lynne76 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Hi, I'd love to hear more stories from people who came out the other side of an all-consuming affair and ended up feeling better and (hopefully? possibly?) finding "love" again with someone they now view as "perfect" for them? I'm feeling like I will never get over my married man, and it's leading me to all sorts of angst. Any stories of hope are appreciated! Thank you, L76
Owl Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Just to offer a viewpoint...you might not find many takers on your poll, but that doesn't mean that these 'success stories' don't happen. The majority of posters that come here with a problem tend to LEAVE once their problem is resolved. Most of those "success stories" probably don't still post. So you may not find many responders....but don't take that as a sign that it can't/doesn't happen.
BB07 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Well I'm not the success story that you are looking for but I do view it as a success in ways. I'm on a journey to finally learning to be happy with ME and I'm learning that I don't have to be in a relationship or have someone love me in order to make me feel happy. I feel proud that I have not repeated my prior patterns and jumped into another relationship. I am enjoying my friendships with my friends more than I ever have and it's nice to go out with them and just be able to be in the moment and be accepted for who I am and not have to worry about all the crap that comes from a relationship that really wasn't meant to be in the first place.
TigerCub Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Hi, I'd love to hear more stories from people who came out the other side of an all-consuming affair and ended up feeling better and (hopefully? possibly?) finding "love" again with someone they now view as "perfect" for them? I'm feeling like I will never get over my married man, and it's leading me to all sorts of angst. Any stories of hope are appreciated! Thank you, L76 Hey Lynne, I think I have a success story, but I don't know if its EXACTLY as you mentioned. My A with xMM was all consuming as you mentioned (but we never slept together), it was an EA turned PA, but I still didn't cross that one line mainly to protect myself, so I'm just saying that because I don't know if its as "all consuming" as you might have experienced. To me though it was very intense, very consuming, to the point that it felt suffocating. I did end it and I am with someone now. My current boyfriend is actually my first love - our relationship ended years before my involvement with xMM. I do love my boyfriend, he's fantastic and we're very happy. Having been through an A - I've come to realize that when I thought xMM was "perfect" for me, it was because I only saw what I wanted to see. Sure we clicked, and we had so much in common and we were so alike in so many ways, but there were so many things that made him far from perfect - only thing is that I never wanted to see it at the time. Now, I see that no one is "perfect" for anyone. My boyfriend is fantastic, he's sweet, he's honest, he makes me laugh and we have great sex. Does he have qualities that don't perfectly mesh with mine - sure, but his pros by far outweigh the very few cons. I'm just telling you this because I hope you realize that, and stop chasing the idea of a person that will be perfect for you in every way. I'm so not saying this in any judgmental way, its just advice. It is just the way I've come to realize things. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows?... But I know that if I were to just look for a person that had every single quality that I liked in xMM - that provided the same intensity and crazyness that xMM did, I wouldn't be with anyone at all. Instead I've come to realize that (for me) all that matters is that I am with someone that cares about me, that I have stuff in common with, where there is mutual respect, love, passion and basically just someone that I know wants to be with me, will be there for me no matter what, and I feel the same towards him. So yes, in a way I am a success story, but not exactly how you measure success, I guess. Hang in there L76, life gets so much better when you take back your power, your dignity, stop living in tears - love will come when you're open to it. I wish you all the best
Confused4Now Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Well I'm not the success story that you are looking for but I do view it as a success in ways. I'm on a journey to finally learning to be happy with ME and I'm learning that I don't have to be in a relationship or have someone love me in order to make me feel happy. I feel proud that I have not repeated my prior patterns and jumped into another relationship. I am enjoying my friendships with my friends more than I ever have and it's nice to go out with them and just be able to be in the moment and be accepted for who I am and not have to worry about all the crap that comes from a relationship that really wasn't meant to be in the first place.This is me as well almost to the exact point. My journey was after 25+ years of being with someone was learning how to be happy in my own skin. I also worked on my behaviors that got me in trouble and learned my boundaries. I have plenty of family and friends which support me in all that I do. I learned to recognize drama from far away and not go there.
BB07 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 This is me as well almost to the exact point. My journey was after 25+ years of being with someone was learning how to be happy in my own skin. I also worked on my behaviors that got me in trouble and learned my boundaries. I have plenty of family and friends which support me in all that I do. I learned to recognize drama from far away and not go there. That makes me happy to read of your success! I'm getting there but still have a way to go. I've always known inside that in order to be able to pick a good mate that I needed to work on my demons but I let myself get distracted.....or should I say I wanted that distraction. lol I do not want to repeat my past mistakes......enough is enough.
BB07 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 That makes me happy to read of your success! I'm getting there but still have a way to go. I've always known inside that in order to be able to pick a good mate that I needed to work on my demons but I let myself get distracted.....or should I say I wanted that distraction. lol I do not want to repeat my past mistakes......enough is enough. Love should not bring so much pain nor should we have to sacrifice our soul to have it.
Noregret Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 HI Lynne.. Well for me what started of looking as impossible, has actually turned out pretty well. Like I said in my previous posts, when xMM left, I thought he died, because his absence made things so much difficult. However, I kind of instigated the break-up too.. I was suffocated. And I asked him why was he so unavailable? And BHAM... I got a LIST OF "SACRIFICES" he made for me.. I was upset because he got rashes all over his body and I got him a ointment from the Pharmacy. However, before I could give it to him, I wanted to see how he was doing. He didn't respond, and I panicked that something worse happened because of these rashes. So I was pissed that it took him 14 hours to tell me he was ok. Ok fine, I over reacted, that is because I felt helpless... but when he listed oh-so-many-sacrifices, it made me want to hide in a corner.. But the day after that, I realized that I didn't owe someone details about me..I felt better... He is my co-worker..So i hear him talking to his wife, in a way he only talked to me like that when he wanted to get close... We didn't have sex (THANK GOD!)! But I realized that he will never be able to hold my hand, cherish me, take a day off from work because I HAVE A DAY OFF, respect me, etc. I am a student too, so my school suffered for 2 whole semesters before break-up. After parting ways, I started hanging out with friends, working out, spending time with FAMILY (we ignore them a lot when we have an affair), watch movies, go on a drive, always always always have a ear-to-ear smile, make others laugh, read books, listen to music, TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, look and feel my best, LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH! And what happened, all this became a part of me! My birthday is coming up and I he might either be dreading whyyy or thinking howww and what to do (or not do anything)? Coz we celebrated his BIG birthday in a BIG WAY. Last year, he made it really special. But guess what? For lunch, I'm going to go out with my friends from work - people who genuinely care!!! I am a much much much happier person now..! I wish I could take 2010 out of my life. Lesson learnt: Never take crumbs in your life...
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