Men my age (warning: shallow)

[sumdude]

I'm 43 divorced with no kids. I look relatively young for my age and am in decent shape. I could lose 15 lbs or so but have been in the injured and unable to exercise vicious cycle lately. To date all of my significant relationships have been with women my own age. None have worked out well. A this point women my age who have never been married or in a lasting relationship.. well I find there's usually a good reason for that. The one's who are divorced or out of similar LTRs are a mixed bag. Since I have no kids of my own I may still want to have a couple if that opportunity arises. I'm not really into dating a single mother because of the scheduling issues and not really into being a stepdad at this point. But my mind could be changed perhaps.

 

So I'm really starting to look more towards slightly younger women for an LTR. Somewhere in their 30's. For more casual dating it's a different story.

Edited April 8, 2011 by sumdude

[EyesWideOpen]

Funny how the tune changes when its older women dating younger men, but god forbid a guy wanting someone younger .

 

 

Date whoever you want, OP. If you aren't attracted to older men or men your age, I can understand that. I feel the same but when it comes to women, that is.

 

I don't think the tune changes at all. It's not like cougars aren't socially stigmatized as well.

[jlola]

I feel age does not make a difference. It's how you take care of yourself that does. My grandparents are in their 90's. Both so healthy they have never spent a day in the hospital. My grandmother still moves her own furniture around.

 

Yet, I have seen people in their late 60's or 70's who have major health problems.

 

I am mid 30's. Would rather date a man my age or older. In fact my theory is that if a man is in his 40's and looks great. I would wager to bet he will look great at 50,60,70......

 

But that man is rare. Taking care of yourself , excersing and watching your diet is crucial.

 

back in the day it used to be most men were handsome. I think because most men as they aged were slim.But now with fast food and tv,many men and women get little excersice and too much food.

 

I also look younger than my age. Due to genetics and some form of daily excersice. My height helps keep weight off too. I'm 5'8".

 

dated a man recently who told me he was 28 when we first met. He later confessed he was really 34. So we were basically the same age. But he thought I was under 25 so he figured his age would matter.

 

His age didn't matter to me at all even if e had been 10 years older. He was fit. He runs, plays basketball weekly with a group of friends and is really health concious. I just wish he had not lied.

 

I think ultimately age does not matter. What we do not want is to be someone's nurse.

 

BTW, what is it with all these 40+++year olds wanting women in their 20's and 30's. I understand they may look good, but unless you want to just date or raise a family. Would not someone closer to your age be better.

 

A friend of mine is divorced. He is 39 years old and having a difficult time dating. He already has 2 kids and financially and physically cannot deal with any more.

 

He says most women under 35 want kids or already have kids. He does not want to deal with a stepfather situation as he feels they are put in a bad position.Stepdads also deal with the kids a majority of the time. Moreso then the stepmothers who usually only deal wth kids on weekends or every other weekends.

 

After his divorce he began to date a 27 year old grad student. She claimed she did not want children. But after about a year of dating changed her mind when her sister had a baby. They had a very emotional break-up because he was actually thinking with his big head. I know he struggles with wanting to call her and resume the relationship. But so far held tight.

 

 

I am sure if he had not previously been married or had NO children he would still be in this relationship . So I do understand men who are 40+ wanting a woman who is not watching a time clock if he wants kids ,so younger makes sense.

 

But it is a rare man in his 40's that is childless. Do so many 40+ men just want to have another family and raise another set of kids with a younger women? In this economy it does seem an awful lot of men can afford to raise 2 families.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think that love has no age, so if you want to date younger, you should. But you also shouldn't stigmatize men that do the same.

[Mr.Cairo]

Don't delude yourself, most 20-somethings don't want to date a guy of 40. In the eyes of a 25 year old girl with selfconfidence so without issues, a guy of 40 - even is he is goodlooking - is most of all one thing: OLD !

 

You're forgetting that the 40 year old, due to the lack of a girlfriend/wife/children, and also because he doesn't need to work as much as everyone else: he has much more time to accumulate wealth, to develop and maintain a fit body, and because of his many decades dealing with women, he's far more experienced than the 20-something.

 

Add to that the genes of people who lived to be very old, and keeping youthful looks, and you'll understand that when a man has the possibility, he's going to go after what he wants.

 

Did you know that most 18 year olds aren't fit to join the army? So who would a woman take? A guy who is supposed to be in his prime, but isn't even wanted by the army, or a guy who spent decades working out, eating well, treating his health like its gold, a guy with the money and so on, and so on.

 

Most people will give as a response the political correct answer, but most of those people will do what benefits them the most, as we, Human beings, are all ambitious - most just pretend to be not.

 

Sure, I know that the typical 40 year old is more interested in sports and in beer than in anything else. And that means, that in decades to come, I'll have much more options than most males on planet earth. I'll be far more attractive than the men in their 40's, and I'll still be able to have younger women.

 

Besides, with more young men spending more time with video games, their buddies, and football, I will even have more options. Guys keep on getting fatter, and young guys keep on playing Dragon Ball.

 

I don't think the tune changes at all. It's not like cougars aren't socially stigmatized as well.

 

Not nearly as close as older men wanting younger women is. You've seen that the women on this thread agree with the OP. They don't like older men, and many are more interested in men younger than them, but if you put your foot on the 'is it wrong for men to want much younger women' thread, and on other threads like that one, you'll be faced with pages and pages of angry women, many of those in their late 20's, trying to shame men into dating them by:

 

1)Claiming that the man in his late 20s/30s/40/ is preventing a young woman from developing into an independent, strong human being.

2)that the men who go after young women are afraid of a strong, independent woman.

3)that the men who date younger women are only interested in them because of the age difference, and that in 2 years we'll get another young woman.

4) Men who have younger girlfriends can't impress'/get an older woman into their beds as fast as they can with the younger woman.

5) Younger women are only interested in men if they want money.

 

And the list goes on.

 

Its also funny how many, many women dated men older than them but now that they are looking for settling down, they can't have the best potential mates going after what they want. In this case, the young woman. So they try and shame, and pretend that they never touched a man older than 1 year!

 

The shaming language is not that big of a deal. it reminds me of home, and it allows men to grow immunity to these, and if they ever decide to marry, at least they can deal with their nags of a wife in a better fashion!

 

I never did understand why many people say '25 year old girl'. or '30 year old girl.'

 

You are 18? You are a woman. You are 25? You are a woman. 'Hello Kitty' mentality stops being cute at the age of 18, seriously.

Edited April 8, 2011 by Mr.Cairo

[GivenUp0083]

Okay. A little confession here, that I'm not terribly proud of, and yes it's shallow. I'm not really attracted to a lot of men my age (physically speaking). I think there are two reasons. One reason is that the last time I was a fish swimming in the dating waters was around twenty years ago. So psychologically, I have not updated my attracto-meter be attracted to 50 year old men.

 

Secondly, I look young for my age - people often make comments about that. I always have, which upset me when I was in my teens and 20s, but now it's finally reaping its rewards.

 

With the right outfit/makeup I can look ten years younger than my age or even more. People who have seen my photos say I look in my 30s. I feel good and healthy too, despite menopause knocking on the door (well, knocking but I'm not answering... yet ).

 

Now if I set my upper age limit reasonably to age 60 -- ten years older than me -- most guys at 60 look really... well... old. Even only five years older, it just feels weird, when I see what the "typical" 55 year-old looks like on online dating sites.

 

Please flame away, or set me straight, I know I deserve it. Or commiserate if you will. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

 

 

You're too old, you're over 35, your ship has sailed. Gone are the days where you could get away with pickiness.

[sumdude]

The single women I know who are in their 40's and are still looking great have almost all dated and may still be dating men who are in their 20's. Why? Because they can. One is an ex GF of mine. They're financially independent, no longer care too much about having kids, they get their ego's stroked and like the fun they're having. They usually work hard at looking good and have had the luck of the genetic draw as well. They're on the top end of the curve. They also know it won't last too much longer so they're getting what they can while they can. So as far as I'm concerned I feel a lot better about perhaps dating women in their 20's. What's good for the cougar is good for the lion eh?

Edited April 8, 2011 by sumdude

[OliveOyl]

You're too old, you're over 35, your ship has sailed. Gone are the days where you could get away with pickiness.

 

I disagree. But thanks for the amusing outlook.

[irc333]

All it is is good genes....there's a small minority of women that look 20 years younger than their age (if they'rein their 50's)....and they're pretty much screwed actually.

 

 

They've been blessed with looking good at an older age, while everyone else looks....well.... their age.

 

Blessing and a curse I suppose.

 

Sorry, OP, but you're SOL, might as well do with what's available at you age bracket. <shrug>

 

Usually, it's come kind of nationality that makes them look younger than their age too probably. I met a hispanic woman that I thought was around my age...she asked my age and I said what I was...and she goes, "You're just a baby!" Turns out she was like 10 or 15 years older, I could've sworn she was early 30's.

 

 

Okay. A little confession here, that I'm not terribly proud of, and yes it's shallow. I'm not really attracted to a lot of men my age (physically speaking). I think there are two reasons. One reason is that the last time I was a fish swimming in the dating waters was around twenty years ago. So psychologically, I have not updated my attracto-meter be attracted to 50 year old men.

 

Secondly, I look young for my age - people often make comments about that. I always have, which upset me when I was in my teens and 20s, but now it's finally reaping its rewards.

 

With the right outfit/makeup I can look ten years younger than my age or even more. People who have seen my photos say I look in my 30s. I feel good and healthy too, despite menopause knocking on the door (well, knocking but I'm not answering... yet ).

 

Now if I set my upper age limit reasonably to age 60 -- ten years older than me -- most guys at 60 look really... well... old. Even only five years older, it just feels weird, when I see what the "typical" 55 year-old looks like on online dating sites.

 

Please flame away, or set me straight, I know I deserve it. Or commiserate if you will. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Edited April 8, 2011 by irc333

[irc333]

There was this one woman I went out with, age 45...VERY curvy, had an arse you could bounce a quarter off of...you can tell she was older, because it showed in her face...a lot of crows feet, smile lines (beautiful smile though), probably due to sun exposure.

 

But, the body was to drool over, she had an 19 year old daughter just as hot. LOL.

 

She apparently dated guys that weren't really 'active" as she was, and she didn't care that they didn't really work out, she just wanted to simply go biking with or kayaking or something in the outdoors, her last b/f was a construction worker, and he'd never leave teh house on weekends, just sit, dirnk beer and watch the games all weekend.

 

So she just happen to date younger guys, because they actually likve to GET OUT of the house. lol

[sumdude]

 

She apparently dated guys that weren't really 'active" as she was, and she didn't care that they didn't really work out, she just wanted to simply go biking with or kayaking or something in the outdoors, her last b/f was a construction worker, and he'd never leave teh house on weekends, just sit, dirnk beer and watch the games all weekend.

 

So she just happen to date younger guys, because they actually likve to GET OUT of the house. lol

 

Ironic, half my problem is finding women of any age who are up for getting out and about as much as I am. A lot of women I know in their mid 30's and up go home, feed the cat's (or walk the dog), cook dinner, watch TV or read a book and go to bed by 10 or so.

[Mutant Debutante]

Funny how the tune changes when its older women dating younger men, but god forbid a guy wanting someone younger .

 

 

Date whoever you want, OP. If you aren't attracted to older men or men your age, I can understand that. I feel the same but when it comes to women, that is.

 

Meh, I don't think there's some huge double standard here. The guys wanting younger girl threads get reactions when they're talking about a huge age difference or very young girls.

 

The OP is what, fifty? So if she's dating anyone from like 35-65, that seems normal and reasonable to me. If she was writing about how she wanted to date 18-20 year old boys hell yeah I'd think that was creepy. I'd think the same if the genders were reversed.

 

I am in my early-mid 20s, and I do tend to like "older" guys. I've had some experiences in my life that most other early 20s kids can't match, most guys my exact age seem young to me. But when I say older guys, I mean like maybe 28? 30? I wouldn't want to date a 40 year old, geez my father is 45.

[GivenUp0083]

Meh, I don't think there's some huge double standard here. The guys wanting younger girl threads get reactions when they're talking about a huge age difference or very young girls.

 

The OP is what, fifty? So if she's dating anyone from like 35-65, that seems normal and reasonable to me. If she was writing about how she wanted to date 18-20 year old boys hell yeah I'd think that was creepy. I'd think the same if the genders were reversed.

 

I am in my early-mid 20s, and I do tend to like "older" guys. I've had some experiences in my life that most other early 20s kids can't match, most guys my exact age seem young to me. But when I say older guys, I mean like maybe 28? 30? I wouldn't want to date a 40 year old, geez my father is 45.

 

Lucky for the rest of the world, they can do whatever they want and date anyone of legal age.

[Back Burner Gal]

A lot of guys at age 50, for online dating, have their upper cut-off listed as 45. They want a woman aged 32-45. Presumably because they want someone who is well preserved.

 

In my area there are 55 year old men looking for women 28-40 and one even looking for women 25-35.

 

So what does this 55 year old have to offer a woman 30 years younger than him?

 

5'7". A pot belly. A comb over. An income of $50-75,000. A chin sliding into his collar bone. An exwife and 3 kids who sometimes live with him.

 

Good luck. I guess you like what you like but you have to be realistic.

 

What I want to know is how come a man who doesn't want a woman over 35 is showing up on my search. I'm 49. I get I won't show up on his search, but why is he showing up on mine. Why doesn't match filter him out?

[Intricategirl]

I don't see anything wrong with it. I just don't get it. I've got a 21 year old that's hot for me (I'm 34). That's all fine and dandy, but frankly, he's going to act like a 21 year old, including in bed (which is not a good thing). Drinking legally is still a novelty.

 

No thank you. Gimme those fine, older gentlemen who have a nice stable career, have been on their own long enough to know how to cook properly, and have taken the time to develop hobbies that don't involve a bar. And as long as his grandchildren are at least 15 years younger than I am, it's all good!

[alphamale]

Please flame away, or set me straight, I know I deserve it. Or commiserate if you will. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

come on Olive, you aren't exactly a looker yourself. you're way too skinny and that nose

[OliveOyl]

come on Olive, you aren't exactly a looker yourself. you're way too skinny and that nose

 

 

But my spinach casserole makes the men feel super!