Bittersweet_Love Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 (edited) I have been dating a guy for about two months who I really adore and care for. He was very quick to establish us as a couple and wanted that right away and since then things have been great Problems started literally just two days ago. He came over and told me that somebody had hacked into his facebook page and he wasn't able to log in for two days so to ignore any strange postings or messages. I didn't think twice about it...that kind of stuff happens right? The very next day I received two private messages from a girl who told me she had also been seeing my boyfriend and that they had been intimate several times. It seemed suspicious to me because she could not give me any specifics about them hanging out and she also deleted her profile entirely a few hours later I brought it up to my boyfriend who denied the whole thing and told me he loved me and would fight for me no matter what and someone was messing with his page. Even though I felt like someone had punched me in the gut it really did seem strange and I do believe him. Several friends also agreed after seeing the profile that it for sure looked fake and that he had been hacked I told him "it's not that this happened it's how we move through it" and we spent a night talking and I figured that was that. He left the next morning and kissed me and all seemed fine. Then things got strange with him. He normally texts and calls and is very loving but he left and was very distant all day. The rest of the day he barely texted or called and seemed very out of it. I finally called him out and he said it had been a "rough day". Later that night trying to be supportive I gave him a call and he sounded like he was in the car, he said he would be over at my place "in a bit" and so I waited. Next text I got said he was "pulled over by the cops". I frantically sent him text after text worried out of my mind and didn't get a single response from him. I waited up till 3AM and he never showed up nor did he text me to tell me he was okay. I was panicked I finally fell asleep at 3AM. I got a text from him at 8 in the morning saying "sorry about last night, got a warning from the cops about driving with expired tabs have a good day" Can you believe the disrespect? He couldn't take two seconds to text me telling me he was okay after I sent so many messages? UNREAL.--plus I have no idea where he even was last night. Things are not adding up here. I decided I am not going to give him the power by even letting him know how upset I really feel. I simply said "oh...well next time you should at least let me know you are ok or not coming over but whatever" ....His response "sorry for leaving you hanging" I have been ignoring him all day and just decided I am not making any more effort. Something is weird here and I am backing off. It just makes me sad. He goes from so loving and wonderful to being this way and I just don't know what to think. Any suggestions..and thoughts would be very appreciated. Edited April 9, 2011 by Bittersweet_Love
TuffCookieX Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Whoa, same story happened to me. Except I was supposed to meet my guy at a diner and I had already ordered my drink when I found out he was "pulled over by cops". Didn't hear from him again, ended up getting food to go and went home. That was a year and a half ago. I still don't know the whole story, nor do I care now to find out. I hope your outcome is different from mine, and that he is being truthful and genuine, although I would also feel very disrespected for not hearing from him after he "only got a warning". What the hell? I agree, lay low. If you still wants you in his life, he'll come crawling back eventually. If it takes him a while to figure that out, keep your dating options open until then so you can stay busy and happy.
Back Burner Gal Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 He's got another girlfriend. And no, she didn't hack into his account and send your crazy messages. She told you the truth and they had a fight and he made her take down her profile and then they had made up sex, blah, blah, blah... And there was no cop pulling him over. He was with the other girl. You are being played. His friends are enabling...I mean 'helping' him. He established you as a couple too fast. Everything was too good. It was all based on lies and nothing--and it all collapsed. I'm sorry.
Author Bittersweet_Love Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 It is so amazing to me how people deal with things. I mean if you don't want to be with me JUST TELL ME so I can move on with my life. Guys are so tricky sometimes and honestly it makes me never want to get involved again . I sometimes want to just give up honestly when it comes to dating and men..I seem to always get burned. I do believe though that this time I REFUSE to be disrespected I am just going to do my thing..and if he wants to come back he can...if not --I WILL NOT contact him or give him the satisfaction of even showing I care...I am not at fault here.
Author Bittersweet_Love Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 He probably was with her..then WHY THE HELL dont you tell me so I can move on with my life. ...It's so sad how people can cheat and lie and have no remorse about it. He has been telling me he loves me for forever too...literally wakes up in the middle of the night to tell me how much he does....makes me sick to my stomach
Back Burner Gal Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Why can he come back if he wants to? You are right, you are not at fault here. But why would you take him back?
TuffCookieX Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 He's got another girlfriend. And no, she didn't hack into his account and send your crazy messages. She told you the truth and they had a fight and he made her take down her profile and then they had made up sex, blah, blah, blah... And there was no cop pulling him over. He was with the other girl. You are being played. His friends are enabling...I mean 'helping' him. He established you as a couple too fast. Everything was too good. It was all based on lies and nothing--and it all collapsed. I'm sorry. It sucks that this is probably the truth and we all have a bit of hope that he could actually be a good guy. Haha "good guy" is an oxymoron, like jumbo shrimp. She probably didn't delete her profile, she probably blocked you. When someone is blocked, they are totally unsearchable, you can't see them tagged in photos, etc etc. If he was really hacked, why would one person just target YOU alone. Hacking is mostly spammers and stupid sh*t along those lines. It's also strange that he had WARNED you to ignore weird messages, he definitely expected her to give you a piece of her mind.
Back Burner Gal Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 He probably was with her..then WHY THE HELL dont you tell me so I can move on with my life. ...It's so sad how people can cheat and lie and have no remorse about it. He has been telling me he loves me for forever too...literally wakes up in the middle of the night to tell me how much he does....makes me sick to my stomach Why not tell you? Because he likes drama and intrigue and the power that comes from it. Because he wants to keep you and her and juggle you two. He has not been telling you he loves you 'forever', you've only been dating two months...
Author Bittersweet_Love Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Thanks for the reality check guys. It's so funny how we make excuses for men all the time when if it happened to a friend we would slap them and say "are you kidding me?" I just cannot believe he would do this to me. It hurts bad..like I got punched in the gut...but I am not accepting anything less than the best. I introduced him to my friends, they all liked him ..he was always so touchy feely and loving in public and now this? Wow...it's amazing what people are capable of
DollyGirl12 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I'm sorry for you. I would also be extremely suspicious. As Judge Judy says, if it doesn't make sense, it's not true. Someone would really have to have it out for him to do something like that. I highly doubt that is the case. I think sometimes we accept these "stories" because we have those "what if I'm wrong and they're really telling the truth" going through our head. We don't want to accuse because of the "what if", while everything inside us is screaming LIAR, DISHONEST, and so on. We need to start listening to what the common sense part of us is telling us.
spiderowl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Sounds like he's a player and has another girlfriend. I'd guess he's trying to make it up with her as she's found out about you. Sorry. I think the police thing was just an excuse. Maybe you should send him a little note on his wall and mention what a lucky escape he had last night from the cops? If he was actually playing away, his other girl will see that and immediately know he's lying to her too. Some guys just don't deserve to meet nice women!
Author Bittersweet_Love Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 What a great idea "spiderowl"..I was thinking the same thing. Like post somethign on his wall or tag a picture of us and see what happens. If he has nothing to hide I should be able to post anything like "I miss you" etc with no worry about anyone else finding out. I hate games and bull****--if you want to play around and hurt people it always comes back around. I am such a giving person and I always see the best in people right off the bat...which is not smart--I think I just always assume everyone is good but I am starting to see that is not the case...people will lie cheat hurt you and play with your heart...sigh.
zengirl Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 I have been dating a guy for about two months who I really adore and care for. He was very quick to establish us as a couple and wanted that right away and since then things have been great Problems started literally just two days ago. He came over and told me that somebody had hacked into his facebook page and he wasn't able to log in for two days so to ignore any strange postings or messages. I didn't think twice about it...that kind of stuff happens right? The very next day I received two private messages from a girl who told me she had also been seeing my boyfriend and that they had been intimate several times. It seemed suspicious to me because she could not give me any specifics about them hanging out and she also deleted her profile entirely a few hours later I brought it up to my boyfriend who denied the whole thing and told me he loved me and would fight for me no matter what and someone was messing with his page. Even though I felt like someone had punched me in the gut it really did seem strange and I do believe him. Several friends also agreed after seeing the profile that it for sure looked fake and that he had been hacked I told him "it's not that this happened it's how we move through it" and we spent a night talking and I figured that was that. He left the next morning and kissed me and all seemed fine. Then things got strange with him. He normally texts and calls and is very loving but he left and was very distant all day. The rest of the day he barely texted or called and seemed very out of it. I finally called him out and he said it had been a "rough day". Later that night trying to be supportive I gave him a call and he sounded like he was in the car, he said he would be over at my place "in a bit" and so I waited. Next text I got said he was "pulled over by the cops". I frantically sent him text after text worried out of my mind and didn't get a single response from him. I waited up till 3AM and he never showed up nor did he text me to tell me he was okay. I was panicked I finally fell asleep at 3AM. I got a text from him at 8 in the morning saying "sorry about last night, got a warning from the cops about driving with expired tabs have a good day" Can you believe the disrespect? He couldn't take two seconds to text me telling me he was okay after I sent so many messages? UNREAL.--plus I have no idea where he even was last night. Things are not adding up here. I decided I am not going to give him the power by even letting him know how upset I really feel. I simply said "oh...well next time you should at least let me know you are ok or not coming over but whatever" ....His response "sorry for leaving you hanging" I have been ignoring him all day and just decided I am not making any more effort. Something is weird here and I am backing off. It just makes me sad. He goes from so loving and wonderful to being this way and I just don't know what to think. Any suggestions..and thoughts would be very appreciated. Besides what everyone else said: Concealing your feelings does not "keep the power" with you. Lying to someone to provoke a response is giving away your power, in my view. This guy . . . well, yes, playing two women, at least.
dispatch3d Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 get better at picking quality guys. Guy is a ****ing loser.
Author Bittersweet_Love Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Thanks. Honestly there was not a single sign from him before that night and I can truthfully say that looking back. He was sweet, kind and (in my mind) completely being genuine with me. That's probably why it's the biggest shock. Well it just goes to show you that people can be very good actors and actresses.
alexlakeman Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Sounds like his girlfriend busted him.... and you were replaced as the #1 gf to #2 gf... good luck
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