Kamille Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I have mixed thoughts on this. I can kind of understand it in the "is he a criminal" aspect, but...I don't know. It just seems kind of weird/creepy. Even if you are online dating, if you are meeting in public, you are pretty much safe aren't you? I just think of how recent of a phenomenon this is. People dated for years and years without googling their dates. Sure, they could walk down to their courthouse and obtain public records, but who did that? I'm not talking about 50 yrs ago, I'm talking even more recent than that. This is a new thing to do. I think it's strange and I think that "is he a criminal?" is often the excuse used just to be nosy. I would feel strange going on a first date after already creeping someones facebook or online journal or what-have-you without their knowledge. I think it's just another result of the instant gratification the internet has made people feel entitled to. Also- as someone mentioned, they found out that a date had a foreclosure and an ex had filed a restraining order. There are SO MANY things that can explain both of those away (esp the foreclosure) that I think it's unfortunate someone would be prematurely judged without the facts. Just because we have access to all this information doesn't mean we should induldge in it, imo. But up until internet dating came along, people usually met through their social networks. These social networks could private indirect information about the dates (he's friends with Kyle so he must be a good guy) or provide direct information about the date (so what's the deal with Dave?).
veggirl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) What's the criteria when looking at criminal background? If someone looked mine up, they'd see nothing (because there is nothing), but I'm thinking of some IRL friends who are fantastic wonderful people...who would have things show up. I mean I assume murder and the like is a no-go, but what about things like assault? What if someone is 30 and has an assault charge from when they were 24 and got into a bar fight? And has a perfect record from then on? It just seems like there would be so many gray areas and so many things that would be "okay" w/ an explanation? Or as someone said, the sex offender registry. I have a friend who had to register when he drunkenly peed in an alley when he was 22. But would that be a dealbreaker? IDK, I do see why people want to do it, I just don't myself and have never felt the need. Then again, I do not online date, so perhaps that explains my different thinking? I have dated people I met out who I had not a single soul in common with though, and still not googled them. I've just never actually felt the need, for whatever reason. Edited April 8, 2011 by veggirl
Engadget Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 this is smart. i've had friends go out with guys, sweet nothings in the beggining, and then later they find out why the guy has an assult and battery entry on his record. waste of time having to find out a blatant deal breaker later. i don't want to say that all guys are scum (obviously not), but they are out there having met a few myself. Having a charge and having a conviction are two different things, and unless you know the real reasons behind what happened it's judging a book by it's cover. Hell, you can get attacked, defend yourself and get charged with A&B. I would know, it happened to me and stupidly I covered up for my ex and I was the only one arrested, but the charge was dropped.
Intricategirl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 unless you know the real reasons behind what happened it's judging a book by it's cover. That's pretty much dating in a nutshell. Or as someone said, the sex offender registry. I have a friend who had to register when he drunkenly peed in an alley when he was 22. But would that be a dealbreaker? Should it be- no. Will it be? 100% absolutely. I am divorced and have kids. If my ex-husband googles and finds they guy's name on a sex offender list, I lose my kids. He could be up for sainthood and I can't take that risk. YMMV
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Love is unfair. And what did we do before the internet? We didn't have google search in the 1800's...yet people got married and had kids. People are overly paranoid.
stepka Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I google these days after a stalker got hold of me. He was a stranger that I met and had a great convo with so he asked if I wanted to meet at a coffeeshop the next afternoon for a non-date snack. I said sure and we did and he walked me to my car and next thing I knew I had his tongue down my throat. I got away from him and went home and googled him and found out that his ex had several restraining orders taken out on him. I had a heckuva time getting rid of him after that too. Now, I am no wide-eyed innocent--I've been around the block a few times so that one was just crazy. yes I def google these days but I don't talk about it and I don't look them up on spokeo.com b/c I looked myself up on it and it was laughable. Looked up my 94 yo g-ma too and it has her X-country skiing and skateboarding for hobbies.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 IDK. the gf's I've had have often admitted to being 'turned off' to some extent by the idea I'm a gamer but they still like me for everything else so it's fine. hahaha i am nerdy myself and my fiance's best friend teases us that we are a weird bunch. i call my fiance a dork more like as a joke, but he knows i love dorky things as well. it's really just a match of interests plus i think that is an interesting facet of a person.
Art_Critic Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 My name happens to be the same name of someone famous and an actor from a long time ago... About 23,600,000 results (0.14 seconds) Go ahead and google me.. if you have the time to go thru almost 24 millions hits I've been a googler before dates.. I also will look into the online public records too...
somedude81 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 My name is pretty common and I simply don't show up in the results. Heck the first facebook result for my name is a buff black guy not wearing a shirt
Mutant Debutante Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 But up until internet dating came along, people usually met through their social networks. These social networks could private indirect information about the dates (he's friends with Kyle so he must be a good guy) or provide direct information about the date (so what's the deal with Dave?). Totally agree! I prefer to meet guys through other people I know, that's how it's usually happened for me. But if I am going to go out with somebody I barely know and nobody can vouch for him, damn skippy I'm gonna google. I'm a pretty small chick, and I'm responsible for two other lives besides my own. I had a stalker once...a real stalker, not some imaginary internet stalker (people have really watered down that word lately). I've also dated guys who turned out to be abusive, my radar was off for a while because of my messed-up childhood. I don't need to deal with that **** again. Some guys seem pretty normal and even charming when you meet them in public you think they're okay...then you maybe find out they have assault charges or restraining orders against them, after they've already found out where you live and that kids live with you, and then their creeper-fangs come out with a vengeance. I'm not excessively paranoid about it, but I figure I'd rather be safe than sorry.
BeginAgain Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 i don't really care. if they read my work and are put off by something, then they can cancel and we won't waste each other's time. next. Some day you are going to run out of nexts. Then what will you do? Sex toy celibacy?
d'Arthez Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 If you have the name of someone famous, it is usually quite easy to weed out the irrelevant stuff, by adding some negations to your searches; problem will be of course that quite a few people will be named after them. It is much harder if you are have a common name that is not famous. Googling can only get you so far, especially if you have a doppelganger with a few details being the same. If you knew my name and date of birth, you'd still end up googling the wrong person. If you know my interests, still the same. If you know where I live, still the same. To look up women who spent part of her life with her husband(s)'s name, it is quite difficult as well. It provides them with a bit of anonymity on the web. There is a reason women who are having careers in science should keep their own name - they have to build up a reputation from scratch. I just think of how recent of a phenomenon this is. People dated for years and years without googling their dates. Sure, they could walk down to their courthouse and obtain public records, but who did that? I'm not talking about 50 yrs ago, I'm talking even more recent than that. This is a new thing to do. I think it's strange and I think that "is he a criminal?" is often the excuse used just to be nosy. I would feel strange going on a first date after already creeping someones facebook or online journal or what-have-you without their knowledge. We have become increasingly paranoid as society. Internet, paradoxically increases and decreases human distance to each other; the former, because it is individualistic in nature, the latter, since we 'meet' people outside of our traditional communities. It could well be that one of my doppelgangers has a criminal record, and that would be held against me, because someone mistakes me for someone else, with the proof being on the web. Would not be fair, but anyone who has the illusion that life is fair would not be good dating material either.
Engadget Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Love is unfair. And what did we do before the internet? We didn't have google search in the 1800's...yet people got married and had kids. People are overly paranoid. You nailed it. Americans are scared fools
Intricategirl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Maybe I'm just extremely search savvy (actually, I know I am. I've literally landed two jobs based on it), but it's pretty easy to sort out what fits and what doesn't. Recently met a guy online that I'm chatting with. He gives me his full name and actually tells me a few places to look for him online. Because it was on a dating site, I know his age and city. He also mentioned a state he used to live in. Given everything I know about him- which is not much- the researcher, underwriter, and car salesman don't match. The musician who used to be a high school teacher and has opened for Charlie Daniel's band- ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! His story checks out, the story he told me matches other info, including from where he works, sounds like an honest guy. My ex has a ridiculously common first and last name. He also taught martial arts. Once I saw that, it was easy. Even to find the radio shows he used to do, which are not nearly as highbrow. There might be a hundred other guys with his name in this area alone. Simply use common sense. If the photos in the profile look real and seem to be of the same person, and it matches the age they're telling you, you take all that into account. So if you're talking to a black guy named James Taylor who works as a chef, and you stumble across a white guy named James Taylor who is a musician, and their ages are totally off- he's not a liar. You messed up. But if he has no photo on his profile, what he's saying doesn't match up... tough call.
SmileFace Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 one of them actually works in a field similar to mine and the other is... a Ukrainian prostitute. BWhahahahahha!
Mutant Debutante Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 You nailed it. Americans are scared fools Nailed it how, exactly? In the 1800s there was no Google, right, got me there. Oh, but as a general rule women just didn't date strangers back then...potential dates were vetted by their families, hell, sometimes their whole communities as they might have known almost everyone their whole lives. And when people did date, they were almost never alone, there were chaperones or the guys came over to the family house or they met at public dances and parties with a TON of other families. Also young women hardly ever lived alone, and didn't have to worry about confrontations in their houses with nobody there to help them. Hmm, seems like context counts and comparing dating in the 1800s to using Google in 21st century online dating doesn't actually make much sense. I've lived through being stalked and abused, but if it makes you feel somehow superior to call me a scared fool for doing a minimal background check before going out alone with a strange man, knock yourself out.
EyesWideOpen Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Sorry if someone responded to these already. Was quickly skimming through. No one has yet asked the question, what about if you have a common name and they google the wrong person? OOPS!!! Moral: googling someone isn't always such a hot idea. I would assume most people are intelligent enough to recognize a common versus uncommon name, and certainly anyone who uses the internet for anything is also aware of the possibility for duplication of names in either case. I have mixed thoughts on this. I can kind of understand it in the "is he a criminal" aspect, but...I don't know. It just seems kind of weird/creepy. Even if you are online dating, if you are meeting in public, you are pretty much safe aren't you? I give two examples in response to this: First - few years back a story came out about a guy who was an active Plenty of Fish member who turned out to be a murderer. Bad people have internet access too. Second - last year one of my best friends was actually going to meet up with a guy from a dating sight. He stood her up, and the reason being that he showed up in the news a couple nights later for having been arrested for stalking. Apparently after going on dates he would follow the girl home, and proceed to stalk and harass them. He was stalking a dozen girls or so when he was arrested. Just because you meet somewhere public doesn't mean the guy isn't a creepazoid. So no, online dating is most definitely not safe! Still gotta be cautious.
Author Memphis Raines Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I google. And I go one step further. I look at the court records for my state. It's all public record. Safety first! i can understand that. and although I wouldn't be totally put out by it, as I also have nothing to hide, it would make me wonder if she is a control freak or will be a constant privacy invader.
Author Memphis Raines Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 this is smart. i've had friends go out with guys, sweet nothings in the beggining, and then later they find out why the guy has an assult and battery entry on his record. waste of time having to find out a blatant deal breaker later. i don't want to say that all guys are scum (obviously not), but they are out there having met a few myself. and after the investigation you find out the guy is on the up and up, will the surveillance stop at some point? or will it be ongoing?
Author Memphis Raines Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 if you place your personal info out on the internet for billions to see then anything goes... you don't have to place it out there. anyone can google anything and find something. it just may be information that doesn't mean anything, like your phone number.
Author Memphis Raines Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I'm a guy and I always google girls I go out with. They are free to do the same to me. Of course, I also don't talk to them about this, that could be a bit creepy. ok, so now I'd like to ask everyone then, after the initial investagation of someone, does it stop once trust is established? or are underwear drawers gonna be raided?
Intricategirl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Speaking for only myself, once I've done my initial search and the guy's story matches up, I'm done. I don't look in dresser drawers, an ex left the computer signed into his Facebook and I could have checked the messages- instead I logged him out. Cell phones are sacred and I don't snoop through them to see who's texting what. If I haven't met someone, they haven't earned my trust. If I'm dating them for any length of time, they have. The end.
EyesWideOpen Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 and after the investigation you find out the guy is on the up and up, will the surveillance stop at some point? or will it be ongoing? When you think about it, isn't the entire process of dating one giant investigation? It doesn't stop until you've decided that person is for you and they are a foreseeably permanent part of your life.
EyesWideOpen Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 ok, so now I'd like to ask everyone then, after the initial investagation of someone, does it stop once trust is established? or are underwear drawers gonna be raided? Obviously there's a massive difference between going through public record and going through someone's private stuff. Drawing a comparison between the two is sort of blowing the whole google thing out of proportion. You can't fault someone for wanting to protect themselves when meeting up with and getting to know a stranger. But they won't be a stranger forever, now will they?
curlygirl40 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 and after the investigation you find out the guy is on the up and up, will the surveillance stop at some point? or will it be ongoing? With me the investigation would stop. As long as everything ads up. The last guy I dated actually was coming down with a cold and took a nap while I was at his place before we went out one night. Left his laptop and his cellphone sitting out on the coffee table while he was in his bedroom snoring away. Didn't touch either one. Did the dishes, read a book. LOL Just because I do some initial research doesn't mean I'll stalk or invade someone's privacy.
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