hurley21 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I have always been the type to sort of shut down mentally and focus on 'getting things done' whenever something traumatic happens to me. I've worked with a counselor before on it and I thought I was doing better. Until now, my fiance left me (out of the blue) about 7 days ago. We are still talking, trying to be friends. In fact, I am living with him until August (shared lease). But thankfully, I only see him 3 days out of the week for the rest of this month. To the point... I haven't cried. I haven't screamed. Instead my mind is just working on a minimal level. All of plans that I had made out included him. Now, I am 8 months away from college graduation and I suddenly don't have a plan. Furthermore, I can't make any decisions. I just feel wedged inbetween two concrete walls. I'm stuck inside my own brain. All I do is go to class, do homework and workout. I am numb and constantly sore all over. Something similar happened to any of you? Is this the shock phase, the denial part maybe?
WiselyNaive Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I have always been the type to sort of shut down mentally and focus on 'getting things done' whenever something traumatic happens to me. I've worked with a counselor before on it and I thought I was doing better. Until now, my fiance left me (out of the blue) about 7 days ago. We are still talking, trying to be friends. In fact, I am living with him until August (shared lease). But thankfully, I only see him 3 days out of the week for the rest of this month. To the point... I haven't cried. I haven't screamed. Instead my mind is just working on a minimal level. All of plans that I had made out included him. Now, I am 8 months away from college graduation and I suddenly don't have a plan. Furthermore, I can't make any decisions. I just feel wedged inbetween two concrete walls. I'm stuck inside my own brain. All I do is go to class, do homework and workout. I am numb and constantly sore all over. Something similar happened to any of you? Is this the shock phase, the denial part maybe? very similar....i deal with things differently for the most part but its been almost a month since my break up 3 weeks since we last spoke...i have shed a few silent tears but they dont last long n they only come when ive heard something about my ex....id say its shock...because i really didnt expect this from my ex and all my plans also included him...ive been pretty silent about it..i speak to few ppl of it.... i rlly have been trying to appear tough ...and lead no signs that i care because i really dont know if i do or not yet....denial stage is more of u thinking he'll be back..n convincing yourself not to worry...so if u r not crying because u think hell be back..denial....but if u havent even began processing if hell be back or not shock.....try to make the denial phase as short as possible....its the worst feeling building urself up to believe someones returning and then they dont.... i personally prefer to b in shock forever...minimal functioning to avoid thinking about it....but dont do it for too long...after a few weeks u need to begin to deal with it n actually think about it for a bit as painful as is sounds...atleast go through it once then lock it off but if u never process it n stay on minimal it will hit u at the wrong time.
Author hurley21 Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 That is exactly how I feel. So its shock. I felt a bit of anger tonight, so maybe I am heading toward the anger phase. However, I had a few tears, but the minute I felt the full on cry about to come, my mind just stopped it and I went numb again. I just don't want this to be a thing where I am bottling things up and then I have some sort of breakdown or something. Years ago, I left an abusive guy (with him for 4 years) and I didn't even react to it. I literally just got up and left one day. I joined the military and by the time I finished training and reached my first base, I was drinking so much on the weekends. Eventually my emotions just slammed me one day, I didn't sleep for almost 2 months. I don't want a repeat. No one wants pain and I can tell my mind is trying to protect me- but its inevitable. This needs to come out.
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