lmile Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Hey guys, OKay so I'm new to this site and as you can probably tell (because I'm in the break up section) I'm going through a lot with this guy I just met, yes! I said JUST MET. Anyway...So here we go, I've liked this guy for a few months, he would always go to this coffee shop with his friends and I would go with my best friend to just hang out. Well we would flirt (eye contact, starring, smiling,) But we never spoke to one another except for a few times when he walked by me and commented how cold it was outside and smiled. At that time I just blew him off, I mean he was cute but I was like this guy is totally being a flirt. Well a few months went by and he finally approached me after I was talking to this guy he knew (at the time I didn't know they knew each other until they told me). Well he introduced himself and that whole night I was stuck in the middle of like a dog fight between them. They both fought over me like lions on animal planet and to be honest I was afraid. His friend was totally a beta male and the guy I liked was an alpha male (totally cool and confident). Long story short he (the guy i liked) got my number (he asked for it) and we started talking. That night when I got home we texted shortly and he told me "sweet dreams and goodnight." To be honest, I felt totally connected to him from the moment we began talking. So the next day he asked if I was busy and I told him yea since I was playing hard to get but I finally accepted a date for the following day. We met up at the coffee shop and talked for a while he offered to buy me a drink, i refused because I really wasn't thirsty but he got me something anyway. I liked how he took charge and just did things. I felt like the entire night we were fighting for dominance but he was winning and I found that really attractive. So he finally moves to the corner of the room to sit on the floor since it was crowded and i sat next to him, not even a minute there he kisses me. This continued throughout the whole night just kissing me and lying his head on my lap. I felt afraid yet comfortable. I wasn't ready to be that physical but it felt like he was just pulling me in. He started french kissing me and I freaked because, even though I'm in college, I'm not that experienced. So...he told me in his sexy accent to open my mouth so he could taste me but I refused. I just smiled and blushed and pulled away. He tried a few times to pull me onto him so I could lay down. It felt so natural but at the same time my brain was saying "wait you just met this guy and its the first date." I would occassionally drill him like I would talk sweet things to him then ask him randomly if he was married, a player, had kids, etc and he never flinched and always looked me straight in the eyes. He even gave me his address, showed me his license, and said he would talk to my mom. I felt like he would get offended from time to time that I wouldn't kiss him but I didn't care I mean come on I just met him. So the week went by and we texted and he would call me. I never texted first or called, he always did. So friday we went out to the mall so he could pick out somethings and I told him I would help lol. So we were there and next thing you know we are at a department store making out and like I'm both freaking out and really excited. Well we went to his car, and this is where it gets bad, he just gets on top of me (we are in the parking lot) and he starts kissing me aggressively, telling me I'm really hot, and pulls down my shirt and starts kissing my chest and I'm telling him no but I wasn't saying it loud enough. I was trying to get him to stop and finally I just yelled no. And he looked at me like he had been in a different world or something and he had come back. His eyes got red and he was like "I'm so sorry, I didn't know." He laid his head on my chest and hugged me tight. then he flipped me over where I was on top of him. He kissed my forehead really lovingly. I mean I was scarred because this man is so aggressive and I was like in shock. But at the same time I could tell he was being honest with me and I felt this weird like "true love" vibe from him. He actually started talking about kids and how many I wanted and that I would cook for him and take care of the kids. We could relate on how traditional are families were and so on. I thought it was cute but I was like wow! this is only the 2nd time we go out! When I was on top of him he would smack my butt and tell me how hot I was. he even asked if I was doing this all for him or for me and I said for the both of us and he was happy. But once I thought he had gotten it through his head that I wasn't ready for all of this he flips me over and starts all over again and this time hes even more aggressive and he starts to put his hand in my pants. I'm like telling him no and to stop and he just keeps going and saying its okay and not to worry and finally I just tell him get off and I want to get out of the car. So i did and we walked inside the mall. Once inside we finally buy some things he wanted. As we are walking around getting different shirts an older woman thats working there starts flirting with him and he starts acting all cocky. He left the dressing room door open while he tried on the shirts and I told him whether I liked them or not. We went out for sushi and of course he paid and we sat next to each other and talked. I felt like he was in a hurry but thats just his personality. So once we get in the car he asks if we can fool around and I said no and he basically got mad. But when I looked away because I got mad at him he was like whats wrong and I just shook my head. I just let it go and he asked me again and he was practically begging me so we stopped at this place and sat in his car for a while and this time he did the same as earlier but started asking me if I would have sex with him but I made it clear I didnt want that. SO he dropped me off at home and (after having wanted to meet my mom) didnt even come inside to say hi to her or anything. He just left. After friday I have been the one texting him and I'm so confused. He'll text back saying he wants to see me but he's so busy (which is true) but I feel like now he wont even make time for me. I texted him last night asking about his day and he replied but once I texted back he never wrote back. I texted once more asking if we could talk on the phone but he never replied. I've texted this guy maybe once a day since then (skipping one day since I wanted to ignore him). I don't know what I did to him to make him like this with me after all he told me. Although I did text him during the week and he told me he was going back to his country and didnt know if he would come back and thats why he was taking it slow with me and didn't want to hurt me. But when I told him I would see him until he left he asked if I would have sex with him since it was part of a relationship. I told him he needed to wait but asked him if thats all he wanted from me. And he told me no thats not what he meant and that we would hang out. But he hasn't asked me out. I guess my questions are: whats going on with this man? I thought taking it slow meant both physically and emotionally, am i wrong? Could he just be distancing himself because he knows he wont come back? Did he just want sex? If I did mess up, how do I fix it? How do I tell him we need to talk to see where this is all going? Help me guys, this is like my first real relationship out of high school. I'm a junior in college and this guy is the only guy that has gotten my attention in years. He's everything I want. please I'm going crazy! I know I probably sound really dumb but I'm smart and I'm not looking to get played. Thanks in advance. P.S. he told me he was looking for a serious realtionship and to settle down and thats why he brought up kids, and basically getting married and stuff. I never brought any of this up just to let you know.
longterm Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 You ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! Wow, reading that was like watchin a movie BTW. Ok, my post on here is "too fast for love" and that is exactly what this prick is doing but YOU are clearly showing that you are NOT on the same page, so that is different. If he really does want a relationship with you, he would not have done this so fast, let alone in a friggen CAR!!! What a prick. Answers: He is playing you. To make YOU want him more. He is giving you the NC already just to get you to make a decision that is ultimately in his favor. DONT. Disregard this one. He only wants sex. Very clear to me. Marriage? Kids? Ya, maybe some day but not right now. He wants into your pants. May I suggest going for Mr. Beta male for now? Otherwise, you are going to get played and only beggin this guy for more sex later. You could be really manipulated here and the rest of your life in relationships could be tarnished. You seem like a nice girl. Get what you really want and that's a healthy relationship. This one is purely sexual all the way. To try to get you in a car? Hillarious, but then again you're young. He will say EVERYTHING to get you. Right now, you are working on his behalf. Dont text this loser. Don't even bother with him if he is not going to date you now for a MONTH! Make him pay too! Take you out to dinner many times for his stupidity. BTW.. Not sure why you would have ever went back into that mall only to shop for clothes for HIM and give YOUR opinion... Geez girl.. He is asking for YOUR opinion because you're a woman. He is looking to get other women and wants to know how he looks to do it. Using you already!! Leave now.
Author lmile Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Thank you very much and I agree. I know this will sound crazy but I didn't get the player vibe from him. Like I have from other guys but with him I felt an inner confusion. Like maybe he thought I was a girl he could just play with but then he realized I was more serious. Im still not sure what to do. I mean I know it sounds bad but I really like him alot and I'm just lost. He is perfect despite the "player" attitude but it might not be player as much as too much self confidence (which he really has). But the whole mall thing was really him just getting some shirts and I was watching which was entertaining for me. But really he needed some clothes he showed me the shirts he shrunk and basically he was buying the same ones again. Plus we went to the mall because my mom felt safer with me meeting him in an open public place for a date. This guy has worked so hard to be in the US and he can only be here for a certain amount of time due to his visa so I believe him but its just strange. He never hurt me and to be quiet honest I was giving him mixed signals that night like no's and yea's when we made out but anytime I said no he would stop and just look at me like he couldn't get enough. Most relationships are sexual in the beginning I mean thats just how guys are. We haven't spoken for 3 days and I just think he needs his space or he doesnt want to hurt me. Its hard but I'm managing. I just dont know what to do. I mean should I text him? DOes that really turn a guy off I mean its just a text right? is that considered me chasing him? do you think i made him mad by being confused with what i wanted? also, he told me he loved me and he missed me and so on. I think he is just a really physical guy (you can just tell by how he is) and maybe sex to him is one of those things he needs like to him thats bonding. I asked if thats all he wanted from me but he told me no and that he would continue having sex with me after we have it once, since i brought up the whole hit it and quit it thing. He actually got mad at me when i accused him of being a player and stuff. Like I offended him. I'm the kinda girl that says whats on her mind so I mean I can be a little honest but I'm just protecting myself. But I felt weird like he was really being honest because I've been with guys who I know were playing me or planned on it but I never got that from him. what do you think? But I appreciate what you told me and I see where your coming from. DO you think I sould text him?
nana841121 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Don't be silly, girl. You are confused by your own emotion You have feeling for him , and you don't want to kill the feeling itself delude yourself to defend for him, actually your mind has already known the answer :HE JUST WANTED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU he said those words because he knows you would like to hear,or he assumed that. He doesn't sound like a decent man who really falls for you Distance yourself from him For the best, if he really likes you , he will make effort and fight for you
Recommended Posts