What is available Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I dont even know where to begin. My affair with MM just ended. By him. This just hurts way more than I ever thought. And please, I am serious, if there is anyone out there who has survived this - I would love to hear from you. Background. We started out as friends. I am very good friends with his wife. This was never planned - are they ever? MM and I hit it off right away. We started by talking/texting/emailing everyday - just as friends, getting to know eachother, because the spark we both felt was so strong. I knew he loved his wife - there was never a question of him wanting out of his marriage. We both were upfront, we both shared what our problems were and even worked together to make the marriages stronger. But in the end....it was him and I who got closer and closer. Some other details. He chased me. I didnt go after him. He pursued me, was very affectionate, gave me tons of attention and it was HIM who told me he loved me. Over and over. IT took me 9 months to say it back to him. It was him who saw our A as long term...he told me it was more than sex and that he was in it for the long haul. It was him who told me how much he wanted me, couldnt get me out of his mind. You get the picture. In the end though, it was him who ended it. One week ago. He said he finally got morals and couldnt do this any longer. One month after he told me that he couldnt imagine his life without me in it. WHAT HAPPENED?????? I will never really know. I have 2 teenage daughters who are starting out in the dating world. I always tell them how special it is and how RARE it is when you and a guy BOTH like eachother. But, even though you find that rare connection, all dating either ends in a break-up or marriage. People dont date happily ever after. WHY THEN - did I really think my A would never end? I cant believe that I was dolling out advice and not taking it myself. Thats it. I knew I knew I knew the minute he told me it was over - that it was over. Never ever thought of calling him, asking him to come back. None of that stuff. I miss him SO much though. I miss the daily fun. The interaction. The compliments. The "I miss you so much" texts he would send. How he told me he longed to see me again. He couldnt wait to hold me. That we would never end. Except....we did end. How do we all go on from here? I just dont get it. I just dont dont dont understand how he can go from one extreme to another. Thanks for all who read this and responds. Oh. We havent spoken since he ended it. I dont have any desire to talk to him either. I just wish I knew he at least misses me? Do MM's ever miss us?
whichwayisup Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Because it was an affair. He was never committed to you, even though he pursued and chased you, he never had any intention of leaving his wife for you. He is married and changed his mind, realized what he was doing was wrong. You seem to put alot of blame on him, how the A started and why.. You could have easily said no and not let it happen. Even more so since you're married and you were good friends with his wife. All you can do is let go and grieve the loss, keep busy and fix your own marriage, fix you. Does he miss you? Probably. But at the end of the day does it really matter? Other than ego, ask yourself what is the point of knowing since the A is over, you're married, he's married. Do you plan on telling your husband the truth? It's good that you've accepted it is over and don't intend on contacting him.
bentnotbroken Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Because it was an affair. He was never committed to you, even though he pursued and chased you, he never had any intention of leaving his wife for you. He is married and changed his mind, realized what he was doing was wrong. You seem to put alot of blame on him, how the A started and why.. You could have easily said no and not let it happen. Even more so since you're married and you were good friends with his wife. All you can do is let go and grieve the loss, keep busy and fix your own marriage, fix you. Does he miss you? Probably. But at the end of the day does it really matter? Other than ego, ask yourself what is the point of knowing since the A is over, you're married, he's married. Do you plan on telling your husband the truth? It's good that you've accepted it is over and don't intend on contacting him. I was thinking the same thing. You have to own your part in your feelings and what you two did. He couldn't do anything you didn't let him do? I am a little curious what you will tell your daughters now about relationships and friendships.
Owl Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I agree with WWIU. I see lots of focus on MM, whether he misses you, etc... And you ask if MM miss their ex-AP's. There's no difference between you and him. You're both married and both decided to engage in an affair with each other. I'm sure he does miss you. But that changes nothing, and focusing on that is determintal to healing and fixing things. What are you doing to recover yourself and your marriage from your affair? What steps are you taking to safeguard it from happening again, or resuming with him? Instead of focusing on him...focus instead on yourself. Why did you do this? What do you need to change in order to protect your marriage and family? What should you do now? These are really the most pressing things you should focus on...IMHO.
BB07 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 XOW here..........WIA.......when I read your post my 1st impression was that you are putting the blame on him for all of it and not taking responsibility for the part that you played. I know you are hurting and I'm sorry but you need to acknowledge the part that you played in inviting that hurt into your life. Friends with his wife uh. Yes I'm making a judgment call but I can't imagine how someone could do that to a friend? Also you say it was never planned, well maybe you didn't plan every step of it, but you and he allowed it to happen and there were decisions made ever day that enabled the affair to escalate, so saying it was never planned is a cop out when it comes down to it. Also...you state that he chased you and hey that is such a typical cop out here. A man is not going to chase something that he is sure that he is going to get rejected on, just doesn't happen. And.....you say you both were discussing things to help his marriage, that is one of the biggest loads of bs I've read on here. You the OW telling him things to do to help his marriage......lol, do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? So my advice is to own your part in allowing this hurt into your life and keep your NC. NC is the only way you can heal and move on but you also have to acknowledge how you got yourself into this mess and hopefully not allow yourself to get into a situation like this again as you have two daughters who look up to you and are using your life as a example as how they will live their life and make choices. Good luck!
Author What is available Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 I was thinking the same thing. You have to own your part in your feelings and what you two did. He couldn't do anything you didn't let him do? I am a little curious what you will tell your daughters now about relationships and friendships. Yes, you and the others are correct - I did put alot of focus/blame on him. That is where my head is right now. We both are responsible for what happened. Honestly? It made me feel a bit better that he "started" this to begin with. Yea, I know. And yes - I am focusing on me right now. Why did I allow it to happen? Because it FELT SO GOOD. Because we had such a connection. Because he made me feel things I hadnt felt in 20 years. Because he made me feel special. And because he said he loved me. And because this wasnt just sex for me. I wanted him just as much. Stupidity at its best. That I really thought we could both keep our marriages AND have eachother? Regardless - the hurt is real as the feelings were real. But - thanks to everyone who provided kudos for me not contacting him again. That is huge to me, and I could use any little bit of positives.
ladydesigner Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) Because it was an affair. He was never committed to you, even though he pursued and chased you, he never had any intention of leaving his wife for you. He is married and changed his mind, realized what he was doing was wrong. You seem to put alot of blame on him, how the A started and why.. You could have easily said no and not let it happen. Even more so since you're married and you were good friends with his wife. All you can do is let go and grieve the loss, keep busy and fix your own marriage, fix you. Does he miss you? Probably. But at the end of the day does it really matter? Other than ego, ask yourself what is the point of knowing since the A is over, you're married, he's married. Do you plan on telling your husband the truth? It's good that you've accepted it is over and don't intend on contacting him. Great post WWIU. The bolded points are oh so very true! I see a lot of myself in this OP's post when my A had first ended. I felt the SAME exact way and was placing a lot of the blame on the XOM. My A also was pursued by the XOM. XOM said "I Love You" first, couldn't live without me, wanted our A to last forever... blah f**king blah. Then he ended it via email. They were just words plain and simple, at least that is how I see it now. My XOM had a significant other of 5 years and stated that he realized he still had strong feelings for her. Oh well, I am married anyways and should have never walked this destructive path in the first place. In the end as much as I thought I was in love with him, now I realize most of my pain came from a bruised ego, and still does sometimes. In fact I think the bruised ego is only because I didn't end it first. What Is Available in time you will realize that you do have to own some of the blame as well, that was very hard for me to swallow at the time ,but is clear as can be to me now. If and when he contacts you again, and they usually do (mine did) why not tell him at that point you are planning on going NC (no contact) and wish to not speak to him again, that you need to heal. Distance yourself from this, talk to any friends who understand and counselor. Get busy, do new activities. Invest all your energy back into your marriage. One day you will realize how bad a choice this was. I know when I look back I thank my lucky stars I didn't leave my H for XOM. What a complete nightmare that would have been. Hang in there and welcome to LS:bunny: Edited April 7, 2011 by ladydesigner
BB07 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Yes, you and the others are correct - I did put alot of focus/blame on him. That is where my head is right now. We both are responsible for what happened. Honestly? It made me feel a bit better that he "started" this to begin with. Yea, I know. And yes - I am focusing on me right now. Why did I allow it to happen? Because it FELT SO GOOD. Because we had such a connection. Because he made me feel things I hadnt felt in 20 years. Because he made me feel special. And because he said he loved me. And because this wasnt just sex for me. I wanted him just as much. Stupidity at its best. That I really thought we could both keep our marriages AND have eachother? Regardless - the hurt is real as the feelings were real. But - thanks to everyone who provided kudos for me not contacting him again. That is huge to me, and I could use any little bit of positives. WIA...........I appreciate you acknowledging what others have pointed out about your focus being on him. Something else I noticed is that it seems to be all about how he made you feel. Maybe something inside of you is broken or you are trying to heal some hurt from long ago in a destructive way??? I have some of the qualities myself and it seems that most MOW/OW do so look hard within yourself and if you find it, you need to address it so you don't invite that hurt in your life again.
Owl Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I wanted to reiterate and re-ask the questions I'd posted earlier, in the hope that this helps you change your focus. You miss him...I'm not surprised, and I'm sure it's not amazing to anyone that you would feel this way. So it should be fairly simple to extrapolate that he very likely misses you as well. But...again...that's not where your focus needs to be at. In order to help yourself heal, you need to turn that focus back on yourself, and your marriage...just as MM is doing. Hence...my questions below: What are you doing to recover yourself and your marriage from your affair? What steps are you taking to safeguard it from happening again, or resuming with him? Instead of focusing on him...focus instead on yourself. Why did you do this? What do you need to change in order to protect your marriage and family? What should you do now? These are really the most pressing things you should focus on...IMHO.
fooled once Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I dont even know where to begin. My affair with MM just ended. By him. This just hurts way more than I ever thought. And please, I am serious, if there is anyone out there who has survived this - I would love to hear from you. **Many of us on here "survived" an affair. We all had lives before the affair, and many of us have even better lives once the affair is dead and buried. Background. We started out as friends. I am very good friends with his wife. This was never planned - are they ever? MM and I hit it off right away. We started by talking/texting/emailing everyday - just as friends, getting to know eachother, because the spark we both felt was so strong. I knew he loved his wife - there was never a question of him wanting out of his marriage. We both were upfront, we both shared what our problems were and even worked together to make the marriages stronger. But in the end....it was him and I who got closer and closer. **Very good friends with the wife? Most affairs aren't planned - although some on here admit freely they only 'date' married men. It is always 'exciting' when someone you aren't married to flatters you. It is called flirting. Most breathing men do this it is the quickest way to get a woman in bed. Why were you two so intent on 'getting to know each other' via texting and emailing? Didn't it occur to you what you were doing was inappropriate? How exactly do two people who are married to other people help each other to make their respective marriages stronger by having an affair? I have never understood this logic. Some other details. He chased me. I didnt go after him. He pursued me, was very affectionate, gave me tons of attention and it was HIM who told me he loved me. Over and over. IT took me 9 months to say it back to him. It was him who saw our A as long term...he told me it was more than sex and that he was in it for the long haul. It was him who told me how much he wanted me, couldnt get me out of his mind. You get the picture. ** You need to own your part of it. He didn't do anything you didn't welcome or enjoy. You could have said "NO, I am married. I made vows and promises. While I am feeling somewhat unsettled in my marriage, I will not cheat on my husband. " You enjoyed the attention (and I am not saying that is abnormal ... most women would agree it is flattering to have someone flirt with them). But you have to own your part of this affair. You didn't stop it. You almost encouraged it by NOT stopping the flirtation and the constant communication. As hard as it is, please realize when a man wants a woman, he will say pretty much anything to get what he wants - attention, sex, etc. He isn't going to tell you that you repulsed him or that you were nothing but sex. He liked the ego stroke you gave him; he liked you wanting to be with him; he liked you pursing him. In the end though, it was him who ended it. One week ago. He said he finally got morals and couldnt do this any longer. One month after he told me that he couldnt imagine his life without me in it. WHAT HAPPENED?????? I will never really know. **what happened? He realized he was throwing his marriage away and he didn't want that? He realized he was not being a role model for his children? He realized he was deeply disrespecting his wife. He realized he was a coward and a jerk for what he was doing to his wife and to you? He realized he 'conquered' you and he got what he wanted? I don't know - and you will drive yourself crazy wondering why. You will never get an answer to that that will make the hurt less. You will never get an answer that will make you happy. Affairs cause hurt and pain. I have 2 teenage daughters who are starting out in the dating world. I always tell them how special it is and how RARE it is when you and a guy BOTH like eachother. But, even though you find that rare connection, all dating either ends in a break-up or marriage. People dont date happily ever after. WHY THEN - did I really think my A would never end? I cant believe that I was dolling out advice and not taking it myself. **Love isn't that rare. Love isn't always easy and roses and sunshine. But love shouldn't hurt. Love shouldn't hurt others. Love shouldn't cause pain to those we love. Thats it. I knew I knew I knew the minute he told me it was over - that it was over. Never ever thought of calling him, asking him to come back. None of that stuff. I miss him SO much though. I miss the daily fun. The interaction. The compliments. The "I miss you so much" texts he would send. How he told me he longed to see me again. He couldnt wait to hold me. That we would never end. Except....we did end. How do we all go on from here? I just dont get it. I just dont dont dont understand how he can go from one extreme to another. **You probably will never have the answers to your questions and you are going to have to learn to deal with it. You have to look within yourself to find out why you allowed yourself to get involved with a married man. You have to learn why you didn't respect YOU enough to say no. You don't mention in your original post if you are married or dating someone during the affair. Maybe you let your own personal beliefs slide because you were lonely? Maybe you have self esteem issues? Ask yourself this -- would you want your daughter to be the mistress/other woman? Why not? If it isn't good enough for your daughter, it sure isn't good enough for you. Your girls are looking to you to show them about relationships. I would guess you have no intention of telling them you were sleeping with your good friend's husband, right (please tell me you have NOT told them NOR have you had him as part of your family in front of your girls). You deserve better than being with a good friend's husband. You deserve better than being a side piece. Would you want your daughter's future husband to be having an affair on her? How would you react if you found out? Wouldn't you want to kick his ass? What would you advise her to do? Thanks for all who read this and responds. Oh. We havent spoken since he ended it. I dont have any desire to talk to him either. I just wish I knew he at least misses me? Do MM's ever miss us? ** My comments are above in bold. Why is it so important for OW to be 'missed' by the MM? Does that make it less painful? Why do you need him to miss you? Please give yourself time to grieve this, but also time to really think about why and how you will go forward to ensure you are not in this position again. I think maybe counseling will help you through this. Also please don't let your daughters see you depressed and weepy over this guy (not sure if you are feeling that way). Your girls need to see that men do NOT define us or make us happy - WE make us happy. Show them a strong, positive, healthy momma. Show them that relationships compliment us, not rule us. I hope you begin to heal. I hope you can put this behind you, with lessons learned. I hope you find peace.
kis Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I dont even know where to begin. My affair with MM just ended. By him. This just hurts way more than I ever thought. And please, I am serious, if there is anyone out there who has survived this - I would love to hear from you. Background. We started out as friends. I am very good friends with his wife. This was never planned - are they ever? MM and I hit it off right away. We started by talking/texting/emailing everyday - just as friends, getting to know eachother, because the spark we both felt was so strong. I knew he loved his wife - there was never a question of him wanting out of his marriage. We both were upfront, we both shared what our problems were and even worked together to make the marriages stronger. But in the end....it was him and I who got closer and closer. Some other details. He chased me. I didnt go after him. He pursued me, was very affectionate, gave me tons of attention and it was HIM who told me he loved me. Over and over. IT took me 9 months to say it back to him. It was him who saw our A as long term...he told me it was more than sex and that he was in it for the long haul. It was him who told me how much he wanted me, couldnt get me out of his mind. You get the picture. In the end though, it was him who ended it. One week ago. He said he finally got morals and couldnt do this any longer. One month after he told me that he couldnt imagine his life without me in it. WHAT HAPPENED?????? I will never really know. I have 2 teenage daughters who are starting out in the dating world. I always tell them how special it is and how RARE it is when you and a guy BOTH like eachother. But, even though you find that rare connection, all dating either ends in a break-up or marriage. People dont date happily ever after. WHY THEN - did I really think my A would never end? I cant believe that I was dolling out advice and not taking it myself. Thats it. I knew I knew I knew the minute he told me it was over - that it was over. Never ever thought of calling him, asking him to come back. None of that stuff. I miss him SO much though. I miss the daily fun. The interaction. The compliments. The "I miss you so much" texts he would send. How he told me he longed to see me again. He couldnt wait to hold me. That we would never end. Except....we did end. How do we all go on from here? I just dont get it. I just dont dont dont understand how he can go from one extreme to another. Thanks for all who read this and responds. Oh. We havent spoken since he ended it. I dont have any desire to talk to him either. I just wish I knew he at least misses me? Do MM's ever miss us? How long did the affair last?
Author What is available Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Great post WWIU. The bolded points are oh so very true! I see a lot of myself in this OP's post when my A had first ended. I felt the SAME exact way and was placing a lot of the blame on the XOM. My A also was pursued by the XOM. XOM said "I Love You" first, couldn't live without me, wanted our A to last forever... blah f**king blah. Then he ended it via email. They were just words plain and simple, at least that is how I see it now. My XOM had a significant other of 5 years and stated that he realized he still had strong feelings for her. Oh well, I am married anyways and should have never walked this destructive path in the first place. In the end as much as I thought I was in love with him, now I realize most of my pain came from a bruised ego, and still does sometimes. In fact I think the bruised ego is only because I didn't end it first. What Is Available in time you will realize that you do have to own some of the blame as well, that was very hard for me to swallow at the time ,but is clear as can be to me now. If and when he contacts you again, and they usually do (mine did) why not tell him at that point you are planning on going NC (no contact) and wish to not speak to him again, that you need to heal. Distance yourself from this, talk to any friends who understand and counselor. Get busy, do new activities. Invest all your energy back into your marriage. One day you will realize how bad a choice this was. I know when I look back I thank my lucky stars I didn't leave my H for XOM. What a complete nightmare that would have been. Hang in there and welcome to LS:bunny: Lady Designer - thanks for summarizing what I was feeling, and thanks for sharing your story. Yes - in the end, all of the "i love you and cant live with out you" are merely words. After reading most of the responses, I now see that I am also to blame. IT takes 2 to tango...and I could have said no....but I didnt. Such bad choices I made, and in an awful way, I think that putting most of the blame on him...made me feel better, like he did this to me, not me doing it to myself. Ugh! Even though it only ended a week ago, I go through the ups and downs. One day I feel strong and look at the positives in my life. THe next day its the bruised ego effect - like why doesnt he want me anymore? And yes....a huge part of me wants him to contact me again. I hear that they usually do - but I dont expect it. Not at all. And if he does, thanks for the advice - perfect!
Author What is available Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I wanted to reiterate and re-ask the questions I'd posted earlier, in the hope that this helps you change your focus. You miss him...I'm not surprised, and I'm sure it's not amazing to anyone that you would feel this way. So it should be fairly simple to extrapolate that he very likely misses you as well. But...again...that's not where your focus needs to be at. In order to help yourself heal, you need to turn that focus back on yourself, and your marriage...just as MM is doing. Hence...my questions below: Yes, you are right and thanks for pointing me in the right direction. Instead of wondering what he thinking/feeling/hurthing...I need to focus on myself. Healing myself and making sure this doesnt happen agaiin. Why did this happen - or better yet...why did I allow it to happen? I am not completely sure, other than it was exciting to have another man find me attractive and desirable - which I guess is what I was wondering all along. I wasnt happy in my marriage at the time it started. I give my MM oodles of credit for realizing that what we were doing was wrong. And even though I know we had those intense feeling for eachother and he does miss that - he is focusing on his marriage. I need to do the same. Well said. I am hugely impressed at all of the comments I have received that has helped me to realize that I am also to blame in this mess...and I need to heal myself. THanks so very much
Author What is available Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 How long did the affair last? Hello Kis - it lasted 18 months. Would have lasted longer if he didnt take the initiative to end it, even though I knew I should have. Funny thing though - all along during our A, we talked about what we were doing was wrong. We both acknowledged it was wrong, but the intense feelings and need (on BOTH of our parts) was stronger than our moral convictions. Neither of us wanted to be hurt by the other, rejected. He once told me that the fragile male ego is what causes men to break up with women more....because they dont want to be rejected - they want to reject the other first. Doesnt matter in the end, right? Thanks for asking though...
Author What is available Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 ** My comments are above in bold. Why is it so important for OW to be 'missed' by the MM? Does that make it less painful? Why do you need him to miss you? Please give yourself time to grieve this, but also time to really think about why and how you will go forward to ensure you are not in this position again. I think maybe counseling will help you through this. Also please don't let your daughters see you depressed and weepy over this guy (not sure if you are feeling that way). Your girls need to see that men do NOT define us or make us happy - WE make us happy. Show them a strong, positive, healthy momma. Show them that relationships compliment us, not rule us. I hope you begin to heal. I hope you can put this behind you, with lessons learned. I hope you find peace. Thank you Fooled Once. Thank you thank you... thanks for pointing out the obvious that I missed and for asking the tough questions. I was so totally into this A for all of the wrong reasons that I couldnt think straight. Then, when he ended it (for the right reasons) - not only did I feel rejected and hurt, but what a kick in the ass to have him do the right thing - when I didnt. I can do the right thing now though. I can look at this as a learning experience and see what to do to ensure this never happens again. I hate the hurt MORE than I loved the attention. Thanks again
Owl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Yes, you are right and thanks for pointing me in the right direction. Instead of wondering what he thinking/feeling/hurthing...I need to focus on myself. Healing myself and making sure this doesnt happen agaiin. Why did this happen - or better yet...why did I allow it to happen? I am not completely sure, other than it was exciting to have another man find me attractive and desirable - which I guess is what I was wondering all along. I wasnt happy in my marriage at the time it started. I give my MM oodles of credit for realizing that what we were doing was wrong. And even though I know we had those intense feeling for eachother and he does miss that - he is focusing on his marriage. I need to do the same. Well said. I am hugely impressed at all of the comments I have received that has helped me to realize that I am also to blame in this mess...and I need to heal myself. THanks so very much Fair enough. So I'm an 'action oriented' kinda guy. What ACTIONS are you going to take to make these changes? What steps are you going to implement to start working on your marriage? What do you think you need to do in order to start healing...both personally, and your relationship with your H?
MLC64 Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 ** My comments are above in bold. Why is it so important for OW to be 'missed' by the MM? Does that make it less painful? Why do you need him to miss you? Please give yourself time to grieve this, but also time to really think about why and how you will go forward to ensure you are not in this position again. I think maybe counseling will help you through this. Also please don't let your daughters see you depressed and weepy over this guy (not sure if you are feeling that way). Your girls need to see that men do NOT define us or make us happy - WE make us happy. Show them a strong, positive, healthy momma. Show them that relationships compliment us, not rule us. I hope you begin to heal. I hope you can put this behind you, with lessons learned. I hope you find peace. This entire post by Fooled Once is such an excellent response....and one I truly needed today. Thank you to the OP for posting! I am in the exact same boat, we ended (thank gawd it was only short lived compared to many....less than 5 months) b/c he is a serial cheater and the below says it all: But love shouldn't hurt. Love shouldn't hurt others. Love shouldn't cause pain to those we love. This A caused me to do and feel these things which I am not proud of. My xMM made me feel all the same things, special, beautiful, sexy, we txtd all day, compliments galore, attention.....all is just "feel goods" that are temporary. He also told me he loved me first, I was a fool, totally fell for this jerk who is probably onto two or three more at the same time. I am hurt, and yes I want him to contact me but I broke NC everytime due to him always coming back. He is annoyed this time though b/c i really chewed him up over going onto that stupid site and now he says I am annoying. ha. Good for him, annoying.....yes, needing to get over this A and move on with my life...Yes,......I have to. It is painful. Self created pain, for no good reason other than to hear someone say things that made me feel good....omg I have issues to deal with. I thank you all for the wisdom and sharing that helps so many of us struggling.
TurboGirl Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 To the OP, I suspect your xMM was conflicted very deeply and was developing feelings for you and thus "The End." Ummm the husband of a friend? Wow. Seriously, not sure how you could allow that to happen. Women friends are sacred. The men will always be there to pat you on your B*** but the women in your life are the ones who will save it. Not sure if you are "still friends" with this couple, but I would think you might extricate yourself gracefully, if you are. Could make for some awkward times in the future for everyone. When you talk with a man about your "marriage" and the problems both of you are having, it opens a door. He knows that you are not 100% happy, and if there is an attraction, and the man is bored at home or looking for a little extra sex, he just might try & take it further. I understand completely about all of those great feelings -- being desired, feeling sexy, attractive, etc. All of those texts, emails, calls, etc. sets us up to become addicted to the attention and the positive happy feelings adoration brings. It's false sense of elation - not really real. All of that attention they throw on you is also a way of manipulating you to get what they want ultimately! It is NOT real life! Does he miss you? Honestly... I'm sure he misses the sex. (not trying to be mean, just throwing some light on it). Please stay NC with this xMM, and try & work on yourself. NC is the only thing that will allow you to heal and feel better.
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