Final Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) A girl had contacted me on a dating website and we had a little back and forth. We became FB friends and there was a little more back and forth. Anyway, neither of us contacted each other for about three weeks after the last message and then I sent her a brief message relating to something we'd talked about before. She didn't respond to that, but a few days later I got an invite on FB along with a lot of other people to go to a club this weekend for her birthday. Even though I hadn't heard back to the last message I sent, I messaged her again saying I might stop by and made a little quip about it. That was a couple days ago and still no reply to either of my messages. Now I've never met her and she lives a decent distance away, and I am not too hung up at all, but our interests are close and I see a lot of potential, which is why I'm being this way. Even though I was one of a large number of people who got the invite, I feel like there is still some subtle hint despite her avoiding my messages. I told a wise friend of mine about all this. He said she could just be intimidated (not too toot my own horn, but it's very possible), and that it wouldn't hurt just to show up and make a physical appearance. He said if she snubs me, then oh well. I agree with him, but it's hard for me to justify paying a cover charge just to go meet someone who has been evasive lately. My dignity does matter, after all. I don't know, you know, maybe she has met somebody who she is more interested in. That's fine. But what has made me confused is that she initiated contact with me and showed some real interest to begin with, and when I showed interest back she responded favorably, but now I'm put off by her not replying. Does this sound like a game, loss of interest, what? I wouldn't even be asking this if I didn't get the invite, but I feel like I screwed myself by sending these messages, and I'd really like to casually say hello without being an idiot. Edited April 8, 2011 by Final
Freshprince Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I don't know, if she has time to put a Facebook event together, but she hasn't responded to your message, then that's probably not a good sign. When girls have liked me, they always respond. All it takes is a "click" to invite someone to a Facebook event. If I had to guess, she's probably trying to get a crowd at her event and is inviting people that she thinks will come. You might be an "option" on her list, but based on the information you've given, you're most likely not a "priority" in her book. So here's what I would do: I would check the facebook invite list to her event. If there are other girls going, then I would bring some friends and head over there. If she acts lame to you in-person at her party, then no big deal, go talk to the other girls there. Maybe she'll see that other girls like you, and get a little jealous. And if she's indifferent about you talking to other girls, then it's all good, you're now free to pursue them. If there aren't any promising girls going to the party, then I wouldn't waste the gas. I would find some friends and go do something fun at a bar/club/wherever you can meet members of the opposite sex. Best of luck!
oaks Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 She didn't respond to that, but a few days later I got an invite on FB along with a lot of other people to go to a club this weekend for her birthday. Did she just invite all her friends? That doesn't mean you shouldn't go, but it's not like sending out paper invitations where she has to make a positive choice to invite each individual person.
Author Final Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 She didn't invite all of her friends, but still a good chunk. I am not reading too much into the invite, but it's not totally without meaning either. I agree I am definitely just an option, and the same goes for her. As I said, we had a decent back and forth a while back, but the last couple of messages have been unreplied. I think she's seen some other women being friendly with me on fb so maybe she is trying to play it cool, thinks I'm a player? Or maybe she is just looking for attention and wants a big crowd? Or something else. I think I'm better off making an appearance even if I get snubbed. It's not like this is a huge investment, and I will probably be more hung up if I don't show up and wonder what might have happened. Thanks.
TuffCookieX Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 This girl sucks. I might turn guys down, but the last thing I'll do is leave someone hanging. If she at least let you down nicely, you'd have the opportunity to move on and find someone better. If I could call her names on here, I would.
Author Final Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I don't know that there is really much to "let me down" about, as there has been no talk about dating. I agree it is the polite and decent thing to respond to someone's message no matter who they are. She made the first couple of moves for sure, so maybe she is trying to back off. Or maybe something else entirely is going on.
Dlyrica Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I'm not trying to put you off, but what if she accidentally invited you and then she didn't want to make you feel bad so she didn't respond when you told her you might come?
Author Final Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I'm not trying to put you off, but what if she accidentally invited you and then she didn't want to make you feel bad so she didn't respond when you told her you might come? Anything is possible, sure. She is visiting my town, which isn't super close to hers, and she knows I live there. My profile doesn't say I live there, so chances are she had to at least consider it. I don't think it was an accident, but I also don't think it was a significant choice. I am a charming and attractive fellow, not to play myself up, and have had a few opportunities with women lately. This is the only one with any real appeal, however. I feel like even if I've been written off or she snubs me, it can't help but show myself away from the "screen". I might need to have a couple brews to shake it off, but I still think I'm better off making an appearance for my own peace of mind.
TuffCookieX Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I don't know that there is really much to "let me down" about, as there has been no talk about dating. I agree it is the polite and decent thing to respond to someone's message no matter who they are. She made the first couple of moves for sure, so maybe she is trying to back off. Or maybe something else entirely is going on. Let you down can even be like "sorry, I found someone else" or "I don't have time to hang out with you" or "you live too far", etc etc. And so she made the first couple of moves, then you messaged her TWICE, so the ball is in her court, and seems as though it has been for quite some time. She has done more than enough backing off, it's obvious that it's her turn to do some talking. I'm a really spiteful person, so I would do something stupid like go crash her party and befriend everyone there without even acknowledging her, haha.
Author Final Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Let you down can even be like "sorry, I found someone else" or "I don't have time to hang out with you" or "you live too far", etc etc. And so she made the first couple of moves, then you messaged her TWICE, so the ball is in her court, and seems as though it has been for quite some time. She has done more than enough backing off, it's obvious that it's her turn to do some talking. I'm a really spiteful person, so I would do something stupid like go crash her party and befriend everyone there without even acknowledging her, haha. Lately my stock has been on the rise, so if there is a chance to get along with other ladies there without being sleazy, I am all for it. Yeah, my double message is basically the main source of my problem. She had sent the last message several weeks before I sent the two messages, so in some sense one of them was kind of a response to something she had said much earlier.
TuffCookieX Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I'm intruiged by your "modest" statements about being attractive. How old are you... and can you prove it?
Author Final Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I'm actually a very modest person. Lately I have just been getting a lot of attention lately and want to emphasize that I'm not a gremlin who can't hold a conversation. I understand the typical approach on here might be more self-deprecating, so sorry if I seem like a jerk
TuffCookieX Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I'm actually a very modest person. Lately I have just been getting a lot of attention lately and want to emphasize that I'm not a gremlin who can't hold a conversation. I understand the typical approach on here might be more self-deprecating, so sorry if I seem like a jerk You don't sound like a jerk at all, I just wanted you to prove it. If anyone's an egotist about good looks on this forum, it would definitely be me.
Author Final Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 See, I'm even picking up ladies on here even though I'm being whiny and rambling. Just kidding, of course. Thank you for the responses everyone.
alphamale Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I don't know, you know, maybe she has met somebody who she is more interested in. That's fine. But what has made me confused is that she initiated contact with me and showed some real interest to begin with, and when I showed interest back she responded favorably, but now I'm put off by her not replying. how do you know someone is really interested unless you meet in person?
Author Final Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Sorry to double post (seems like the theme to this topic ), but something else is that when we first became FB friends she immediately commented on and liked a bunch of my stuff. Also, like I said, she contacted me on the dating site... I hear women contacting men is very rare on there, too? I feel like she did some legwork to start this out.
alphamale Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 but something else is that when we first became FB friends she immediately commented on and liked a bunch of my stuff. that doesn't mean squat
Author Final Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 that doesn't mean squat I completely understand the dynamic between real life interest and fleeting internet comments. Regardless, in the context of facebook it is a sign of interest, and especially the context of my communication with this gal. I am not saying she is/was totally smitten.
alphamale Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I completely understand the dynamic between real life interest and fleeting internet comments. Regardless, in the context of facebook it is a sign of interest, and especially the context of my communication with this gal. I am not saying she is/was totally smitten. dude when she's sucking on your c*ck then that shows real interest
DollWelch Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 how do you know someone is really interested unless you meet in person? I agree. You should go. What's the worst that can happen? You are a confident man (presuming from the way you come across on this forum), so if she snubs you then I am sure you'll be able to handle it. Make it a surprise. You shot her a message on FB, thus follow through with your word. A man who can keep his word is a keeper.
Knittress Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 (edited) She doesn't seem crazy-interested, no - but she invited you, so that's slightly better than neutral. If it looks like a fun time and you don't have anything else to do, why not go as long as you keep your expectations low? Remember it's a big birthday party (HER birthday), and not a date, so definitely do NOT get resentful if she doesn't have time for you, K? Think of it as a good low-pressure way to get to know her. Edited April 9, 2011 by Knittress
Author Final Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 She doesn't seem crazy-interested, no - but she invited you, so that's slightly better than neutral. If it looks like a fun time and you don't have anything else to do, why not go as long as you keep your expectations low? Remember it's a big birthday party (HER birthday), and not a date, so definitely do NOT get resentful if she doesn't have time for you, K? Think of it as a good low-pressure way to get to know her. Thank you, this is a very good, well-reasoned response and exactly how I've been thinking of approaching it. Alpha, It's such a black and white world, ain't it?
alphamale Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Alpha, It's such a black and white world, ain't it? pretty much, yes
Author Final Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 pretty much, yes A world with two categories... A) Not interested at all B) Sucking you off It's almost poetic, pal.
curlygirl40 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 A world with two categories... A) Not interested at all B) Sucking you off It's almost poetic, pal. This cracks me up. Thanks for the laugh. Anyway, back on topic. OP, sounds like you're planning to go, but like Knittress said, remember that it's her party and even if she likes you in person and you feel like you click, she is going to be busy with her friends, etc. So be cool, have a good time, mingle and say hello. Great opportunity to meet her in person, but don't expect too much. The real 'test' will be after the party, to see if she contacts you. After the party I would definitely leave the next contact up to her to see what she does with it. Or MAYBE send her a quick 'thanks for the invite, I had a great time' message and then back off and wait. Also remember, if she has a boyfriend now he will probably be with her at the party. Are you ready to explain who you are and how you know her if that's the case?? Hmmm, just thought of that. Let us know how it goes!
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