though I know nothing's really changed - she'd already moved on anyway.

 

So hang in there, it's natural that this will be another horrible stage in the process of getting your mind around everything, and eventually healing. It's a cruel confirmation that you've been 'replaced', and I suppose it's the moment that any subconscious hope that your ex may think she's made a mistake finally fades.

 

We have to somehow learn to accept it wasn't meant to be, way easier said than done though.

 

I too suffer with depression, and experiencing my first break-up has really put me in a dark place. I know I had these issues before (shyness/anxiety/low self-esteem/low confidence/depression) and I can see that, however hard I tried to overcome these challenges and build on our relationship, ultimately this was the cause of her being turned off me.

 

How did you deal with the depression btw?

[brokendreamz]

Hi Mate,

 

I too suffer with depression.

 

I was with her for 8 years and am 3 months out.

 

When she left I think I had a breakdown - I went to the doc to ask for some chill pills and he suggested seeing a therapist which I have been doing for around 8 weeks. I also went back to the doc and he prescribed citalopram for me - an anti anxiety/depression medication.

 

I suffer with a form of depression called Dysthymia. Until I got the diagnosis we both just thought that my negativity, low mood and constant criticism was 'just me'. She cited the reason for leaving as 'my personality' when all the time I had this disease eating away at me. I don't blame her for leaving and we are on good terms but I do wish she'd give me another chance now that we both understand why I was like I was but apparently it's too late - she doesn't love me like that anymore!

 

I am beginning to feel better with all the treatment and hitting the gym etc. Even going out with old friends - something which a few months ago I would have never even considered!

 

Last time we spoke (last week - we have a house to sell!) she told me she's still not with anyone else, I believe her because that's not why she left but she also said that she will eventually start dating and hearing this crushed me.

 

I don't know how I'm going to get over the next hump of finding out she's hooked up with another guy. Like the other posters have said here, at lease she waited for so long and I hope to be able to turn it into a positive in as much as I will HAVE to let go of any hope that she'll come back.

 

My break up has been like the death of a thousand cuts and I hope that final one doesn't push me back into the dark place I am slowly climbing out of.

 

I feel for you my friend - depression is an ugly low down ****ed up disease that is still so mis understood. It is not something you can 'snap out of' it requires hard work and dedication. I found a really helpful book called 'I had a black dog' and when ever anyone asks me about what I'm dealing with I simply hand it to them - it's almost like a kids picture book, takes about 3 minutes to read and explains depression better than books of 500 odd pages!

 

Can I ask what you are doing to combat it?

 

Take care.

[Layzie89]

For me it wasnt until my ex found a new boyfriend that I was actually able to move on. I took it as the closure that I never recieved and that's when I began to actually feel myself healing. From the moment she broke up with me to the moment I found out she had a new bf, I was still in denial...hoping that maybe just maybe she might come back. I think for 6 months this is whats been keeping u from moving on. Holding onto false hope.

 

I feel your pain brother but rest assured it gets easier from now on. Let this be a turning point as I did and slowly you'll start feeling better. Good luck.

[broken-and-lost]

I'm really sorry to hear this, I know how you feel as I found out last week that my ex is now in a relationship. Still not sure with who, but it may be a guy I've seen her with at work. I also saw her with someone else at Christmas, so who knows if she's had a few flings since dumping me.

 

I've been feeling totally empty and directionless for the past 4.5 months since the break-up, but having this confirmation that she's OFFICIALLY moved on (though logically I knew she would sooner or later) really has set me back even more. I've been struggling with sleep anyway, but the day I found out I got virtually none. Even though I know nothing's really changed - she'd already moved on anyway.

 

So hang in there, it's natural that this will be another horrible stage in the process of getting your mind around everything, and eventually healing. It's a cruel confirmation that you've been 'replaced', and I suppose it's the moment that any subconscious hope that your ex may think she's made a mistake finally fades.

 

We have to somehow learn to accept it wasn't meant to be, way easier said than done though.

 

I too suffer with depression, and experiencing my first break-up has really put me in a dark place. I know I had these issues before (shyness/anxiety/low self-esteem/low confidence/depression) and I can see that, however hard I tried to overcome these challenges and build on our relationship, ultimately this was the cause of her being turned off me.

 

How did you deal with the depression btw?

 

Hi thanks for your reply, i can't tell that dealing with the depression was easy it took me a year of really hard work at first i just denied i even had a problem and this put a massive amount of pressure on my Ex girlfriend to be fair to her she tried very very hard to support me but i just sank further into a hole and pretty much rejected her throughout the process the turning point was about a year and a half ago when i really upset her by saying something so stupid that she just broke down, told her that the shoes she had on looked terrible, and the only reason i said it was because i didn't want to go out that day as i was very down but didn't want to tell her i was ill.

 

After that day i basically took a real hard look at myself and thought something is very wrong with me and i need to get help ASAP started by going to see Doctor and getting counseling, i also bought a lot of books and read about about the disease how it effects your mind and how to develop technigues to recognise the triggers and ways to deal with them the counseling really helped pinpoint the reason i'd developed depression in the first place, it was a long road i won't lie to you i did a lot of soul searching took up Tai chi which really helps focus your mind and body, i can't recommend it enough if you suffer with this terrible disease and it is a disease.

 

I've lost so many important people in my life because of it so i know how hard it is for you mate and how much of an impact it can have on your life i use to lock myself away from people friends family because i was afraid people would see right through me, i didn't even hangout with my girlfriends friends because of it, You learn to hide it so well you even convince yourself your ok but unless you face it head on you will never be able to live life like it should be lived, it's the biggest regret of my life that it's taken losing the most important person in my life for me to tackle it, if it wasn't for her id still be in that hole,

 

I'm not depressed i've lost her i don't feel like i use to with the depression which is why i know i'm ok even tho i'm hurting so much over her loss, she will always be in my heart and i own her so much but it's the last thing i'll ever lose because of this crappy disease. i really hope you can beat your depression YOU CAN BEAT IT, thank you for your kind words

Edited April 10, 2011 by broken-and-lost

[broken-and-lost]

thank you everyone for all your kind words your support on this forum means a lot to me. I've known it was over for sometime and that there was no going back for me but seeing her with someone else really cut me up inside i do want to see her happy more then anything in the world it's just a bitter sweat pill to swallow after everything i worked so hard towards, was hoping for a fair tail ending. i know that if it wasn't for the depression and getting ill we would have had a good life together.

 

But i know i need to start to think about where to take my life now. but really thank you all for sharing your stories and advice with me

Edited April 10, 2011 by broken-and-lost

[broken-and-lost]

Hi Mate,

 

I too suffer with depression.

 

I was with her for 8 years and am 3 months out.

 

When she left I think I had a breakdown - I went to the doc to ask for some chill pills and he suggested seeing a therapist which I have been doing for around 8 weeks. I also went back to the doc and he prescribed citalopram for me - an anti anxiety/depression medication.

 

I suffer with a form of depression called Dysthymia. Until I got the diagnosis we both just thought that my negativity, low mood and constant criticism was 'just me'. She cited the reason for leaving as 'my personality' when all the time I had this disease eating away at me. I don't blame her for leaving and we are on good terms but I do wish she'd give me another chance now that we both understand why I was like I was but apparently it's too late - she doesn't love me like that anymore!

 

I am beginning to feel better with all the treatment and hitting the gym etc. Even going out with old friends - something which a few months ago I would have never even considered!

 

Last time we spoke (last week - we have a house to sell!) she told me she's still not with anyone else, I believe her because that's not why she left but she also said that she will eventually start dating and hearing this crushed me.

 

I don't know how I'm going to get over the next hump of finding out she's hooked up with another guy. Like the other posters have said here, at lease she waited for so long and I hope to be able to turn it into a positive in as much as I will HAVE to let go of any hope that she'll come back.

 

My break up has been like the death of a thousand cuts and I hope that final one doesn't push me back into the dark place I am slowly climbing out of.

 

I feel for you my friend - depression is an ugly low down ****ed up disease that is still so mis understood. It is not something you can 'snap out of' it requires hard work and dedication. I found a really helpful book called 'I had a black dog' and when ever anyone asks me about what I'm dealing with I simply hand it to them - it's almost like a kids picture book, takes about 3 minutes to read and explains depression better than books of 500 odd pages!

 

Can I ask what you are doing to combat it?

 

Take care.

 

Hi m8, i have read a few of your posts about your break up on here, i've posted just above about some of the things i've done over the last year and half, i was a bit like you m8 in the fact i didn't even know i had it just thought i had developed this personality for being down and not wanting to be around people.

 

I gave a copy of that book to my ex when we split as she always asked me for answers for why i acted the way i did and i could never really explain it.

 

It would come and go for me some days i would be on top of the world others i felt like i wanted to crawl into a hole and die, it's a terrible disease m8 and i know how your feeling, the cruelest thing is it robs you of the people you love and leaves an empty hole where your soul use to be, Keep working at it m8 you can BEAT it, but you have a long road ahead and the split won't help you at all even tho it may help you enough to motivate yourself to concur your depression.

 

I'm really sorry about your split 8 years in a long time i'm sure your ex like mine left because of us rather then anyone else, if your ex does meet someone and moves on it's going to hurt a lot it cut right through me even tho i do want her to be happy she deserves it, it's just such a shame it's not with me I really hope that you keep moving forward and you beat this disease back to where it belongs out of your life

[broken-and-lost]

For me it wasnt until my ex found a new boyfriend that I was actually able to move on. I took it as the closure that I never recieved and that's when I began to actually feel myself healing. From the moment she broke up with me to the moment I found out she had a new bf, I was still in denial...hoping that maybe just maybe she might come back. I think for 6 months this is whats been keeping u from moving on. Holding onto false hope.

 

I feel your pain brother but rest assured it gets easier from now on. Let this be a turning point as I did and slowly you'll start feeling better. Good luck.

 

thanks m8 your right on the holding on part, i know it's the last thing she ever wanted to do which is why i've held onto it for so long but now i really have no more say in the matter apart from hoping she finds true happiness in her life which she will, i hope i can do the same myself i know without the monkey on my back of the illness i've got a good chance even tho i wish i'd sorted things out for myself sooner.