stepka Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 i can understand that. and although I wouldn't be totally put out by it, as I also have nothing to hide, it would make me wonder if she is a control freak or will be a constant privacy invader. Well you can stop wondering. The last thing I am is a control freak and yet I do google someone I'm interested in. A. It's public record. B. After my experience I realized that I could have known my stalker was a stalker before he stalked me. Another thing everybody--google yourself. My stalker came over to my house one night and believe me, I had not given him my address. So I googled myself and my address was in the first five hits and right on the search results. I was able to email the lady who ran that website and have my address removed. You should probably do this regularly.
phineas Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I google. And I go one step further. I look at the court records for my state. It's all public record. Safety first! So far, I've never told the person that I googled them or researched them, and they are free to do the same with me, I have nothing to hide. I don't want to creep anyone out and make them think I'm a stalker, so I don't say anything. But I do it for safety reasons. they give you their last name before the first date?
Intricategirl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Another thing everybody--google yourself. My stalker came over to my house one night and believe me, I had not given him my address. So I googled myself and my address was in the first five hits and right on the search results. I was able to email the lady who ran that website and have my address removed. You should probably do this regularly. Yep. Good advice. There are only a few of me in the US. But all of my writing and art is done under my married name, and after the divorce, I've seriously dated 3 guys who still don't know my real last name. It's my legal name, and I'll sign it for credit card slips and when I bought my home, but publically, I'm still known by my married name. This has created an ideal situation for me. Nobody knows where I live because they're looking for the wrong girl.
Art_Critic Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I'm still known by my married name. This has created an ideal situation for me. Nobody knows where I live because they're looking for the wrong girl. IG.. it really is a false ideal situation.. there are web pages.. u s s e a r c h is one that comes to mind that puts together many or all of the aliases and married/maiden names in the free search so any person can search by either name and pull up the other. Just a little FYI
Intricategirl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 IG.. it really is a false ideal situation.. there are web pages.. u s s e a r c h is one that comes to mind that puts together many or all of the aliases and married/maiden names in the free search so any person can search by either name and pull up the other. Just a little FYI I do understand that. It won't stop someone who's really dedicated to finding out info about me. But the casual person- it'll do a decent job.
veggirl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 When you google your dates and you find out some facts that they haven't already told you about that you find interesting (let's say....they've been to Egypt 2x and you love Egypt?...just making something up), do you ask them about it? Mention you saw it online? Or do you find a way to bring it up without letting them know you already know?
EasyHeart Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 I assume everyone googles everyone, including dates. It's just common sense. I also assume that if we have any friends in common, she will ask them about me.
Intricategirl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 When you google your dates and you find out some facts that they haven't already told you about that you find interesting (let's say....they've been to Egypt 2x and you love Egypt?...just making something up), do you ask them about it? Mention you saw it online? Or do you find a way to bring it up without letting them know you already know? You're assuming nosiness where it's more an issue of safety. I'm checking to see that their stories are matching up. I.E. he says he used to be a high school teacher in the South and now is a musician. If I find person X used to be a middle school teacher in the south, was fired, and now is advertising on Craigslist for people to be in a band with him, I'm going to wonder why the deceit and half-truths. I'm going to search further to determine if the firing is anything untoward I should be worried about. It's not a case of trying to discover every detail of his life. Sometimes I stumble onto it accidentally, but figure if they want to tell me, they will.
Author Memphis Raines Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 When you think about it, isn't the entire process of dating one giant investigation? no, not one giant investigation, but unintentional revelations. during dating, people should find things out naturally, not because they are going looking for specific information. If someone feels the need to investigate before dating, fine I suppose. anyone that feels the need to keep doing it after nothing keeps popping up needs to be alone.
Author Memphis Raines Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 Obviously there's a massive difference between going through public record and going through someone's private stuff. Drawing a comparison between the two is sort of blowing the whole google thing out of proportion. not drawing a comparison between the two, just wondering if someone that would google someone else looking for information would be also the type to snoop alot when there is no reason to believe something bad about the person.
alexlakeman Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I'm a little protective of my personal life / info.. When I first start dating someone, and they "innocently" ask "when's my birthday?" I KNOW where they're going later that night to google me, lol.. so I always give them a predetermined month/day/sign I have in my brain , so they'll never find crap... lol If we end up getting serious, then I tell them, and tell them why I did what I did.. That's pretty much dating in a nutshell. Should it be- no. Will it be? 100% absolutely. I am divorced and have kids. If my ex-husband googles and finds they guy's name on a sex offender list, I lose my kids. He could be up for sainthood and I can't take that risk. YMMV Interesting; I never thought of googling those who are dating my ex wife, I could definitely use any dirt like that when my kids are involved... But, that would be hard to do, it's not like she's giving me full names on every guy she goes out with, lol..
alexlakeman Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 not drawing a comparison between the two, just wondering if someone that would google someone else looking for information would be also the type to snoop alot when there is no reason to believe something bad about the person. Not true..
Intricategirl Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Interesting; I never thought of googling those who are dating my ex wife, I could definitely use any dirt like that when my kids are involved... But, that would be hard to do, it's not like she's giving me full names on every guy she goes out with, lol.. Yeah, like I said, I've actually gotten jobs based on my internet searching capabilities. I don't need a last name. Though if it's a guy I'm going to date, it crosses my own ethical line to go searching that deep. And I actually have had an occasion where I gave my ex-husband the full name of a guy I was seeing. I dated a martial arts sensei- 4th degree black belt in aikido (same thing Steven Seagal does). I asked him to take on my kids as students and I was very honored when he said he would. I also drew up a contract for everyone to sign. I promise to use my best judgment and not put them in overly dangerous situations, the lessons can only happen during class, and I have to be there. The guy I was dating promised to treat them as he would any other student, which may or may not include demonstrating moves using them. My ex-husband agreed that he understood a guy I was dating would be teaching my kids a martial art and what that entails, and that he approves. That way, my ex can't come back later and tell the courts, "She's dating a guy that is throwing my kids across the room, and I want full custody!!" Everyone signed it, and everyone is aware of the situation, and it stayed on the up-and-up.
alexlakeman Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 and then later they find out why the guy has an assult and battery entry on his record. . What if the guy got the charge b/c he was protecting his ex wife / ex g/f at a bar when some men tried to grobble her, but her was the one charged?
Author Memphis Raines Posted April 12, 2011 Author Posted April 12, 2011 Not true.. you never know. someone that might do this just may be cynical and doesn't trust anyone. again, it wouldn't really bother me if someone googled me since I'm no criminal or anything of the sort. nothing to hide. but then I'd have to wonder about the character of such a person and if scrutiny is something I'd have to endure with her.
Mutant Debutante Posted April 12, 2011 Posted April 12, 2011 Well like some other people have said, I think there's a big difference between checking into a stranger's public record and snooping through your boyfriend's personal stuff. I'm a little surprised you think there's a big correlation. I have never snooped or put my boyfriends under microscopes, they become my boyfriends because I trust and respect them. Totally different kettle of fish.
Recommended Posts