Those who join dating sites not to date or even engage in anything sexual/romantic

[BeginAgain]

You're a guy... so the prize is an empty inbox.

So what you are saying is the internet is virtually reality.

[EmperorR]

I have a very hot female friend strikingly beautiful and she's been on pof for like two years but has never gone on one date, she just uses it to add to her bbm contacts and msn contacts, its all for attention it seems.

[BeginAgain]

I have a very hot female friend strikingly beautiful and she's been on pof for like two years but has never gone on one date, she just uses it to add to her bbm contacts and msn contacts, its all for attention it seems.

Give me a link to her profile and I'll spear the beast.

[johan]

Some, especially women, seem to like to go on dating sites for other things not remotely close to dating, i.e. friendship. I am asking LS why?

 

How do you know they aren't there for dating?

[MarlyStar]

You're on a dating site because...

 

1) You can't even attract anyone in real life, you have to go ONLINE where you advertise yourself.

 

2) because you're not attractive enough to get anyone in real life to like you.

 

3) Your social life is dead and you're not sociable enough that you are not meeting enough people.

 

1) Can't attract anyone in real life. This does not mean there's something wrong with you. What if you are a woman and work in a bank with 12 other women and one married male manager. Then you go home to kids and do church, social and family things socially. You don't have ACCESS to single men, so OLD makes sense.

 

Same for men. They work as engineers, accountants, IT specialists, etc... iows, they work mostly with men and in their free time they watch tv or play a sport or sit at a favor bar with a buddy. They don't have access to many single women. OLD makes sense.

 

2) Being attractive enough. Sigh. People think you need to be HOT to be dateable, but I disagree. You have to be pleasant looking, clean, somewhat put together clothes wise (no shabby sweats or dirty jeans), and not have a deficit. Obese is a deficit. Severe acne is a deficit. Looking 10 years older than your real age is a deficit. A crew cut on a woman is a deficit. Scraggly facial hair on a man is a deficit.

 

I've looked at some of the women ten years older that men in their fifties at work and several have gotten married. None were hot, fit, athletic. They were what you would expect a woman post menapause to be: around 160 lb, 5'5", some facial sagging and wrinkles, none a clothes horse. But they all found and married after the age 50. The guys weren't dogs either. But they were nice (altho none had sparkling personalities). And they found someone, although it took them longer than it took their exes: about 5 years post divorce.

 

Attractive is important, but VERY attractive isn't. Mildly attractive is good enough. At least in real life--maybe not in OLD. It might be the reason OLD isn't as successful as it should be. OLD people want hot, IRL people are happy with ordinary/pleasant. Hence empty inboxes for both MEN and WOMEN.

 

Online daters need to be less picky about looks--make them match their real life experiences.

 

3) Not sociable enough in real life. If you have limited pool of singles of the opposite sex to choose from, it doesn't matter how sociable you are; it won't attract anyone.

 

Is it easier to be sociable online via emails and texts?

 

For me it's harder. I'm not a social butterfly, but IRL I'm sociable enough. I can do some small talk, can keep a conversation going. I might be a trifle too reserved or polite, but I get over it with a bit of encouragement or positive feedback. Which I get by eye contact and smiles and responses.

 

In OLD emails I get none of that, so I don't know what to say. If the profile is bland, there's nothing to mention, no conversation opener. So to me emailing is a chore.

 

However, maybe it's the opposite for other people. They find email connections easier than IRL connections. They get to ponder what they want to say, write clever insightful flirty things. They feel more control.

 

But frankly, when I consider the emails I received, I didn't see much thought or effort going into them.

 

Are other people getting more scintillating emails than I am? Or even emails more fun or interesting?

 

Maybe so, maybe some people find it easier to be sociable in emails than in real life--so they choose not to meet.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

That's not the reason at all!

 

It's because there are more men than women on these sites, so there are more guys messaging them. So if you message them, your email will get lost in the hurdle.

[MarlyStar]

It's because there are more men than women on these sites, so there are more guys messaging them. So if you message them, your email will get lost in the hurdle.

 

But that's just not true. You have several women here saying that they are not receiving emails.

 

And it still doesn't explain why when women do respond to the emails men send, it still doesn't translate into a IRL date.

[BeginAgain]

How do you know they aren't there for dating?

There is a place in the profile listing what they are there for and everyone has to pick from a list of choices when you edit/create your profile. Some of the choices are unfortunately non-dating ones.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

But that's just not true. You have several women here saying that they are not receiving emails.

 

And it still doesn't explain why when women do respond to the emails men send, it still doesn't translate into a IRL date.

 

Maybe because some of the people who end up on dating sites, are dateless because of a reason?

 

I dunno. I gave up on online dating.

[johan]

There is a place in the profile listing what they are there for and everyone has to pick from a list of choices when you edit/create your profile. Some of the choices are unfortunately non-dating ones.

 

Why is that unfortunate? I don't think I understand why having them there creates a problem for you?

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Why is that unfortunate? I don't think I understand why having them there creates a problem for you?

 

Seconded.

 

There are people on PoF who just post for the forums. Something I don't understand, because the forums are like a little garbage can on the internets, but I suppose there are people out there who like to wallow in trash.

 

But if a girl is attractive, and her pictures show she's attractive, she'll be getting emails. If you're a girl, and you're not receiving messages, perhaps you should reevaluate your pics?

[orangelady]

Seconded.

 

There are people on PoF who just post for the forums. Something I don't understand, because the forums are like a little garbage can on the internets, but I suppose there are people out there who like to wallow in trash.

 

But if a girl is attractive, and her pictures show she's attractive, she'll be getting emails. If you're a girl, and you're not receiving messages, perhaps you should reevaluate your pics?

 

 

To be honest, like I have said before, I have gone through a period of time where I wore make up, (not heavily), styled my hair, my clothes, the whole works and I was still bf-less.

 

And I can tell you, it is so tiring. Especially make up. It also costs a lot of money. I think make up also makes your skin bad. Same with coloring your hair and stuff. I honestly think that if you transform yourself and land yourself a man, you would have to 'maintain' that look. When you don't, how would you know that guy will still have the same keen-ess and interest in you?

 

And I've already put up my best pics on there. I don't know what other pics I should put. Sigh.

 

And the guys that I send emails to aren't even hot. Gawd... One of them was a guy who put a 'funny' pic of himself. He was holding a book and staring at the book with eyes popping out and had not much hair. The other one was a side pic of him with a dog and he also wasn't really attractive. Just average.

[BeginAgain]

Why is that unfortunate? I don't think I understand why having them there creates a problem for you?

It messes up the delicate ecology of the dating pool. If these people want penpals and friends then go to facebook, friendster, or some other social network. They don't need a dating site to sponge up attention and serve as a distraction from those who are there for more legitimate reasons.

[westernxer]

It messes up the delicate ecology of the dating pool. If these people want penpals and friends then go to facebook, friendster, or some other social network. They don't need a dating site to sponge up attention and serve as a distraction from those who are there for more legitimate reasons.

 

Darwinism at it's finest.

[irc333]

But... I'm not the only one who stays away from him; almost everyone does. I feel sorry for him, but I still don't want to get in an elevator with him.

 

From you describe about Norbort, I think it's a bit far fetched that NO one would get on an elevator with him.

 

From what you said about him, there's nothing actually anything he's done...so my only conclusion is....is that people find him physically unattracted.

 

I know some people (both male and female) tend to avoid people that actually look similar in Quazimodo, and people to tend to stand clear of abnormally ugly people. I've seen THAT happen.

 

People actually do stereotype ugliness to, "There's something wrong with that guy, stay away from him."

 

I've heard people unjustly label a picture of a guy saying, "Man, he looks like he could be a serial rapist or worse."

 

I'd see this guy, and yeah, he IS unattractive, but I figure, why are they labeling him like that though?

 

I was actually waiting for you to say that he smells or something, or picks his nose in public....because I know of a an morbidly obese late 30's man that I catch diggin' away at gold and has kind of a voice of a older woman....well, there's at least a reason.

 

Or maybe the guy makes off-color remarks. But to have NO reason? I don't have a problem with people like that, and I'd have no problem with getting on an elevator with Norbort (from what you said about him).

 

On the other hand, handsome people get the opposite treatment.

[irc333]

There was actually this woman that was looking for "friends only" on OK Cupid...she said she was happily engaged to a man...even had pics with him....the guy kinda had features of a woman....but with shorter hair.

 

She stated, if a guy was wanting to meet her, she'd bring her fiance'

 

And she specifically stated they weren't swingers...so she had no reason to be there.

 

I sent her an email asking, "So how does your fiance' feel about you having your profile on a dating site?" LOL

[BeginAgain]

There was actually this woman that was looking for "friends only" on OK Cupid...she said she was happily engaged to a man...even had pics with him....the guy kinda had features of a woman....but with shorter hair.

 

She stated, if a guy was wanting to meet her, she'd bring her fiance'

 

And she specifically stated they weren't swingers...so she had no reason to be there.

 

I sent her an email asking, "So how does your fiance' feel about you having your profile on a dating site?" LOL

She's basically given up and is marrying her gay husband literally.

[irc333]

Eventually, with some of these veteran online daters, everytime I do a search within my geographical area....there's the SAME person, on there...3 or 4 years later even.

 

Eventually, they start adding crap to their profile about how pissed off they are of the kind of email men (not good looking enough for her) contact her.

 

One said she took her ad off, took a break, and jumped back on, because all the men in her area were college aged and she's a mid 30's rather attractive woman.

 

Said she was giving it a shot again...to see if the selection got better. Doesn't make sense...because the same single people in her area...well...are still there, and STILL the same people on that very dating site.

 

Multiply her whiney profile among a few others that should just:

 

1. Give up on online dating

2. Change your criteria in physical apperances

3. RELOCATE (if you're in a smaller community RELOCATE to a BIG city, lol)

 

1) Can't attract anyone in real life. This does not mean there's something wrong with you. What if you are a woman and work in a bank with 12 other women and one married male manager. Then you go home to kids and do church, social and family things socially. You don't have ACCESS to single men, so OLD makes sense.

 

Same for men. They work as engineers, accountants, IT specialists, etc... iows, they work mostly with men and in their free time they watch tv or play a sport or sit at a favor bar with a buddy. They don't have access to many single women. OLD makes sense.

 

2) Being attractive enough. Sigh. People think you need to be HOT to be dateable, but I disagree. You have to be pleasant looking, clean, somewhat put together clothes wise (no shabby sweats or dirty jeans), and not have a deficit. Obese is a deficit. Severe acne is a deficit. Looking 10 years older than your real age is a deficit. A crew cut on a woman is a deficit. Scraggly facial hair on a man is a deficit.

 

I've looked at some of the women ten years older that men in their fifties at work and several have gotten married. None were hot, fit, athletic. They were what you would expect a woman post menapause to be: around 160 lb, 5'5", some facial sagging and wrinkles, none a clothes horse. But they all found and married after the age 50. The guys weren't dogs either. But they were nice (altho none had sparkling personalities). And they found someone, although it took them longer than it took their exes: about 5 years post divorce.

 

Attractive is important, but VERY attractive isn't. Mildly attractive is good enough. At least in real life--maybe not in OLD. It might be the reason OLD isn't as successful as it should be. OLD people want hot, IRL people are happy with ordinary/pleasant. Hence empty inboxes for both MEN and WOMEN.

 

Online daters need to be less picky about looks--make them match their real life experiences.

 

3) Not sociable enough in real life. If you have limited pool of singles of the opposite sex to choose from, it doesn't matter how sociable you are; it won't attract anyone.

 

Is it easier to be sociable online via emails and texts?

 

For me it's harder. I'm not a social butterfly, but IRL I'm sociable enough. I can do some small talk, can keep a conversation going. I might be a trifle too reserved or polite, but I get over it with a bit of encouragement or positive feedback. Which I get by eye contact and smiles and responses.

 

In OLD emails I get none of that, so I don't know what to say. If the profile is bland, there's nothing to mention, no conversation opener. So to me emailing is a chore.

 

However, maybe it's the opposite for other people. They find email connections easier than IRL connections. They get to ponder what they want to say, write clever insightful flirty things. They feel more control.

 

But frankly, when I consider the emails I received, I didn't see much thought or effort going into them.

 

Are other people getting more scintillating emails than I am? Or even emails more fun or interesting?

 

Maybe so, maybe some people find it easier to be sociable in emails than in real life--so they choose not to meet.