Burton31 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I'm a married man who has a crush on a female co-worker who is married. I should note that I know that this is all a set up for failure but I have not had feelings for a woman like this in a long time. I have been married about 16 years and I'm 40 years old. I probably realized that when I got married I had nothing in common with my wife but she was a good woman who had a good career head of her. We have two beautiful children now. I have been faithful to my wife and I should say that I would not cheat with this woman or any other. I would consider leaving my wife to pursue a relationship if I knew the female co-workers feelings were mutual. The female co-worker is not better looking than my wife by any means. Shes cute but by no means pretty. However, she has a great personality and she and I have many common interests. I can talk to her in conversation on phone or in person for hours and never get bored. I cant stand talking to my wife more than 15 minutes. She is married with children as well and has talked at one time or another that she wasn't happy in her marriage. I am very attracted to her but not in a sexual way. Meaning that I am not thinking with my other head about her. I'm not even sure she feels anything for me but I would like to know how to pursue this or break the news to her about how I feel.
whichwayisup Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I would consider leaving my wife to pursue a relationship if I knew the female co-workers feelings were mutual. So if the coworker isn't interested, you'll settle and stay married. If your coworker DOES like you, 1)an affair happens or 2)she realized she has feelings for you too, and you BOTH end your marriages and pursue a happy new life together. Reguardless of her feelings or not, maybe you should first deal with what's in front of you...You not loving your wife the way you should and set her free so she can find someone who will love and adore her. To stay after reading what you wrote, isnt' fair to your wife. The only reason you'd possibly stay with her is if the OW coworker isn't interested. Doesn't sound to nice when it's put like that, does it?
Owl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Here's my thought. If your marriage is failing/bad/whatever...fix it or end it on it's own merits. If you're truly only going to end it/leave your wife BECAUSE this other person returns your affection...you're setting everyone up for failure. You, her, her H, her family, your wife, your family. DO NOT CONFESS YOUR FEELINGS TOWARDS HER AT THIS TIME. Decide what you're going to do about your marriage FIRST. Fix it...or end it because you don't figure it's fixable/worth fixing. THEN see who's available out there...or learn to protect your marriage so you don't find yourself in this situation again.
StoneCold Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I'm a married man who has a crush on a female co-worker who is married. I should note that I know that this is all a set up for failure but I have not had feelings for a woman like this in a long time. I have been married about 16 years and I'm 40 years old. I probably realized that when I got married I had nothing in common with my wife but she was a good woman who had a good career head of her. We have two beautiful children now. I have been faithful to my wife and I should say that I would not cheat with this woman or any other. I would consider leaving my wife to pursue a relationship if I knew the female co-workers feelings were mutual. The female co-worker is not better looking than my wife by any means. Shes cute but by no means pretty. However, she has a great personality and she and I have many common interests. I can talk to her in conversation on phone or in person for hours and never get bored. I cant stand talking to my wife more than 15 minutes. She is married with children as well and has talked at one time or another that she wasn't happy in her marriage. I am very attracted to her but not in a sexual way. Meaning that I am not thinking with my other head about her. I'm not even sure she feels anything for me but I would like to know how to pursue this or break the news to her about how I feel. Buddy you made a mistake coming here to talk about that.... you get crucified when you dont share a "popular" opinion. A) Can you elaborate more on your situation with your wife. Is it mere a case of not having anything in common? Theres gotta be more to the story.....just looking for a bit more background info. B) Can i have a bit more about the OW? How are you able to talk for hours with someone you merely work with? She told you her marriage is not good...under what context? What have you guys done together? if there any body language? Lets just get a little more background info but that aside I'm a little skeptical about leaving one for the other as it may end up being a case of "out of the pot and into the frying pan". All you've done is chat with her so you dont know what a relationship with her will be like.
WorldIsYours Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Buddy you made a mistake coming here to talk about that.... you get crucified when you dont share a "popular" opinion. Right, it's all about "popular" opinion. A) Can you elaborate more on your situation with your wife. Is it mere a case of not having anything in common? Theres gotta be more to the story.....just looking for a bit more background info. B) Can i have a bit more about the OW? How are you able to talk for hours with someone you merely work with? She told you her marriage is not good...under what context? What have you guys done together? if there any body language? Lets just get a little more background info but that aside I'm a little skeptical about leaving one for the other as it may end up being a case of "out of the pot and into the frying pan". All you've done is chat with her so you dont know what a relationship with her will be like. Oh great yea, talk more about it. Let's evaluate him on whether they make good partners.
Memphis Raines Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I'm a married man who has a crush on a female co-worker who is married. I should note that I know that this is all a set up for failure but I have not had feelings for a woman like this in a long time. thats because you cannot handle long term committment. I'm not even sure she feels anything for me but I would like to know how to pursue this or break the news to her about how I feel. pursue it? you want us to give you advise on how to horn in on someone elses wife? how sh***y. tell you what, be a man, have a talk with this woman's husband about how you feel.
jnj express Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Hey B---before you pursue your little exploration into causing a nuclear winter for two families---WHY DON'T YOU ASK YOUR BEAUTIFUL KIDS, HOW THEY WILL LIKE LIVING IN SPLIT HOMES, OR ONE VERY UNHAPPY HOME---ASK YOUR INTENDED CO-CHEATER'S KIDS THE SAME QUESTION You really are one big jerk---I hope you got that JERK---all you can think of is your selfish self mr. jerk Please don't speak down to us, and call your kids beautiful, and wonderful when you are openly planning to wreck their lives now and forever---do you understand what i am saying to you mr. burton JERK
carrie999 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Buddy you made a mistake coming here to talk about that.... you get crucified when you dont share a "popular" opinion. A) Can you elaborate more on your situation with your wife. Is it mere a case of not having anything in common? Theres gotta be more to the story.....just looking for a bit more background info. B) Can i have a bit more about the OW? How are you able to talk for hours with someone you merely work with? She told you her marriage is not good...under what context? What have you guys done together? if there any body language? Lets just get a little more background info but that aside I'm a little skeptical about leaving one for the other as it may end up being a case of "out of the pot and into the frying pan". All you've done is chat with her so you dont know what a relationship with her will be like. Not sure where to begin on how many ways this is screwed up. Or your situation, OP. Leave your wife, or don't. I don't care if you and this woman are deeply in love and your wife is horrible. If you wouldn't leave your wife unless you are sure you'll end up with this woman, you shouldn't leave her. She should probably leave you...but that's another story.
dryerase Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 From someone who has had an affair, please just try to fix your marriage. You do not (or should not) want to wreak havoc on innocent children by pursuing this. My husband and I were not communicating well at all at the start of my affair, but now (since it has ended), things have started to improve a lot. I thought all the same things you did, "connected" with the OM, thought it would be fine to be divorced to make myself happy. It is just ultimately selfish, unless whatever the issues are with your wife are irreparable. I would get marriage counselling first, and only after you have exhausted every possible avenue to repair your marriage, should you even consider a divorce. Everything I have read recently says you should never divorce one person for another.
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