Author tigressA Posted April 14, 2011 Author Posted April 14, 2011 The bolded is good news. As long as your needs are reasonable, express them. If they're not, have you also addressed how to bleed off anxiety? My needs have always been reasonable; I was just expressing an unusual amount of insecurity. BF was upset because he had consistently proven to me that if there's something I need, he'll do what he can to provide it if he knows what it is. So his thought process was, "Why is she still feeling like this when she should know by now that I'll always do what I can for her?" Just frustration. I'm glad he feels comfortable enough to express it to me instead of bottling it. Now I just need to do the same, while changing my approach--I'm working on expressing my needs after making sure that it's an issue only an action/word from him can resolve instead of something that is fueled just from my own issues. As far as bleeding off anxiety, I just throw myself into something distracting--a book, or I clean something , or I go for a walk. I do deep, slow breathing and think of more likely scenarios based on prior behaviors. Kind of like what I do before I go onstage--I think, "You've done this so many times before, it's nothing. You'll rock it."
threebyfate Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 My needs have always been reasonable; I was just expressing an unusual amount of insecurity. BF was upset because he had consistently proven to me that if there's something I need, he'll do what he can to provide it if he knows what it is. So his thought process was, "Why is she still feeling like this when she should know by now that I'll always do what I can for her?" Just frustration. I'm glad he feels comfortable enough to express it to me instead of bottling it. Now I just need to do the same, while changing my approach--I'm working on expressing my needs after making sure that it's an issue only an action/word from him can resolve instead of something that is fueled just from my own issues. As far as bleeding off anxiety, I just throw myself into something distracting--a book, or I clean something , or I go for a walk. I do deep, slow breathing and think of more likely scenarios based on prior behaviors. Kind of like what I do before I go onstage--I think, "You've done this so many times before, it's nothing. You'll rock it."Good. Communicaton is key, particularly before it blows up to being a big deal. Once again, good. Just keep your eyes and ears open for patterns of behaviour and you'll be just fine!
zengirl Posted April 14, 2011 Posted April 14, 2011 Zengirl, I know the context in which he said those things. He had apologized about the "pressured" comment, too. One thing we're still working on is comprehending each other--he is fluent in English but there's still a bit of a barrier as it's his 3rd language and my vocabulary is naturally much more extensive than his. He frequently will use certain words in situations that don't really apply because they're too strong or too light, but they're the only thing he can think of in the moment. Ah, I can understand that, having lived elsewhere in the world. Totally different scenario. Anyway, about "not being so serious all the time"--I admittedly was constantly bringing up the topic of where our relationship is, etc, much more than I usually do. Also different from what I thought from your message, so that clarifies quite a bit. Glad to hear things are going better now.
Recommended Posts