Biggestregret Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 (edited) Hi all, new here with a story you have probably read a thousand times but I really need to talk to somebody, anybody about this. Years ago at a party I met the most amazing woman of my life, she was sassy, confident, funny, and caring and I knew she was a gem as soon as I started talking to her. We spoke for hours that night and we discovered we were in the same college but she didn't want a relationship. Over the course of a few weeks I tried to use what little charm I could muster up to convince her to go out with me and by some miracle I pulled it off. What followed was the best year of my life, I was in love, she loved me and we seemed to work so well together that I was happy enough to tell her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her to which she reciprocated. I had never known anything like it, but I was also inexperienced in the relationship field having never been so involved before. After a year she went to America for the summer and we spent some time apart, I got a job and saved up half the travel fair, she got a job over there and got the money for the return so we could see each other. As soon as we met up things were back to normal despite the months spent apart and for the first couple of days things went great, until I screwed everything up. As I mentioned I had not gone out with many women and I took what I had with her for granted, I was in physically better shape than her and was attracting attention from other girls and for some stupid reason I thought that getting tied down to one girl so early on in my life would be a terrible idea. I also had little money at the time and she was paying for everything while I was over there, although I appreciated it I did feel embarrassed and that quickly turned into petty and stupid resentfulness. For the last few days I clammed up, refused sex and acted like a complete child. I am so ashamed. As soon as I got home I decided I'd break it off with her which really upset her. A few months later she called up to mine with some of my things and we spent the day together and she slept over at mine, but not in the same bed. The fact she slept over suggests that was my final chance to make things right, but like the moron I was the thought didn't even cross my mind. It's been two years since we broke up now, when she left mine she soon went back to the states and got together with one of her best friends and they're still together. During this time I have told her on multiple occasions how I feel about her and that I'd do anything to have her back in my life which is always answered by "I'm with someone else now". I myself have tried to move on, I think of myself as a good looking guy and I have no problem getting women but nothing compares to her and how comfortable I felt with her, I know it's not right to compare other halves to your ex's but really she was in a league of her own, I think about her every day. As time passes though I know we get more distant, I wonder if she even thinks about me anymore, every few months I send her a message along the lines and most recent being: "God I feel kinda silly still saying this after this long, but as you know I'll always love you and if things don't work out you always have a place in my heart, I still think about you every day. I know you probably won't think much of this but at the end of the day as they say nothing ventured nothing gained. Hope you're keeping well, Miss you," -in the hopes that if anything ever did happen with her relationship (not that I'd wish her any unhappiness at all) that she'd give me a second chance and to let her know that I still feel as strongly about her as ever. It's been two years now and they still seem to be going strong am I wrong for doing this, selfish even? She really was the greatest thing in my life and I know I'll never forget her, sorry for the long winded post but I just need to talk to someone. Any advice? On a side note she doesn't seem to want to cut off contact with me which is what gives me hope, her boyfriend has told her he wants her to have nothing to do with me and asked her to remove me from her facebook ect which she did, but she hasn't blocked me from other ways of contacting her such as MSN where whenever I rarely message her (I don't want to annoy her) she always replies and seems happy to talk (except when he's around where she'll say he's there and I leave it at that). I don't want to seem arrogant but I'm sure a part of her still has feelings for me but she doesn't want to hurt her current partner who is also one of her best friends and has been for a long time. She has also agreed to meet up whenever she's back in the area although this is rare. If things were to change I'd happily move to where she is. Edited April 9, 2011 by Biggestregret
2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Hi BiggestRegret I think you know the old saying you don't know what you've got until it's gone will ring so true with you just now. I know how you feel you are probably doing the same thing every day circulating in your head what you could have done differently and all the what ifs. Tbh I think you need to realise what it is you want from her - and that is to be back with her - but as long as she is with someone that will not happen and if you keep contacting her she will think you really only want to be friends and you will always be there for her. She knows you want her back and you do not need to keep reminding her of that. The situation she is in she can only be friends with you just now but do you really want that, if you decide to go NC and leave it and move on will she think you have shunned her generosity of friendship, well maybe, maybe not. Do not put her in a difficult position by keeping hinting you want her back as it makes her feel guilty and it will push her into other guys arms. But you have to think what is important for you right now, staying in this friendship mode - however good it seems to you - is actually holding you back from moving on to new possibilities - even back with her sometime down the road? You might like to try and end this friendship mode with her as it will put distance between the two of you and that funnily enough can only help your cause as she will likely get used to the friendship with you the longer it goes on and also more used to her dating other guys while you remain the shoulder to cry on. The next time you speak to her you might like to lay it on the line saying that as much as you like being friends it is keeping you back from moving on and that you do not want her to feel you are being nasty or rude but you are looking out for you and trying to heal and move on - ask if she understands where you are coming from. She will most likely understand and agree. Tell her you do not mind being civil with her and it would be good to catch up down the line sometime. Remember what I said about the position this is putting her in well also say you realise the position this is putting her in and you respect where she is at in her life and you do not want to jeopardise her happiness either, and by doing what you are doing you are letting her get on with her life too. Thank her for being a part of your life, wish her all the best and then.....move on. don't be gushy or emotional just upfront, calm and honest about it all. She will respect you loads for being a man about it and moving on. The worst that can happen is she doesn't come back to you but just now you are keeping her safely in the arms of her new guy with your friendship and well it looks kind of needy from where she is standing. I think this would be a good thing to do in your situation. Maybe other board members could chime in with suggestions/improvements but I think this is best for your situation right now. Stay strong 2011
Recommended Posts