flowers123 Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 i have been seeing this guy for about 6 weeks. great guy. everything i'd ever want for. things are going well. he really likes and cares about me. i am a social butterfly. i have a lot of friends i hang out with, and party on most weekends. he, on the other hand, is more of a homeboy. laid back, prefers to stay home on weekends and watch movies. likes fishing, etc. he doesn't drink. so we're kind of like the opposites when it comes to social life. i like everything about him, BUT, his sense of style. he doesn't have a style. i consider myself a very stylish, trendy girl (i am from a big, hip city). whenever we go out, sometimes i don't feel attracted to him as much because i get turned off by his clothes. there's nothing wrong w/ his clothes, it's just that, he needs to be more stylish. i like to look good. and i want my man to look good as well. am i being too shallow? i really like him a lot. he's a very nice, sweet guy and not the typical guy i would usually go for... but im afraid my friend is correct: that i might get bored w/ him, eventually.. how can i fix his fashion tastes w/o being too vulgar or hurting his feelings? (he is very sensitive for a guy, and im not usually used to that).
morrigan Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 I've never been a fan of changing the way someone looks (unless their fly is unzipped and they don't know it!) I can work on my appearance, but I figure that if a guy dresses or wears his hair a certain way, it's because he likes it. Your boyfriend sounds laid back and modest--not characteristics of a guy who wishes to be admired for his stylish appearance. I don't think it's really about his clothing, as it is about different social lifestyles. You may encourage him to be more social and outgoing, but you have to realize he is an adult with his own interests and ideas. You can grow to admire and appreciate his qualities, or you may eventually find you don't have enough in common to share a long term relationship.
SoleMate Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 Of all the things to "fix" about a guy, this has got to be one of the easiest! You just can't let him know that you think he needs fixing. Be subtle...praise him when he looks a little better...look at clothes together...buy him a shirt that looks terrific on him...etc. Talk about how your own appearance is important to you, and what it means to you deep down. Diplomacy is essential. Clothing choices may be fundamental, or they may just be accidental. If he is truly bonded to those baggy chinos, you may have trouble getting them away from him. But chances are he is just wearing that stuff through lack of interest or knowledge. The only thing I would worry about is the 6 weeks. This is still a young relationship. It might be a little new for a makeover.
Arabess Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 Look on the bright side....while is is looking all geeky....no one ELSE is noticing him. HAHAHA! I know it sounds shallow, but I understand what you are saying. There are just some people who give no care as to how they appear. I went out with this guy once, who I met while he was in uniform, who ended up looking like a great big slob. I was embarassed for him. I don't know if someone can or should try to change another person. However, maybe you'd be doing him a great big favor if you took him shopping. I don't care so much about the latest fashions.....but I do care that a guy shows a little personal style...not looking like he's 14 heading for the basketball court in his play clothes.
faux Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 Originally posted by flowers123 ...am i being too shallow? i really like him a lot. he's a very nice, sweet guy and not the typical guy i would usually go for... but im afraid my friend is correct: that i might get bored w/ him, eventually.. Yes. You are being too shallow. Far too shallow. If he is very nice and sweet, then this is all that you should care about. If you do not often go for nice, sweet guys, as you say, what hell spawn DO you go for? Get bored with him? To me, that seems a rather rude thing to say. how can i fix his fashion tastes w/o being too vulgar or hurting his feelings? (he is very sensitive for a guy, and im not usually used to that). "Fix" his fashion tastes? You can take him shopping for new clothes, and perhaps allow him to expand and develop a style of his own. I'm not sure how he feels, but if I had money for clothes I would have ten closets full I used to be one of those super grungy type guys, until someone showed me how much nicer I look in other clothes. As I said, take your guy out and maybe he will like what he sees and make a change. If he doesn't decide to change, however, he has the right to remain as he is. I don't think it's harmful to take him to a few stores, and have him try things on, but it would be very wrong of you to force him to change simply because you would feel more comfortable with it. It sounds as though you are far more concerned about looking good in public, and being surrounded by people you consider to be beautiful, then being loved and cared for by a kind man. At the very least though, get him a nice leather blazer Those are so good and every man ough to own one. I need to get another myself. Think of it as a compromise: If he has decent shoes, or a nice pair of boots, the jacket will look good over anything he puts on.
flwrchld68 Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 I'm going with the concensus on this one. Take him shopping. But, if he feels like you are trying to change him, he'll resist and it will push him away from you. Men tend to get comfortable with their style, or lack there of. Subtle suggestions are the only way to encourage change, but it will only happen if they want it to. Maybe take him to the mall, saying you had a recent windfall of money, and buy him some things that are more your style. I think he'll wear them at least around you. Be sure to give him positive feedback when he is trying the stuff on. Say things like, "Oh, you look SO hot in that shirt!" Over time, the positive encouragement will allow him to change on his own.
Arabess Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 You are right Faux...there CAN be a financial issue. But a guy can look appealing without having to spend all his funds on clothes. YOU look cool and you said your funds were limited. It's kind of like if you picked up a girl and she was wearing socks with sandals.....it just looks STUPID. Maybe you really like her.....but if she would JUST take the socks off. Does that make sense????
faux Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess You are right Faux...there CAN be a financial issue. But a guy can look appealing without having to spend all his funds on clothes. YOU look cool and you said your funds were limited. Thanks. At this point I would like to thank Sears, Old Navy, K-Mart, JC Penny, and Macys. I would just love to have more money. There are some super nice dress shirts and pants I would look great in, but they are so expensive. $40 for one pair of pants! I would also go around wearing suits all the time if I had more money. I do not even know how to tie a tie It's kind of like if you picked up a girl and she was wearing socks with sandals.....it just looks STUPID. Maybe you really like her.....but if she would JUST take the socks off. Does that make sense???? Makes sense to me. You are not supposed to wear socks with sandals.
i love him but.... Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 Originally posted by flowers123 i have been seeing this guy for about 6 weeks. great guy. everything i'd ever want for. things are going well. he really likes and cares about me. i am a social butterfly. i have a lot of friends i hang out with, and party on most weekends. he, on the other hand, is more of a homeboy. laid back, prefers to stay home on weekends and watch movies. likes fishing, etc. he doesn't drink. so we're kind of like the opposites when it comes to social life. i like everything about him, BUT, his sense of style. he doesn't have a style. i consider myself a very stylish, trendy girl (i am from a big, hip city). whenever we go out, sometimes i don't feel attracted to him as much because i get turned off by his clothes. there's nothing wrong w/ his clothes, it's just that, he needs to be more stylish. i like to look good. and i want my man to look good as well. am i being too shallow? i really like him a lot. he's a very nice, sweet guy and not the typical guy i would usually go for... but im afraid my friend is correct: that i might get bored w/ him, eventually.. how can i fix his fashion tastes w/o being too vulgar or hurting his feelings? (he is very sensitive for a guy, and im not usually used to that). thats some ****ed up **** fo real. if you care about this man his style and his social life shuldnt matter...... if u care about this guy u shulld be able to seperate your social life to your love life...... if not it seems to me that your not ready to have a relation ship. and shuld just go back to ur partying....other wise in the end your gonna hurt him...weather you want to or not...it will hurt him
Uno Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 actually i had the same problem with a girl i liked. her dressing was 2 bad i think, i loved her personality and she was kind of in love with me (not sure). well i never asked her out and never tried 2 be more than friends eventhough we kissed once or twice. i'd say dont try 2 change him. clothes tell a lot about him. it has a lot 2 do with our personality, as u said he aint outgoing, so changing the clothes isnt the only problem, and u can never change him 2 the way u want him 2 be(well i dont see this issue as only clothes issue so...)
befuddled11 Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 The guy is who he is, and he dressed the way he chooses to dress. There's a real air of superiority and snootiness in your post...like you think you're somehow way more cool and hip than he is. You sound rather young and not yet at the point in life where you've learned that it's what's on the INSIDE of a person that matters the most, not the rags they wear. He's obviously so not your type. After 6 weeks, you're wanting him to change to make YOU feel better. Not right. Go find yourself some hip, trendy city boy and leave this poor guy to find someone who will accept himself JUST as he is. Yes, you do sound awfully shallow.
DerangedAngel Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 It's kind of like if you picked up a girl and she was wearing socks with sandals.....it just looks STUPID. THANK YOU! That's what I've been sayin. My mother does that.
flowers123 Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 thank you all for the input. i do plan on taking him to the mall for some shopping. i don't mind spending a few extra dollars on him. and i don't think money is ever an issue for him as he makes a pretty good amount himself. i've actually dropped some hints about shopping, and praising him whenever he wears a shirt i like. he is not a total slob or anything. honestly, i am not trying to change him or his style. i love everything about him for the short time i've known him. this is relatively new to me. i finally found someone who is "real." before him, i would only date model-type guys. and i always wondered why it never worked out. i know that now. he's different in so many ways. i would never dare try to change anything from him. i just want to IMPROVE his tastes in clothes. that's all. but if he is not comfortable with it, then i am fine with it. i'm not going to push it. that wouldn't change what i think about him as a person. he is a good man, with a good heart. and that's pretty hard to find these days.
jenny Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 hmmm...maybe he will find a girl who has more in common with him, and is focused on things other than going out and clothing. most butterflies have quite short adult life spans.
bella8464 Posted April 6, 2004 Posted April 6, 2004 When it comes to fashion, I am like you. My first degree was in fashion design and I just LOVE clothes and shopping. And while it is nice to date someone that has that in common with you so you can have fun going to the mall together, I also love guys that just don't give a damn about that kind of stuff. Just like I love guys who don't care about the car they drive. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think guys like that are kind of sexy maybe because to me it shows that they're comfortable enough to be who they are without all the "extras." I love that whole "what you see is what you get" characteristic. I could be wrong, but from your post it sounds like you're ashamed to be seen with him. Like you're thinking "What is a hot, trendy girl like me doing with someone unhip like him?" If that is the case, maybe deep down you have some insecurity issues. Maybe you feel others will perceive you as someone "cooler" if you were seen with "model type" guys (as you put it) rather than someone like your bf. I think you should count your blessings, and if you can't appreciate this awesome guy, let him go. He will easily find someone who will. As far as getting bored...if you're gonna get bored with him, you're going to get bored whether or not he dresses the way you think he should. His clothes won't change him into the person you want him to be or as someone you feel you can have more fun with.
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