Mixed28 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I feel after people (or atleast me) have been with someone they love and are extremely happy in the relationship then get left being single is not the same. For me before I met my ex I was very happy but then I got in a relationship with her and was even more happy. She dumped me and now I am stable but I know what I am missing. I am not like "life sucks" or anything its just not the same being single after being in your first serious relationship with a down to earth girl and you love them and are so happy to be with them. It kind of undermines being single. Not to say you should hop from relationship to relationship I just mean that after many months of being single after the breakup its very plain even if you go out and do stuff and keep yourself busy. For me it does not help that my ex found someone else so quickly and the vast majority of people at my college are in relationships.
Steven T Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Join the club mate. Welll my situation is different than yours, I let my first love of 3 years go as I was too controlling. She never took a step wrong in our relationship. Being single is tough. Gotta keep your chin up and realise there is life after love. Take it as experience, you will find someone else. Keep your head up my friend.
longterm Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 You're young. There may be many people in your life before you get married. Look at it that way. I'm sure you will either get back together or will find someone new. Just don't get jaded over time. I find that the more breaks I've gone through in life give me some sort of "guard up" when I am with someone new. I try not to allow it and just go with the flow. Relationships are great for the most part. It's sharing your life with that person. Notice I say "your life" which is why this so-so feeling is with you now. If you move on in your life it will become less of an issue and you will be back to where you were. Feeling just fine again.
JustEmptyInside Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Hi Mixed - wish I had something really positive to say, but unfortunately I'm still in the rubble much like you, so my best is to offer you a sincere sorry, and the knowledge that i'm right here in the same boat. It's almost like I don't know how to be single any more. Doesn't make sense why I'm so unhappy... I mean, we're single and free now, right? We get to do whatever we want, focus on ourselves, we don't have to worry about any of the stresses that come with a relationship. But I know what you mean as far as feeling empty. We both let our exes become a huge part of our lives, and now there's a void there. I think the fact that I still feel so much love for her (as I assume you still may too) is making it that much harder. You get that feeling that you'll never find anyone out there that will compare. I'm not a fan of being alone anymore either (like you, I used to be happy pre-her), but I still hope that there's someone even better out there for us. The alone time until then gives us a chance to reboot and rebuild so that we'll be ready Be glad that you have many others here who know exactly how you feel. We'll all get through this crap together.
Trevster Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Man I am going through the exact same thing! My girl after 3 years left me and is like you can be happy go do what you want meet new people and all this! Me I can't, I can't go out and be happy around other girls and all that like when I'm around other girls all I do is k ow that no matter how beautiful these other girls are like they don't compare to my ex! My ex has become a major part of my life she has been with me through every hardship and she dropped me like it was nothing! It hurts she deleted me off Facebook and all our pictures it doesnt seem like her! I start to feel better and then I think maybe she is talking to another guy or something and it hurts worse!! I was controlling to when I think about it but I always did everything to put a smile on her face and I always will! I'm trying to work on making myself happy right now but it gets hard especially when u come to college with your girl and her sister and now all of a sudden you have no one! I'm hoping one day she will realize what she had and the love a guy has for her is as big as mine! I would love her no matter what happened to her physically or mentally I fell in love with her as a person! She had every flaw I never wanted in a girl but I was attracted to all those flaws and now I don't have her! I'm trying to cope right now and make myself a better person so she will see that she don't controll me after the break up!!! You never know I hope it works out good for all of us!!
fetish Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 i know exactly how you feel I was with my girl for the past 8 years and she was a big part of my life. We did everything together, and i was planning on marrying her. I think we both were controlling to a point, but it wasn't anything that a simple talk shouldn't have been able to fix. Problem is, my girl didn't talk and would shut down communication. Once the communication was shut down, there was basically skeleton bones left out of the relationship. My girl grew increasingly more selfish each passing day and stopped caring how I felt. She wanted me to just keep quiet about how i felt and if i mentioned it, she would blow up. I almost felt like i was supposed to be the scared woman in an abusive relationship who walks on eggshells to keep her husband from blowing up and beating her. That wasn't going to be me. When i had a problem, I spoke on it, just the same as she did when she had a problem. The sad thing is, there was many times throughout the relationship that i wished i was single. I would tell myself, if i was single again, I'd find me the baddest chick and be having a good time. I had a little GIGS but i never actually acted on it. I tried my best to appreciate and love what i had. Now that i'm single, I feel lonely, and couldn't talk to a girl if i wanted to. I know its still early (2 months) but i feel empty without her at times, even though i know she's not good for me. One day, when i'm past this, I'll be ready to date again and will have more confidence. Right now, i'm still lost.
Author Mixed28 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I love how people try to make it seem that being single is SO awesome usually I find out all of their relationships were bad. So really they have no idea what its like to be in a very good relationship and becomming single again.
fetish Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Not to burst your bubble, but you need to ask yourself if it was so good then why did it end?
Fufu Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Single is not the same as being in a relationship. However, you don't have to feel negative being single. Being single can be great See the positive sides of being single. For me, I wouldn't anyhow get into a relationship when I am not sure about him, because I do not want to end up being a dumper and really wouldn't want to see him coming over to this forum. I will only get into a new relationship when I am emotionally ready to love and to commit.
SleeplessRomantic Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I know exactly what you mean. I had many relationships in the past. A couple of them lasted almost a year. The major relationship I had, which lasted about three years, is still taking a toll on me and I'm not the same person I used to be.
Movingthrough Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 For me it does not help that my ex found someone else so quickly and the vast majority of people at my college are in relationships. This right here is what causes the most pain overall. Like i have said in other posts, i always try to get the "facts" of these situations or of a breakup and i have found that this here is one point that makes a lot of us dumpees hang on the most. When you break up with someone or they break up with you, there is always a part of you that knows it wasn't right, and probably feels somewhat relieved even if it does hurt. When the dumper moves on to someone else right after, it leaves you with a feeling that what you had with that person was a joke because it was so easy for them to move on. Two things come into play here. One, there was an issue in the relationship in the first place or the person wouldn't be looking to get out of it, or looking having GIGS. Second, as hard as it is to see, most of us are just trying to be happy, so if someone is in a relationship, its not going that well, and someone comes along that catches their eye, well most will take it. If you read, read, read and check these boards, you will find that most with GIGS or that move on super fast don't always have it as "good" as they are showing everyone. My ex has shown the world through facebook that she is the happiest person on the planet with her new guy, yet, she has made plenty of "inquires" on what I'm doing and girls i hang out with are doing. She has also blocked me from facebook when we are not friends and do not talk on there. My point is in typing all this is what your feeling is normal, and expected. Dissect it for a minute and think about what you are feeling, usually the truth will show itself.
Rose T Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I feel after people (or atleast me) have been with someone they love and are extremely happy in the relationship then get left being single is not the same. For me before I met my ex I was very happy but then I got in a relationship with her and was even more happy. She dumped me and now I am stable but I know what I am missing. Hello Mixed28, I totally understand what you mean, but I think there's a positive upside here. You mention that being single felt different before. I think it would be more worrying if you could come out of a relationship, hit the reset button, and feel exactly like you did last time you were single. The reason you don't feel the same is because you've grown. This relationship has had a huge impact on your life, it has taught you so much about love and given you insight into a world you want to return to. That's all really important! But I do think your single status is hard at the moment too because you still have feelings for your ex and in a funny sort of way, although you'd like to not be single, it's also a sign that you're not really ready to be with someone new yet. You're protecting your heart, as you should. Your brain is still processing everything that happened, not only the relationship and the break-up, but the feelings of loss and loneliness afterwards. That's going to take some time to digest. I do think, in time, that you will enjoy being single again - in a new way. Maybe you'll just start getting a kick out of being selfish with your time, or utterly spontaneous with friends. It's all growth and learning. When you do feel ready for a new relationship, that will most probably be a new kind of feeling as well, something you've never known before - and you'll make a conscious decision to get involved with someone, in a more aware manner than you have in the past. But in the meantime, cherish the fact that your wounds from your last relationship have made you more sensitive and more mature - these will end up helping you in the long run.
EmperorR Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 the weird thing about life I have noticed is whenever you get back to that being happy being single stage is when you always find someone
DollyGirl12 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 the weird thing about life I have noticed is whenever you get back to that being happy being single stage is when you always find someone Yes, I find this to be true. Possibly because we are putting out a more positive energy, or we are more receptive to allowing someone in to our lives. If you've been through a few relationships where you were happy being single, and you have felt alone and empty after the relationship ends, then you do know, at some point, you will get back to that place of being happy with yourself. For each of us that time period can be different, but, at some point, it does happen.
Author Mixed28 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 But I do think your single status is hard at the moment too because you still have feelings for your ex and in a funny sort of way, although you'd like to not be single, it's also a sign that you're not really ready to be with someone new yet. . My feelings towards my ex are odd. I hope she is happy (granted I care about my happiness a lot more) like I would rather her be happy but if she is not I have a "oh well" kind of look at it. I mean she has a wonderful personality and she is sooo beautiful and gorgeous. But I would rather not see her at all for along time. I have been on springbreak not seeing her is awesome. My emotions towards her are weird not like they were at the beginning of the breakup.
Good Arms Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Hey Mixed28, I think our break-ups were at the same time weren't they? Anyway, just wanted to say that I'm in exactly the same boat. Well, not quite, I guess I had been depressed about my life for some time before I even got into a relationship, but at least I was used to being single, if not especially happy, before I met her. It was normal for me, I knew nothing else. So it's been really confusing to me how I seemingly can't function on my own anymore, even though the relationship only lasted 2.5 months. I guess Rose's post sums everything up quite nicely.
Author Mixed28 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Hey Mixed28, I think our break-ups were at the same time weren't they? Anyway, just wanted to say that I'm in exactly the same boat. Well, not quite, I guess I had been depressed about my life for some time before I even got into a relationship, but at least I was used to being single, if not especially happy, before I met her. It was normal for me, I knew nothing else. So it's been really confusing to me how I seemingly can't function on my own anymore, even though the relationship only lasted 2.5 months. I guess Rose's post sums everything up quite nicely. yes. Our breakups were like 5 months ago lol. My feeling for my ex are odd now though.
Good Arms Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I kind of have similar feelings. I think they're perfectly normal. We still care for our exes in a way, but know it's no longer our job to be their shoulder to cry on. They chose to give that up. Hence the "oh well" outlook. We know it hurts to completely cut them out of our lives, but the best way for us to try and move on is not to see them at all. Unfortunately I'm not that lucky, sounds like you see her around too (apologies if we've talked about this, I have a terrible memory for forum posters).
nana841121 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 A void inside of you But it's ok we are stronger than we thought we were Don't let perfectionism or complex of purity get you
Author Mixed28 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 I kind of have similar feelings. I think they're perfectly normal. We still care for our exes in a way, but know it's no longer our job to be their shoulder to cry on. They chose to give that up. Hence the "oh well" outlook. We know it hurts to completely cut them out of our lives, but the best way for us to try and move on is not to see them at all. Unfortunately I'm not that lucky, sounds like you see her around too (apologies if we've talked about this, I have a terrible memory for forum posters). Yeah we go to the same small college I don't see her that often though like once or twice a week. If I get this new job I wont see her at all. I am the cashier in the school kitchen but I applied to a job where I do video survelince
Good Arms Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Good luck I know I need to find a way to change my job too... it's dead end enough as it is, but working with an ex is the final straw! Even when most days she's in I manage to avoid seeing her, I'm so much more relaxed and talkative on the day I work when she's not in. I'd love that luxury 5 days a week.
Author Mixed28 Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Good luck I know I need to find a way to change my job too... it's dead end enough as it is, but working with an ex is the final straw! Even when most days she's in I manage to avoid seeing her, I'm so much more relaxed and talkative on the day I work when she's not in. I'd love that luxury 5 days a week. Its so nice not seeing them. It's weird when I think about it. I loved seeing her when we were together my female friends and her thought it was so cute how i reacted to seeing her. I blushed and crap but now I hate seeing her especially with the new guy. It's funny how that changes.
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