Got rejected and she wanted to be friends, ..

[HangTen]

This may be a really long story, but i think it's interesting, but really complex. PLEASE READ IT ALL in order to understand what happened! Thank you! Help me out please, I'm so lost now...

 

Alright folks, well basically I met this girl off a room-mate of mine and I started getting to know her. In one month we started becoming closer and texted each other everyday from day till night, yeah a lot... Over the course of these days I really started to like her because she was different from all the slews I've met and yes she was still a virgin apparently haha:). Point was that I really liked her and she seemed to really like me.. I mean she even told her mom and sister about me and made me cookies:]. Yum. Even when she had fights with her dad I let her come stay over at my place for the night. So, I thought I'd take her out to sushi and we had a pretty good time, we conversed and such. That sushi night was awkward though because I gave her significant signs and she didn't seem to notice at all. Anyways, I always seem to make her laugh and smile, I'm a pretty funny guy if I should say. I make jokes to her, she hits me, she disses me up sometimes, I mean all these god damn signs right? I mean I even sent her signs that I liked her over the course of some days. So, I talked it over with some of my good friends and decided to man up and ask her out, so I did. I told her that I wanted to be more than friends, and apparently she thought of me as a friend, since I apparently labelled our relationship as just "friends" the first time my room-mate introduced me to her. How the hell does a chick believe I considered her only as a friend just because I was lying to my room-mate about our status, god damn. I just wanted to get to know her. ANYWHO, besides that she told me that she has thought about it before, and shes unsure. I told her that I want a straight up answer, real talk, yes or no, not some pity bs. She told me that was she was extremely sorry and that I'd have to wait for a response because she doesn't know how she feels, so basically it was a maybe. I told her I'd wait for her response. So, our lives went so onward the days after and I acted how I normally act with her and she did the same. I never brought up the "asking out situation" and just still acted normal with her. Until a month passed and I still got no feedback, so I became aggravated and started becoming frustrated towards her. I decided that obviously the answer is no if she was waiting that long to tell me and I started slowly avoiding her and acted somewhat mean at times. So, basically she went to a party that I ended up going to and I totally ignored her presence, then she came up to me and started saying, oh you saw me and didnt even say hi? So, I was just like okay...hi. and then I just left later on w/o sayin goodbye, lolz. I mean seriously she doesn't even give me feedback and she leads me on, and at times I do get jealous at her for being w/ some other dudes I know, but yet she doesn't expect me to be pissed. She's pretty slow on her part, god damn. So basically later on that night she texted me what was wrong with me, such and such, and why I didnt say hi or bye to her at the party. I told her, don't worry about it and eventually I told her that I need a break from her, sorry. She responded by saying, okay if thats what you want, I don't want to argue with you, but I b4 that I gotta talk to you on Monday. I told her that there really is nothing to say, but she really insisted on talking. And to be honest, I went on Monday to meet her expecting the worst and I knew she was just going to say no. So we talked, started off with a normal conversation, and I eventually told her to get to the point. And she hesitated so much to tell me because she didn't want to hurt my feelings to say that she wasn't interested, but she wants to stay friends. She tells me that she's waited bfore too and knows how it feels,so she feels super bad and ****, w.e. She knew I liked her and she knew i waited for her answer, so she felt so bad. We basically exposed for the most part to each of how we felt yadi yadi. yadaSince she couldnt say it I said it for her and said, basically your saying No, which is why I told her that there is nothing to say, cus I knew it a no like 3 weeks before this meeting. I mean apparently she was trying to tell me her answer 2 weeks prior which is still half a month since i asked her, but apparently she didn't get the chance cus I was avoiding her, but she didnt bother to text me to meet up about it and she expected me to somehow bump into her in a designated hallway where shes always at. I'm not a ****ing psychic. Basically, it just meant she was scared as **** to tell me and didn't bother to take initiative, I mean I told her to be straight up I just wanted a yes/no answer from the start. She had the audacity to say it was my fault that she didnt get to tell me sooner LOL, okay....Then I told her that I still wanted that break from her, and she said she understood. She told me to at least not avoid her in the hallways. I told her then what's the point of this break if we keep seeing each other, but I promised her that I'd at least say hi and wont intentionally avoid her. The thing was she didn't understand why I wanted that break, its because I was infatuated by her so much that I was afraid in getting to like her more if we continued to see each other. The conversation ended like that, I could tell she felt so bad for hurting me, tryin to hold back her tears; we hugged then departed. God damn tricks, anyways so on. Like the ****ing day after, I was sleeping and she comes into my university residence to clean my messy ass kitchen for house inspection, since she promised my other room-mate that she'd clean the house long ago. I woke up since my friends told me to come chill at the mall with them and she literally tried to make it seem that she wasn't there and my room-mate helped her hide downstairs, but she got exposed hard due to one of my friends LMAO. I honestly didn't care and left to the mall, it was whateva. Why would she come to the house the ****in' day after, really? And my room-mate, who is my close friend that I introduced her to would try to deceive me like that, altho he denied that he did, and he has a gf so it didn't matter. Anyways I kept bumping into her, my room-mate and his gf, and she literally was trying to avoid me. I mean I was like hi, sup, she made every conversation so awkward or didnt even reply at all...when she was the one telling me not to avoid her LOL okay. Okay this part may seem foolish, and I'll tell you one thing I did my research and seriously asian guys have it the worst in the dating scene. I'm korean and she's italian. White girls are seriously not into asian dudes, well most of them, there are some odd ones. I did my research and everyone agrees it's hard for asian men and seriously the statistics show it too.... I decided in my head well **** I basically didn't have a chance from the beginning since she probably doesn't want to date an asian dude. It's not like she has an asian friend besides me lmao. So I'm keeping that mentality at the moment, unless she fkin ends up dating an azn dude. It's university and I would believe that everyone is mature. So I texted her up that same night and was like why are you avoiding me and making things awkward, and that I thought about **** and that I came to a decision that it was inevitable from the start for her to ever like me(i didnt say it was due to her being and me being azn obviously). So I basically said that I have nothing to lose and might as well be friends. I can't help the fact that I was being avoided by her and yet I still really liked her and I couldn't stop thinking about her during this one day "break", so i gave myself an excuse to be friends with her. She became so damn happy about being friends again and she told me that she avoided me because she feels so bad about hurting me, even tho I kept telling her that I really dont give a **** about it anymore. She still feels bad, and I cant change that, so w.e. But basically we ended up texting more agn, and I asked her for the reason why she felt so damn bad about me, which caused the awkwardness. She told me that she couldn't help the fact that she hurt the feelings of one of her "best friends". Oh wait, hold up bitch, when did I ever clarify that I want to be best friends?? I mean being friends in general is hard enough. I don't want to be some gay friend and be a shoulder to cry on dawg, wtf! NAW. Also, I exposed her so bad because I asked her why she didn't just say no when I first asked her to by my gf so things would've been way easier and she tells me that she didn't want to hurt my feelings. In general, she led me on for a ****ing month and when I asked her out I told her to put aside the pity and hurting my feelings. JUST YES or NO. I waited a month for a NO that could've been said a month ago, holy crap. Basically, now it's the 2nd day since the "Friend's zone" started, and it seems like our texting convos our back to normal, except we talk more openly about that past "liking" situation since theres really nothing left to expose. We were just having a friendly argument about her avoiding me and such before she went to sleep. So, today is the 3rd day since it started, and I just decided to do some research on the subject and I seriously do not know if I made the right choice and I do not know what the **** to do. Apparently from the research I've done, the majority says that it's a definite NO to be friends after being rejected. HELP ME. I mean, do I gradually slip away from her even though I'm her apparent "best friend" or is it too late to break off the friendship? Or do I just stay as her friend? It's almost my summer vacation do I just lost contact during that time? Idk what to do next..I'm seriously going to ask her if I even had a chance of getting with her during my times with her, and I want an honest answer... To be honest, I've never gone to the friends zone after being rejected by someone usually I fall away.. but this girl was different, but I still think she's immature for waiting a fkin month to tell me no, some girls are ****ed up. It seriously feels like she's inexperienced, so innocent, and really doesn't know what she wants... I mean it seems she really wants to be my friend, but also still feels bad about me , and I really don't want to hurt her either. But I still like her deep inside even if I keep telling myself the excuse of me being asian and her being white, so it can only lead to the friendzone,agh.. No racism intended btw! If she ends up dating an asian dude though, I'm honest to god losing connection w/ her forever. Anywho Please help me ASAP! Thank you guys:D. I need good answerrs to reflect my decision! This is the first time I ever been in this kind of complex situation or to post on any site about this kind of stuff..... Honest to god, everyone tells me a nice guy and I'm just a nice guy in general, which is a damn burden. I learned the hard way but seriously, good guys never win, so I'ma start leanin on the jerk side with chicks, especially university chicks damn... Woman are really retarded at times I mean they go for all the jerks and miss out on the nice guys who actually treat them good. Any friend who is a female will tell you "oh don't ever change be yourself", but seriously thats a load of crap and I've learned the hard way that being nice won't get you anywhere. In addition, shes a very kind girl, great personality most of the time, and really pretty, I really do like her, but if it's her choice to not be interested me then thats her choice, whatever, but thats not the part I'm concerned about. In general I hate drama seriously, which is why I just wanted a break because I already knew her answer was a NO, but I guess things became worse after she confronted me about it.~.~

 

Oh yeah to add on, she told me that I apparently labelled her as a friend and therefore I was in the friendzone since the beginning, but that was my approach to lying to my room-mate and getting to know her better. So what? I told my room-mate "were just friends" and I told her that, and she took it literally and therefore I was stuck in the friends zone wtf? Also, she told me that shes the type of girl to rather be asked out right off the bat and that it wouldve made things different for us if i did so....erhm i doubt that psht.

Edited April 7, 2011 by HangTen

[HangTen]

uhh i guess no1 can help me?...

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Try writing in paragraphs. I can't read that.

[somedude81]

uhh i guess no1 can help me?...

Here's your answer

[Ross MwcFan]

Yeah, no offense, but when there's that much writing all in one clump, hardly anyone will read it.

 

You're better off keeping things more shorter and more to the point, seperated into paragraphs.

[HangTen]

Ehh..nvm I guess no1 here can help me then.

[betterdeal]

What advice are you hoping for?

Edited April 8, 2011 by betterdeal

[HangTen]

Of what to do.... stay friends or gradually move away as being friends. Like dont talk to her during the summer... I don't want to be that dude for her thats the shoulder to cry on or pity.

[betterdeal]

Do you like hanging out with her at all? If there was no pitying, no shoulder crying and no romance, can you see yourself enjoying being a friend with her?

[Eddie Edirol]

Dont talk to her at all. if you want a relationship and she doesnt, she never will. So theres no need to keep in touch with her, while youre looking for other women who are actually into you. Cut her off.

 

Whats with everyone who doesnt proofread their text, or know how to use punctuation? is the education system failing that badly?

Edited April 9, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[DreamerGirl27]

This may be a really long story, but i think it's interesting, but really complex. PLEASE READ IT ALL in order to understand what happened! Thank you! Help me out please, I'm so lost now...

 

Alright folks, well basically I met this girl off a room-mate of mine and I started getting to know her. In one month we started becoming closer and texted each other everyday from day till night, yeah a lot... Over the course of these days I really started to like her because she was different from all the slews I've met and yes she was still a virgin apparently haha:). Point was that I really liked her and she seemed to really like me.. I mean she even told her mom and sister about me and made me cookies:]. Yum. Even when she had fights with her dad I let her come stay over at my place for the night. So, I thought I'd take her out to sushi and we had a pretty good time, we conversed and such. That sushi night was awkward though because I gave her significant signs and she didn't seem to notice at all. Anyways, I always seem to make her laugh and smile, I'm a pretty funny guy if I should say. I make jokes to her, she hits me, she disses me up sometimes, I mean all these god damn signs right? I mean I even sent her signs that I liked her over the course of some days. So, I talked it over with some of my good friends and decided to man up and ask her out, so I did. I told her that I wanted to be more than friends, and apparently she thought of me as a friend, since I apparently labelled our relationship as just "friends" the first time my room-mate introduced me to her. How the hell does a chick believe I considered her only as a friend just because I was lying to my room-mate about our status, god damn. I just wanted to get to know her. ANYWHO, besides that she told me that she has thought about it before, and shes unsure. I told her that I want a straight up answer, real talk, yes or no, not some pity bs. She told me that was she was extremely sorry and that I'd have to wait for a response because she doesn't know how she feels, so basically it was a maybe. I told her I'd wait for her response. So, our lives went so onward the days after and I acted how I normally act with her and she did the same. I never brought up the "asking out situation" and just still acted normal with her. Until a month passed and I still got no feedback, so I became aggravated and started becoming frustrated towards her. I decided that obviously the answer is no if she was waiting that long to tell me and I started slowly avoiding her and acted somewhat mean at times. So, basically she went to a party that I ended up going to and I totally ignored her presence, then she came up to me and started saying, oh you saw me and didnt even say hi? So, I was just like okay...hi. and then I just left later on w/o sayin goodbye, lolz. I mean seriously she doesn't even give me feedback and she leads me on, and at times I do get jealous at her for being w/ some other dudes I know, but yet she doesn't expect me to be pissed. She's pretty slow on her part, god damn. So basically later on that night she texted me what was wrong with me, such and such, and why I didnt say hi or bye to her at the party. I told her, don't worry about it and eventually I told her that I need a break from her, sorry. She responded by saying, okay if thats what you want, I don't want to argue with you, but I b4 that I gotta talk to you on Monday. I told her that there really is nothing to say, but she really insisted on talking. And to be honest, I went on Monday to meet her expecting the worst and I knew she was just going to say no. So we talked, started off with a normal conversation, and I eventually told her to get to the point. And she hesitated so much to tell me because she didn't want to hurt my feelings to say that she wasn't interested, but she wants to stay friends. She tells me that she's waited bfore too and knows how it feels,so she feels super bad and ****, w.e. She knew I liked her and she knew i waited for her answer, so she felt so bad. We basically exposed for the most part to each of how we felt yadi yadi. yadaSince she couldnt say it I said it for her and said, basically your saying No, which is why I told her that there is nothing to say, cus I knew it a no like 3 weeks before this meeting. I mean apparently she was trying to tell me her answer 2 weeks prior which is still half a month since i asked her, but apparently she didn't get the chance cus I was avoiding her, but she didnt bother to text me to meet up about it and she expected me to somehow bump into her in a designated hallway where shes always at. I'm not a ****ing psychic. Basically, it just meant she was scared as **** to tell me and didn't bother to take initiative, I mean I told her to be straight up I just wanted a yes/no answer from the start. She had the audacity to say it was my fault that she didnt get to tell me sooner LOL, okay....Then I told her that I still wanted that break from her, and she said she understood. She told me to at least not avoid her in the hallways. I told her then what's the point of this break if we keep seeing each other, but I promised her that I'd at least say hi and wont intentionally avoid her. The thing was she didn't understand why I wanted that break, its because I was infatuated by her so much that I was afraid in getting to like her more if we continued to see each other. The conversation ended like that, I could tell she felt so bad for hurting me, tryin to hold back her tears; we hugged then departed. God damn tricks, anyways so on. Like the ****ing day after, I was sleeping and she comes into my university residence to clean my messy ass kitchen for house inspection, since she promised my other room-mate that she'd clean the house long ago. I woke up since my friends told me to come chill at the mall with them and she literally tried to make it seem that she wasn't there and my room-mate helped her hide downstairs, but she got exposed hard due to one of my friends LMAO. I honestly didn't care and left to the mall, it was whateva. Why would she come to the house the ****in' day after, really? And my room-mate, who is my close friend that I introduced her to would try to deceive me like that, altho he denied that he did, and he has a gf so it didn't matter. Anyways I kept bumping into her, my room-mate and his gf, and she literally was trying to avoid me. I mean I was like hi, sup, she made every conversation so awkward or didnt even reply at all...when she was the one telling me not to avoid her LOL okay. Okay this part may seem foolish, and I'll tell you one thing I did my research and seriously asian guys have it the worst in the dating scene. I'm korean and she's italian. White girls are seriously not into asian dudes, well most of them, there are some odd ones. I did my research and everyone agrees it's hard for asian men and seriously the statistics show it too.... I decided in my head well **** I basically didn't have a chance from the beginning since she probably doesn't want to date an asian dude. It's not like she has an asian friend besides me lmao. So I'm keeping that mentality at the moment, unless she fkin ends up dating an azn dude. It's university and I would believe that everyone is mature. So I texted her up that same night and was like why are you avoiding me and making things awkward, and that I thought about **** and that I came to a decision that it was inevitable from the start for her to ever like me(i didnt say it was due to her being and me being azn obviously). So I basically said that I have nothing to lose and might as well be friends. I can't help the fact that I was being avoided by her and yet I still really liked her and I couldn't stop thinking about her during this one day "break", so i gave myself an excuse to be friends with her. She became so damn happy about being friends again and she told me that she avoided me because she feels so bad about hurting me, even tho I kept telling her that I really dont give a **** about it anymore. She still feels bad, and I cant change that, so w.e. But basically we ended up texting more agn, and I asked her for the reason why she felt so damn bad about me, which caused the awkwardness. She told me that she couldn't help the fact that she hurt the feelings of one of her "best friends". Oh wait, hold up bitch, when did I ever clarify that I want to be best friends?? I mean being friends in general is hard enough. I don't want to be some gay friend and be a shoulder to cry on dawg, wtf! NAW. Also, I exposed her so bad because I asked her why she didn't just say no when I first asked her to by my gf so things would've been way easier and she tells me that she didn't want to hurt my feelings. In general, she led me on for a ****ing month and when I asked her out I told her to put aside the pity and hurting my feelings. JUST YES or NO. I waited a month for a NO that could've been said a month ago, holy crap. Basically, now it's the 2nd day since the "Friend's zone" started, and it seems like our texting convos our back to normal, except we talk more openly about that past "liking" situation since theres really nothing left to expose. We were just having a friendly argument about her avoiding me and such before she went to sleep. So, today is the 3rd day since it started, and I just decided to do some research on the subject and I seriously do not know if I made the right choice and I do not know what the **** to do. Apparently from the research I've done, the majority says that it's a definite NO to be friends after being rejected. HELP ME. I mean, do I gradually slip away from her even though I'm her apparent "best friend" or is it too late to break off the friendship? Or do I just stay as her friend? It's almost my summer vacation do I just lost contact during that time? Idk what to do next..I'm seriously going to ask her if I even had a chance of getting with her during my times with her, and I want an honest answer... To be honest, I've never gone to the friends zone after being rejected by someone usually I fall away.. but this girl was different, but I still think she's immature for waiting a fkin month to tell me no, some girls are ****ed up. It seriously feels like she's inexperienced, so innocent, and really doesn't know what she wants... I mean it seems she really wants to be my friend, but also still feels bad about me , and I really don't want to hurt her either. But I still like her deep inside even if I keep telling myself the excuse of me being asian and her being white, so it can only lead to the friendzone,agh.. No racism intended btw! If she ends up dating an asian dude though, I'm honest to god losing connection w/ her forever. Anywho Please help me ASAP! Thank you guys:D. I need good answerrs to reflect my decision! This is the first time I ever been in this kind of complex situation or to post on any site about this kind of stuff..... Honest to god, everyone tells me a nice guy and I'm just a nice guy in general, which is a damn burden. I learned the hard way but seriously, good guys never win, so I'ma start leanin on the jerk side with chicks, especially university chicks damn... Woman are really retarded at times I mean they go for all the jerks and miss out on the nice guys who actually treat them good. Any friend who is a female will tell you "oh don't ever change be yourself", but seriously thats a load of crap and I've learned the hard way that being nice won't get you anywhere. In addition, shes a very kind girl, great personality most of the time, and really pretty, I really do like her, but if it's her choice to not be interested me then thats her choice, whatever, but thats not the part I'm concerned about. In general I hate drama seriously, which is why I just wanted a break because I already knew her answer was a NO, but I guess things became worse after she confronted me about it.~.~

 

Oh yeah to add on, she told me that I apparently labelled her as a friend and therefore I was in the friendzone since the beginning, but that was my approach to lying to my room-mate and getting to know her better. So what? I told my room-mate "were just friends" and I told her that, and she took it literally and therefore I was stuck in the friends zone wtf? Also, she told me that shes the type of girl to rather be asked out right off the bat and that it wouldve made things different for us if i did so....erhm i doubt that psht.

 

I have no idea dude, I'm hoping what you're saying is what my best guy friend is doing with me...

 

he's got me friend zoned and I actually like it, but I'd jump on him if he gave me a chance.

 

I prefer friends first, it gives you time to get to know each other without sexual "pressure" or "tension", even though, regardless of what anyone says, there's always sexual tension between men and women.

 

 

Anyway...dunno what to tell you. I don't understand why you'd tell her you're just friends if you wanted more. That doesn't make any sense to me.

[HangTen]

Yeah I'm sorry that I didn't proofread and ****, but I had limited time and so I was in a rush, also its the first time being on one of these sites. I still like her, but at the same time I guess I would like to stay friends with her if I cant... I m mean If there still was a chance to be her boyfriend I wouldn't mind. Also, I am still currently tryin to get with other woman. Also, it's not like I told her that we were just friends, she assumed because I told my room-mate that we were just me and her were just friends to not confirm anything to him, since hes a dick. And she knew that I told him that, and so she assumed from that, that we were just "friends"..

[HangTen]

I'm sorry to those who've had trouble reading this . If you do not want to help me then plz do not read it.. I'm pretty confused in what to do with her. ATM I value my friendship with her too...and she really wanted to be my friend... otherwise it'd be awkward to see me everyday since shes friends with my room-mates too. Should I gradually not see her, altho we're friends right now?

[woops1805]

As you said, its pretty hard to avoid her if you are in the same social circle, and still wish yo remain part of it.

 

The dynamics of the friendship has changed. You will be wanting something that you cannot have. If you can accept this and move on, you can still maintain the friendship, and keep looking elsewhere to find someone special. If something happens if the future, then good, but don't hold hope for it.

[HangTen]

Yeah, it is hard to avoid due to the social circle, which is why I felt that I had no choice but to be friends with her, or it would be awkward. Actually.. I just changed my mentality of the whole situation to think that getting her was inevitable so we might as well be friends. Hard to explain. I am indeed trying to find someone better than her, well I don't like searching, so I rather let it happen on it's own. Someone's bound to show up, and I'm not keepin my hopes up about her. I still like her, I mean it's kind of automatic, but theres nothin' that I can do about that.