autumnbethesda Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I'm stuck, like I think everyone else here is. Its amazing to me how we all have these same stories - met, instinct connection, soulmate stuff, one person or both falls in love, one person ends it (either inexplicably or not), one or both are hurting. We are all trying to interpret, rationalize, make the situation ok. But its not. No one on this board would have ever wanted this - we ALL want to end, either to move on, or to be together with the One. If all the stories are the same, and we all know how they play out, why is it so much easier thinking that our Situation is unique? Why is it so hard to unstick and to let go and move on? Why is the emotional attachment feeling so deep, even though we know that everyone says that's how an Affair is and its not real. Is it possible that everyone is wrong and we are right? Would that change anything? I just ask because I wonder if I'm not doing what I want to be doing because everyone is telling me not to do it, and therefore, I'm totally sabotaging myself. Make sense or a further rationalization to get me out of NC and let him back in?? Help.
SoMovinOn Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I think my situation is fairly unique - although I have heard or seen the same story several times. It seems rather unique on this board where the majority of the posters seem to be single women in an A with a MM. My A is a rekindling of a past love. It's an A now, but, I was already on the way out of my marriage. I know she wants out of her marriage as well, but... I don't know if that will ever happen. If it doesn't, I'm ok with that too.
Silly_Girl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Most of the people here have walked a day in your shoes. It's not just speculation. They've experienced this first hand, down to feeling the situation was unique. So everyone can't be wrong because this was the way it went down for so many of us here. Having said that, I believe that you should live life without regrets (as much as that's possile). If you would regret more not walking this path and seeing where it goes than you would experiencing any pain and loss that may come your way, then go and experience. You must be true to yourself. Only you know if you're willing to pay the price to see if there's more to it than this. I like that. You worded it well and it echoes my own thoughts.
illicitromance Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 From my point of view my affair saved my marriage, the man I had my affair with was also married so that made the inevitable breakup much easier to handle, I was confident he would never call or look to see me again, we both had too much to loose. If I have any advice to offer it's Never ever have an affair with a single man / woman , emotions will get too strong and heartache is as sure as apple pie. btw i run w_w_w.illicitromance.com
greengoddess Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 From my point of view my affair saved my marriage, the man I had my affair with was also married so that made the inevitable breakup much easier to handle, I was confident he would never call or look to see me again, we both had too much to loose. If I have any advice to offer it's Never ever have an affair with a single man / woman , emotions will get too strong and heartache is as sure as apple pie. btw i run w_w_w.illicitromance.com oh how original. lol illicit romance. What a copycat site of a disgusting nature.
KineticsEng Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I like that. You worded it well and it echoes my own thoughts. Ditto... Im struggling with NC with my A. But I know if I do it will be out of pure selfishness on my part. She needs to work on her own situation without me holding her back. The flip side to that is.... she may be staying away from me because she thinks I need the space / time. It would surely be a pity if we both continue NC because of the belief that the our past A needs the space to heal and move on.
20Seconds Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Why is the emotional attachment feeling so deep, even though we know that everyone says that's how an Affair is and its not real. Of course the emotional attachment is real. Just because someone is married...does that mean you can;t love them nor they love you? For me the purpose of NC is quite clear cut. It stops me from continuing a situation which causes me more pain than I can bear. I do not know if MM loves me, but even if he does, he is still not leaving his marriage, so I have to move on for my own sanity. It's self preservation, simple. Going back and trying again when nothing is changing is like trying to keep adding 2+2 to make 5. It doesn;t matter how many times you try it's never going to equal 5.
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