too fast for love and long story

[longterm]

Hello,

I'm a new member on this site. Since I have been through a lot in my time I figured I would try to help others out as much as I can. It's always easier looking at things from the outside-in. I'm one that gives good advice but cant seem to follow my own when it comes to ME!

 

Ok, here is my current issue and I am going to try to make this as short as I can. I'll fill in any voids later if you ask questions.

 

I had a 2 yr relationship that ended. I was still wanting my this ex. Going through all the normal dumb behavior that comes with getting back but with no success.

 

Shortly after this break, I met a new girl. She was absolutely amazing. Stopped me in my tracks when I saw her. She also thought I was cute.

 

She had 2 kids... This didnt stop me from going there. We started seeing each other for lunches. Had great conversation. I was practically drooling over her, but I wasn't ready to be in a family with the kids when I knew I wanted at least 1 of my own. Regardless, we had a physical connection and even a mental one. I was absolutely honest with my intentions... I wanted sex. She was cool with that too. She was cool with anything.

 

We went out a few times and I was actually debating on being friends with her as she is new to the area. i just couldn't help it though. We had sex after 2 dates. I was in it for the sex at the time. All because of the extra baggage in her life, which BTW was more than 2 kids.

 

Anyway, we had hot sex for about a month and half and then I noticed that I started to get feelings. I cared. She asked me to see her kids. I made a decision at this point to.. STAY. Yes, it was cool and I liked her a lot. I would see the kids. I met the kids and it was hard at first but all went well and we got along great over the next 2 months.

 

So at this point I am up to month 3. It was the dead of winter in east coast. COLD! I still took her out for dinner and such and we still talked a lot and had good times. Since I met her, she was going for her MBA. She had a really tough class coming up. It took all of her time away from me. She really wanted to see me but couldn't. This all of a sudden became "pressure" to see me. Not from me, but from her desire to see me and not being able to. The sex started to disappear but there wasn't much at the time that I could say. I mean, I was all for her getting her MBA. I wasnt going to get in the way.

 

Still, things started to weaken with us. I found myself going over and playing with the kids as she made dinner. I kept trying to do both seeing her and playing with them as they kept asking. She also was very tired. I mean she was up to 1am every night doing this hard class. I think she was just squeezing me in. She needed time alone. I brought this up. at first she didnt accept. She just felt bad that I said that. It was true though....

 

Ok, now comes the CRAP! An ex boss of hers was coming to town.. He wanted her to show him around the area. She asked me lots of questions about where to take him. I gave her advice but... He had F'n plans of his own. He took her to the best steak house in the city. They went out for drinks and she spent the night at his hotel. Actually, I think she spent 2 nights but cant confirm.

 

I called her and she told me she had to spend the night. She was drinking too much... This girl doesnt drink at all!! Only water for that matter! She said it was a "special occasion". She stayed up until 4 am. I asked if she had sex, she said no. She wouldnt do that and that he was a gentleman...

 

Ok after this what happens? I say I trust her and play dumb. I really wanted to see her again. I wanted MY sex and MY time out with her to have fun... Never got it. She now takes the time to be alone.

 

I did this for a week but was feeling like I needed a face to face about this crap. If this is to end, then see me in person. We met and I simply asked why she wasnt feeling me. She said she felt it was her life at the moment. That a lot was happening and it was too much. She needed to be alone. I took this as an excuse but made it clear that I though it was more than that. There is no other guy though. There is only an X guy but he lives 3000 miles away. She can only think of him.

 

This goes on for about a month. I texted her a few times and we chatted online. It went back n forth. She said she felt pressure to see me. Said she also felt trapped. I never trapped her at all. I think these were excuses. I went with it though. I let her have time alone. About a month.

 

After we started chatting more online. I said I wanted to see her and even then she was hesitant but kept pushing it to a certain time. The day that the hard class ended was the day we made plans to meet again. I just saw her again and played it cool. We had a good talk about our lives and her kids. I then brought up a little about the "relationship". We both agree we went too fast. I told her I was glad we broke because we had to. We talked so much about the future and everything else that we didnt just sit and enjoy it. I said I wanted to hang out with her again but I could totally tell at this point, she is not into me anymore. She just said "wouldnt that be awkward". I told her I dont want to be her friend. I basically left it in her court again. We both left but I feel I had more feeling than she did.

 

I wont text or call her again. Do you think she will ever contact me in the future? She once had feelings for me. I have come to find that women with young children get all of the love and affection from them. A man is useless for other than one thing. In this case it was dominance. She liked it when we would just have the sex. She wanted to be dominated physically and mentally. This is what she cant get from the kids. This is what I guess I lacked later on as I was trying to be IN the family. Im sure she is done and moving on to find another. However, do you think that she will EVER re-visit the fact that things were good? and contact me again.

 

Thanks for reading. I told you it was long.

[longterm]

Ok, 42 views and no replies to this... You all are really acting like my ex now. I guess I won't post anymore. This here is like breaking NC. I'm thinking of sending a text as she's on my mind all the F'n time! I won't though.

[VJohnson32]

Why does it matter to you if she contacts you or not? Its obvious you two were just having fun and used each other for sex. Its normal to develop feelings towards someone after certain time but I am not seeing the connection and chemistry. On top of all that, she has kids. Women with kids find it difficult meeting nice, good looking guys to be around them and their kids. I guess she thought you were pretty good catch, good in bed a good person to talk to and nice with her kids but you werent a father material. Maybe you didnt come out as one because thats not what you want.

[Fufu]

I think it is very rude to say no body reply your thread... look at this forum of how many people are asking for support and advice and they do not criticize people for not replying them.

 

This is forum, there are so many threads posting every minute and stuffs, if you want us to read your thread. Be Patient.

 

I do agree with what VJohnson32 replied to you. She probably doesn't find you a husband material for her.

 

Again, do you really love and willing to committed to her, or maybe you just enjoy her accompany?

 

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"I wont text or call her again. Do you think she will ever contact me in the future? She once had feelings for me. I have come to find that women with young children get all of the love and affection from them. A man is useless for other than one thing. In this case it was dominance. She liked it when we would just have the sex. She wanted to be dominated physically and mentally. This is what she cant get from the kids. This is what I guess I lacked later on as I was trying to be IN the family. Im sure she is done and moving on to find another. However, do you think that she will EVER re-visit the fact that things were good? and contact me again."

 

It's good to hear your not contacting her again. However, I have 0 idea if she will contact you again. Maybe she will maybe she won't. Maybe if she contacts you in future, it can also mean she just wants to be friends with you and nothing more. That bold words, personally it doesn't seem to me she is looking for a long-term relationship.

[longterm]

Thank you both. Yes, I tried to keep it short as I could. I do want this girl and was "father material". She noticed all of this. It's actually not what SHE wanted rather than myself. We both went into this for the sex and like you say, it's normal for one to have the feelings. In this case it was me that got the feelings as I was not used to being with kids. Never have before. I was instantly transformed into what I really am, which is father material. Just not their real father. I was always playing with them and they liked me. All was going well on that side. It's a situation where she felt I was at a different level in feelings I think, and it freaked her out. I was still the same guy though. Again, I brought all my future desires to her up front. Marriage and kids of my own. Her comment early on was "that all can be accomplished". So we went with that but too fast. Now I am trying to "do over" but on the right foot. Slow and steady. Although, the feeling has been lost on her side.. I think.

 

I apologize for the rant on getting response here. I helped out others with my opinions and will continue to do so.

 

So the reason that I wonder if she will contact me is, YES, I wanted to be in her family. I understand that this is a switchup. The break needed to occur and I brought that up at the last meet with her. That was 2 days ago. This AM I got a chat message from her but it was mostly business related as I am still working freelance on her projects. Not so directly though but she is now using that as a means to contact I guess. I keep that part professional and no comments on "us".

 

Anyway, I guess I got my answer to IF I would be contacted again but so far, it's business. Probably will just remain that way. Thanks again for your replies.

Edited April 8, 2011 by longterm

[nana841121]

Things turned into another direction , her attitude changed since the night she hang out with her ex-guy

In my opinion, she might have feeling linger on that guy. so she was hesitant about your relationship, especially when you get more and more serious abour your relationship, she waivered. and also the pressure from raising her children and study is high, she is not an innocent girl anymore.

Life makes her tough , maybe she is not in the mood for love.

[longterm]

Thanks Nana. You're right on target. Though its not the fling she may/may not have had. Most likely a dif guy lives 3000 miles away and they haven't seen or spoke to each other, the feeling is still there and causes her to wonder "why". She may get on track again later, who knows. If there is a new start, it will be in a much better manner. Not sure this will happen though. I think she will look elsewhere for what we originally started. That sucks, but if it happens, it happens. Hey, maybe even be better for me later, who knows.

 

That all happened in mid winter and tough classes etc. Spring is here and it will get much warmer, and she will have more time to give. Wish it was with me.

[love4me2c]

I swear this is my story with a couple changes: He moved out but wants to continue the relationship but I'm afraid this will end our relationship. I want to break up because he moved out over fear. I love him, but I've been hurt very badly in my recent past by my ex-husband. Sometimes, I wish I was just a dog or cat.. no real deep emotions and feelings. What a happy life it would be. This life is so paralyzing.

[longterm]

I've been in that situation once before too. We don't really break but had indifference. I wanted to be married and she wanted to play house. Then we moved out but stayed together. I was living at my parents to either save for a ring, or a new condo... I love my condo!

 

Anyway, that's not this thread. I am still dealing with this latest X and her baggage/hardship which is getting lighter as she nears her graduation. She will soon have plenty of time to give. She felt all sorts of "pressure" with me when I wasn't giving her any at all really. She just wanted to see me more and couldn't but that lead her to start "thinking"... blah.

 

Will be nice if she comes back and we can start off in a slow and better pace. She doesn't want a relationship though. At least not right now. I'll probably be long gone to her by the time she wants it. Right now I am dealing with her texting me on a "business" level. Not fare! Never really was fare to me to start with. Honest, yes, but not fare. I am and would gave her all the alone time she wanted to sort out her issues. I think she still is but seems to have lost the loving feeling for now.