OliveOyl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Okay. A little confession here, that I'm not terribly proud of, and yes it's shallow. I'm not really attracted to a lot of men my age (physically speaking). I think there are two reasons. One reason is that the last time I was a fish swimming in the dating waters was around twenty years ago. So psychologically, I have not updated my attracto-meter be attracted to 50 year old men. Secondly, I look young for my age - people often make comments about that. I always have, which upset me when I was in my teens and 20s, but now it's finally reaping its rewards. With the right outfit/makeup I can look ten years younger than my age or even more. People who have seen my photos say I look in my 30s. I feel good and healthy too, despite menopause knocking on the door (well, knocking but I'm not answering... yet ). Now if I set my upper age limit reasonably to age 60 -- ten years older than me -- most guys at 60 look really... well... old. Even only five years older, it just feels weird, when I see what the "typical" 55 year-old looks like on online dating sites. Please flame away, or set me straight, I know I deserve it. Or commiserate if you will. I just wanted to get this off my chest.
MrNate Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Lol. No point in feeling bad. There are tons of men out there who feel the same exact way about you.
fishtaco Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Date younger guys, it's all the rage these days. There are well known cougar bars around here. I'm sure they are around where you live too.
Cracker Jack Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) Not seeing how this is shallow. You don't have to date in your age range at all. Some might believe it's shallow, but I don't believe it is. Edited April 8, 2011 by Cracker Jack
musemaj11 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Women are too obsessed with age. Guys judge women by how they look, not what their real age is.
Mr.Cairo Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Funny how the tune changes when its older women dating younger men, but god forbid a guy wanting someone younger . Date whoever you want, OP. If you aren't attracted to older men or men your age, I can understand that. I feel the same but when it comes to women, that is.
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I won't flame away, I share your feelings. Mid-forties here and I am often shocked when I look at guys my age. They can't be my age, no??? 20 kg overweight, double chin, basketball belly, earhairs and nosehairs not removed, unattended hair, no taste concerning clothes. BUT they are convinced that they are god's gift to women because if you see what they are looking for: women 10-15 years younger who must be pretty. There are guys of 50 who turn up their nose at women of 45 because they consider them as "too old". Give me a break! They should be happy that pretty women who are 5 years younger want to give them some time! What's up with all these average guys end of fifties, beginning of sixties, who think that women in their forties are waiting for them??? What are they thinking? I am by no means a topmodel but I still have the same size 6 as when I was 18 years and hardly any wrinkles (that's what using hydrating creams since 15 does for you), have a cute face and am feminine. Can't count how many times people don't believe my age. So why should I think that they only option I have is a guy who is on the verge of retirement? There is just no gain in getting together with someone like that. Not only is the chance that because of retirement they soon will have an income a lot less than mine, there is also the risk that they won't be active anymore in the near future, and I don't even want to think about possible performance problem in the bedroom. I keep hoping to meet an exception = a well kept man my age (38 - 54) who is OK with a woman his age.
alexlakeman Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Most guys in there 40's don't like to date a 50 years old either, we date women in their 30's.. nothing like having to tell your buddies, "im dating this hot lady"... age? "well, she's ummm, FIFTY" holy crap, that's old... The problem is that as young as you might look on the outside the internals are still 50 years old...if you know what I mean. But I see nothing wrong just dating younger guys, good for you... I do agree on a 50 years old possibly looking 10 years younger.. I accidentally went out with a 49 year old and I swear she looked ten years younger, looked like very low mileage, etc... but didn't make it past the third date, would've felt too weird having to tell my friends and family, "she's 50" in a few months
Mr.Cairo Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I won't flame away, I share your feelings. Mid-forties here and I am often shocked when I look at guys my age. They can't be my age, no??? 20 kg overweight, double chin, basketball belly, earhairs and nosehairs not removed, unattended hair, no taste concerning clothes. BUT they are convinced that they are god's gift to women because if you see what they are looking for: women 10-15 years younger who must be pretty. There are guys of 50 who turn up their nose at women of 45 because they consider them as "too old". Give me a break! They should be happy that pretty women who are 5 years younger want to give them some time! What's up with all these average guys end of fifties, beginning of sixties, who think that women in their forties are waiting for them??? What are they thinking? I am by no means a topmodel but I still have the same size 6 as when I was 18 years and hardly any wrinkles (that's what using hydrating creams since 15 does for you), have a cute face and am feminine. Can't count how many times people don't believe my age. So why should I think that they only option I have is a guy who is on the verge of retirement? There is just no gain in getting together with someone like that. Not only is the chance that because of retirement they soon will have an income a lot less than mine, there is also the risk that they won't be active anymore in the near future, and I don't even want to think about possible performance problem in the bedroom. I keep hoping to meet an exception = a well kept man my age (38 - 54) who is OK with a woman his age. Sure, lets do it like this. Women stop wanting babies, wanting 'commitment', marriage, and co-habitation, and we'll go ahead and rewire our genetic imperative to keep us from wanting younger women . Well, at least I know that when I'll reach my 40's, I won't have any competition, and still with access to 20-something women, I will be a very happy camper .
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Most guys in there 40's don't like to date a 50 years old either, we date women in their 30's.. I am not talking about men dating older women here. I am talking about men dating women their age, like in between 2 years older and 3-4 years younger. BTW, do you really think that there are that many women in their 30's interested in guys in their 40's. I was never ever interested in guys more than 5 years older than me, whether I was 20, 30 or 40. Most women want somebody their own age.
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Well, at least I know that when I'll reach my 40's, I won't have any competition, and still with access to 20-something women, I will be a very happy camper . Don't delude yourself, most 20-somethings don't want to date a guy of 40. In the eyes of a 25 year old girl with selfconfidence so without issues, a guy of 40 - even is he is goodlooking - is most of all one thing: OLD !
Author OliveOyl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I don't really want to date younger guys persay. I don't mind a few years younger, but mentally and maturity-wise, I like men my age. Plus I don't want to limit myself. I think deciding to date only younger guys is as limiting as any other criteria. The bigger issue is I'm not happy with my own "agist" attitude. We may choose to date only a certain race, or we may choose to date only a certain educational level, because we are that race or obtained that degree. However, age is different. It's not a character flaw, it's not a cultural difference, nor is it a life choice. If we are fortunate enough, we will ALL get old. And for that reason I would rather be accepting of men my age (and a few years older) than go "eeek.... look at that gray haired old man" -- as if he could choose any differently. Some men in their 50s do look stunning. I'd do Richard Gere any day, he's totally yummy. Oh heck I think he's 60 now.
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 IThe bigger issue is I'm not happy with my own "agist" attitude. We may choose to date only a certain race, or we may choose to date only a certain educational level, because we are that race or obtained that degree. However, age is different. It's not a character flaw, it's not a cultural difference, nor is it a life choice. If we are fortunate enough, we will ALL get old. There is nothing agist about wanting to date men your own age. I think it is the most normal and natural thing. Only wanting to date younger or older, that is agist in my opinion. And yes, we all get old but in a relationship with a big age difference, this has huge consequences on the relationship because it causes big differences in stamina and the dynamic of the relationship can change into one of patient and caregiver. I like to have a partner who is not too different from me, who I feel is in the same league when it comes to intellect and looks. Age is part of that. I can't be with someone I perceive as "old". "As old/young as me", yes. But not "I think he looks old next to me".
Author OliveOyl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Oh and another thing. A lot of guys at age 50, for online dating, have their upper cut-off listed as 45. They want a woman aged 32-45. Presumably because they want someone who is well preserved. I get that... same issue as my original post. However they even won't see my profile because it's that magic number of 50. It matters not that I do look young for my age, I simply won't show up in their results. I DO show up in the results of 55-60 yo men looking for 45-55 yo women. But I refuse to lie about my age. Honesty is a huge, huge thing with me. This is one of the problems with online dating, and why I might try more meetups and things that enable me to meet people in person first. There's so much more that can be gauged in person vs. online, and more quickly too.
phineas Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) I won't flame away, I share your feelings. Mid-forties here and I am often shocked when I look at guys my age. They can't be my age, no??? 20 kg overweight, double chin, basketball belly, earhairs and nosehairs not removed, unattended hair, no taste concerning clothes. I keep hoping to meet an exception = a well kept man my age (38 - 54) who is OK with a woman his age. 'SUP. 39, lost 70lbs, at 190 questing for 180 i'm 5'8" 34 jeans, questing for 32. almost no spare tire but still got some belly fat but no muffin topping. Own a rotary trimmer for nose & ear hair. 3-D toothpaste & mouthwash for my teeth. Keep hair short (no comb over for bald spot. Lift weights, run sprints. Have a job. own a house. Car is not new though I've had women friends help me pick out clothes. I got about 10 to 15 more lbs to loose to fit into those 32 waist jeans & have steadily been dropping 2lbs a week while maintaining the muscle I worked hard to build. I'm busting my ass not to be the guy you just described And I totally get it. I've changed my lifestyle to a healthy one. But, women my age just don't seem interested or want a younger guy in better shape. Online dating is a train wreck also. I posted full body shots in clothes that fit correctly. I'm no fatty. All I get is women with strong myspace angles or head shots only hitting me up. No thank you. Call me shallow but, like I said, I live a healthy lifestyle now & want a woman who does the same. Edited April 8, 2011 by phineas
Eeyore79 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I look pretty young, and I don't find old-looking men attractive and don't want to date them. I generally date younger, although I'll date older guys if they look good. A couple of years ago I dated a 40yo who looked about 30, but I'd decline to date other 40yo men if they looked their age. There's nothing wrong with wanting to date someone equally as attractive as yourself who looks about the same age.
Andy_K Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 BTW, do you really think that there are that many women in their 30's interested in guys in their 40's. I was never ever interested in guys more than 5 years older than me, whether I was 20, 30 or 40. Most women want somebody their own age. Yes, I do. You only have to look at the age ranges they select on online dating sites to see this. A large number of girls in their early to mid twenties will date a guy within the range 20-35 or so. Those in their thirties will often have an upper age limit close to 50. I haven't looked at women in their forties so I can't comment on them, but most women in their thirties *do* seem to be willing to date guys in their forties. So I think you're in the minority.
OpenBook Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Now if I set my upper age limit reasonably to age 60 -- ten years older than me -- most guys at 60 look really... well... old. Even only five years older, it just feels weird, when I see what the "typical" 55 year-old looks like on online dating sites. They're lying about their age; they're actually much older than that. But I know exactly what you mean, and I feel the same way. Also, most older men are looking for a nurse. Nothing wrong with that; just not what I want to be spending my life on.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Nothing wrong with that OP. I look really young for my age too, I'm 35 but look more like I'm in my early or mid 20's. Whenever I see someone my age, I always see them as though they're someone much older than me. Not that I wouldn't date someone my age though.
PinkInTheLimo Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Oh and another thing. A lot of guys at age 50, for online dating, have their upper cut-off listed as 45. They want a woman aged 32-45. Presumably because they want someone who is well preserved. I get that... same issue as my original post. However they even won't see my profile because it's that magic number of 50. It matters not that I do look young for my age, I simply won't show up in their results. I DO show up in the results of 55-60 yo men looking for 45-55 yo women. But I refuse to lie about my age. Honesty is a huge, huge thing with me. This is one of the problems with online dating, and why I might try more meetups and things that enable me to meet people in person first. There's so much more that can be gauged in person vs. online, and more quickly too. I hear you. These guys don't see our profiles because they put an age limit which is under our age. Whereas if they would meet us in real life, they would start to doubt if they could actually get someone as goodlooking as us. Just like you, I refuse to lie about my age. Honestly, I don't think I will find someone via a datingsite in this era of obsession with youth. I will just have to build up a better social life, which is very difficult I find when you're older.
Titania22 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Honestly, I don't think I will find someone via a datingsite in this era of obsession with youth. I will just have to build up a better social life, which is very difficult I find when you're older. Which is why my decision to go back to university and do another undergraduate degree is so awesome. All those young guys in class for me to perv at....*cough cough* i mean befriend.
andrew-bkk Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 'SUP. 39, lost 70lbs, at 190 questing for 180 i'm 5'8" 34 jeans, questing for 32. almost no spare tire but still got some belly fat but no muffin topping. Own a rotary trimmer for nose & ear hair. 3-D toothpaste & mouthwash for my teeth. Keep hair short (no comb over for bald spot. Lift weights, run sprints. Have a job. own a house. Car is not new though I've had women friends help me pick out clothes. Cool post, bro. 47; 6'1"; 34" Levis; no spare tire; slight belly fat; slight hair loss at the front; cycle twice a day for about 40 minutes in total. Re: diet -- loads of water (Google the benefits of drinking lots of water); tinned fish; fresh fruit (especially bananas); nuts (especially almonds). It's actually quite easy for older men and women to stay in shape. Problem is, way too many people just lose their self-respect, quit exercise and start eating like pigs. I have no qualms about older people looking their age, but I loathe obesity and laziness. Oh, btw, I would happily date a slim, well-groomed woman of my own age.
Cee Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I can relate to the OP's dilemma. I've hit 40 and I noticed on Match and OKC that a ton of guys put 32-35 as their upper age limit. So that ruled out a lot of guys my age. I also had the extra burden of not wanting children so men in their 40s looking to start families were out of the question. I think it's best not to rule people out too quickly, especially on age. I had an LTR with a man 16 years older than me. And I am currently in an amazing and loving relationship with a man who is 15 years younger. If I said, "too old" or "too young" and nexted them, then I would have missed out on these wonderful men. One caveat. I have never had a LTR using online dating. These older/younger men I've met have been in my social world so we had a lot in common already. Way too many guys on OKC were looking for "cougar action." The whole thing disgusted me.
carhill Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 OP, my mom used to always say 'I feel young until I look into the mirror'; this was in her 70's before her stroke. People often commented that they couldn't believe she was that old. That said, it's up to you to decide how you allocate attraction, as each potential brings assets and liabilities to the table. You are in control of how you react to men of all different ages, appearances and life experience. If you feel you are attracted to men who appear similar to your stbx at the age when you married him, you are. If other, that. If what you're doing works for you and feels healthy, go with it. If not, try something else. As a datapoint, I'm your age and, so far, the youngest lady I've dated is 47 and the oldest 55. I find women my age bring assets to the table, mainly in the areas of self-esteem and life experience, which I find compatible. Appearances are transitory. The image in the mirror does change. Good luck
LittleTiger Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I'm 46, my partner (who I met online) is 45 - he has, without a doubt, the best body of any man I have ever had the good (or bad ) fortune to see naked! (That includes the hot guys I knew when I was young and hot myself ). If you have high standards, stick with them, but you don't have to exclude men your own age. There may be less of them over 40 but they are out there and if you're young looking and in good shape yourself you've got a good chance of finding one. Good luck.
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