Trevster Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I feel like I have no closure with her, I don't want to text her because I know it will go nowhere but I have told her how I feel like pleading and begging but this is different I just want to email her and be like " look I love you alot I'm at a young age in my life and could move on easily and not think about it but honestly my love for you is more than you think! If something were to ever happen to you like phyisically or mentally I would drop everything to take care of you for the rest of your life doesn't matter if you looks were altered or you lost body parts or anything I'd be the one to still say I love this women no matter how bad the outside looks because the inside is what gets me all the time! I never really got closure on why we broke up and everyday I'm sick of wondering what happened what went wrong why 4 days before we split you told me you wAnted to marry you and all this other stuff. I'm sick of putting you on a pedistoll like your high and mighty I'm tired of letting one person drag me down. But ever since my graduation when my life fell apart and I was crying in my car you came to my car and I was yelling at you to leave and you looked me in the eyes and told me you would never leave me. I'm tired of feeling and looking so pathetic bc my love for you is the greatest anyone could find not many 19 year olds would devote there life to someone if something happened and you got paralyzed forever but I would want to be the one to take care of you! 3 years and you drop me like I never meant nothing to you but in our break up week I said how much you love me and you stretched your arms out and said more than this. So in tired of letting one person control me or my emotions if there is another man just tell me or anything tell me something bc everything is so odd and none of this is like you! You do stuff now with your sister you always said you hated to so or hang with her friends u never liked!!! If 3 years and you can just forget it all like that something is fake about ur love cause it must not have been genuine..,, something is better than nothing!!!! You tell everyone your done with me and if so just give me closure meet with me so I can uderstand 3 years I think I deserve to meet and talk you put up with me for that long so I just need this because I'm becoming a better person and want nothing holding me back" That is something I want to say to her because I'm not going to look sad and pathetic anymore! I'm going to look good and attractive to all people to prove to her and myself that no one will hold me down!!
geegirl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) You are going to look sad and pathetic if you send her the letter. In fact, as a woman who has had a man behave this way, I found it unattractive and obsessive. Your closure was when she said she didn't want to be with you anymore. You are grasping at straws. You want to reiterate and reiterate your love and care for her just hoping she will see the light and change her mind. You find closure in that you accept the finality of it and her decision to end it. She is not holding you back. You are holding you back. You're going back and trying to fix what cannot be fixed. You are trying to find ways to soothe your pain and the only way to do that is to NC and barrel through that pain. If you are so tired of letting her control your emotions, then sending her the letter will in fact show her that she is. NC Trevster. Stop looking for ways to reach out to her so she can stick a bandaid on your wound and then rip it off all over again. Edited April 8, 2011 by geegirl
Author Trevster Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I currently am in NC it Just sucks because I really dont know why she left like that like I was nothing after 3 years after telling me even days before we broke up that I was her everything and she has been with me through so many hardships and she has always looked me in the eyes and told me she wouldn't leave me! I know that does seem like a bad idea to send that to her I just want to know who is doing this her or someone else bc b4 she broke up with me she said I'm starting to forgive u then she hangs with her mom and I guess they changed her mind because honestly her family can influence her bc she never has been strong willed they tend to control her and she acts helpless I always been the one to stick up for her I believe that's why she won't seee or talk to me! We had to see each other yesterday bc I had to give her stuff that her sister left n my car they wNted me to leave my car unlocked I guess so she didn't have to see me but I didn't unlock it n time so I had to see her little was exchanged a simple thanks from her and a see u later by me! I looked back at my car and she was looking at me and I looked at her but then I turned away quick! I wanted to confront her then and ask y but didn't want to push her away anymore than I already have! The first couple weeks I begged and all that but soon I realized I don't want someone to take me back bc I beg and plea thats nit true love I want someone for me that wants me for me it's just hard when you have no explanations on y they left and all this and I need it! People tell me that once I move on she will realize what she had and try to come back and then u will have a clear head to think if she really is the right one bc she ripped your heart out at once! I just felt like I need a explanation after 3 years as of y bc at first it seemed all my fault now I'm confused! Especially her deleting me and all my pictures from her facebook like I really meant nothing to her I have known her to delete anyone bc it didn't matter to her and none of this seems like her like I said like her family controlling her!!
longterm Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I agree with geegirl on this one. Definitely DON'T send that letter. We all want to know the real reasons that people break things off when it all seems to be going well. There is never usually a direct answer to the question. Just go with it that it is over and KEEP THE NC!! This keeps your dignity and makes you look like you can have fun on your own. Keep busy, get out there and just enjoy life without her. She will probably contact you later but it's ok if she doesn't. The more time goes by, the less it hurts. Who knows, YOU may find someone else to think about.
smudge21 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Longterm is right apart from the final line - you WILL find someone else to think about!
nana841121 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Longterm is right apart from the final line - you WILL find someone else to think about! Nothing lasts forever. move on. Bottom line : don't lose your pride and dignity
geegirl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 We all want to know why the other person leaves. But we don't always get the answers or most importantly, the TRUTH. Most times we go through the whole relationship with a fine tooth comb. Analyzing every word, every action. That person looked a certain way at you and you'll spend hours trying to interpret why she blinked once instead of three times. We analyze everything to find reasons as to why things happened the way they did. And when we can't find the answers, we believe that if only they tell us the reason, we will be set free. No, we won't. The pain is still there. The doubts are still there. The confusion is still there. We want a reason because we want validation that we meant something to them, and that it not all for naught. It was not all for naught. We did mean something to them at the time but people change, situations change and feelings change. And they leave. Reasons won't stop us from hurting or feeling betrayed. It may help you get some closure to move on but at the end of the day, it still hurts that they left for whatever the reason. It doesn't change a thing. It's still broken. She can give you a reason and it could be a lie, only to appease you or keep you quiet. What then? Will that be enough for you or will you badger her to give you a good enough reason that only you see fit as justification for breaking up. Please keep NC. If you want to push her away even further, this will do it.
Author Trevster Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I'm not going to send it because like alll of y'all have said I dont want to push her away! Like honestly I would go through anything for her and us and it's really killing me because she has never been the type to break up or anything that's why I don't think its her but I guess I have to deal with ut now and hope that maybe she will hit me up in the future and we can rebuild but I'm preparing myself for me in case she doesnt and I have to move on so y'all are helping alot it's just been almost a month and honestly I'm n love with her family because I have never had one and they have made me feel like I am one of them!
muzik_lvr Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Hey man, it's okay to feel hurt & pain and to grieve over a loss. But, do that on your own and begin to heal personally. Don't continue to keep trying to contact her because, as you've said, that will only push her away more. I wish I would have known this at the beginning of the time my ex-gf broke up with me. If you really do care about her as you say, show her that by honoring her request and giving her the time and space she desires. Regardless of whether or not her family is the one influencing the decision, she is the one that ended things and you have to honor that. You continuing to pursue her after she has asked you not to communicates to her that you are only concerned about your own feelings & desires and that you are not concerned about hers at all.
2seeyou Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Don't contact her! Whatever you do, No NC is vital at this point. I just broke 3 weeks of NC by telling her I know she owes 10,000 to Capital One Bank and her parents might need to know this. "Old Debt=No New Car; Instant Karma" I feel rotten, crappy and know I am playing her game. I just stated something she knows I will not carry through with because I am hoping she will return. I just insulted the trust I have in myself to move forward. Ask yourself, If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust? It's not going to turn out the way you think it is...it is cold, formal and caluculating. I was starting to feel better...Guess what, I don't now. Please learn from my mistake.
Author Trevster Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 So should I apologize for not giving her space I kind of did when she told me texting other ppl will make things worse I told her sorry then but idk if it left things on a positive iv done good so far! Shopping today making myself feel new like it feels good! I feel like she will see that I don't need to drool over her to b happy!!!
VJohnson32 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Why are you even sweating it? First she did not respond to your text and then shes acting like shes doing your a favor by responding to your email. Thats totally disrespectful. We all hurt here but I know if I call my ex she would be delighted to hear from me. But I told her I need time to heal myself and she respect that. I miss her and I know for a fact she misses me too, however we werent meant to be... Anyway, dont suffer over someone that doesnt give a squad about you and treat you like that.
Author Trevster Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Yea well she texted me and was like "we aren't getting back together and then she said textin other people just make things worse and that's all I got to say! I was like yea I'm sorry and that was it and I haven't talked to her since because iv been hurt bc I was kicked to the curb like it was Nothing and it really hurt me alot and so idk what else to Do because I dated her sister first and it was for two months but her sister just got out a 4 year relationship and I asked the whole tome of she was done with that dude she said ya always then she dumped me and went back to him it feels like that's what Beth is doing but my mi d is clearing and I would t take someone back like that because the hurt I'm going through! Your right if she treats me like this it isn't right for her to do!
Fufu Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 You will not gain any closure from her, you only gain the true closure from yourself. Stop hurting yourself. She chose to leave you, let her be. You can always choose to be happy and love yourself even more. If you are not happy now, how do you think you can give happiness to another person? Start NC, stop delaying unless you want to be depress for your whole life because of a broken relationship.
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