NG85 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I was in a relationship chatroom not too long ago and shared this story, and they told me that I should share it with others as a source of inspiration, or to make themselves feel better. I was with my last girlfriend for 2 years. It was my most successful relationship and I was glad to have her. Not only were we bf/gf, we were also best friends, and I really valued that. However, we spent a lot of the relationship as a LDR couple, and it caused a lot of tension. Last year my ex graduated from college, and we were planning on moving in together. However, her job plans fell through and she ended up having to move back home, over 5 hours away. I visited her once or twice a month, but she couldn't visit me as she didn't yet have a job. The trek was tough, and it was much more difficult to maintain the relationship with such a distance. Even worse, I was the only one doing the traveling, which I felt was very unfair. Something changed with her once she moved back home. She became pretty depressed. She also decided that the degree she had just gotten wasn't really suited to her interests, so she decided she wanted to go back to school and get another degree. And out of nowhere she made a massive lifestyle change. I didn't mind it, but she expected me to make it with her. It required huge sacrifices on my part, and I felt it was unfair that she was essentially forcing me to do this (I would've considered had she chosen a more constructive way of convincing me). She also started up a blog and began having a lot of pen pals. That's fine, I thought, they're just people to talk to and connect to. We ended up fighting a lot more, and one day last fall I get the "We need to take a break" speech. I was in agreement, and had wanted to tell her the same thing for a while. The break was to last a few months, and there was always a chance of reconciliation. I was fine and went about my life without the "burden" of a relationship, and we eventually called off the relationship due to the distance and the fights being a huge stress. I went about my life and did things for myself, and felt really happy. But something was missing. Everything went to hell 3 weeks later. I wanted to talk to her about reconciliation, when I found out she was seeing someone else. I confronted her about it, and it turns out this guy was one of her pen pals....Who lived 3,000 miles away. So she broke up with me, the supposed love of her life who she wanted to live with and get married to due to the stress of our LDR, only to get into another LDR where the distance was 10 times further. I found out she was talking to this pen pal when we were together, and she had even considered visiting him while I was with her. She had only met him in person a week prior to this conversation, making their relationship official, and was already talking about moving in with him...All within 3 weeks of breaking up with me. I spoke my mind to her, told her how hurt it felt to be "replaced" like that, and then I did something I hadn't done since we split. I went NC. It didn't really last long, only about 3 weeks. And each text, call, and email I got I secretly hoped was from her. She kept reaching out to me, but it wasn't until she actually called me that I spoke to her. We talked on webcam and on the phone and texted a few times a month, but everything out of her mouth was about her boyfriend. The conversations were all about her, and not about me. I began losing weight, got a better job, made all these improvements, but she didn't care. The big blow came when we webcam chatted, only so I could give her advice on the present she was making her bf for Christmas. I stopped talking to her after that, until something peculiar happened - She really only initiated contact with me when she was with her boyfriend. She spent New Year's Eve with him, and at 12:01AM I got a personalized text from her wishing me a happy NY. I waited 2 days to respond, and I found it odd that she was being so chatty with me when she was at her guy's place. Then she and her bf visited her old neighborhood where she went to school a month or 2 ago, and she kept texting me throughout that. When the bf left to go home, I would also get texts from her. I found this very peculiar, because she had always been somewhat jealous, and basically forbade me from talking to my exes. It seemed like a double standard for her to be breaking her rule and talking to me, her most recent ex. Her contact initiations to me became more and more scarce as time went on. I, on the other hand, only initiated contact 2 or 3 times, only if it was something urgent. Otherwise I tried to keep her out of my mind. I was sick of being fed crumbs, and I realized being friendly with her would do absolutely nothing to help me heal, so I began a 30 day NC challenge on another site. No contact. At all. Don't even think about it. For the first time in 4/5 months, I pushed her out of my mind completely. I felt so empowered after day 8 when she sent me a text, and I ignored it completely. My letting go moment happened last Thursday. I was eating dinner with my mother, when I get a text. "Hey, haven't seen you online lately, what've you been up?" It was my ex. I ignored it. Then on Friday another text. I went away for the weekend, and on Saturday I got an alert on my phone that she sent me an email. I was away, so I figured I'd check it later. Sunday I got a phone call. I let it go. On Sunday I finally checked the email. She told me she was moving across the country to the West coast in a few weeks and wanted to mail me back some of my stuff she still had. Oddly enough, the place she's moving to is where her bf lives. I texted her my address, and that was my last contact with her. I decided at this moment I had to let her go completely. For the past 5 months I was holding on and hoping she'd realize the error of her ways and come back to me. But I also realized what a bullet I had dodged. She had always been very needy, and this relationship she's in moved forward VERY fast, to the point where they were discussing moving in with one another within a week of dating. Now she's moving across the country for a guy she's only been seeing for 5 months, where it took us 2 years to be at the point where we seriously considered moving in with one another - And even then, she never considered moving to where I live, the only option was I had to move to where she lived. I've been told by several people that this is going to blow up in her face. I've heard on here that the quicker the "I love you's" are passed back and forth, the quicker the relationship will fizzle. And this is all between 2 people who could only rarely see one another in person due to the time and cost of travel. On the surface she says she's happy, but it also seems like she's trying to fill a void. Everyone I've spoken to has said that she's missing direction in her life, and that I should be glad we're not together. I'm pretty set in my ways and I'm working towards my life goals, and I don't want to be connected with someone who's so flaky and floundering in life. This all happened once we had some distance between us and I couldn't be there for her as much. I honestly wonder if I was her anchor during our relationship. And I do wonder if she'll realize that I just wanted the best of her and her life path when I was with her. But until she does realize that she can't be a part of my life. They say that if you love somebody, let them go. Well, I'm letting her go - It's up to her to figure out if she wants me back in her life.
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