Mrlonelyone Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Well I met someone off OKC last week and have another date with them. So I at least have some proof that I'm not repulsive looking in pictures... I am not so full of "red flags" by being honest about who I am... I am not "stalkerish" (WTH ever that means). What I do think may vibe through in my online dating profile is this. Online dating isn't my style. I need to get to know someone in a real and platonic way before I can open my heart. I have seen too many people of really crappy character via the formalized dating process. While every relationship I have had that proceeded from a real honest to goodness friendship was so spectacular. I say this because the person I met is very nice and wonderful and all. To be honest... in my relationships that proceeded from a friendship by date #2 I was on cloud nine. Whereas here all I can think of is how much I don't know about this person. Mystery supposedly heightens the allure of a potential mate. Not for me. I hate mystery I like solving them...but not dating them. Is it that strange that I really truly would prefer to date someone I meet through work, school, some activity or common interest or the other....get to know them casually...then date them? I don't see how the rest of you do it. Help me to see how?
Paradise384 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I keep going back to online dating cuz it seems to work for so many people but I hate it! I would much rather date someone I know then a stranger. It takes me time to warm up to people and with formal dating you need to know by the second date if you will continue on or not. Well thats not nearly enough time me for me to decide anything! And who wants to waste a month getting to know a stranger without even knowing if you like them or not. Sometimes I grow feelings for someone out of nowhere after 6 months of friendship. Im going to just keep trying to meet new people to be friends with and see how my love life ends up! Youre not weird or anything for feeling this way. Good luck!
TuffCookieX Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I am opposite of Paradise (and I know her in real life, we have this discussion all the time). Online dating doesn't have to be a mystery! My most successful dates and short-term relationships (I have never been in long term) were from an online site. I find them to be comforting because you can talk to someone for a while before meeting them and get to figure them out even if it isn't face-to-face. By the time you actually meet up, you have things to discuss because you are familiar with their interests, passions, etc. You also know the things they are looking for in another person, whereas meeting someone at a bar can be a mystery. Maybe they are just looking to get laid? But when you talk to someone from online, you can figure out what they are looking to get out of the website. A few things I have figured out from online dating: Make sure they have MULTIPLE photos to show, not just good angles with their mouth closed. My friend went on a date with a guy who had no smiling pictures and it turned out he had rotten teeth! My worst mishaps: one guy lied about his height, and another just turned out to be a bit awkward. Oh, and one led me on for a few weeks and then I found out him and all his friends used that particular website to bang as many chicks as possible. Gross!
MarlyStar Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I say this because the person I met is very nice and wonderful and all. To be honest... in my relationships that proceeded from a friendship by date #2 I was on cloud nine. Whereas here all I can think of is how much I don't know about this person. Mystery supposedly heightens the allure of a potential mate. Not for me. I hate mystery I like solving them...but not dating them. Is it that strange that I really truly would prefer to date someone I meet through work, school, some activity or common interest or the other....get to know them casually...then date them? I don't see how the rest of you do it. Help me to see how? I'm like you. But it DOES seem to work for so many. We all know at least one person it's worked for, I know two personally, and about 3 more who are friends of friends.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Thanks I needed to hear that. From spending some time on this board I got the impression that only "creepy", and "sneaky" people would want to get to know someone first then date them. Some of us know we want to date someone right of the bat. Some of us only figure that out after some weeks or months of just being around a person. I guess we are the second kind. The only advantage I see to online dating is that I get to contact people I might not otherwise be able to reach.
fortyninethousand322 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 My only issue with online dating is that so many people seem to live close to the city or in the city. I go to school in the suburbs and I live in the outer suburbs, driving to the city is a good 45 minutes to an hour long drive (on a good day, on bad day it might be close to 2 hours). I think I'd like to meet someone closer to where I live or go to school. I know I sound lazy but I'd prefer not to spend half my life in the notoriously bad traffic we have in my area.
veggirl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I am the same way. I have no desire to meet someone on a dating site. I meet people out and about and I like that. I went on one of those sites for literally like a day and was totally turned off by it. Different strokes for different folks, actively picking through people for a date just seems unnatural to me, like that's just not how it's supposed to be *shrug*. I know it works for loads of people, it just rubs me the wrong way.
MarlyStar Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 The only advantage to OLD is there is a pool of people who claim they are single and want to date...whereas in real life it seems everyone else is attached. The problem with OLD is a lot of them aren't single and don't actually want to date. Or just want to use you (men wanting to use women for sex and women apparenty wanting to use men for citizenship and to increase their stable of johns--and both sexes are looking for someone to exploit financially). Ughhh... And yet, so many people DO make it work. Do you suppose the statistic that 20% of new relationships start online is really true?
blackwidow290 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I think that online dating takes away from the slow flirtation, the mystery of not knowing whether they are interested or not.. the subtle things. Its much more convenient in that you know that the person who messages you back and forth is interested in dating you, but cruder, to the point in a way. Also, before I have met someone online Ive had a few conversations and have gone on instict of whether I might like them or not.. and have met them right away to get a real idea of them. The problem is that through technology that instinct cant really tell you anything or guide you. You go based on a bit of information, practically nothing, and its very random. Thats the trait that Ive found appealing, hte randomness.. it brings together people that would otherwise most likely never come across each other, it can be romantic in that way if you're willing to be open minded, go from there, and start to get to know someone. I still think it takes away from the "natural" way of dating.. bumping into each other, spilling coffee when you first meet.. or at a friends party. its much more thrilling the non technological way. but hey, I met my current boyfriend online and based on the time we met and the circumstances we still think that we're meant to be.
orangelady Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Is it that strange that I really truly would prefer to date someone I meet through work, school, some activity or common interest or the other....get to know them casually...then date them? Silly, of course that is everyone's ideal. Don't you think we'd rather meet someone and date someone via real activities than to go online to scout for them? I always find that the quality ones are offline anyways. Online are the reject ones (most of the time) like, you wonder, why do they have to look for someone online? But of course that's not always the case. I'm sure they're cool people online too. I don't see how the rest of you do it. Help me to see how? I don't know, I tried to ask guys out that I meet in real life but they don't give me a chance. And of course some guys here would say, "Well you didn't ask the janitor out, or the illegal immigrant out who can't even speak a word of English" or bla bla bla...
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 felt your pain at some point but ironic that i found my fiance from a dating site. and he was also skeptic about online dating (and LDR). i went out on dates, went well and most of the guys i have dated were very eager to meet after but the problem was me. i was like "i'm getting tired of this dating dance, uncertainty, playing games...rant rant rant" well when i wasn't actively looking i just found my match hehe. perhaps you can use OKC to find activity partners and from there you will be able to get to know someone at a platonic level. online is just one tool to meet more people but of course you should not limit yourself.
stepka Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I prefer dating IRL b/c the quality of the men I can date is much better, in every way. But, I seem to have trouble meeting that many men IRL b/c I'm so busy all the time and still have kids at home. Well I'm going to a drag queen show on Sat. eve. and my ex and his bf will be there. Maybe I can meet a man there.
westernxer Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I have a profile on a site as well and I may just bail out. Not really my thing either, at least after that first month when things start to sour.
Cerpin_Taxt Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Well I met someone off OKC last week and have another date with them. So I at least have some proof that I'm not repulsive looking in pictures... I am not so full of "red flags" by being honest about who I am... I am not "stalkerish" (WTH ever that means). What I do think may vibe through in my online dating profile is this. Online dating isn't my style. I need to get to know someone in a real and platonic way before I can open my heart. I have seen too many people of really crappy character via the formalized dating process. While every relationship I have had that proceeded from a real honest to goodness friendship was so spectacular. I say this because the person I met is very nice and wonderful and all. To be honest... in my relationships that proceeded from a friendship by date #2 I was on cloud nine. Whereas here all I can think of is how much I don't know about this person. Mystery supposedly heightens the allure of a potential mate. Not for me. I hate mystery I like solving them...but not dating them. Is it that strange that I really truly would prefer to date someone I meet through work, school, some activity or common interest or the other....get to know them casually...then date them? I don't see how the rest of you do it. Help me to see how? I've had several dating profiles over the last few years. Never got me anywhere. I don't look good on a website or something or I'm too honest about myself or really am that ugly. Whatever the reason, I quit them all and opt for only meeting women in real life. Works about as well.
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