pineapples Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Keeping it open, and updating it regularly (1-2 new pics in a month etc), even when they date someone exclusively. Does it always indicate that: they are not that into you after allthey are afraid of commitmentthey definitely don't see you as marriage materialthey are playersetcOR, is it something you would do if you were in a relationship, but felt that your partner does not like you the way you like them? Sort of keeping your options open, but not in a bad way?if you were looking for friends?etcIn my circle of friends, most women close their accounts soon after they start seeing someone (lot of times even while casually dating), while men seem to want to leave it open forever. I am just curious.
TuffCookieX Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I keep mine open. Mostly because I haven't been in a REAL relationship in... ever. But also because I'm a serial dater and I find issues with commitment... I'm always looking for someone better to come along. I know I have problems, but I've been single for so long that I don't know how to train myself to have eyes for one person. But then again, I've almost never had to.
EyesWideOpen Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Keeping it open, and updating it regularly (1-2 new pics in a month etc), even when they date someone exclusively. Does it always indicate that: they are not that into you after allthey are afraid of commitmentthey definitely don't see you as marriage materialthey are playersetc OR, is it something you would do if you were in a relationship, but felt that your partner does not like you the way you like them? Sort of keeping your options open, but not in a bad way?if you were looking for friends?etc In my circle of friends, most women close their accounts soon after they start seeing someone (lot of times even while casually dating), while men seem to want to leave it open forever. I am just curious. From what I've seen in my circle of friends, I would have to say that your final observation holds true. I have no idea why this is. I can understand leaving it open during the initial dating and awkward grey-area-of-neither-knows-what-it-is-exactly stages. But past that point I have no idea why a guy would want to keep it open. Maybe an ego stroke? *shrug*
Author pineapples Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Maybe an ego stroke? That's a good point. Maybe it's like harmless flirting with strangers in a coffee shop? Makes people feel good, and that's it?
Enchanted Girl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 From what I've seen in my circle of friends, I would have to say that your final observation holds true. I have no idea why this is. I can understand leaving it open during the initial dating and awkward grey-area-of-neither-knows-what-it-is-exactly stages. But past that point I have no idea why a guy would want to keep it open. Maybe an ego stroke? *shrug* Same here. Once I was in an exclusive relationship, I closed all my accounts. And I never entered an exclusive relationship with a man who didn't close all his accounts. I would keep spending time with other men until it happened. This wasn't something I spoke out loud, but I believe actions speak louder than words in a relationship, so I tend to only be as serious in one as a man is acting serious, regardless of his words.
Author pineapples Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 I keep mine open. Mostly because I haven't been in a REAL relationship in... ever. But also because I'm a serial dater and I find issues with commitment... I'm always looking for someone better to come along. I know I have problems, but I've been single for so long that I don't know how to train myself to have eyes for one person. But then again, I've almost never had to. I am sure you will find someone when you don't even expect it.
Author pineapples Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Same here. Once I was in an exclusive relationship, I closed all my accounts. And I never entered an exclusive relationship with a man who didn't close all his accounts. I would keep spending time with other men until it happened. This wasn't something I spoke out loud, but I believe actions speak louder than words in a relationship, so I tend to only be as serious in one as a man is acting serious, regardless of his words. I am really curious, do you usually wait until it happens, without asking your partner to close it? Have you ever asked someone to do it?
Enchanted Girl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I am really curious, do you usually wait until it happens, without asking your partner to close it? Have you ever asked someone to do it? One time I did. He said he'd do it and then didn't bother. Instead of nagging him about it, I continued to date other people. Our relationship never worked out.
TuffCookieX Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I am sure you will find someone when you don't even expect it. Thank you, in fact I always find someone. Then either him or I lose interest in about 3-4 weeks and I get upset, then go back to step 1.
Author pineapples Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 One time I did. He said he'd do it and then didn't bother. Instead of nagging him about it, I continued to date other people. Our relationship never worked out. That's kind of sad and funny at the same time.
Author pineapples Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 So I guess no one here will admit that they are in LTR and still having an active profile?
Mrlonelyone Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Well if we are talking about websites you pay for it could mean all the things said above. The man still wants to keep his options open. Let's face it... women have been known to change their minds completely suddenly and without warning. If it's a free site then he may just be too lazy to close the account.
veggirl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Errm...dating exclusively includes not actively looking for a new partner. Having an open dating profile indicates openness to finding another partner. Unless, I guess, the profile indicates somewhere that the person is in a relationship, in which case I'd find it extremely bizarre they were even still on there. If it depicted them as single, I would assume they were searching for someone else.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Errm...dating exclusively includes not actively looking for a new partner. Yes it means not actively looking for a new partner. However it does not mean "forsaking all others as long as you both shall live". When people are dating exclusively they should never make plans more than one month in the future...and don't even bank on those. Try to remember while caught up in the honeymoon haze that dating is just dating. It's casual even when it's serious. Either party can and more than likely will just walk away at some point.
Author pineapples Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 Okay, I agree with both of you that having an account clearly indicates that the person is looking. But why don't they tell it to the face of their BFs/GFs? Why would someone stay in a relationship, and still be looking??
Nexus One Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) Why would someone stay in a relationship, and still be looking?? A while ago a 25 year old guy that has slept with over 200 women told me the following: "Pussies, are like cars. I really want to have a Ferrari and I will love driving that Ferrari...for a week. Then the next week I want to have another car, just because I want something different." First of all, not every guy is like that. HOWEVER a lot of people, and that includes women, have this attitude over a longer period of time. On average a human being at the end of his/her life has had 8 partners, so in a sense almost everyone is like that guy, but they're slower. They don't want something new next week, but maybe in a few years they will. So that could be why someone keeps their account open. I'm not saying it is, it's just a possibility. Edited April 14, 2011 by Nexus One
P&R Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) I have wondered this myself. My girlfriend has a friend who has been dating his girlfriend of 6 years, yet he still has his OkCupid account open. He still actively writes people on OkCupid. This too me just seems like very odd behavior for somebody in a commited relationship. Edited April 14, 2011 by P&R
Author pineapples Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 in a sense almost everyone is like that guy, but they're slower. They don't want something new next week, but maybe in a few years they will Nexus, I hope you are not right about this. I mean, what happened to people who are truly devoted to their partners? Like, I have never ever thought about actively looking for someone when being in relationship. And even if I met someone and suddenly decided that I wanted to be with them, I would obviously inform my partner beforehand (in other words break up with him). So should I just conclude that people who do this are simply a-holes?
Author pineapples Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 I have wondered this myself. My girlfriend has a friend who has been dating his girlfriend of 6 years, yet he still has his OkCupid account open. He still actively writes people on OkCupid. This too me just seems like very odd behavior for somebody in a commited relationship. Lot of men are doing this. Perhaps women as well. And does the gilrfriend know? I actually know somebody who knows that their partner is active on a dating site. Maybe they are too insecure, feel neglected, need constant attention? Or maybe they are just not that into their partners? I don't understand why can't they just be honest and break up with them.
oaks Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Some of these dating sites let you state that you're looking for "Friends" or "Activity Partners" - OKC even lets you list your status as "Married" - and some of the sites (OKC springs to mind again) have Journals and Forums so there's clearly room for people to have active profiles without it meaning they are looking for a date... but I don't understand the people who don't fall in to those categories.
tigressA Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 If someone still has their profile open and is regularly updating it/messaging other people, clearly they are not all in with regard to their relationship. The reason(s) why they're not all in will vary, but that one fact should be all you need to know to decide to stay or go.
zengirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 I always kept my account open overseas when I was an expat, but it's different in the U.S. (abroad, I actually did used to meet friends --- as English-speaking folk were just rarer --- on OKC, even straight gals, etc). I just changed it to "Seeing Someone." In the U.S., I find it's impractical to really start friendships from the site and I get more messages. . . so I do deactivate it if I'm seeing someone serious. At any rate, I imagine it'd be situational, but in most cases, I'd take it as a bad sign. Exceptions abound, however.
Nexus One Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Nexus, I hope you are not right about this. I mean, what happened to people who are truly devoted to their partners? Like, I have never ever thought about actively looking for someone when being in relationship. And even if I met someone and suddenly decided that I wanted to be with them, I would obviously inform my partner beforehand (in other words break up with him). I didn't mean to say that everyone is like that, just that a significant number of people are. Besides, people could have all sorts of reasons for doing something like that. I just gave 1 possible reason out of an infinite number of possible reasons. So should I just conclude that people who do this are simply a-holes? No. You don't know their actual motives for doing it. They could have perfectly innocent and legitimate motives for it.
P&R Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Lot of men are doing this. Perhaps women as well. And does the gilrfriend know? I actually know somebody who knows that their partner is active on a dating site. Maybe they are too insecure, feel neglected, need constant attention? Or maybe they are just not that into their partners? I don't understand why can't they just be honest and break up with them. To be honest I don't know his girlfriend or anything about her, I don't even know if my girlfriend knows her. To me it just seems like this guy is being disrespectful to his relationship. Maybe he's just keeping his options open? Either way it doesn't seem healthy.
OliveOyl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 In a "I can't deal with online dating" fit, I disabled my online profile on OKC a week or two ago. Now there's this guy who I met on OKC who has asked me again... I'm curious to re-read his profile and see where our answers match and what our match percentage is. But I'm afraid if I do he'll see I've reactivated it and assume I'm not that interested or am multidating. (Even if I'm not sure about a guy, I'm not a multidater, just not my style.) Oh, teh dramaz.
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