EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 A couple times in our relationship I have been completely cut off; no answer to texts, not answering phone, etc. Each time I had to confront her and found out it was either something I did that made her feel bad (made her feel like she annoyed me) or she was confused and had to "think about things". There was never any indication that she was upset with me, just silence. I have never encountered this before; conflict in the past with other women has been either via discussion (preferred) or fighting (meh). The last time this happened we worked it out and when we are together it's really, really good. But when we are apart there is this nagging in the pit of my stomach that is worried about it happening again, it comes out of nowhere and if she doesn't get back to me within a reasonable amount of time I really struggle with it. Would this be a show stopper for you? I am telling myself this is normal "new relationship" stuff to work through and I really want it to work because I am crazy about her.
Enchanted Girl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 She might change as she becomes closer to you. I'm like that, too, in the beginning, but as I learn to trust a guy, I start coming more readily to him and discussing with him problems when I am upset, rather than just running away all the time and ignoring him.
iJester Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 This is not normal new relationship stuff at all. You should send her a text, breaking up with her. Tell her to contact you if she wants to get back together, but as of now you're treating things like you're single. Then you don't have to worry about where you stand, and she knows what to do if she really wants the relationship. You should start looking for other girls immediately too. Even if you decide not to end things, definitely do not initiate contact with her.
Author EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 She might change as she becomes closer to you. I'm like that, too, in the beginning, but as I learn to trust a guy, I start coming more readily to him and discussing with him problems when I am upset, rather than just running away all the time and ignoring him. Thank you for that! I realize that everybody responds to conflict in different ways and am willing to give this the benefit of the doubt. After all, we are closer now than ever before.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 The Silent treatment huh. I hate that treatment. Here's a good website to read about that. It helped me to see what people who use that really are all about. http://abuse101.com/silenttreatmentandabuse.html http://elyntromey.com/therapyblog/?p=78 The bottom line is that this silent treatment is a passive aggressive way of punishing someone. Usually the more passive party does this to the more assertive party. The other person expects you to "know what you did" or to demonstrate how little they care by ignoring you. Suppose that she never stops approaching conflict this way? Could you live with that indefinitely? What I do about that when someone acts that way... I just let them be silent. I talk to them a bit just enough to let them know I'm listening. Otherwise they just need to get over whatever it is. That's all you can do. I hope some of the above helps.
GivenUp0083 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 A couple times in our relationship I have been completely cut off; no answer to texts, not answering phone, etc. Each time I had to confront her and found out it was either something I did that made her feel bad (made her feel like she annoyed me) or she was confused and had to "think about things". There was never any indication that she was upset with me, just silence. I have never encountered this before; conflict in the past with other women has been either via discussion (preferred) or fighting (meh). The last time this happened we worked it out and when we are together it's really, really good. But when we are apart there is this nagging in the pit of my stomach that is worried about it happening again, it comes out of nowhere and if she doesn't get back to me within a reasonable amount of time I really struggle with it. Would this be a show stopper for you? I am telling myself this is normal "new relationship" stuff to work through and I really want it to work because I am crazy about her. I've been through this. She doesn't even give you a warning like "hey, I need some time to think about things"? Yeah, it's basically really bad communication (which I feel is the main reason for demise of most relationships). Also, what she's doing is making you lack trust in her. You don't have very good communications, and you don't trust her. I think you need to take a step back and evaluate exactly how serious you are about this girl. If you're going to stay with her you need to somehow make it VERY CLEAR to her that this behavior has to change or she will lose you. Or, if she's not worth the struggle, drop her. I like to think of relationships as playing on a team. You are a team. Just like if you get married to someone, you are going into business with them. You need to communicate in order to work together, and you need to be able to trust each other with the happiness and responsibilities of life together.
Author EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) Well, it happened again. A week later almost to the day. I spent most of the morning with that sick feeling in my stomach and finally had enough. There were all sorts of vague things like hinting at not trusting me or being suspicious and who knows what else. Same as every other time; went from fine and dandy last night to "What the hell is wrong?!" over night. She would never answer a direct question and I just could not take it anymore. I told her I do not deserve this kind of abuse (and I really believe that it is) and I wish to have no more contact. Thought I would feel good about being true to myself but I really feel like crap. Hope I did the right thing. Edited April 12, 2011 by EyeJustDontKnow
Enchanted Girl Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Well, it happened again. A week later almost to the day. I spent most of the morning with that sick feeling in my stomach and finally had enough. There were all sorts of vague things like hinting at not trusting me or being suspicious and who knows what else. Same as every other time; went from fine and dandy last night to "What the hell is wrong?!" over night. She would never answer a direct question and I just could not take it anymore. I told her I do not deserve this kind of abuse (and I really believe that it is) and I wish to have no more contact. Thought I would feel good about being true to myself but I really feel like crap. Hope I did the right thing. If she didn't apologize or ask you not to than I think you did the right thing because she wasn't considering your feelings. In that same situation, I would have apologized and told the person I would like to improve things between us if they'd give me another chance.
Author EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 If she didn't apologize or ask you not to than I think you did the right thing because she wasn't considering your feelings. In that same situation, I would have apologized and told the person I would like to improve things between us if they'd give me another chance. All she said was "I want to pick up my things tonight". Looks pretty cut and dry to me. Sigh. Back to the drawing board
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