Fastone Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) I'm 35. My Parents forced me to take Prozac against my and my Doctors' wishes 11 years ago. I had a rare reaction-- it literally destroyed my digestion and made me sick out of my mind for years, and my parents yelled at me when I asked for help. I was actually too sick to talk or walk for several years--- so sick that my right hand was disfigured when I fell near a glass window 5 years ago in January. The palm was severely lacerated. The whole time, my parents yelled at me telling they helped my health by ruining it. My mother also ranted at me for around 45 minutes that I was 'just like Rain Man', which is also very nice to say. They wouldn't even let me in the family pictures at my brother's wedding. My whole family hates them, and I haven't even told anyone in the family what my parents did to my health, or the Rain Man thing, or my brother's wedding. Everyone else just hates them for their own reasons. My favorite aunt will not even talk to them. So I'm beyond done with them. I talk to them as little as possible (briefly at my Grandfather's funeral last November), and will never be able or willing to have anything to do with them. They would never be allowed to my wedding even if I married someone I hated. I'm just starting to date after digging myself out of my grave here by working constantly for many months to restore my health. The girl is a Cancer, who is very family oriented and I don't know how or what to tell her about me having the worst parents possible. If she and I married and lived together for 1000 years, she would never meet them. Basically my Aunt and Uncle are my parents now. They are very bright and very cool, unlike my actual parents. But what do I tell this girl ? Edited April 7, 2011 by Fastone
Aveenolover Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Honestly, i'm always blunt with everyone and i'd straight up tell her, "my REAL parents are horrible, so i consider my aunt and uncle my parents." when you guys meet each others family, just introduce her to your uncle and aunt. I see absolutely nothing weird about it at all. and i would never hold it against any man. Are you scared she will think you arent a family oriented person? As long as you express your love to your uncle and aunt then she shouldnt doubt youre a family guy.
Author Fastone Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Are you scared she will think you arent a family oriented person?. Thank you. Due to my health problems, I swore-off dating and haven't even asked anyone out for 4 years. Have been around alot of girls, and many have flirted, but honestly I haven't had much interest. Then I met this girl. This relationship is very new. We've hung-out a few times at her work. There is a very rare and serious vibe between us which I've never experienced before, and I truly believe she feels it too. We've talked about going-out, but haven't set-up the first date yet (plan to do it this weekend). I have alot of cool family members and three really nasty ones. Unfortunately, my parents are two of the three nasty ones. The other is an uncle-- his own children don't even talk to him much, one of them (who is a professional airline pilot) has disowned him. So I'm worried about two potential future problems: 1. how could we ever get married ? Would this add strain to the marriage possibility for me to have parents who do not deserve to be at the wedding ? She will probably want her parents there, but they won't ever meet mine... do you see what I mean ? It's making me worry a bit. 2. is this going to eventually mess with her and make her think I'll be a similarly terrible parent just because of mine ? I don't want to be anything like my parents, and I hope they do not mess with this girl in any way-- including giving her doubts about me as a potential father. I wish I could trade them....
fishtaco Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 My parents aren't nearly as horrible as yours. At least they loved me (sorry, not trying to rub it in), they're just so damaged themselves that they don't know how to love properly, or even how to peacefully interact with others, including their own children. So I come from a dysfunctional family, and I don't have an attachment to my family. My dad passed away two years ago, I felt really guilty for not feeling worse. I can tell you this, family oriented people will NOT understand. Some of them will even make a judgement call that you are the root of the problem. The bossy and controlling ones may even try to get you to "reconnect", because to them, that's the right thing to do. One of my friends for a long time is the same way. She comes from a dysfunctional family. We got along just fine. We understand each other. Her husband, at the time her boyfriend, came from a much less dysfunctional family. He did not understand why we are the way we are. But, luckily, he's a good guy. He stuck around long enough to be shocked at the crazy stuff some families endure. So he tried, and really that's all you can ask for, and all you need; the willingness to see and accept the other side of the world, even if you don't understand it. They are now happily married. So it's possible. Dating someone that comes from a dysfunctional family will provide you with understanding immediately, but, you have to make sure they are sufficiently disconnected. Otherwise you'll get dragged in as well. Dating someone that come from a relatively non-dysfunctional family, you'll have to survive their judgement, and they have to be willing to accept without understanding, that sometimes, family is a bad thing.
gaius Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Don't bash your parents in front of her Fast, it looks really bad hating on the people that conceived you no matter what they did. Just say you don't get along and have decided it's best that they are excluded from your life. Introduce her to the aunt and uncle to make sure she knows your not ashamed or trying to hide her from the people that are important to you. If you two do end up getting married, just plug in the aunt and uncle to the normal mom/dad roles, they seem to be your surrogate parents anyways. You will have to put up with a lot of extra drama, but nothing that you can't overcome if you two want to make it work.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Really sorry to hear how your parents have been with you, they sound horrible. I'd never have anything to do with them again. I don't really think there is any need to tell her about your parents. But if things do go well between you and the girl, and she eventually asks to meet your parents, just tell her the truth, that they treated you badly and you don't have anything to do with them.
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