radrluv72 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 What an interesting turn of events this past week.... So, after I had sent my ex a brief "Happy Birthday" message and got the expected non-response from his end, I had re-vamped my online personal profile & added it on to a couple of new sites that I hadn't tried before. As of last Monday, I have been talking to a new gentleman who seems just as mutually interested. He's 42, divorced, no kids, works as an art director who works with 3D animation, intelligent, polite...and, in all honesty, kind of hot. Buwahahahaha. I had lunch with a former work colleague of mine today, who I had caught up on the matter of my current ex, who I haven't talked to for 14 weeks with the exception of the "Happy Birthday" message from last weekend. We talked about the abruptness of our breakup, the possibility that he was commitment-phobic, or maybe that it was just a matter that he lacked the confidence and maturity to trust me that I would stay faithful while he was overseas in Afghanistan. I told her that he's more than likely due back in the States in the following week or so (I don't know if the possible government shutdown would affect his return home) and that I had seen recently that he's been quite active for the past few weeks on the same dating site that I'd initally met him on...no doubt looking for someone to help him relieve 4 months worth of...well, you know. So, she asks me what my game plan is when he returns. I told her that in all honestly, I didn't believe that he would attempt to get in touch with me, primarily because I think he feels too guilty to talk to me in the first place knowing how badly he hurt me, in addition to the fact that he's not attempted to contact me since I implemented NC 14 weeks ago and sent all his gifts back to him. First thing out of her mouth after I answer: "Oh, I think he's going to contact you." I don't want this thought even put in my head. But, I am wary. As I've said repeatedly in my posts here on LS, I still love my ex very much. As excited as I am about this new prospect that I've recently started chatting to, I hate that afterthought--namely my ex. I get the irrational sense that by talking to someone new, that somehow I'm betraying him. When I think about him, I still get that familiar sense of him somehow being close, even after all this time of no contact. I genuinely want to move on, because I have to. But my life is a string of really screwed-up situations...if I don't let myself get back into the game, nothing will happen for me. But if I go forward and start dating this new man, I have this horrible feeling that my ex is going to show up on my doorstep, unannounced & humble. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Maybe it's just me being paranoid...but this stuff does happen to me. The fact that my friend, who is a bit older than me as pretty much been through the wringer herself when it comes to relationships, thinks my ex will be contacting me when he comes back...I just so didn't need to hear that. Ugh.
EmperorR Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Ah I know that feeling, thinking your betraying your ex when your with someone new but your not. Your single and not in a relationship you are not bound to your ex anymore. More than likely your ex will contact you, they always seem to do when you least expect it.
i made a mess Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Ah I know that feeling, thinking your betraying your ex when your with someone new but your not. Your single and not in a relationship you are not bound to your ex anymore. More than likely your ex will contact you, they always seem to do when you least expect it. Exactly, I had the feeling that i was betraying my ex in the beginning when I went out with someone else. It made me feel dirty at the after thought of even thinking about another man. But after I knocked my ex of his pedestal and put myself up on it, my mentality changed...and of course after almost 5 months of NC (initiated by him)...guess who called today! So silly the way things work sometimes.
Author radrluv72 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 More than likely your ex will contact you, they always seem to do when you least expect it. I'd love to have him back...that part has never changed for me. He never cheated, lied or treated me badly...he was a prince. But I won't compromise on how he'd factor into my life if he contacted me...it's all or nothing. Otherwise, someone else is going to snap up what he chose to leave behind. Here's another odd thing though that occurred to me on my drive home from work this morning. As nice as this new guy seems, I find myself questioning whether I really want to date someone new right now. After nearly 4 months of trying to get over what happened with my ex, I'm finally at a stage for the past couple of weeks that I feel like I have myself back again. I like this new guy, but something in my gut is just saying now's not the time...and it isn't just that irritation of feeling like I'm betraying my ex. I've never been a person that had to be in a relationship to be happy. I'm quite content to be by myself. As a matter of fact, this new guy tried to call nme twice last night, and I actually found myself to be a little annoyed. It's not like he knew it, but I had a million things to do around the house after a long work week, and I don't keep my phone strapped to my hip all the time. Actually, since my job entails being on the phone about 90% of the time, sometimes when I'm home I just let the damn thing ring. But I just wasn't in the mood to talk to him. I don't understand how I can be so fickle sometimes. Maybe it's the thrill of catching the eye of someone new, but my gut is telling me "not now". I know it's not a race, but...I don't know. I tend to flip-flop quite easily when it comes to the issue of letting someone new in my life. Cripes, no wonder I've been single for so long.
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