They DO come back !

[East7]

For those who know me since a while, xMW has been coming back and forth after Dday and even after reconciling (according to what she told me). It is almost becoming an entertainment.

 

Last "come back" was a couple of days ago, surprise call ! I had a lump in my throat, didn't know what to say... She says she always misses me and "love" isn't gone. We resumed contact for 2-3 days and she wants to spend some vacations with me ...I was like...you sure? She said I don't know I have to find an excuse.

 

It stirred my feelings again, started to miss her. NC was supposed to be since 6 months ago and she is still coming back at some point. Thought if she can't get over me after dDay, after reconciling and after aaaaall the drama she had..she really loves me..

 

Then I told her I have just started to see someone. She got pissed off !!

I was like: you have an H ! How do you dare to be jealous about me ?

Then she cut me off and NC again.

 

I mean WTF, what do you want from me ? If you wanted to stay with your H, suck it up and leave me alone !

 

Sorry guys, I guess I needed to vent today

[ladydesigner]

Why haven't you blocked her on your phone? If you really desire NC she should be unable to contact you.

 

i think your XMW contacts you because she knows you will pick up. If you are silent every single time, she will eventually get the point and have to move on from you.

[Jessica232]

This sounds like my MM and I. We had our DDay (which I instigated), and he's been around ever since then. It's hard every day, I feel for you, and I understand. ((Hugs))

[East7]

Why haven't you blocked her on your phone? If you really desire NC she should be unable to contact you.

 

i think your XMW contacts you because she knows you will pick up. If you are silent every single time, she will eventually get the point and have to move on from you.

 

Technically I can't block her everywhere AND I never wanted to block her as I thought we should be able to deal with things like two adult persons. But she is weak and she breaks NC.

 

And I really wouldn't want to be at her husband's place. He forgave the A and trusted her again..

Edited April 8, 2011 by East7

[East7]

This sounds like my MM and I. We had our DDay (which I instigated), and he's been around ever since then. It's hard every day, I feel for you, and I understand. ((Hugs))

 

Thanks !

[Emme]

:bunny:HUG:bunny: Don't be too mad. Can you fight responding?

[Jessica232]

Oh also, I've also started dating other people. MM HATES it lol, but he knows he really can't object. He just makes snide comments about any man he sees me talking to. Very mature. I continue to let him believe I have an interest in these men because I know it literally drives him crazy, and this is what will push him to make the changes (divorce) I want. So my advice is to not back down to MW about dating other people. They're MARRIED!! And it will drive her nuts.

[ladydesigner]

Technically I can't block her everywhere AND I never wanted to block her as I thought we should be able to deal with things like two adult persons. But she is weak and she breaks NC.

 

And I really wouldn't want to be at her husband's place. He forgave the A and trusted her again..

 

Well if you can deal with it and have no setbacks from it more power to you. I couldn't do the LC thing, it brought back feelings EVERY SINGLE TIME.

 

Thank god my XOM respected my decision to go NC, I couldn't go through that again.

[East7]

:bunny:HUG:bunny: Don't be too mad. Can you fight responding?

 

I did

 

I continue to let him believe I have an interest in these men because I know it literally drives him crazy, and this is what will push him to make the changes (divorce) I want. So my advice is to not back down to MW about dating other people. They're MARRIED!! And it will drive her nuts.

 

It will drive him crazy, yes, but it doesn't make them divorce. it would be so simple if it worked that way

[Emme]

It's just sad. How fast can you fall out of love with someone. It takes time to let go. I feel bad... but you/we all have to fight the NC.

[siuys]

For those who know me since a while, xMW has been coming back and forth after Dday and even after reconciling (according to what she told me). It is almost becoming an entertainment.

 

Last "come back" was a couple of days ago, surprise call ! I had a lump in my throat, didn't know what to say... She says she always misses me and "love" isn't gone. We resumed contact for 2-3 days and she wants to spend some vacations with me ...I was like...you sure? She said I don't know I have to find an excuse.

 

It stirred my feelings again, started to miss her. NC was supposed to be since 6 months ago and she is still coming back at some point. Thought if she can't get over me after dDay, after reconciling and after aaaaall the drama she had..she really loves me..

 

Then I told her I have just started to see someone. She got pissed off !!

I was like: you have an H ! How do you dare to be jealous about me ?

Then she cut me off and NC again.

 

I mean WTF, what do you want from me ? If you wanted to stay with your H, suck it up and leave me alone !

 

Sorry guys, I guess I needed to vent today

 

Wow, East. This is real entertainment I agree! Contacted you again after 6 months NC and then proceeded to get pissed off coz you're seeing someone? Did you ask her "so, do you remember you are still married?".... blimey. I think she was fishing, and probably wants to be in touch so you can make her feel good, special and wanted (never mind she is still very married and probably has no intention of leaving). So, tell me, do you find your respect for her has just lessened?

[whichwayisup]

Oh yes, she was fishing..And making sure you were still loving her too. She got her ego feed, and probably wants the affair to continue, way under the radar... She still has no plans on leaving and divorcing her husband.

 

Good for you to tell her you're seeing someone now. I did after reading her reaction. Her poor ego is bruised and she's upset that she isn't the apple of your eye and affections anymore. WTF is right.

[carrie999]

What a completely self-centered jerk she is! I'd be so tempted (given her DDay with her H) to contact him and fill him in on your recent talk with her, though it's not like you can forward some electronic evidence to him.

 

I just admire you for taking the high road and not even entertaining that option...and just being honest with her about the fact that you've moved on. It sounds like she's a complete mess and you dodged a bullet. Who needs to be treated like that?

 

Onward and upward for you, my friend...and clearly not for her. All that matters is that you're strong. I'm sorry you're going through this. (((hugs)))

[East7]

Wow, East. This is real entertainment I agree! Contacted you again after 6 months NC and then proceeded to get pissed off coz you're seeing someone? Did you ask her "so, do you remember you are still married?".... blimey. I think she was fishing, and probably wants to be in touch so you can make her feel good, special and wanted (never mind she is still very married and probably has no intention of leaving). So, tell me, do you find your respect for her has just lessened?

 

Yeah she wants me single and available sexy OM, forever

 

Oh yes, she was fishing..And making sure you were still loving her too. She got her ego feed, and probably wants the affair to continue, way under the radar... She still has no plans on leaving and divorcing her husband.

 

Good for you to tell her you're seeing someone now. I did after reading her reaction. Her poor ego is bruised and she's upset that she isn't the apple of your eye and affections anymore. WTF is right.

 

This is something I have realized way before. She has broken NC like 6-8 times since 6 months, this is not the first time, maybe the last one. Never she talked about D, it wasn't in her agenda. All she wanted was keeping the EA (with PA option if I was good to her ) and making believe her H that reconciliation is all good. Her withdrawal is lasting for months because she does misses me, I'm sure of that, it is just that she wants to have her fix without changing anything in her life.

 

Now she wants to know about all my potential dates and when I tell her she gets upset and cut me off. So yes, ego thing...She can't stand the idea that someone else is enjoying her OM

 

What a completely self-centered jerk she is! I'd be so tempted (given her DDay with her H) to contact him and fill him in on your recent talk with her, though it's not like you can forward some electronic evidence to him.

 

I just admire you for taking the high road and not even entertaining that option...and just being honest with her about the fact that you've moved on. It sounds like she's a complete mess and you dodged a bullet. Who needs to be treated like that?

 

Onward and upward for you, my friend...and clearly not for her. All that matters is that you're strong. I'm sorry you're going through this. (((hugs)))

 

I could easily make her go through hell with all the messages I have if her H had to know, but I'm not taking that road, no dirty job. He has to discover and deal with his W by himself. Actually he must be rather naive with all red flags that he has got since the A started and even after Dday - she was nasty with him making him believe the A was his fault and the poor guy is doing anything to please her since.

 

If I can summarize the roles of her H and I, is that H is her good provider/good father, I am her passion/good lover. So she wants us both to complete her needs...typical.

[Circular]

I read this and laughed out loud. Dang, even as an MM my xMW still is contacting me, it's been a year. Nothing like this though, she's hiding firmly behind the veil of "friends", I don't buy that of course, she misses me and am sure can't believe I've held my ground.

 

I hope you have good luck with the new women you're dating. I do know though what it's like, and how long love takes to dissipate.

[East7]

I read this and laughed out loud. Dang, even as an MM my xMW still is contacting me, it's been a year. Nothing like this though, she's hiding firmly behind the veil of "friends", I don't buy that of course, she misses me and am sure can't believe I've held my ground.

 

I hope you have good luck with the new women you're dating. I do know though what it's like, and how long love takes to dissipate.

 

I had her "friends" offer for a long time.

 

It is hard to date other women without being tempted to compare to xMW. I'm not crazy attracted to this new woman, but I just take it easy.

 

Yes they do miss us anyway, but what's the point ?

 

Knowing her missing me is never going to change anything.

[jlola]

East, you seem like a very nice guy. This woman is an emotional vampire. I dated two men who had me crazy obsessed and now realize they were emotional vampires. Perhaps because my father,sister and many people I have been close to have that trait as well as my experiences, I am scared straight!!!!

 

Most emotional vampires are seductive. Will make you feel so loved,are so passionate, you cannot see straight!

 

They will suck the life blood out of you even after a break-up. Just when you least expect it, they come back. My sister is getting married again for the 5th time in July. have seen this pattern with all of her exes. She will keep contact for awhile and brag about how they want her back and still love her.

 

They are empty souls.

i actually have a big cross at my front door to remind myself everyday to keep vampres out of my life and home. your ex has deeper issues than you will ever understand. She needs to deal with her issues. But uses you as a way to avoid them.

 

Would you really want her if she were suddenly available? I would hope not. She does not seem to be a happy person. She is a coward and a user. It seems she is not in love wth her husband, does not treat him well. But is willing to use him to maintain her status quo. Is that what you want in a woman?

 

One day when the infatuation stage wears off(which always happens) will she treat you the same? If she'll do it with you,she'll do it to you.

 

We all think we are so special. that the way a person treated an ex will never be the way we are treated.But disrespect is disrespect. Some people have it in them to be disrespectful to a person who is good to them. But most of us cannot do that.Your turn will come if you ever ended up with her.

 

The 2 men I had obsessive relationships with really seemed like love at the time. But I tell you and you will understand this only after you have healed from your situation, were not real love. It was the SITUATION. The very act of dangling the carrot and taking it away. The declarations of love, but behaviors being opposite. It really messes with your mind

 

These people generally have a high bit of narcisism. Their drama, their fantasy, their over the top way of making you feel loved, then the lows and uncertainty keep you obsessed. We cannot see straight. Other people see how ridiculous you are being even giving this person the time of day. But you cannot. You can only see when the infatuation off. But in affairs or in my situations wearing off takes a long time since you are not spending day to day with these blood suckers. They just come scatching at your door when they need their blood supply to feed their ego.

 

Good luck and hugs. You're gonna need it. She will not give. No matter what you think, just talking to her feeds her ego. I had to change my phone number numerous times to finally rid myself of my exes and heal. My sanity was worth more than a phone number.

 

No matter how empty I felt with them, hearing a message on my answering machine or hearing their voice saying " I love you so much Lola, I will never love anyone like you" or as the other ex used to say "We have so much chemistry, you are my obsession" I would get sucked right back in.

 

these men, one from Argentina and the othe Spain sure knew how to make me melt. After the roller coaster ride from these people everything else seemed boring.

 

You begin to compare the thrill ride you had with these vampires to the calmness of a normal relationship.

 

But the thrill ride will make you ill if you stay on too long.

 

Dr. Phil had a good analogy about affairs. But I see the same applied to my previously unhealthy relatonships.

 

He said affairs are like getting a sliver of an amazing pie. The sliver makes you want more. But you only get the sliver of that amazing pie intermittently. So you begin to dream about that pie.You crave it, you want it. Pretty soon in your mind that pie becomes the best pie you ever had.

 

But imagine you are now given that whole pie everyday. You get that delcious pie you dreamed of and you get to eat a new pie each and every day. How long would it be before that pie is not so special anymore?

 

When we get slivers of people, we tend to imagine the rest will be just as spectacular. But when you get to consume the whole person all day each and everyday,eventually what your mind has made so spectacular is now seem realistically.

 

I remember my sister's 2nd husband and his obsession for her. They had both been married when they met. She left my nephew barely 1 and a half for this man. He had a 3 year old daughter. They were so obsessed with each other and swore up and down they found their soulmates. She was 23. he was 35. Well, 3 years later they HATED each other. The whole pie was consumed each and everyday and after awhile it lost it's luster. but I am sure had they continued to sneak around ,getting little slivers of the delicious pie intermittently, they could have stayed "in love" or infatuated for a very prolonged period.

[BB07]

East my friend........I hope you take the measures soon to block her from calling you so you won't be riding the roller coaster anymore. She wanted validation from you and even though it didn't go exactly like she wanted it, (you dating) she still gets it because she can still reach out and talk with you.

 

Hugs my friend........

 

 

Good and insightful post jlola.

[YellowShark]

For those who know me since a while, xMW has been coming back and forth after Dday and even after reconciling (according to what she told me). It is almost becoming an entertainment.

 

Last "come back" was a couple of days ago, surprise call ! I had a lump in my throat, didn't know what to say... She says she always misses me and "love" isn't gone. We resumed contact for 2-3 days and she wants to spend some vacations with me...

 

Former BS here. Well now you *know* the real™ her. Not the FAKE her that you are infatuated with. The real™ her cheats, lies to her husband that she is "back on his side" and then begins to call you again to make future vacation "let's get it on" plans. (While she gets pissed that you dare date other people...)

 

She will only end up doing this to you East7 if you end up hooking up with her full-time. I promise you that. Live it, learn it, it's the modus operandi of a cheater. (It's so sad her husband is being thrown under a bus yet again.. without his knowledge.)

[BenThereDunThat]

Just popping in to say AWESOME post Lola....you have no idea how much I needed to read that relating to a situation I am currently in...got sucked in by a vampire and it ripped the rug out right from under me.

 

C/P'ing your post...thank you so much.

[Irishlove]

They think we should sit and wait. Forget it. I'm with you. Like tonight I'm going out and I'm pretty sure I will run into MM and his W. I could care less.

 

There is someone out there for us. I don't believe we have one soul mate. I believe we may have a handful out there. I'm not sitting at home waiting for him to leave his wife. I'm moving on.

[East7]

Wow Lola, I love your post, great insight. I find my situation in almost every word of your post.

 

Maybe it is my fault too, maybe it bursts my Ego to have a woman pinning after me, I feel good when she is so desperate to reach out of me.

But I realize it is like playing with the fire, becuase "I think" I master the situation and my feelings but I end up with rekindled feelings each time we resume contact.

 

The fact she is so inconsistent shows her true self: she doesn't know what she wants. She is still emotionally cheating on her H, after all he is doing for her and you are right, if she behaves this way she is not a trustful and reliable person. And no I am not sure at all if I want her as a life partner. I am sure she will divorce one day, when her H will be so sick and tired that he will want to go. She won't leave him, why would she? He is giving himself for granted. She is insecure and she hasn't the guts to do that. I have the power to drop a bomb and provoke a D if I contacted her H, I'm sure he doesn't know everything, but I will never do that, it is not my job and I'm not the type of person to contact the BS.

 

-------------

 

BB07, thanks

Edited April 9, 2011 by East7

[East7]

Like tonight I'm going out and I'm pretty sure I will run into MM and his W. I could care less.

.

 

Same here, Champagne and nice ladies (my girlfriends) for tonight :bunny:

[Spark1111]

Lola, thanks to you and Dr. Phil for that amazing pie analogy!

 

Three years? My H barely lasted three weeks full-time with his OW after DDAY.

 

The drama, the emotionalism, her constant perils of pauline emotional life, something he had found so exciting during their intermittentcy during the affair, just about drove him crazy when he lived her rollercoaster 24/7!

 

Not to t/j East...but what do you make of this?

 

She breaks NC more than 2 years after DDAY to hint at re-initiating the affair. She claims to have just met a man, and eyelashes a-batting, asks him "Do you think I should pursue this relationship?" He tells her to do what she wants.

 

Guess what? We later find out she has been living with the "new" man for over a year!

 

Stay away from your xMW. She may be onto her next OM sooner than you would like to think.

 

Emotional vampire --Great term jlola!

[TurboGirl]

Wow, East. You are going to have to be the strong one here. Change your cell number if you can bring yourself to. A huge inconvenience, I know, but that would certainly send a strong message.

 

Would you still want this OW even if she did leave her H? Sounds like it was always all about her and I think that would get old.

 

There are so many single girls out there looking for a decent guy. So you're not so wild about this one... just keep dating, and stay NC with your xMW and eventually you will become more open to the single girls. So you re dating right now, doesn't have to be immediate relationship. You can play the field!