Gentlegirl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Ex MM dumped me four months ago. I have been frequentling a few dating webistes since. Had a contact from one this morning... gues who???? YES !!! it was him. He had not recognised myprofile as I do not post pics online. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ??? he got caught last time which is why the A ended. I know for sure he isn't thinking about ME.
fooled once Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Yuck -- what a loser. Aren't you glad you aren't with him anymore? Seems like a serial cheater who enjoys the prowl.
TurboGirl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I understand. Serial cheaters are that way. It is not about "you" but about them and another notch in their belt. Be glad you are not with him. I'm still getting over all that, only been 2 months. Sigh.
Silly_Girl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Ex MM dumped me four months ago. I have been frequentling a few dating webistes since. Had a contact from one this morning... gues who???? YES !!! it was him. He had not recognised myprofile as I do not post pics online. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ??? he got caught last time which is why the A ended. I know for sure he isn't thinking about ME. A FEW dating sites? I'm so out of touch!!! Wait for him to contact you on another one... And another... You won't talk to him though will you? Even though he doesn't know it's you?
MLC64 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Ex MM dumped me four months ago. I have been frequentling a few dating webistes since. Had a contact from one this morning... gues who???? YES !!! it was him. He had not recognised myprofile as I do not post pics online. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT ??? he got caught last time which is why the A ended. I know for sure he isn't thinking about ME. ~~~~~~~~~~ I have to say, I thought I was the only one that had experienced this. I caught my xMM on a dating site too.....I created a fake profile....as I suspected he was on there. Sure enough, he fell for it, and messaged me too. That was a month ago and it has been hell since. So now we have ended b/c all the fighting over this crap has caused so much hurt. He has since deleted his account but rest assured he has another one already created. It sickened me and I am very hurt....i am glad I don't go look, I don't care. It doesn't matter. None of it does, he is a serial cheater, I should have guessed that once he shared I was his fifth affair (the ones he told me about anyways), probably is more. Yes, the thing that hurt the most was knowing that he was on there made me feel the same, that he wasn't thinking of me...being on the "prowl" while actually in a PA (more of an EA actually) with me. I am hurting and shouldn't be...I don't get this, am trying to read all I can on NC. It is the pain of rejection, I need to get space between days/weeks and months so I can function. It sucks and I feel for anyone going thru this. anyways, wanted to share that.
YellowShark Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I guess it only proves that so many cheaters are really in it for one thing... themselves and their egos. And frankly, if they'll cheat with you... they're most likely on dating sites or Ashley Madison cheating on you too. Too much drama dating cheaters. Ya never know what you're really getting, or up against.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I am just confused as to why this should come as any kind of surprise or shock to anyone. Would anyone care to educate me?
MLC64 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I am just confused as to why this should come as any kind of surprise or shock to anyone. Would anyone care to educate me? i will speak for myself....I was weak, vulnerable, needing attention at a bad time in my life...., so fell for it. I was acting dumb and am now paying for it. It should NOT be a surprise, I don't think that is the issue, the issue is it hurts b/c emotions and feelings develop....that is the part for me that is a surprise, how hard it is to get over someone who treated me like crap. Which I have never experienced in my life like this. Never. It sucks and I will read this over...and over....."why should this come as any kind of surprise.... Exactly, they cheated on their spouse...(as I did for the first and last time) so why would I think I was anything different. OMG eye opener....thanks
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 i will speak for myself....I was weak, vulnerable, needing attention at a bad time in my life...., so fell for it. I was acting dumb and am now paying for it. It should NOT be a surprise, I don't think that is the issue, the issue is it hurts b/c emotions and feelings develop....that is the part for me that is a surprise, how hard it is to get over someone who treated me like crap. Which I have never experienced in my life like this. Never. It sucks and I will read this over...and over....."why should this come as any kind of surprise.... Exactly, they cheated on their spouse...(as I did for the first and last time) so why would I think I was anything different. OMG eye opener....thanks Thank you for your candor and I hope that you and everyone else on this board can heal from their experiences.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 you make that sound so dam easy!!! It kinda is that easy. If every OW were to text that to their MM every time he contacted them, he would probably disappear pretty quick. Maybe there should be a texting auto-response.
Author Gentlegirl Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 I am just confused as to why this should come as any kind of surprise or shock to anyone. Would anyone care to educate me? Well you know it was only 4 months ago that thsi wife found out about me. I cannot believe he is stupid enough to do it again but as we say they can't help themselves can they? THAT'S the reason I was so surprised. They are also past masters of the art of decption.
spice4life Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 you make that sound so dam easy!!! I have been reading about affairs for a few years now and it feels like I know them like I know the back of my hands...lol. MLC, make a goal for yourself. I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to break a habit. This guy sounds very much like a serial cheater and that is all you will get from him. Okay, this you already know and what you are experiencing right now is withdrawal. Withdrawal from waiting for him to call and toss you another crumb. Since you have evidence, use it to motivate you to make it to the first goal and then set another one when you get there. Set ones that you can handle and just keep on going. Do what you have to do to resist his fishing attempts...blocking him is one way. Since you already know that this guy is not on the up and up, that should give you what you need to stay focused on not letting him play you anymore. Stay strong...stay motivated and keep right on going until you come out on the other side. If he was genuine, he wouldn't be out trolling for his next victim, he would be trying to make things right. Good luck. Just some info i've learned from reading about this stuff...lol. I'm not proud to say.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Well you know it was only 4 months ago that thsi wife found out about me. I cannot believe he is stupid enough to do it again but as we say they can't help themselves can they? THAT'S the reason I was so surprised. They are also past masters of the art of decption. I think a lot of serial cheaters have sex and/or love addiction. It's nothing personal but they are pretty damn incongruent. That means that they can't manage their lives well enough to figure themselves out and what they actually want to do AND line it up with their reality. Two different lives in one it would seem Do one thing that brings you joy everyday, that loosens the hold that these men have. They do not typically target someone who is secure and confident. They go for vulnerable etc. I don't think that it is just a predatory instinct, I think that they fool themselves into being a girl's "hero" and 'caretaker.' My father did this during his A. And also to spite my mother. Very messed up. The dynamic is so unhealthy that it is practically toxic.
MLC64 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I have been reading about affairs for a few years now and it feels like I know them like I know the back of my hands...lol. MLC, make a goal for yourself. I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to break a habit. This guy sounds very much like a serial cheater and that is all you will get from him. Okay, this you already know and what you are experiencing right now is withdrawal. Withdrawal from waiting for him to call and toss you another crumb. Since you have evidence, use it to motivate you to make it to the first goal and then set another one when you get there. Set ones that you can handle and just keep on going. Do what you have to do to resist his fishing attempts...blocking him is one way. Since you already know that this guy is not on the up and up, that should give you what you need to stay focused on not letting him play you anymore. Stay strong...stay motivated and keep right on going until you come out on the other side. If he was genuine, he wouldn't be out trolling for his next victim, he would be trying to make things right. Good luck. Just some info i've learned from reading about this stuff...lol. I'm not proud to say. I do not mean to hijack here...no disrespect to OP....she and I are in the same boat. Some amazing advice here..we can all learn from. How come it all makes sense to read but when I do my best to apply I fail? I am going to do this, I have also read about the 21 days...for change/habit breaking. It is the phone...I need to stop watching it, waiting for it to vibrate, I get partially upset when it goes off and it isn't him...but I told him off so why should or would I expect him to txt. Nasty words were said. I have read that when the OW becomes like the wife...annoying/nagging...then they cut us loose. Well, cut away baby, cause I am done. I have never been so disgusted in myself.....to allow him to cause this type of pain. You are right, it is the withdrawal. We txtd a lot...that is the tough one. I feel lost....we shared everything. Crap. I feel pathetic, he says he doesn't have someone else, but I know he does...he has to have the attention. The lies, that should have been enough, catching him on the dating site should be enough. Can someone explain where the damned common sense goes? My gawd I am intelligent person (or so I thought), have a great job, help people every day of my life....in a career that I adore, why in the heck can't I think straight and do what I am told here? I hate this. I need to get past two days, then 3, then 10...to 21....we have never gone passed 2 days. He hasn't contacted me today....so I am officially 24 hrs out. I am going to sound needy here, but I need to post here instead of on my phone.... thanks again.....God Grant me the Serenity...
dreamingoftigers Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Have you thought of changing your number? I found that helped after one bad relationship.
MLC64 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I think a lot of serial cheaters have sex and/or love addiction. It's nothing personal but they are pretty damn incongruent. That means that they can't manage their lives well enough to figure themselves out and what they actually want to do AND line it up with their reality. Two different lives in one it would seem Do one thing that brings you joy everyday, that loosens the hold that these men have. They do not typically target someone who is secure and confident. They go for vulnerable etc. I don't think that it is just a predatory instinct, I think that they fool themselves into being a girl's "hero" and 'caretaker.' My father did this during his A. And also to spite my mother. Very messed up. The dynamic is so unhealthy that it is practically toxic. DOT.....yes, I do believe what you say is true. Through LS I have learned a lot of about sex addiction/love addicts....and also narcissism....he fits the later to a T. Passive aggressive also....so much so. I have a question about that...but am not comfortable posting it, maybe not the write section of LS...(it has to do with let's say pleasing oneself....he does that a lot). I am not saying that is wrong, just wondering if that also fits all this sex addiction issue....I realize I am nothing to him....that is the bottom line. I try to do something for myself....today I went for a run, yesterday was Bikram yoga...(wow that sweats out the sh*t!). I have several upcoming races...so I am going to really focus on my training and get over this JERK! Thanks again....
MLC64 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Have you thought of changing your number? I found that helped after one bad relationship. Good idea...have thought of it, but have two businesses running off of it...business cards....websites.....all with this number on it...impossible. I just won't respond. i am committing........maybe a straight jacket (with mitts) would help.
spice4life Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I do not mean to hijack here...no disrespect to OP....she and I are in the same boat. Some amazing advice here..we can all learn from. How come it all makes sense to read but when I do my best to apply I fail? I am going to do this, I have also read about the 21 days...for change/habit breaking. It is the phone...I need to stop watching it, waiting for it to vibrate, I get partially upset when it goes off and it isn't him...but I told him off so why should or would I expect him to txt. Nasty words were said. I have read that when the OW becomes like the wife...annoying/nagging...then they cut us loose. Well, cut away baby, cause I am done. I have never been so disgusted in myself.....to allow him to cause this type of pain. You are right, it is the withdrawal. We txtd a lot...that is the tough one. I feel lost....we shared everything. Crap. I feel pathetic, he says he doesn't have someone else, but I know he does...he has to have the attention. The lies, that should have been enough, catching him on the dating site should be enough. Can someone explain where the damned common sense goes? My gawd I am intelligent person (or so I thought), have a great job, help people every day of my life....in a career that I adore, why in the heck can't I think straight and do what I am told here? I hate this. I need to get past two days, then 3, then 10...to 21....we have never gone passed 2 days. He hasn't contacted me today....so I am officially 24 hrs out. I am going to sound needy here, but I need to post here instead of on my phone.... thanks again.....God Grant me the Serenity... 24 hours is great! You have the right mindset...take it one day, one hour or one minute if you have to. Each one is a success. Good luck and keep us posted!
dreamingoftigers Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 DOT.....yes, I do believe what you say is true. Through LS I have learned a lot of about sex addiction/love addicts....and also narcissism....he fits the later to a T. Passive aggressive also....so much so. I have a question about that...but am not comfortable posting it, maybe not the write section of LS...(it has to do with let's say pleasing oneself....he does that a lot). I am not saying that is wrong, just wondering if that also fits all this sex addiction issue....I realize I am nothing to him....that is the bottom line. I try to do something for myself....today I went for a run, yesterday was Bikram yoga...(wow that sweats out the sh*t!). I have several upcoming races...so I am going to really focus on my training and get over this JERK! Thanks again.... http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/masturbation-addiction.htm Does this somewhat answer your question? I can't find the better link that I had. To elaborate, sexual addicts tend to fall into two groups: compulsive masturbators and compulsive partner-seekers. Often the M group crosses over to the second one. My h became so obsessed with it that he would watch porn of women masturbating and virtually nothing else after awhile, which was a deviation from his old habits. Good idea...have thought of it, but have two businesses running off of it...business cards....websites.....all with this number on it...impossible. I just won't respond. i am committing........maybe a straight jacket (with mitts) would help. Oh that sucks, I run a business and have grown to hate my phone number being combined with my home. It is easier to divorce a human then a business number!
MLC64 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/masturbation-addiction.htm Does this somewhat answer your question? I can't find the better link that I had. To elaborate, sexual addicts tend to fall into two groups: compulsive masturbators and compulsive partner-seekers. Often the M group crosses over to the second one. My h became so obsessed with it that he would watch porn of women masturbating and virtually nothing else after awhile, which was a deviation from his old habits. This is an incredible article...thank you for forwarding.....oh wow...yes. That is a definite issue....that makes me even more sad...for his wife actually, not me. Poor poor woman. Excellent information and helps me understand that issue....better. I need to run far far away....fast!!! Oh that sucks, I run a business and have grown to hate my phone number being combined with my home. It is easier to divorce a human then a business number! lol...yes...my thoughts exactly! It is separate from home phone....of course. but I wished I could change it but I just cant...I know what you are saying..it would really help. I have read others hear have done that and it was remarkable in the healing.
MLC64 Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 24 hours is great! You have the right mindset...take it one day, one hour or one minute if you have to. Each one is a success. Good luck and keep us posted! thanks S4L!! I need all the kudos at this point I can get....It will be hour by hour in my sorry case....just got a call from a friend to go out to karaoke....my H is away so I am going out with them...friends of H and I....so all is good, great people and they make me laugh so I am going! ha I appreciate all the advice....and encouragement.
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