Woggle Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Here is a word of advice for women and this only works for quality men. If a man does not reward you for this then drop him. If you give a man trust and freedom and don't nag him about every little thing chances are he will go out of his way to make you happy. If you show that you care as much about his happiness as he does about yours he will go the extra mile. Men in marriages like this don't even have the desire to look at porn or go to strip clubs or anything like that. They know none of it can beat what they have at home. Of course they will want their friends but who doesn't from either gender? Most men in general tend to have a natural aversion to authority and when we feel controlled we push back. When we can't even have dinner with a friend without getting chewed out then we feel like rebelling and going to a strip club and looking at porn feels like rebelling. If he gets the 3rd degree no matter what he does then he will not feel like coming and making you happy. Woudn't you rather have a man that genuinely wants to make you happy because he loves being with you rather than a man who does it because he doesn't want to be chewed out?
Enchanted Girl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Actually, I think it should be balanced. I went your route . . . . the never nagging route, and ironically, you only attract men who want to use people when you behave that way because you start developing this personality that is viewed by people as gullible, even though all you are trying to do is not give men a hard time. When you never complain people think they can do anything to you.
TuffCookieX Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Actually, I think it should be balanced. I went your route . . . . the never nagging route, and ironically, you only attract men who want to use people when you behave that way because you start developing this personality that is viewed by people as gullible, even though all you are trying to do is not give men a hard time. When you never complain people think they can do anything to you. I've gone this route too. What happened was the men start making plans and bailing last minute, wasting my time and thinking it was totally okay. I drop everything and gett extra ready to go on a date, only to find out (or not even find out til the next day) a lame excuse as to why I was left stuck at home. Flakes suck, my biggest pet peeve. I don't like being pushed around like that.
johan Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 There's a fine line between nagging and challenging. A woman who challenges too much about every little thing is a nag. But a woman should challenge her man to be a better man. Her expectations should be clear to him. And if there is love and respect, they can both rise to the occasion and attempt to adapt to the needs of the other person. You're not completely free when you're in a relationship. Or to say it another way: if you're completely free, you don't have a relationship.
Content Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Actually, I think it should be balanced. I went your route . . . . the never nagging route, and ironically, you only attract men who want to use people when you behave that way because you start developing this personality that is viewed by people as gullible, even though all you are trying to do is not give men a hard time. When you never complain people think they can do anything to you. Its the person not the method you were using, a good man wouldnt have taken your kindness for weakness and taken advantage of you not being strict
Author Woggle Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Like I said before if a man does not reward your kindness then drop him. The issue is that some women get a good man and then want to punish him for what every other man did and of course he gets resentful when he is being chewed out for something he did not do.
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Actually, I think it should be balanced. I went your route . . . . the never nagging route, and ironically, you only attract men who want to use people when you behave that way because you start developing this personality that is viewed by people as gullible, even though all you are trying to do is not give men a hard time. When you never complain people think they can do anything to you. So your choices are be a nag or be a doormat? Maybe you can stand up for yourself without being a nag... and not be controlling without being a doormat?
Enchanted Girl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 So your choices are be a nag or be a doormat? Maybe you can stand up for yourself without being a nag... and not be controlling without being a doormat? Actually, doing what you said is what being balanced means and those are the words I used to start out my post.
Back Burner Gal Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I went your route . . . . the never nagging route, and ironically, you only attract men who want to use people when you behave that way because you start developing this personality that is viewed by people as gullible, even though all you are trying to do is not give men a hard time. When you never complain people think they can do anything to you. And when you do finally have a request, or draw a boundary, or make a complaint, do they think: "She doesn't ask for much?" or "This is a reasonable return for what I get from her?" or "She's right, I should take that into consideration"? Nope, they are outraged that you have a request or draw a boundary or have a complaint. Freedom isn't given by the woman to a man, it's negotiated between them--for both of them. Women need freedom too and men can whine and smother just as much as women.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I can say this, having a controlling mother: No man wants that in a relationship. If he is submissive, and takes a bunch of crap from a girl, he's not someone you would want, anyway. And if he has any self respect, he would run as far away from the nagger as he possibly could!
Duckduckgoose Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 So your choices are be a nag or be a doormat? Maybe you can stand up for yourself without being a nag... and not be controlling without being a doormat? Be assertive. Its the middle ground between nag and doormat.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Be assertive. Its the middle ground between nag and doormat. Bingo! That is exactly right.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Where can quality men be found as I would gladly treat a quality man with such respect. In fact I would be incredibly enthusiastic to find such a man. Can they be ordered and shipped online? Where do I sign up? Name your price.....
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