rea1one Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 I was separated for a few years and finally divorced last year. I haven't had a serious relationship during that time but have met guys through dating sites--no one I wanted to get involved with. Combination of not finding the right mix of qualities/attraction/common interest, partly just timing--change of career, and general over-all busey-ness with platonic friends, family, etc. I just started seeing a new guy. We're both late 30's. He's never married but claims he's "ready for marriage". He has enough of the qualites I'm looking for. We've only seen each other a little over a month (about 5 times). He's very affectionate when I see him, literally picks me up off my feet, bear hugs me, tells me how great I look, etc., but he doesn't call during the week, and doesn't answer e-mail either at all sometimes or quickly. What are the unmistakeable signs that he's interested in the early stages? Not sure in the early stages? Just playing? Does anyone know? I've looked up body language but it's mostly for men about women. If a guy is "playing" someone, what are the obvious signs? He claims he isn't interested in seeing anyone else/focuses on one woman at a time. I'm thinking he's physically attracted but that something else might be missing. Do guys really hate when a woman seems unconfident about the relationship? I mean, I haven't done anything psycho but I've "asked questions" about whether he is seeing anyone else, his feelings about sex and dating, etc. just so that I can get a good mental grip on where his head might be at. Are there any middle-aged bachelors out there that finally married or are REALLY in love that can shed some light on how a long-term bachelor thinks? They are really different than other men. I find this guy gives mixed messages. Very affectionate one minute, then distant for days.
Fedup&givingup Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 This sounds like you don't have his full attention until he's actually with you. Hmmm....that is strange. If he were a player, I would think that he would know to maintain all of this to a certain level. I'm almost wondering if the guy is either married or is currently involved in a committed relationship, period. I guess if he is either, that would mean he's a player. I would definitely not discount any of this, because in the beginning of a relationship, sparks should be flying everywhere, so his behaviour is certainly atypical. The next time you are with him, why not casually ask him why the lack of contact in between dates, etc.
Author rea1one Posted April 5, 2004 Author Posted April 5, 2004 thanks for replying. I guess only time will tell. My instincts are off with having not dated in a while. One minute I think he's interested, the next I'm wondering. I tend to think the affection when I see him iindicates a definite physical attraction more than anything else at this point and the lack of communication seems to almost confirm to me that it might be all there is.
Fedup&givingup Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 That's true, but I'm thinking that if he's physically attracted to you and acts enthusiastic when he sees you, that he's interested. It just sounds like there could be something else on his agenda. It's rude of him to not respond to your e-mails, and even if he were just physically attracted to you, I would think he would jump on any e-mail or phone call you made to him just based on that. He just sounds very distracted.
Arabess Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 I have a good friend who is a confirmed bachelor. He's handsome, successful, fun to be with....but very hesitant in his relationships. Obvioulsy he wants one.....I just helped him work out the rough edges on his online dating ad. But I know he will meet 15 women instantly who will spark his interest. He will form 5-10 day crushes for each....maybe meet one he likes a little longer but there will be something wrong with her and then we'll go though the whole routine again. He's in his 40's though. His pet gripes are women who try to move along the relationship too fast and make more out of it than he's ready for. In other words, or lets use his EXACT WORDS.....I don't want her toothbrush in my bathroom. If I were dating a guy like this.....I'd relaxe in it and not push him in anyway. I would make my own plans on my own time. If he didn't ask me first....then he could sit home alone or join me if there was room in the car. I would keep my own space and respect his. THEN, he has a chance to get over his fear of a relationship BEFORE he felt smothered and used it as an excuse. You get mixed signals because they send mixed signals. The trick is....is to read each signal seperately and respond accordingly. This doesn't mean the relationship is ALL ABOUT HIM> That's why I said to continue with your own life and do the things you like to do. Don't wait around on him. He'll call when he's ready. It's up to you if you are available. It's a wierd dating game they play. And YES....challenge WILL be the issue and the magnet.
Fedup&givingup Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 And I'm completely not into any of this, and I mean for when I'm out of my marriage
Arabess Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 I know what you mean Feds. I'm the QUEEN of the one night stands!!!!!! I'm in it for the chicken wings and free beer.
Author rea1one Posted April 5, 2004 Author Posted April 5, 2004 Wow, thanks for the replies. I just registered on this site today. I'm amazed at the great feedback! Thanks the great advice!
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