Mixed28 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I signed up for this site and girls attractive or not don't seem to respond to guys messages. On the sight it will tell you how often they reply and it seems like most girls don't reply, attractive or not. I messaged many women and no luck at all. I went to plentyoffish and got responses from cute girls. I also heard of other guys with the same luck as me on okcupid. see here guy with similar experience http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t247013/ So its really interesting. I don't whats up with the girls on that site.
jean-luc sisko Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I've had a few responses, but it's never led anywhere. I think most people probably use it for a laugh, not as a serious dating site.
TuffCookieX Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I am registered to both sites, and use POF way more frequently. I get about 40-50 messages a day on POF and respond to maybe 1-2. On Okcupid, I get maybe 3 messages a day, and almost never respond... I just check e-mails there out of habit. I have gone on quite a few dates from POF, most of them being very successful and leading onto something more. I think all-in-all, POF is more widely used and taken way more seriously. I have also found online profiles of people I know!
Enchanted Girl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I noticed that actually. I am a bisexual woman and I was terrified to message any of the girls because it said on all of them that they hardly responds, while on the guy ones it said they responded to the majority of them. It made me relieved that I could date guys. XD I actually was one of the girls that responded to all of my messages. The only one I didn't respond to was from this guy who said he was just out of prison.
acrossthemiles1 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I've never used PoF, but I've been on OkCupid for about four months now and had great luck. I tend to meet a lot of interesting/"atypical" guys on there and have had a lot of really fun dates, plus made quite a few not-necessarily-sexual friendships. All of my friends who are into online dating are also on OkC. It just seems to be more up my alley than any of the alternatives. I don't approach it "seriously" but then again I wouldn't feel comfortable going into a first date all serious-like. I like to just be goofy and spontaneous and have fun. I find I have better luck letting semi-serious things build from there.
Author Mixed28 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 I noticed that actually. I am a bisexual woman and I was terrified to message any of the girls because it said on all of them that they hardly responds, while on the guy ones it said they responded to the majority of them. It made me relieved that I could date guys. XD I actually was one of the girls that responded to all of my messages. The only one I didn't respond to was from this guy who said he was just out of prison. lol
acrossthemiles1 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 As for the responding infrequently thing, I just get a LOT of messages/IMs (probably just down to the male/female ratio), so I likely end up ignoring a lot of them, but only if they're a bland "hi" or "what's up" or "let's get a drink" line. Anyone who has the creativity or balls or both to come up with something vaguely original, funny or intriguing, I will almost certainly respond to.
Thedude22 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Yeah I had a similar experience. Generally I found the girls on Okcupid to be much more attractive but they rarely ever respond which is annoying. What I hate even more than that is when the girls respond with one or two word "sentences". Seriously why even bother? The fact is girls on the net will receive something like 30 messages daily, slowly but surely they develop a real superiority complex because they can be insanely selective, unlike in real life. So yeah statistically, stick to meeting girls in real life. I have nothing against internet dating but the hordes of guys on there tips the balance of power way in the favor of the girls as far as selectivity.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 The fact is girls on the net will receive something like 30 messages daily, slowly but surely they develop a real superiority complex because they can be insanely selective, unlike in real life. Quoted for truth. What the dude says. The online world gives some women too much of an ego stroke and they become incorrigible. In my time living as a transwoman I had a roomate who was also a tranny. She lived in the smaller room, had no job, and no real assets. But online she got more messages because she had a better online persona. People on the net thought she was so successful and great.... when IRL she was practically living in a walk in closet she could barely pay the rent on. I ended up having to throw them out for non payment of rent. More on topic. I have had some better luck with OKC than I did with Eharmony. I have messaged other people on there and my response rate is far better than it was on EH. I have a second date on Sunday with someone I met on OKC. What I really don't understand is why people on any of these sites will look at my page again and again, every day... but not ever write me a message.
Lilmisus Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I was on OkCupid for only three days not too long ago (eh, a few weeks ago, right after the breakup to "throw myself out there again"). It freaked me out with all the dudes that messaged me, especially right after I activated my account. I put on there ages 20-25, and I had about five wayyyy older men message me. "What a pretty girl at the beach, I am so-and-so, and if nothing more I want to be your friend! Please message me!!" (seriously one 68 year old dude said that, exactly, and added where he was from at the bottom) or something along those lines from the rest. At first, I tried my best to reply to everyone even if it was just a "hi! thanks, but no thanks! :)" just to be polite, but after the twentieth creep messaged me, I stopped. It's just wayyyy too creepy on online dating sites, and it seriously freaked me out. I think I'm going to stick to meeting guys in person, so much easier and a whole lot less stressful.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Can you explain to me what's creepy about them messaging you? Is it because they are out of the range you are interested in? If a man you were interested in sent the same kind of message would it still be creepy? I'm just trying to get a handle on what is considered "creepy".
westernxer Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I was on OkCupid for only three days not too long ago (eh, a few weeks ago, right after the breakup to "throw myself out there again"). It freaked me out with all the dudes that messaged me, especially right after I activated my account. I put on there ages 20-25, and I had about five wayyyy older men message me. "What a pretty girl at the beach, I am so-and-so, and if nothing more I want to be your friend! Please message me!!" (seriously one 68 year old dude said that, exactly, and added where he was from at the bottom) or something along those lines from the rest. At first, I tried my best to reply to everyone even if it was just a "hi! thanks, but no thanks! :)" just to be polite, but after the twentieth creep messaged me, I stopped. It's just wayyyy too creepy on online dating sites, and it seriously freaked me out. I think I'm going to stick to meeting guys in person, so much easier and a whole lot less stressful. You don't want a sugar daddy on Viagra? LOL I'd be creeped out too. In fact, I know exactly what you're talking about. Those type of men are disgusting... I'd shoot myself before turning into one of those, but I don't have their sense of entitlement, so I'll be okay in the long run.
Lilmisus Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Can you explain to me what's creepy about them messaging you? Is it because they are out of the range you are interested in? If a man you were interested in sent the same kind of message would it still be creepy? I'm just trying to get a handle on what is considered "creepy". If it was someone closer to my age and where I lived, it wouldn't be nearly as creepy, no. It's the fact that he could pass as my grandfather and that thought makes me sick to my stomach. But he lived maybe...150 miles away, and was close to 50 years my senior, and trying to hit on me. Along with a few others like him. If I put 20-100 year range, I wouldn't have had a problem with it..but there's a reason that 25 was my limit (and that was even pushing it). But honestly, what with me still overcoming my social phobia and whatnot, having guys that I don't know just hit on me really freaks me out (and is really the only thing now that causes my anxiety, and even that, it's not nearly as bad as it was a few years ago, since I'm almost completely over my phobia), that's why after only three days I deleted my account and have zero interest in making a new one. I prefer a guy message me "hey, what's up!" or start out friendly, and then start flirting with me. It makes me feel much more comfortable and more trusting to him, and it's easier to talk and be myself. Even in person, I prefer that, that's why it's so easy for me to flirt with my guy friends. It just makes me feel very, very uncomfortable still, and causes anxiety that I don't want any part of. So, if you're looking for a good example of what a wide majority of the female population considers "creepy" of online dating, I'm probably the wrong person to ask.
Lilmisus Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Oh, and guys, here's some tips for the online dating world if you want some replies, I shook my head when I saw some of these things: -Don't state that your biggest thing is procrastinating and being lazy. -Don't have your profile picture be of you almost completely naked with nothing but your boxers on, that can show the exact size of your pride and joy (no matter how proud you are of it). -Don't message a girl calling her "beautiful" and "amazing" in the first message. You don't know her, and you've never really seen her (a couple of her best pictures and a few paragraphs don't qualify). -Don't message a girl 20 times in one day saying "how was your day" "you're gorgeous" "my favorite part of your profile was...." or other questions, especially if you know she's online or has been online and hasn't replied to you. There's a reason she hasn't replied..respect that reason. -Don't state that NO ONE has replied to you and you're seriously fed up with it, and that if you message her that she better reply (or else). -Don't tell the reason you got divorced on your profile..especially if it's because she left you to go see other guys, and took your kids from you and are in a custody battle. -Don't say "I'm a human, who's looking for a human, who likes humans" Seriously, just try being friendly and a nice person. Ask questions that are relative to her and try going from there. If she doesn't respond..like I said, don't message her twenty times, since there's probably a reason for it (one guy did that to me, and it left things very awkward. His last message was asking when he'd get my number..then I deleted my account..).
Thedude22 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Well I can't really blame women for being extremely selective, it's just frustrating and as a guy who is fairly high quality *ahem* I have little patience for it. I know they'd be melting if I went up and talked to them at a bar, but online I'm just another face in the 30 messages she has. 27 of said messages are something along the lines of "Hey baby nice tits!" statistically I should be a creep because 16 out of 20 guys on there are creeps. I can't blame the girls for being suspicious. However I don't know how women on there can be such poor judges of character. If a guy can write properly on his profile, doesn't ask for sex within the first hour of conversation, is your age, is attractive in his pictures and has a high match percentage then the guy probably isn't going to skin you alive and wear you to "Goodbye Horses". I understand the caution but I really do not appreciate being treated like a creepo or a sexual beggar when I'm actually quiet a stand up guy. Thus I am swearing off internet dating until I move to a new city.
BeginAgain Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 As for the responding infrequently thing, I just get a LOT of messages/IMs (probably just down to the male/female ratio), so I likely end up ignoring a lot of them, but only if they're a bland "hi" or "what's up" or "let's get a drink" line. Anyone who has the creativity or balls or both to come up with something vaguely original, funny or intriguing, I will almost certainly respond to. "Hey baby I just got out of man prison and my a sshole is tired. Why don't we hook up and do something that will put me back in the pen for some more lovin'?;)" Something like that?
Thedude22 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Quoted for truth. What the dude says. The online world gives some women too much of an ego stroke and they become incorrigible. In my time living as a transwoman I had a roomate who was also a tranny. She lived in the smaller room, had no job, and no real assets. But online she got more messages because she had a better online persona. People on the net thought she was so successful and great.... when IRL she was practically living in a walk in closet she could barely pay the rent on. I ended up having to throw them out for non payment of rent. e. I think it just goes into the sexual nature of men and women. Men are very visual. We can see a picture of a hot woman and immediately we idealize her as this super hot, awesome person we'd want to date. The attraction is there as soon as we see her. Women are very chemistry based in their attraction. A picture of a good looking a guy is great, but that is not enough to stir up attraction in them. They want to see confidence and charm and those two things are oh so difficult to convey through text. There mere nature of internet dating hints that the guy isn't confident enough to get girls in real life. It's not true in many guy's cases, but the perception is there and that's all it takes to ruin the chemistry for most women.
Author Mixed28 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 "Hey baby I just got out of man prison and my ******* is tired. Why don't we hook up and do something that will put me back in the pen for some more lovin'?;)" Something like that? lol:laugh::laugh:
Mrlonelyone Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I think it just goes into the sexual nature of men and women. Men are very visual. We can see a picture of a hot woman and immediately we idealize her as this super hot, awesome person we'd want to date. The attraction is there as soon as we see her. Women are very chemistry based in their attraction. A picture of a good looking a guy is great, but that is not enough to stir up attraction in them. They want to see confidence and charm and those two things are oh so difficult to convey through text. There mere nature of internet dating hints that the guy isn't confident enough to get girls in real life. It's not true in many guy's cases, but the perception is there and that's all it takes to ruin the chemistry for most women. That's certainly a factor. However I think that the women who online date and are honest wouldn't hold it against a man. Afterall they are there looking too...what does it say about them. A problem with online dating is that we can get taken in by a pretty photo. When in real life personality really does make a big difference and it does so pretty quick. In online dating we only have so much to go by.
persevere Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I've done match, pof, and eharmony. Match was a bust, for whatever reason. I've met some really good women on pof, but it was more short term. eharmony, I think is the best. Though expensive, once you make it through the steps, most of the time the women will go out with you. They are more serious about things. I don't think all the hype about "matching" through personality profiles is all that strong on eharmony. They just tell you it is.
Thedude22 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 A problem with online dating is that we can get taken in by a pretty photo. When in real life personality really does make a big difference and it does so pretty quick. In online dating we only have so much to go by. Ugh dude I have been taken by this trojan horse or um I guess in this case tojan hippo, many a times. I'm not an insanely shallow guy but for the love of god how is 5'4 190 "average" on OKcupid? Met with some chick that looked like Tony Soprano, nothing like her picture. The whole scene just sucks honestly, I use it just because I like to meet people outside of my social circle but meeting people in real life for 3 minutes beats talking to a person for three days on the net.
persevere Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I'm not an insanely shallow guy but for the love of god how is 5'4 190 "average" on OKcupid? Lol. I feel your pain. I wish folks would just be honest when online dating. No 10 year old pictures. Then there was the one gal who showed up in total goth. That was interesting. Hmmm, now I'm on a date at a decent restaturant with "cadida" from the Addams family. Only this gal is wearing chains. Now, why didn't she just tell me she liked that stuff?
Author Mixed28 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Lol. I feel your pain. I wish folks would just be honest when online dating. No 10 year old pictures. Then there was the one gal who showed up in total goth. That was interesting. Hmmm, now I'm on a date at a decent restaturant with "cadida" from the Addams family. Only this gal is wearing chains. Now, why didn't she just tell me she liked that stuff? hahahahahahahaha :laugh: you guys are a riot.
BeginAgain Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I just joined okcupid and there are way too many fatties. I am delicate. I don't want to be squished.
oaks Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I'm not an insanely shallow guy but for the love of god how is 5'4 190 "average" on OKcupid? So that's 25 pounds over the average (or 35 pounds over the average if she was between 20 and 29 years old). Did you tell her this? (source: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/bodymeas.htm and the pdf it links to) Luckily I haven't had that problem, but I do find that "Curvy" as a body type is a bit of a lottery with shapes from well below average weight but neither 'skinny' nor 'athletic' through to, well, very large. If you don't want to take a chance on a surprise when you meet the solution is photos. If her profile doesn't include a full-body photo showing me how 'curvy' then I assume she is under-playing it (and that might affect whether I contact her). I also suspect that people who do post full length photos showing their figure are more likely to be confident about their body shape than people who don't (but I have no data for this!) and I would prefer someone who is confident about their body, regardless of size, than someone who is not confident about their body even if it's 'perfect'.
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