hamster123 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I will try and make this as short as possible because I could rattle on... Basically, around 18 months ago, people started putting pressure on me to ask this girl out, because apparently she really liked me but was too shy to ask me myself. Now 2 months before this she had been sleeping with one of my friends, but eventually stopped it when she found out he was also sleeping with her friend at the same time. This didnt bother me too much, so I asked her out and we started seeing each other for around 6 months. This was my first ever involvement romantically with any girl, and if im honest I really thought I was starting to fall for her. When I finally asked her if she would like to take things to the next level, she got very defensive and told me that she doesnt like the thought of getting serious and doesnt want a boyfriend at the moment. I asked her what she did want and she said she didnt know. She did say that she does like me, but has done the whole boyfriend thing before, but got hurt and doesnt want to go through it again (her first and only ever relationship ended when the guy cheated on her, dumped her and stayed with the girl he cheated on her with). She said shes not saying I would hurt her but she cant help worrying about it. Anyway after this things kind of fizzled out, and for the whole of last summer I was pretty bummed out about it. However just recently ive found out that throughout that summer she went back to sleeping with my friend again!! This hit me like a brick wall when I found out, and if im honest im really struggling to get over it I feel like shes constantly in my head, and all I can picture is them two having sex.. It annoys me that I genuinely liked her, and my friend only wants sex, yet she seemed to chose him over me. (Just to add insult to injury, I never had sex with this girl as I was unable to due to waiting for a hernia operation, yet my friend who just plays girls for fun has, when I made all the effort with her, that may be kind of shallow of me but hey). So yeah, It just seems like she doesnt know what she wants due to some emotional baggage she has with her ex, so would rather steer clear of commitment and sleep with my friend. Just seems like ive been caught up in it all and im being punished. And for what? Making the effort with her rather than just using her for sex. Could anyone please give me some advice on how to deal with this situation. Feeling pretty down at the moment so anything will help. Thankyou!
Eddie Edirol Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Just so you know, this girl lied to you. She wants a boyfriend, she just doesnt want you as a boyfriend, probably because you pushed for exclusivity too soon, or she just wasnt that into you. heres the irony, you know how you want her as a gf, but she doesnt want it? thats what she is doing with your friend. She wants him as her bf, but he just wants to use her. He is probably leading her on, making her think he will come around eventually when he knows he wont. he wont tell her that though, because he will lose his booty call. So learn your lesson here dude, make them work for it. if you make it too easy, they walk all over you and go for the real challenge. No one wants anything thats too easy, get it?
lapse Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Eddie, why do you assume that she lied? If it helps you to get over it by thinking that, fine. But it sounds like you simply assume that all girls want a boyfriend. That's a false assumption. OP, it's really hard - and I'm sorry that you're hurting. But it sounds like she and the other guy have similar dating interests right now. I'm glad you didn't have sex with her. There are great resources here. *hugs*
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