do sincere love letter and positive personal reflection bring her back?

April 12, 2011

i really believe that when you really know that you were wrong and ran a relationship into a ditch you should own it and its healthy to do so. she may not still want you back but you owe it to yourself and her to be forthright. not begging. not putting head trips on her but to own it and say what you are telling us. thats she is in fact the best thing that ever happened to you or she made your life richer. that even though you were demonstrative in acting all depressed all the time, you were happy with her and you know you should have showed her . that you reflect a lot now and dont expect ANYTHING of her...but that you wish you had better relationship skills at the time to not let this run into a ditch. that you see all of her efforts and appreciate that she tried when she did. (if this is how you feel of course).

i dont think repeating history or not talking makes for them running back to you. so do all you can without being stalkish or annoying. you can be honest loving and tender. but dont lay guilt trips on her..and be all blaming. pray on it for guidance because you believe in that.

if you know you did all in your heart...then back off after that and move forward with your life one day at a time. you can also let her know this is not a effort to go back to her or make her go back to you, but rather to apologize for what you feel you did or didnt do and let her know if you could take back the hurt and disappointment you would. i think personally that is admirable. then maybe to the whole N/C thing.

if you have done all of this already, i dont know. i havent read the entire thread here. its not just what you do, but HOW you go about it, and the timing of it all. dont wait too long. dont make them feel all guilty. dont beg and plead. just be real. shoot straight from the heart with your head

thank you IKT, I have already some of that but unfortuntely, whenever i did, i mixed it with emotions and negative thoughts. reading your comments and Tasha's gave me new direction on how i should draft such letter. actually you all helped avert my previous pattern that was only heart felt and strong to block her mind and keep her silent.

now i am at cross roads. either to let go, or make a final try. to follow your theme or Tasha's theme. obviously can't mix both because that would send her yet another confused message... or simply say nothing and continue NC.

April 12, 2011

Thank you IfiKnewThen

Secondchancer, you have done your part in fighting. It is up to her now to meet you halfway. She can't expect you to go all the way if she isn't willing to do ANYthing to show she cares enough. Whether you choose to send one last letter or not, you have done enough.

Let her digest it. Good luck, all in all.

April 12, 2011

This thread is absolutely fascinating. secondchancer it's like you are telling my story and are inside my head. My ex of 1.5 years told me that she "needed a break" after I went through a deep depression, lost my job and motivation and withdrew (unintentionally) from her. She was unhappy with us and said she was not getting what she wanted from the relationship.

Needless to say the experience was an eye-opener. I initiated some contact for about a week following the break up but always felt worse after talking. I joined this site and have been in strict NC for exactly one month. I still feel like there are so many loose ends that haven't been tied up. She said she still loved me when she called for the break but needed space and time for herself. Frankly, I needed the space and time for myself too so I could dig myself out of the rut I had gotten into.

In the month of NC I have been working on myself, rediscovering things that made me happy and am working hard towards the career path which I had effectively given up on while we were still in a relationship. All this time though I still love her very much and constantly think about her. It got me thinking about establishing a connection with her again, and if I should do it or when the appropriate time to do it would be.

I want to let her know that I have come out of the darkness that hung over me and made me withdraw from the relationship and that I am doing well. Positive things are happening and I have done a ton of reflecting on where things went wrong and have accepted them and learned from them. I suppose it would just be taking a huge risk to send an email letting her know these things but I feel like I need to show her that I am taking measures to better myself and that she is still very much in my heart.

What does everyone think? Is it too soon to reach out like this? Should I stick to NC in hopes that she will eventually reach out to me? There's a lot of solid advice in this thread that has me leaning towards trying to reconnect but once I take that risk I have to deal with the consequences whether they be good or bad.

April 13, 2011

This thread is absolutely fascinating. secondchancer it's like you are telling my story and are inside my head. My ex of 1.5 years told me that she "needed a break" after I went through a deep depression, lost my job and motivation and withdrew (unintentionally) from her. She was unhappy with us and said she was not getting what she wanted from the relationship.

Needless to say the experience was an eye-opener. I initiated some contact for about a week following the break up but always felt worse after talking. I joined this site and have been in strict NC for exactly one month. I still feel like there are so many loose ends that haven't been tied up. She said she still loved me when she called for the break but needed space and time for herself. Frankly, I needed the space and time for myself too so I could dig myself out of the rut I had gotten into.

In the month of NC I have been working on myself, rediscovering things that made me happy and am working hard towards the career path which I had effectively given up on while we were still in a relationship. All this time though I still love her very much and constantly think about her. It got me thinking about establishing a connection with her again, and if I should do it or when the appropriate time to do it would be.

I want to let her know that I have come out of the darkness that hung over me and made me withdraw from the relationship and that I am doing well. Positive things are happening and I have done a ton of reflecting on where things went wrong and have accepted them and learned from them. I suppose it would just be taking a huge risk to send an email letting her know these things but I feel like I need to show her that I am taking measures to better myself and that she is still very much in my heart.

What does everyone think? Is it too soon to reach out like this? Should I stick to NC in hopes that she will eventually reach out to me? There's a lot of solid advice in this thread that has me leaning towards trying to reconnect but once I take that risk I have to deal with the consequences whether they be good or bad.

Slowblues, i agree we are both in similar situation. you even choose better wording to describe the situation.

sometimes i feel i have to go NC and move on but before doing that I have to give it my best shot and leave the rest to her. yet i value the advices i get here so i am not going to take any further step without getting consesus from the board. to be fair to the board, in order for them to give their advices they need to feel my feeling and feel the situation as well. that's what i am trying to do here.

I will be posting shortly three types of draft letters each one having different theme based on the various opinions given here. I hope they will advise me of their anticipation of the impact of each theme on ex and then choose the favorable one to send. this might be my final try.

April 13, 2011

@EVERYONE!!!!

My girl has ignored me since she deleted me off her facebook and all our pictures about 2 weeks ago... Well she also stopped playing WORDS WITH FRIENDS an iphone game... Well it wasnt till yesterday morning that i woke up and she played me. It was weird bc it resigns your game after 10 days and ours was on 11. She also deleted my aunt and my aunts game got resigned after 10 days... I have been praying for a sign that she is still thinking of me and that i still have a thoufght in her head. Im not turning a bread crumb into something big but she could have easily resigned it herself or let it go but she played me. And she has been playing the game with other friends throughout these past couple weeks.

What do you think you input is on this one could it still men something like a good sign for me. Even this past sunday at church she totally ignored me even though i wanted to say something to her we are grown ups there is no need to ignore each other. I love her alot and i have a burning feeling that i really shouldnt give up but i have been n NC and i think that maybe she could be coming out of a shell that she has been in. Should i try to initiate contact play her in the game or what??? I dont want to break NC but i dont feel like she might be ready or something please yalls input on that... Yall seem to be positive...

April 13, 2011

there is no harm in playing the game. there is no massive declaration of love on your part. it is just interactive. maybe give it a try. she could be testing you to see if you respond. dont fall apart if you play and then she deletes you or something. i too have prayed for signs in life and feel i got them and handled them poorly.

see it as an answer, one way or the other. why bother praying if we cant have the faith to go along with it. ..i am guessing. anyway....i think its ok to play the game.

also, when you see her in church...this is the place of all places to be able to come together..at least as christians or whatever religion you are. i would say hello, how are you? God bless you. i don't know your story trevster but you should at least have the commonality of trusting you can be kind to each other as God intended us all to be. and she shouldn't have to read all kinds of things into that. just thinking out loud here.

i say go for it.

April 13, 2011

@secondchancer

I went through the thread again and I re-read that you have been in contact as recently as last week with your ex. As I understand you have taken measures to heal yourself over the past month and seemingly have improved several aspects of your own life but you still have not gone full NC with your ex yet.

Where our situations seem to differ is that I have been NC with my ex for the last month. She has no idea what has been going on in my life and I in hers. In your situation it seems as if you pretty much know at least some of what's been going on in each other's lives in the month since the break up.

I don't mean to hijack the thread at all but does anyone who offered their opinion on secondchancer's situation care to chime in on my situation? I mean in terms of the breaking NC to update and offer positive personal reflection to my ex...

April 13, 2011

i haven't read your thread slow blues and i hope to get a chance to soon. i am sorry if i get distracted. but i am all about positive reflection. but IF you do......do it for you, not for her.

you cant expect anything of them. and you have to be able to handle that as much as possibility and do things for YOUR healing.

April 13, 2011

Thanks IfiKnewThen. Here is the link to the thread with my story. Hope to get a chance to hear your thoughts.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t271196/

April 14, 2011

Does anyone here have the magic of making up i would really like to read that. my email is [email protected]

April 14, 2011

Before going on final NC (now day 7 NC), I need to send a final closure letter.

But i found my self on crossroads to which theme the final letter should be. so I prepared three drafts of which each would put me on different route:

Route 1: my typical kind of emotion filled letters which so far brought no positive responses from her.
Route 2:Tasha's mid-way positioning.
Route 3: IKT 'straight from the heart through the head' final position.
Route 4: continue NC without sending any letter.

I would appreciate the board's opinion on which route would be more effective for my healing. Here they are:

SecondChancer version- route 1

Because something is still burning …

Once you said life will teach me through naturally. You are the product of this life. I am determined to learn through you no matter how hard the lesson may be as I let my feelings flow naturally without hindrance.

Your constant avoidance of me hits me at the core of my existence. It knocks me down. But I get up and fight back; I try again and will keep trying until I find my way back into your heart. To me no one compares to you and you are worth fighting for.

You warned me not judge people when you have been judging me silently all the time. And in the end, you made your verdict and casted me out of your heart even without giving me a fair trial.

You experienced one side of me, which was during our relationship. Now after you walked away you will experience different side of me that you thought never existed. At times you couldn’t bear my silence and broke it twice. So here I am trying to break your freezing silence time after time relentlessly.

You said some people have isolated hearts and minds. That was my case before I met you. But your brief presence in my life made a difference. My heart and mind became united in loving you.

We have the chemistry and we have the intellect to make it work. That’s why I WANT US! But I can only say that much.

You want to be a full woman, you ARE a full woman. Do whatever you want to do. Try whatever you want to try in your life. Take your time, have all the space that you want. Go away, move around the globe, seek whoever you want for love, find your missing piece and hope to find someone to love you as much as I did. But when you give up; come back. I will be waiting for you in patience like the giving tree.

Meanwhile, put me on your spam list, it doesn’t matter. I will continue to say whatever flows out of my heart to someone who said she loved me. It may not be you, but someone who has the same email ID.

Until my last breath, I will continue to resuscitate the dying love that you once brought to life with your full breath.

I am saying all this because something is still burning in my heart.

Tasha's version-route 2

You are worth a million fights, but…

I only want you to realize you walked out on something I feel was amazing and rare. I do not want to give up on you. I will be waiting for you if you ever come to realize that what we had was worthwhile and worthy of growing. it is unfair of you to walk away with no clear reason, you owe at least that much to me.

You still mean the universe to me and if you find it in your heart to give it a second chance, then it would mean everything to me. I am waiting for you because you are the only one I have ever felt so perfect with. I am sorry for all that I failed to be in the end and that I took you for granted at times. Our relationship has changed my realizations and has wakened me up.

I have tried my all fighting for you but you gave no fight back. You are worth a million fights, but I will leave it up to you to take that next step.

I am ready for a reason. Whatever it was, I am truly and forever sorry for everything.

IKT Version - route 3

Straight from the heart; if I could…, I would…

I owe it to myself and you tell you that you are the best thing that ever happened to me as you made my life richer. Even though I was demonstrative in acting depressed most of the time, I was happy with you and I know I should have showed you this.

I reflect a lot now and don’t expect ANYTHING of you...but I wish I had better relationship skills at the time to not let this run into a ditch. I see all of your efforts and appreciate that you tried when you did.

I will not repeat history or talk, beg or plead. I will not email-stalk you or annoy you anymore. No laying of guilt trips and no blaming from now on. I will just pray for guidance because I believe in that.

This is not a effort to get back to you or make you come back to me, but rather to apologize for what I feel I did or didn’t do and let you know if I could take back the hurt and disappointment I would.

April 14, 2011

IkT one was pretty good man iv been in NC for 3 weeks and she broke it by playing a game on the phone and then today I had to meet her to give her money I owed for something I told her I would pay her back while we were together! Shoul I send a letter to I mean both times she has contacted me has been an act of god iv prayed she would contact me in any way to show she thinks of me or something and then she played a word game with me then I praye that night she would contact me about anything physically coming from her and then she texted me yesterday about owing her money but it was a casual talk between me and her then today I met her o give her money and it was brief talk! Nothing bad but what do u expect I do I am n full NC I love her and I'm not going to agoinze myself but in my heart I feel like I haven't tries my hardest or best to prove to her but she broke NC not me first I have continued it but what's to do now!!! Send a last letter we been broke up for a month

April 14, 2011

i think you need to put things in your own words and feelings or you will agonize and regret it.

the reason why i gave you a skeleton to work with (you have to put the meat on the letter), was to just say, that if you were the one who really kinda let the relationship lose it's fizz and sparkle or life, then i really cant help but feel, that she needs to know, that you realize that now, and that not only are you sorry and regretful, but if you could do things better now, you most certainly would. if you are satisfied with that verbiage based on what happened on your end of things, then i think that's a good idea. you can still incorporate the tender things you say in the other letter examples.

the thing is, you cant blame or say to her..."you did this or that" (or in so many words say that). yes, she did keep things in , and yes she was passive aggressive aka silent then terminated the relationship.

but you can always tell her where she failed your relationship too a little bit more down the road...(not too far along)....at a more appropriate time,perhaps till you settle this part of business.

you have to chose your battles now, and this type of last effort letter can not be accusing. i think people who were covertly or secretly mad or disappointed like she was...do not want to be under attack. and even though you have valid great points....this is NOT the time if you hope to win her back, or make the point where you went wrong.

i am a bit confused . if this is a final closure letter, as you mentioned, then those words have to be completely for YOU. if its a closure letter of sorts and to help bring her back to you more or less, than don't include shared blame at this time. sorry if i am repeating myself here.

if you think you will not get to say anything again, and you dont care what she thinks (you have to truly be at this point...tread carefully) THEN do final closure with letting her know she didnt help matters by NOT communicating with you.

but honestly, from my disadvantage point, it doesn't sound like you're 100% ready for THAT yet so keeping it "nice" but not all butt kissing...is your best bet. so, the more straight forward (as you call it, my first suggestion) would likely make her receptive to anything else you want to say in the future and you can tell her off at THAT time (lol). or bring to light where she didnt help matters) you might want to do that if this "owning it letter gets you nowhere with her. but remember, owning things honestly about yourself WILL get you somewhere with YOU. it will get you the closure with being upset with yourself for NOT doing your part while in the relationship. it helps one to live with oneself when we come clean with that and can forgive ourselves and apologize.

we tend to beat ourselves up when we know were were the one most to blame and thats a painful place to be. so, to make peace with that is a good thing. that doesn't mean you cant be upset and even angry for her not communicating with you and being all covert and sneaky about her declining feelings.

you write very well and very beautifully. very tender. you should put that flare and raw honesty in the letter BUT, do not beg, or blame, as i said. again, thats just my opinion.

good luck , i really wish you well. i hope kindness and truth and love wins out. but it will ultimately take her growth too, and seeing you in another light, to get that ball rolling again.

April 15, 2011

Thank you IKT for sharing your opinion and extensive analysis. The thing is, in my previous email messages I said too many things to her. Her replies always came from her mind like someone who would respond to someone else in this forum.

As time goes by I am more convinced that while we were having good time and enjoying ourselves, she was constantly, judging and projecting our life into the future. I believe she made her decision based on what she foresaw how our life would be then. i.e. after all the all the glow is gone. She anticipated that we will grow distant with time (that was one of her reasons for breakup).

So i think at this stage she just blocks the feelings that come out of her heart and uses her mind only to decide. I seem to be more dependant on using emotions to get her back which finds no way into her blocked heart.

I think I'd better, leave her at that for now. And truly give her enough time to feel what she would be missing when the ice melts away and her heart comes back to life again.

Based on this I would use route 4 which is No Contact at all.

I also hope my resentment will fade away with time and I will benefit from this bitter experience in my future relationship (including with her if she decides to come back with no more effort on my part).

April 15, 2011

i dont know call me crazy but i would try one more time , but like i said with no blame. i am not being prejudice because i made my suggestion. i am just going by a few things. 1) your particular story....2) all i have been reading and learning myself over he past year 3) men and woman are different and though she may have thrown her hands up in the air and walked away, even cold hearted as it seems, us women do like to know they guy will fight for us. contrary to popular belief its not a turn off...unless your loathed or they are utterly done.

i just think it would help not to blame or highlight where she went wrong and so that's why i suggested that to you.

we all can analyze things to death. if we thought about everything that could happen or couldn't we would be paralyzed and not do anything. who would buy a house and want a 30 mortgage after thinking about it or get married...etc etc. if we think or worry too much. you may have gotten complacent in the relationship with being depressed. believe me i truly get that. (big time) but i wouldnt give up just yet.

i would just approach it another way ...and your way is good. just maybe more direct without the promises and or saying and ya know you did this too.

so i vote for # 3. hehe. i think it will let her know certain things from all the reflection and it apologizes too. then if she cant deal with that and continues to ignore you ..ignore her and tell her where she also contaminated the relationship, with covert silence.

after all the kindness and reaching out on your part, then when you go N/C she will miss you. too often we humans want them to miss us, but if we neglected the relationship in a big way, how the heck can they miss that? so leave them something to miss now. one can only remember the beginning of a relationship for so long. now please know this, i am NOT blaming you at all. you sound like a very sweet guy. she could have a love interest and we dont know it. but i am only saying handle your part of it and then if she doesnt open up and makes some steps to come back..go complete N/C

April 15, 2011

i dont know call me crazy but i would try one more time , but like i said with no blame. i am not being prejudice because i made my suggestion. i am just going by a few things. 1) your particular story....2) all i have been reading and learning myself over he past year 3) men and woman are different and though she may have thrown her hands up in the air and walked away, even cold hearted as it seems, us women do like to know they guy will fight for us. contrary to popular belief its not a turn off...unless your loathed or they are utterly done.

i just think it would help not to blame or highlight where she went wrong and so that's why i suggested that to you.

we all can analyze things to death. if we thought about everything that could happen or couldn't we would be paralyzed and not do anything. who would buy a house and want a 30 mortgage after thinking about it or get married...etc etc. if we think or worry too much. you may have gotten complacent in the relationship with being depressed. believe me i truly get that. (big time) but i wouldnt give up just yet.

i would just approach it another way ...and your way is good. just maybe more direct without the promises and or saying and ya know you did this too.

so i vote for # 3. hehe. i think it will let her know certain things from all the reflection and it apologizes too. then if she cant deal with that and continues to ignore you ..ignore her and tell her where she also contaminated the relationship, with covert silence.

after all the kindness and reaching out on your part, then when you go N/C she will miss you. too often we humans want them to miss us, but if we neglected the relationship in a big way, how the heck can they miss that? so leave them something to miss now. one can only remember the beginning of a relationship for so long. now please know this, i am NOT blaming you at all. you sound like a very sweet guy. she could have a love interest and we dont know it. but i am only saying handle your part of it and then if she doesnt open up and makes some steps to come back..go complete N/C

I agree it is difficult to let go specially when the feelings are still fresh.

let's narrow down the options taking into consideration your comments. I made her as Thirdparty reader in route #2 i.e. just in case she would like to be the beloved person of secondchancer. Hopefully this will take the burden off her mind and make her think with her heart again. Here are the two revisted routes:

IKT Version revisited - route 1

If I could…, I would…

I owe it to myself and you tell you that you made my life richer. Even though I was acting depressed towards the end, I was happy with you and I know I should have showed you this.

I reflect a lot now and don’t expect ANYTHING of you...but I wish I had better relationship skills at the time to not let this run into a ditch. Now I see all of your efforts then and appreciate that you tried when you did.

I will not repeat history. This is not an effort to get back to you or make you come back to me, but rather to apologize for what I feel I did or didn’t do and let you know if I could take back the hurt and disappointment I would.

SecondChancer Version revisited - route #2

Because something is still burning …

Once someone told me life will teach me through naturally. She IS the product of this life. So I let my feelings flow naturally in reflection.

To me no one compares to her. Though I felt knocked down by the fact that she is not anymore in my life, here I am trying to get back on my feet and regain my balance. My heart and mind became united in loving her. She is worth fighting for.

I believed we had both the chemistry and the intellect to make it work. What we had was amazing and rare, worthwhile and worthy of growing.

That’s why I WANT US! But I can only SAY that much.

She wants to be a full woman, BE a full woman. Do whatever you want to do in life. Take all time and have all the space that you need. Go away, move around the globe, and seek whoever you want for love. Find your missing piece. But hope to find someone to care as much as I did.

Meanwhile, I will continue to feel whatever flows out of my heart towards the one who I truly loved. She is NOT you, but someone who happens to have your email ID.

Until my last breath, I will continue to resuscitate the dying love in me that she once brought to life with her full breath.

I am saying all this because something is still burning in my heart.

What do you think IKT?

April 15, 2011

hi again SC

i was thinking this: perhaps to send the first one, the way you modified it. but also i would suggest taking "ANYTHING" out of caps and put it to lower case: anything.

this way if she reads it, it doesn't sound like your shouting at her and it wont sound like you don't expect ANYTHING of her as if she is not capable of giving anything. when it's in lower case letters it sounds more like you don't expect anything of her in terms of putting demands on her feelings.

2) perhaps also omit, in the modified version : i will not repeat history. in the first version it sounded good, but in the second version it kinda can sound like i will not repeat history by going back with you. so maybe just change those two parts. no rewording...just make "anything" lower case and omit i will not repeat history.

as for the second version revisited. it is really very beautiful and poetic. it almost sounds like poetry or like a sonnet.

i am not sure how to fit this in. maybe you can send both...and say the second one is just a poem you wrote a few weeks ago...and you now only want to share it with her.

you can say more with poetry. you kinda have a poetic license to. i dont know how she will take it. the first version revisited is benign and un assuming. the second version revisited is saying I want her. she is someone worth fighting for...etc. it may make her feel pressure. i know you want to open her heart. so thats why i would only send it as a poem...not "a mission statement" (as they say in jerry mcquire). and yet you can still accomplish touching her heart as claiming it as a poem.

i know this is a balancing act and it sux. that's why i say shoot straight from the hip, but without pressure. but you have to be you because this is your life and someday you may say to yourself...i wish i did it this way or that way, in hindsight. we all kinda say that in hindsight, anyway. we always wish we could have "done it better".

so maybe present it like it was a poem you wrote a few weeks back and she was your muse..and your enclosing that along with the new letter. but the first letter being the more immediate or direct letter.

i hope that helps. only you know what you want to do and think is best for your situation. i do wish you the best of luck. i always want to see things work out in the end.

if you can do all of this and NOT expect anything. you will be better off. just do it for you as another go, or closure, or whatever works for you. its all about what you can live with, at the end of the day. no expectations are best though.

April 15, 2011

thank you IKT for the valuable advice... this is how part 2 reads now ( we agreed it will be as an attachement to the closure email we discussed before:

Because something is still burning...

Once upon a time, someone told me life will teach you naturally through. She is the product of this life. So I let my feelings, in reflection of what she said, flow.

No one compares to her. Though I was knocked down by the fact that she is not in my life anymore, here I am trying to get back on my feet to regain my balance and glow.
My heart and mind in loving her became united. She is worth fighting for.

I believed we had both the chemistry and the intellect to make it work. What we had was worthwhile and worthy of growing, amazing and rare.

That’s why I WANT US! But I can only say that much.

You want to be a full woman, be a complete woman! Do whatever you wish in life. Take all the time and have all the space that you need. Go away, move around the globe, and seek whoever you seek for love. Keep knocking hearts until you find your missing piece. But hope to find someone to care as much as I, waiting like a giving tree.

Meanwhile, I will continue to feel the flow out of my heart towards the one I truly loved. She is not you, but someone who happened to have your email ID.

Until my last breath, I will continue to resuscitate the dying love she once brought to life with her full breath.

I am feeling this because something is still burning in my heart.

But, I can only say that much!

A final question if you don't mind. when do you think is better to send such thing i.e. begining of weekend, end of weekend, or during lunch break at during working days? (she gets instant email on her blackberry)

April 15, 2011

you're welcome and some people might not agree with me. my feeling is N/C can be a life saver. but sometimes there is unfinished business. but also that are better times to finish that business than others. i dont know that this is your time. if it calls to you to do it..then do it. sometimes we say i wish i did this or that.

wow when to send it is such a tough question. some people say they miss people more on the weekends. but thats IF they are "missing" someone.

a person who might be finished with someone, may not miss the other so much. but still in my minds eye, on a weekend, .. thats when a person winds down and can maybe see, recognize and notice, something that reminds them of the person that was once in their life.

on the other had, weekdays can be frantic with work and such, and preparing meals..whatever. and stresses can make you miss a person more or... if you hate them, yikes it can make you hate them more with your frantic stress mixed in. OR............it can be that you would be a welcomed relief from their stresses.

but here's the bottom line. do it when it's good for YOU. when you feel strong enough to hit that send button and can say...."i can do this, no matter what happens".

but, for a more direct answer, i was thinking during the week. but the weekend is upon us and i wouldnt wait too much longer either.

gosh i hope i didnt add to the confusion

April 15, 2011

p.s. try to remember you don't want to give her mixed messages or signals either. so, although that is an attachment youre planning to send, you might also want to add it was a poem you wrote to her a few days backk.

this wont mean you don't still feel like that about her anymore...it will simply ..let her know you care , but you are not pressuring her anymore (as the first letter states, your just owning your own responsibility in the relationship.

you shouldnt speak out of both sides of your month...but when you call the other thing you want to mail he a "poem"..you now have poetic license.

poems can take twists and turns and shout out love..

but your letter will speak more in terms of straight forwardness and not giving yourself away too too much. it sounds more "in control".

again,this is JUST my opinion.

April 15, 2011

p.s. try to remember you don't want to give her mixed messages or signals either. so, although that is an attachment youre planning to send, you might also want to add it was a poem you wrote to her a few days backk.

this wont mean you don't still feel like that about her anymore...it will simply ..let her know you care , but you are not pressuring her anymore (as the first letter states, your just owning your own responsibility in the relationship.

you shouldnt speak out of both sides of your month...but when you call the other thing you want to mail he a "poem"..you now have poetic license.

poems can take twists and turns and shout out love..

but your letter will speak more in terms of straight forwardness and not giving yourself away too too much. it sounds more "in control".

again,this is JUST my opinion.

thank you again IKT,

i feel nervous, but I am going to send it tonight... I just hope she wouldn't consider me email-stalking her... sometimes dumpers do not need reminders whatsoever... also she is surrounded by friends who make fun of everything...

but anyway, this is the last image of i want to leave with her... If she ever had good intentions towards me she will appreciate that... if not then she will be undermining her own selfworth...

i will keep you posted... take care for now

April 15, 2011

I'm very interested to see what happens with this. Best of luck to you SC and maybe you can share your feelings on here after you send the email. I admire what you're doing. It's a bold move and a risk but I do think you're doing it for the right reasons.

April 15, 2011

good luck secondchancer

i am really rooting for you. i am sure a lot of people here are. whether they agree with any method of communication with her or not...i am certain everyone hopes that love wins out and that its mutual. and i am sure that everyone hopes that at the very least, you will someday come to feel satisfied that you tried all you knew how to, and i pray that you get closure and that someday soon this heart pain will be a thing of the past, no longer effecting your life.

April 16, 2011

IKT, SB and all of you who posted on this thread,

I am touched by your genuine support. For the first time thanks to your support I was able finally to compose a truely dual balanced message. one part aiming at her mind and one part aiming at her heart.

For me this is the first time I could say I feel balanced and able to make a closure.

I emailed the message at mid night. in the early hours of the morning I woke up to check my phone and found two messages from her... wait... i woke up again because the first awakening was a dream. i went to sleep again and I dreamt i was driving a car and came to a green traffic light with left arrow direction. first i stopped but an officer scanned my number plate and gave me go ahead signal. in the morning I looked up the dreamoods dictionary for green traffic light and it said this:

If the traffic light is green, then it indicates that you have been given a seal of approval to follow whatever path you have chosen or whatever decision you have made.

Anyway what I want to say is this; now I do not really mind what the end would be, I only cared I did the right thing. As IKT said 'I feel satisfied that you tried all you knew how to'. (with your help ofcourse )I think now every thing is in place for me to go total NC.

here is the final message that I sent:

If I could..., I surely would

I owe it to myself and you to tell you that you made my life richer. Even
though I was acting depressed towards the end, I was happy with you and I
know I should have shown you this.

I reflect a lot now and don’t expect anything of you...but I wish I had better
relationship skills at the time to not let this run into a ditch. In hindsight I
see all of your efforts and appreciate that you tried when you did.

This is not an effort to get back to you or make you come back to me, but
rather to apologize for what I feel I did or didn’t do and let you know if I
could take back the hurt and disappointment I would.

P.S. I took a poetic license to write a personal reflection few days ago. I
would like to share it with you...

attachment:

Personal Reflection
Dedicated to D.O. from M.E. Date: Timeless

Because something is still burning…

Once upon a time, someone told me life will teach you naturally through.
She is the product of this life. So I let my feelings, in reflection of what
she told me, flow.

No one compares to her. Though I was knocked down by the fact she is not
in my life anymore, here I am trying to get back on my feet to regain my
balance and glow.

My heart and mind in loving her became as one, she is worth fighting for.

I believed we had both the chemistry and the intellect to make it work. What
we had was worthwhile, a seed worthy of growing, amazing and rare.

That’s why I WANTED US! But I can only say that much…

You want to be a full woman. Be a complete woman! Do whatever you wish
in life. Take all the time and have all the space you need. Go away, travel
around the globe, and seek whoever you seek for love. Keep knocking hearts
until you find your missing piece. But hope to find someone to care as much
as I, waiting like a giving tree.

Meanwhile, I will feel the flow out of my heart towards the one I truly loved.
She is not you, but someone who happened to have your email ID.

Until my last breath, I will continue to resuscitate the dying love that she
resurrected once with her full breath.

I feel this, because something is still burning in my heart…

But I could only say that much.

I will keep you posted if i get any reply, but yet it would be interesting though if those who believe in total NC to give their expectation of the outcome. noting that break up was 6 weeks ago and we were exchanging messages at the rate of once a week. mine were emotional, hers were cold and apologetic sometimes. So this final message comes after one week of NC.

I hope the outcome will give an answer to the very first question i asked. "do sincere love letter and positive personal reflection bring her back?"

April 16, 2011

letters never work its better to not say anything trust me, you will be mad you lost your self esteem and dignity later on.

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do sincere love letter and positive personal reflection bring her back?

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