LonerGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) So I think I need to vent and wondering how other people felt. I hate dating! I also hate that when I like someone I could be in a relationship with them from the first date. It doesn't seem too fast to me because I wouldn't go on a date with them if I didn't like them in the first place. I also don't date people I don't know. So they are already becoming my friend by the time we date. So I'm ready to be in a relationship after that first date. Why am I like this? Is it weird? Why would I go on a date with some stranger who asked me out one day? Does anyone else hate dating? That's not how I like to get to know a guy. I'd rather be friends first. If you hate dating too, but for other reasons, then what are yours? I'm sorry if I seem mad or crazy. I'm not either. Just worried and frustrated. I guess I'm doubting the way I think, but that's how I think. Edited April 8, 2011 by LonerGirl
BeginAgain Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 You should be more receptive to being asked out by people you have no prior history. Most guys will think you are jerking them around if you make them a friend first without any guarantee it will ever be more and it is usually true. It isn't crazy to like someone starting on the first date but you can't act like you are planning his wedding. Some men and women want to play the field and that's it. They have no real interest in LTR and think the party will never end.
Author LonerGirl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 You should be more receptive to being asked out by people you have no prior history. Most guys will think you are jerking them around if you make them a friend first without any guarantee it will ever be more and it is usually true. It isn't crazy to like someone starting on the first date but you can't act like you are planning his wedding. Some men and women want to play the field and that's it. They have no real interest in LTR and think the party will never end. I don't plan the wedding immediately, even I know that's too much. And I never let on how much I like the guy that quickly anyway because I don't want to pressure him or scare him off. I just make my mind up very quickly. It's like there is a check box in my head for "I like him" or "I don't". There is no gray area in between for me saying "I kind of like him". But if a guy I don't know asks me out I get creeped out right away. I just don't have any interest in that person and I don't know how to be more receptive. I get an automatic feeling of, "back off person I don't know." I hope guys don't think I'm jerking them around. That's not what I'm doing at all. I have to become comfortable with them first, so I try to become a friend. Otherwise I just feel weird. And I have to see if they might have interest in me first, but I know that is from a fear of rejection. I guess I don't like playing the field since I have no interest in dating a guy that I had no prior interest in. I just want a LTR, no parties for me, lol. But I guess my way of getting there is messed up.
Imajerk17 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 What if you don't have time to "become their friend first". I mean, if a guy walks up and approaches you, then does he have any shot to get to know you? I mean, will you get creeped out if he asks for your number? He's not your friend first.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 The whole point in dating a stranger is because you find them physically attractive and you'd like to know them more.
BeginAgain Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 The whole point in dating a stranger is because you find them physically attractive and you'd like to know them more.Not for a woman. Physical attractiveness is a lower priority for most and attraction is based more on assumed resources/status. A woman's concern instinctively is how will he provide for me. To men physical attractiveness is paramount since they are cues of a woman's fertility.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Not for a woman. Physical attractiveness is a lower priority for most and attraction is based more on assumed resources/status. A woman's concern instinctively is how will he provide for me. To men physical attractiveness is paramount since they are cues of a woman's fertility. Yeah I forgot about that, there is the assumed resources/status thing. Not sure if looks are a more lower prioity than that though.
Eeyore79 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 My bf and I discussed our status as bf/gf four days after we got together. We'd known each other for a while beforehand though, which is the best way I think. There's nothing wrong with being in an instant relationship if you already know the person. In situations where I didn't know the guy, I'd expect to be bf/gf after a month or two, and there'd be no sex until that happened. I won't be strung along for longer than that; a couple of months is plenty of time to decide whether you want to give things a serious go. If you want to jump into relationships with strangers so quickly, maybe you're not properly assessing their suitability as a partner.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 My bf and I discussed our status as bf/gf four days after we got together. We'd known each other for a while beforehand though, which is the best way I think. There's nothing wrong with being in an instant relationship if you already know the person. In situations where I didn't know the guy, I'd expect to be bf/gf after a month or two, and there'd be no sex until that happened. I won't be strung along for longer than that; a couple of months is plenty of time to decide whether you want to give things a serious go. If you want to jump into relationships with strangers so quickly, maybe you're not properly assessing their suitability as a partner. Or a desperado.
thatdog Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Yeah I think i'm like you. I hate dating and most of the time try to get a gf without even having one date. I always go for girls I already know too so we have at least a month or so knowing each other as friends first anyways
BeginAgain Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 This approach might work for a woman but I don't think it can be truly effective for a man.
thatdog Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 This approach might work for a woman but I don't think it can be truly effective for a man. I am a man and it's almost exactly what i do.
somedude81 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 This approach might work for a woman but I don't think it can be truly effective for a man. I am a man and it's almost exactly what i do. It's the method I keep trying to do but it has never worked for me. The friends first thing just seems like a guaranteed way to get rejected.
stace79 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 FYI: Just b/c you really like a guy at first doesn't mean you will still like him in a month or three months or a year. Trust me. I think you're missing out on some real good life experience by refusing to even consider a date with someone you don't know well. Try looking at it as if some guy asks for your number at school or a party or something, you can then have a phone conversation and see if you can easily carry on a chat. Then if you do, you can meet in person for a drink or lunch or something, and see if the ease continues in person. It's all about building relationships. maybe the guy wouldn't be relationship material but could turn into a good friend. Maybe one day you'll meet your future husband through that new friend. Can't be closed off completely to new experiences. Even these guys you were friends with before were new to you at some point.
BeginAgain Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 maybe the guy wouldn't be relationship material but could turn into a good friend. Maybe one day you'll meet your future husband through that new friend. So basically string along as many guys as possible in order to date all of his guy friends and potentially find one to marry while keeping the initial guy on a short leash. No wonder straight guys secretly and not so secretly hate women so much.
Author LonerGirl Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 What if you don't have time to "become their friend first". I mean, if a guy walks up and approaches you, then does he have any shot to get to know you? I mean, will you get creeped out if he asks for your number? He's not your friend first. Yup, I get plenty creeped out. I've always been very shy and find having to have a conversation with a person I don't know to be a terrible experience. I'd rather have a pap smear. If you want to jump into relationships with strangers so quickly, maybe you're not properly assessing their suitability as a partner. No, I definitely wouldn't jump into a relationship with someone I don't know. This is only if I start dating someone I have previously known for months. Yeah I think i'm like you. I hate dating and most of the time try to get a gf without even having one date. I always go for girls I already know too so we have at least a month or so knowing each other as friends first anyways Yeah, that is how I feel too. I feel like a guy likes me more if we become friends first and then date. Otherwise he doesn't know me so...that makes me think he just wants sex or something. Although I'm NOT saying that is true, just my initial reaction to this stranger.
BeginAgain Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Yup, I get plenty creeped out. I've always been very shy and find having to have a conversation with a person I don't know to be a terrible experience. I'd rather have a pap smear. I could do you one better. I, a stranger, could talk to you while giving you a pap smear.
Author LonerGirl Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 I could do you one better. I, a stranger, could talk to you while giving you a pap smear. Lol, I think I would have a nervous breakdown.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I also don't date people I don't know. So they are already becoming my friend by the time we date. So I'm ready to be in a relationship after that first date. Why am I like this? Is it weird? Why would I go on a date with some stranger who asked me out one day? I know just how you feel The whole idea that we are supposed to just meet someone one day, go get coffee with them a few days latter. Go on another date a few more days latter and by the third date know they are "the one" never happened to me. I ALWAYS needed to get to know someone a bit before it would occur to me that I even wanted to date them. For some people who do fall in "love" (lust) at first sight that may sound strange wierd or dishonest. Whatever it's a very natural way for people to behave. Think about it this way. Dating people you knew for a bit first is the way it was for most of human history. We lived in smaller groups where everyone sorta knew or knew of everyone. For me I am going on a second date with someone off a online dating website... and while they are a very good person and we had a good first meeting... I am not feeling the situation. I don't think it's the person. It's just that perhaps OLD isn't my style. I am right now planning to go to a bisexual speed dating event next week. Unless this second date knocks my socks off. OLD is for the birds.
Author LonerGirl Posted April 10, 2011 Author Posted April 10, 2011 I ALWAYS needed to get to know someone a bit before it would occur to me that I even wanted to date them. Yes! That is exactly how I feel! I just can't develop and interest in someone if I don't know them. You said it way better than I could. Good luck with the speed dating. I'm far too shy to do anything like that or online dating either.
Recommended Posts