ShoeGurl1973 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 So after almost two weeks of feeling like I was going to DIE DIE DIE I am feelin substantially better. This may be due to Xanax and wine, but I am better none the less. I'm still sad, I still miss him lying next to me in the morning and it's sad grocery shopping for one person. BUT, what I am starting to realize, is that maybe just maybe I am sad that I dno't have someone, not exactly that that someone is him. I did so much and got so little. He really didn't add anything to MY life. I think what I am sad about most now is that I spent 3 1/2 years doing everything and being everything for him. Helping him deal with all HIS problems, personal and financial. A friend pointed out it was almost like i was his mother. That really hit home. The things you learn.....so for those of you going through agony feeling like you just want to crawl in a hole and die....after a couple weeks you will look more objectively at your situation and maybe just maybe see things you really didn't like in the relationship yourself.
nana841121 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 In the world of relationship, especially lover relationship, there is no fairness. Think of your past love from another perspective. you gave and gave and gave. but you also got good times and his company for the past years. walk away from sadness and other negative feelings. I know it's hard. But give it time. maybe my words sound lame and cliche, hopefully, it might help.
Otowngirl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I don't think a relationship is ever one-sided. There has to be some sort of payoff; otherwise, most people would not stay in one. Even in abusive relationships; the payoff seems to be when you are not being abused that the abuser treats you like gold. So you keep in the relationship hoping that the "good" person comes forth and the "evil" one disappears. I am not sorry that I did so much for my ex. I'm sorry that I feel he took advantage of my good nature -- or so it seems on this side -- but I don't regret being the kind of person that is giving and kind and able to open my big ol' heart and love like that. He gave as well...it's just that I can't focus on the good right now because I am trying to move on. Focusing on the bad seems to help and certify that I gave so much to someone that really didn't appreciate what I gave. And this is only my side...if we were able to hear the other side in these forums, perhaps the view is different. After all, memory and recall can be distorted; especially when going through a break up. We feel "broken"; feel raw with emotion; depressed. I never put my ex on a pedestal; I knew what kind of person he was and chose to remain. MY choice...just as now I choose not to continue to be treated poorly. I like to think that we come away from these relationships having learned something about ourselves and what kind of treatment we are willing to accept and also, what red flags to look for when getting involved with the next person. I see a lot of growth in the individuals that have had some time and space from their exes in these forums. I applaud you for making it past the "lay down and die" part and being able to come out the other side. I hope that this inspires the ones that are hurting so badly that yes, it does get easier. I think it was Kierkegaard that said "Life can only be understood looking back; yet it must be lived looking forward". I dunno...it's been a LONG time since I that philosophy class in college!
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