blackandwhite222 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Hello, just need some outsiders advice regarding an on going situation with my partner. Sorry its pretty lengthy but id appreciate some advice if anyone has time. About two weeks ago his friends came down to London (they live a couple of hours away). I get on fine with them he’s been friends with them for 3 years and has known them longer than he’s known me So they came down to London I met them and went to the hotel with them as they were staying the weekend so we could all go out. My partner was at work all day and was going to join us later. One of the girls started blabbering as she does about random things then suddenly went on to say. Alex (my partner) is so boring now, ever since he got with me he’s become less fun all he wants to do is just sit there with you. He doesn’t call us, only when he’s got something to tell us then he just goes. Then went on to make comments like how she preferred it when we were single. That hurt me but I never say anything in those situations because its not in me to make a situation out of it. I may say it to Alex but I wouldn’t start something with his friends. After those comments she went on to say how Alex said “ Alex said he thought you had problems down there when you got together because you didn’t show him it at first, then we thought it was true because you used the disabled toilet once.” I felt like I was back at school it was so random and felt bitchy. I again didn’t say anything but was trying to keep a smile but inside but I could feel my heart sinking. She went on to say how he tells them everything about us. I was so upset and angry he would say or think that when he knows I was just shy about my whole body at first. So I made my excuses and left to take my own friend to the train station. I talked to her about what had just happened she thought it was weird firstly that they would say things about our relationship and secondly that they all discuss personal stuff about me. So I rang Alex, he denied it and admittedly we had been having silly arguments lately because of that he said “im not coming tonight” he kept repeating it. I begged him to come and sort it. I made a conscious effort to stay cool and even pretend to be nice just so he would come. Firstly because I didn’t want to get the blame for causing problems when his friends have come from far away and thought they would be so mad at me if he didn’t come out. Secondly so he could confront the situation and defend me and question what his friend had done. Anyway his lack of caring for the situation I was in because of his friends lead me to say if you cant be bothered to sort it when I haven’t done anything wrong then you don’t actually care about me maybe we should just leave it (as in our relationship). I didn’t actually mean it I just wanted him to act like he cared and thought it would give him some sort of reality check and deal with the situation. After that phone call he hung up and I had to go back to the hotel room to tell them he wasn’t coming and why. So I did expecting to be shouted at for telling him what was said. I told them and the girl that said it started swearing on her life that he did say that. Which just confused me even more because him not coming and his friend saying that made me think he was lying. To cut this story short because I can see its getting lengthy, he came in the end and I waited for him to say something. But instead I saw him greet his friend that said it. Not a word about what she said to me. Then come and sit down next to me silent. So I ended up sneaking out and going home. Over the next week it was tough. He convinced me he didn’t say anything like that. But still im annoyed at him not sorting it with his friend and getting answers. He’s done this before when the same girl said that he kissed someone else on new years eve. Yet again he didn’t confront the situation or the guy in question he just leaves it and expects me to deal with it without any explanation. Last night he said he had received a letter from this girl saying sorry and he sat at mine crying because he didn’t know what to do. I put my foot down and said well if you do become friends with her its going to make me feel like utter rubbish because it shows you don’t care about how I feel and the hurt she’s caused me. I said maybe he should go home and we both think about what it is we want. I wanted him to say. Your right she’s hurt you and I love you so much no one does that. Its like he’s making excuses for her, but like I said to him her comments weren’t said to brighten my day were they? They were either to cause a problem between me and my partner/ to make me feel degraded or I don’t know what else. Last night I had to accept she would be coming back into our lives because it looked like he would walk out of my door putting her before me and leaving me. Which I don’t want at all. Even though he says its not my fault he’s making me feel like it is by expecting him to chose her or me. Its so annoying because yesterday ive said ever since that day I feel like he’s blames me (even though he hasn’t said it) It’s the little things, I feel like he doesn’t care about me as much. I told him this and he’s backed him self up saying he gives his all and he does do a lot he always says he loves me. But I think this whole thing with his friend is on his mind and he let it affect us. Ive always had an issue with trust just by seeing how other people treat people and how my parents were when I was younger. So im not totally secure as a person and need to be comforted and feel secure. I just feel like its my fault and im expecting to much. Id really appreciate someone else’s advice because all I ever hear is biased opinions which don’t help. He is a great guy and i do love him but this situation with him being stuck in the middle im scared will make him hate me for making him chose or me be angry at him for not choosing me. Thank you for reading if you’ve managed to make it to the end..
Author blackandwhite222 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 anyone? I'd like to try go sort it tonight with some explanation to justify myself. But everytime i try to justify my feelings it feels like im in the wrong. thanks
utterer of lies Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 anyone? I'd like to try go sort it tonight with some explanation to justify myself. But everytime i try to justify my feelings it feels like im in the wrong. Well, either that girl is lying or he is, but that he avoids actually talking about it makes it look like he isn't trustworthy and isn't honest with you.
Author blackandwhite222 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Well, either that girl is lying or he is, but that he avoids actually talking about it makes it look like he isn't trustworthy and isn't honest with you. i forgot to add she has said she didn't say it now or it was misunderstood but i heard what she said and so did my friend. He does talk about it now. Not fully but i just think he doesn't like being accused of something he hasn't done. That behind us this girl coming back into our lives is the problem and i feel i need to justify why she shouldn't be able to come back into our life.
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