Irishlove Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I was approached by a very dear friend. He married this beautiful woman, she's a model. Anyway it took seven years for them to get married. The thing is....she is going out of town and he asked if I would go with him if he gets a room on the beach to be treated like a woman should. I asked why would he want me when he has that. He said "I've just always liked you" After breaking up and in love with my MM who is MIA. I told this guy NO! I said I did the mistake of doing that once and it's a midlife crisis that I can not fulfill. I'm left with guilt while you are laying next to your wife the next night. Contrary to what I did with my MM I am really in love with him truely with all my heart from twenty years ago. Heart and soul. I don't want to ever be with a married man again. It makes me sick. What is wrong with these men??
TurboGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Thinking with their little heads. And trying to get away with something!
Linda9999 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 There's nothing 'wrong' with them per se. They're just trying to fulfill their biological destinies. It's guys like this one, who allow their animal instincts to control them, that give the rest of the gender a bad name.
Author Irishlove Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I am actually replused. I'm also at a vulnerable stage right now and that's the last thing I need
Carrot2000 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I'm also at a vulnerable stage right now and that's the last thing I need That's exactly why he approached you: he thinks you're an easy target. How sick. And sad.
Emme Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I was watching a show on OWN called unfaithful. It seemed like all the couples have issues of not being valued in their marriage, neglected. So they seek validation else where. No matter how pretty she his wife is not giving him the attention he deserves.
carrie999 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Ewww!!!! And a million times over if he's a close enough "friend" to know what you went through with your xMM. Besides being repulsive just for asking that of someone he considers a friend, if he knew about it he's basically treating you like some kind of wh*re who will just sleep with married men. I would never talk to him again. Ugh!!!!!
fooled once Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I was approached by a very dear friend. He married this beautiful woman, she's a model. Anyway it took seven years for them to get married. The thing is....she is going out of town and he asked if I would go with him if he gets a room on the beach to be treated like a woman should. I asked why would he want me when he has that. He said "I've just always liked you" After breaking up and in love with my MM who is MIA. I told this guy NO! I said I did the mistake of doing that once and it's a midlife crisis that I can not fulfill. I'm left with guilt while you are laying next to your wife the next night. Contrary to what I did with my MM I am really in love with him truely with all my heart from twenty years ago. Heart and soul. I don't want to ever be with a married man again. It makes me sick. What is wrong with these men?? Selfish, self absorbed cowardly pigs. I have zero respect for this type of 'man'.
TinaniT Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 No matter how pretty she his wife is not giving him the attention he deserves. I fear you are sadly mistaken with that as just assumption.
carrie999 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I was watching a show on OWN called unfaithful. It seemed like all the couples have issues of not being valued in their marriage, neglected. So they seek validation else where. No matter how pretty she his wife is not giving him the attention he deserves. I haven't seen this, so maybe it's true of those who are on the show. Certainly many people have either cheated or been tempted because their partners are aloof and distant, disinterested in intimacy, abusive, etc...take your pick. But there are so many people IRL who cheat for the thrill of the chase and something new, or because they simply cannot get enough attention from one person, or often more than one person. What validation or kind of attention do they deserve?
JadedAmore Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 It's far fetched, bust sometimes I have to wonder if it's genetically just... BUILT.. into them? I'm not saying it's a valid excuse for someone to stray, but it makes me wonder. xH's father was a womanizer and he was actually the mistresses child. His mother felt she couldn't raise him and his aunt adopted him after he was born. Fast forwarding a little bit, xH's mother flat out told me he was a womanizer. This should have been a huge red flag. xH's first wife told me that their marriage ended due to infidelity. Yes, it was on both ends, but he was the first to commit. Silly me, I'm thinking 'nah, he can stay committed to me.' Boy, was I wrong.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I was watching a show on OWN called unfaithful. It seemed like all the couples have issues of not being valued in their marriage, neglected. So they seek validation else where. No matter how pretty she his wife is not giving him the attention he deserves. And the best way to solve that is be conflict-avoidant and cheat.
Author Irishlove Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 That's what he said "I've just always liked you" exact words. No, I'm sure his wife gives him everything and then some. He does know about me and MM but he asked me this before MM came into the picture. I don't care what he thinks. I'll still be friends with him but sex will never happen.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 That's what he said "I've just always liked you" exact words. No, I'm sure his wife gives him everything and then some. He does know about me and MM but he asked me this before MM came into the picture. I don't care what he thinks. I'll still be friends with him but sex will never happen. I don't think that I could be friends after that.
Emme Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I fear you are sadly mistaken with that as just assumption. There are many assumptions. Which one is the correct one we will never know. From the episode I watched it was the affection that was missing from the spouse that led to cheating. The OP made the statement that she was a model. To state her status as such doesn't mean she's exempt.
Emme Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 And the best way to solve that is be conflict-avoidant and cheat. In some peoples mind, yes. It's their logic. That's what makes us all unique. The fact that people would like to think all great minds think alike, is sad. If we all did mankind would be at a stand still. All great minds think differently.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Did this guy knew you were in a relationship with ex- MM before? Some men solicit prostitutes simply because a woman is a prostitute. To a man, he only places women in two categories a) relationship worthy and b) hook up worthy.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 In some peoples mind, yes. It's their logic. That's what makes us all unique. The fact that people would like to think all great minds think alike, is sad. If we all did mankind would be at a stand still. All great minds think differently. If we all thought the same way about cheating the incidence of STDs would be waaaaayyy down. Conflicts would be dealt with or stopped by leaving. Children would be more often born into stable relationships, mankind probably wouldn't stand still, we might not be as horizontal though.
Emme Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 If we all thought the same way about cheating the incidence of STDs would be waaaaayyy down. Nah I doubt it. Back in the old days cheating was still the norm and std's were minimal, in a sense. Whore houses where like hospitals... one in every township. Std's has nothing to do with cheating it has to do with protection. A whore who uses a condom every sexual act is safer than a wife that has unprotected sex with her husband. You have no clue where he's been or what he's been doing. Conflicts would be dealt with or stopped by leaving. That's the problem right there. No one likes to deal with a conflict. It's called sweeping in under the rug. No one wants to hear you a bad wife or a bad husband. So they ignore what they see and continue on in their marriages. Many affairs have helped marriages stay afloat. It's sad but it's true. Children would be more often born into stable relationships, mankind probably wouldn't stand still, we might not be as horizontal though. Not because your partner is faithful doesn't mean your relationship is stable. Plus the ratio of man to woman, it's always been uneven.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Nah I doubt it. Back in the old days cheating was still the norm and std's were minimal, in a sense. Whore houses where like hospitals... one in every township. Std's has nothing to do with cheating it has to do with protection. A whore who uses a condom every sexual act is safer than a wife that has unprotected sex with her husband. You have no clue where he's been or what he's been doing. STDs weren't minimal back then, are you kidding me?! Wow. Yes of course there were brothels everywhere there was also a ton of syphilis. 1. We were talking about if there were no cheating then of course STD transmission would be down :facepalm!: Really if people ended up in committed relationships and didn't go outside of them that would knock away a lot of transmission. Then a wife wouldn't have to worry about catching something because her husband wouldn't be cheating (and vice-versa). That's the problem right there. No one likes to deal with a conflict. It's called sweeping in under the rug. No one wants to hear you a bad wife or a bad husband. So they ignore what they see and continue on in their marriages. Many affairs have helped marriages stay afloat. It's sad but it's true. A marriage saved by an affair is a pretty shoddy marriage indeed. If someone got to the emotional point where they either needed to cheat, leave or deal with it and cheating wasn't an option..... Then logic dictates that they would leave or deal with it. Not because your partner is faithful doesn't mean your relationship is stable. Plus the ratio of man to woman, it's always been uneven. Whether or not there are more men or women on the planet does not change the fact that if there were no cheating then there would be no cheating, yes some people would be alone, some are alone now by choice or otherwise. No, a lack of cheating would not guarantee the stability of a relationship but it would statistically stabilize more relationships (i.e. like the ones that are unstable due to cheating)
fooled once Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I don't think that I could be friends after that. Ditto DoT. And ditto to your post above mine. I don't believe cheating has ever been accepted or "the norm" and it is insulting to think that a man cheats because his wife doesn't do xyz or whatever. A man cheats because he wants to and because he will find someone to sleep with him.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 Ditto DoT. And ditto to your post above mine. I don't believe cheating has ever been accepted or "the norm" and it is insulting to think that a man cheats because his wife doesn't do xyz or whatever. A man cheats because he wants to and because he will find someone to sleep with him. People have crappy marriages all the time. I in no way think that my actions could have caused my husband to be so desperate to bring a laptop down to the McDonald's parking lot and go online for others. Seriously, that is desperation beyond measure.
Emme Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 STDs weren't minimal back then, are you kidding me?! Wow. Yes of course there were brothels everywhere there was also a ton of syphilis 1. We were talking about if there were no cheating then of course STD transmission would be down :facepalm!: Really if people ended up in committed relationships and didn't go outside of them that would knock away a lot of transmission. Then a wife wouldn't have to worry about catching something because her husband wouldn't be cheating (and vice-versa). I stated that std's were minimal in a sense. If there was no cheating, partners can still have/contract a disease. We are living in a new society were children are born with std's be it herpes or HIV. Regardless if someone is a virgin they can have HIV. I'm not sure what it states children born after 1980's some particular year. People have contracted a std after sitting on a particular surface or getting a wax job at a facility. I understand your view points however there are other variables to consider. Not just one. A marriage saved by an affair is a pretty shoddy marriage indeed. If someone got to the emotional point where they either needed to cheat, leave or deal with it and cheating wasn't an option..... Then logic dictates that they would leave or deal with it. Someone who chooses to cheat isn't thinking logically. By your terms of "normal", that creates a big issue. They are thinking logically by wanting their end result. Whether or not there are more men or women on the planet does not change the fact that if there were no cheating then there would be no cheating, yes some people would be alone, some are alone now by choice or otherwise. No, a lack of cheating would not guarantee the stability of a relationship but it would statistically stabilize more relationships (i.e. like the ones that are unstable due to cheating) I simply pointed out the ratio of that it's not going to be possible. People at times prefer body heat to a vibrator. Cheating is cheating and no matter if it's not occurring does not mean that it's a statistically stabilized relationship. That's all I'm saying.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 10, 2011 Posted April 10, 2011 I stated that std's were minimal in a sense. If there was no cheating, partners can still have/contract a disease. We are living in a new society were children are born with std's be it herpes or HIV. Regardless if someone is a virgin they can have HIV. I'm not sure what it states children born after 1980's some particular year. People have contracted a std after sitting on a particular surface or getting a wax job at a facility. I understand your view points however there are other variables to consider. Not just one. Oh for sure, and if cheating ended tomorrow that wouldn't bring down the rates the next day, it would happen over time and there would still be some transmission (i.e. people leaving one relationship and entering into another which is probably the most common form of transmission, plus ONS and short-term relationships) but it would put a dent in it which is all that I was saying. Someone who chooses to cheat isn't thinking logically. By your terms of "normal", that creates a big issue. They are thinking logically by wanting their end result. Well, yes. But I wasn't meaning that they would be rational I just mean that with option 1 off of the table that only leaves option 2 or 3, which means logically (by circumstance not by the person's judgment) 2 or 3 would have to be selected. This by no means suggests that people will be rational with what they choose to do, who knows some people may murder their partner as an exit. That isn't rational but with cheating off of the table, that option may be selected more then it is now. I simply pointed out the ratio of that it's not going to be possible. People at times prefer body heat to a vibrator. Cheating is cheating and no matter if it's not occurring does not mean that it's a statistically stabilized relationship. That's all I'm saying. I would say that it would not be impossible, just that it would be uncomfortable for that extra 1%. But our relationships are uncomfortable already and it would be nice not to have to worry about cheating anymore. No that doesn't mean everything is stable.
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