Beautifful Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I dont know which forum to put it in, I just need HELP! Help everyone! All comments are WELCOMED! My boyfriend of seven years has been kind of acting weird lately, meaning not with our relationship but hiding his phone, coming home like an hour later one day per week, things of that nature. A friend of ours told me, that they noticed when we were having our couples night, they noticed him texting the name of this girl. I asked him bluntly is something wrong with our relationship, or is he not happy with us? Just to see whats going on.. He said we were perfectly fine and that he loved me more now than ever. BEST THING IN HIS LIFE. His words. I asked him was he seeing someone or etc, he said no, I asked him about the particular name, he acted like he never heard the name is his life. I said ok and left it alone. This morning, we were having our normal morning, nice, and happily. And he asked me to do something with his cellular as to plug it in. Well I was plugging in and I hit a button and I see his call log, and long and behold it was the same person our friends said that he denied. Well he asked me to lay with him and I did, as I laid next to him, I clicked the button and told him in a nice tone and not angrily at all. "So you do talk to her" and left it at that, I kissed him on his cheek! It took him two minutes, but he was completely upset- he called me a LIAR, A SNEAKY person. HE CANT BELIEVE WHAT I DID. HE CANT BELIEVE WHAT I SAID. What a SNEAKY person I am, and this is ridiculous and to NOT talk to him AT ALL. me: CONFUSED FACE him:you are sneaky and i dont want to talk to you at all, maybe for even a couple of days, I cant believe you (we live together!!) , all i have is my privacy of my phone and you invaded it. YOU ARE SO SNEAKY. Why is he so mad at me??
ComeUndone Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Sounds like he is up to something. You know the old saying: People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. So maybe you were a little sneaky, but he LIED... does that not count for anything? Had he not been hiding the fact that he does talk to this gal then he probably wouldn't care one bit if you were on his phone. He is trying to spin this on you, make you the bad guy for looking in his phone... this way the spotlight is taken off his own suspicious behavior.
Author Beautifful Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Sounds like he is up to something. You know the old saying: People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. So maybe you were a little sneaky, but he LIED... does that not count for anything? Had he not been hiding the fact that he does talk to this gal then he probably wouldn't care one bit if you were on his phone. He is trying to spin this on you, make you the bad guy for looking in his phone... this way the spotlight is taken off his own suspicious behavior. So this is basically reverting his guilt. Thank you for your response. I am really baffled and was still wondering WHAT DID I DO WRONG?
utterer of lies Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 So this is basically reverting his guilt. Thank you for your response. I am really baffled and was still wondering WHAT DID I DO WRONG? You allowed him to treat you like that when it's clear that he is the one that should be asking that. He's either having an affair or is very close to starting it. Guard yourself.
spice4life Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 So this is basically reverting his guilt. Thank you for your response. I am really baffled and was still wondering WHAT DID I DO WRONG? You did absolutely nothing wrong. His defensive reaction says it all...he is guilty of something. That you can bet on.
musemaj11 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I caught a kid stealing at my store. He got angrier than me ,,,
ilani Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 yeah. totally totally guilty. The suspicious behavior is exactly the same with my ex. When I asked if there was something he was hiding from me, he claimed nothing and that we were great together. Turns out he had been secretly talking to a new "friend" in his social circle. They went to see a movie together but had told me he went with his brother. From when they first started talking to when I felt something was off was about a month's time. When we broke up, he accused me for not being there emotionally for him...as the reason why he sought out this other girl. My point for sharing my experience is...the guilty will blame others to feel less guilty.
JaneDoe35 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I dont know which forum to put it in, I just need HELP! Help everyone! All comments are WELCOMED! My boyfriend of seven years has been kind of acting weird lately, meaning not with our relationship but hiding his phone, coming home like an hour later one day per week, things of that nature. A friend of ours told me, that they noticed when we were having our couples night, they noticed him texting the name of this girl. I asked him bluntly is something wrong with our relationship, or is he not happy with us? Just to see whats going on.. He said we were perfectly fine and that he loved me more now than ever. BEST THING IN HIS LIFE. His words. I asked him was he seeing someone or etc, he said no, I asked him about the particular name, he acted like he never heard the name is his life. I said ok and left it alone. This morning, we were having our normal morning, nice, and happily. And he asked me to do something with his cellular as to plug it in. Well I was plugging in and I hit a button and I see his call log, and long and behold it was the same person our friends said that he denied. Well he asked me to lay with him and I did, as I laid next to him, I clicked the button and told him in a nice tone and not angrily at all. "So you do talk to her" and left it at that, I kissed him on his cheek! It took him two minutes, but he was completely upset- he called me a LIAR, A SNEAKY person. HE CANT BELIEVE WHAT I DID. HE CANT BELIEVE WHAT I SAID. What a SNEAKY person I am, and this is ridiculous and to NOT talk to him AT ALL. me: CONFUSED FACE him:you are sneaky and i dont want to talk to you at all, maybe for even a couple of days, I cant believe you (we live together!!) , all i have is my privacy of my phone and you invaded it. YOU ARE SO SNEAKY. Why is he so mad at me?? Common indicator of cheating....
oaks Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Why is he so mad at me?? Because you invaded his privacy! Perhaps also that he has something to hide that you found out about. Sounds like you need to hear his version of events... like who she is and what's going on. Maybe there's an explanation - surely he's allowed to have friends who happen to be female (?) - or maybe you just caught him out.
gaius Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) He's smart enough to know the best thing to do when you get caught lying is to show strength and attack the accuser, it changes the subject. Gets you thinking about why is he so mad at me rather then why am I with a guy who's lying to my face with no remorse and is very likely also cheating. Edited April 7, 2011 by gaius
Kamille Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Sounds like you need to hear his version of events... like who she is and what's going on. Maybe there's an explanation - surely he's allowed to have friends who happen to be female (?) - or maybe you just caught him out. There surely is an explanation, but the problem is that he hasn't been forthcoming with it. If the explanation was kosher (she's this friend from work), wouldn't he simply have said that the first time she asked? That being said, Beautifful, if he is cheating, you have to evaluate if this 7 years relationship is worth saving. You'll have to decide if you think you want to give the relationship a chance (if you think trust can be rebuilt) and how you plan to go about it. Here is a link to the 180 strategy. It doesn't really apply to your situation as it is now, but some of the advice could give you strength as you navigate the next few weeks. http://ezinearticles.com/?Boundaries---Save-Your-Marriage-or-Relationship&id=542526
SingVoice Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Gee- how convenient. Now he has a couple of days where he can do WHATEVER he wants right? Since he is "mad" at you....how convenient for him. Yeah...I mean...he totally lied. And you knew something was going on anyway...so well checking his phone isn't the greatest thing to do...you had REASON to do it. It's not as if you just checked it for fun. Definitely something is up. Sorry...I'm sure this totally sucks.
jt1 Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 He's just pissed off you caught him lying. You're not in the wrong for checking his phone. You had a gut feeling, so you just wanted to confirm it. My ex gf of 4 and a half years did this to me 2 days ago.While we were still together she would talk to this guy and while we were "trying" to give us a chance again, she tells me she needs space to think. What does she do? She goes off to see this guy I warned her about and she still goes off like a dog chasing behind him.
Dlyrica Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 You are not in the wrong at all OP, do NOT let him make you feel guilty. If she were just a friend the A) he should have been forthcoming and B) he shouldn't have freaked out that you found out he talked to her. I have tons of guy friends and my boyfriend is more than welcome to look at any communication between us that he wants because I don't have anything to hide. Be careful!
andrew-bkk Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 He's smart enough to know the best thing to do when you get caught lying is to show strength and attack the accuser Nope -- not smart. This is how cheaters behave when cornered. Honest people with nothing to hide behave very differently. Been there; seen it; had it done to me.
Leeway Harris Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 IWell I was plugging in and I hit a button and I see his call log, and long and behold it was the same person our friends said that he denied. This is the only place where you may have crossed a line, but it's very minor, and definitely not deserving of the reaction he had. And he definitely sounds like he's hiding something, and your relationship seems to be in serious trouble. Usually I'm the one to give people the benefit of the doubt, but it's hard to see an innocent explanation for the reaction he had to this.
gaius Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Nope -- not smart. This is how cheaters behave when cornered. Honest people with nothing to hide behave very differently. Been there; seen it; had it done to me. It's smart because he did the only thing he could to avoid attoning for his actions, he manipulated beautiful into thinking she did something wrong. Almost like stealing from a bank and getting them to thank you for it. An impressive piece of lying and deception. You're right about people behaving differently though. If he wasn't doing anything wrong he certainly wouldn't have lied about knowing that girl, and if he felt guilty at all about whatever shenanigans he was up to he wouldn't have exploded like that when confronted. She's got herself tied up with one sneaky remorseless guy.
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