Chivalry

[dreamingoftigers]

It doesn't even have to be that. I saw a woman spit in a man's face for holding open a door once so a kind smile and a genuine thank you would be enough. Men would be more willing to be gentlemen if we simply got some appreciation for it.

 

My god, that is assault! Totally disgusting and unacceptable!

 

If u think you as a woman has specific gender responsibilities then its fair for u to expect a man who will meet his specific gender responsibilities.

 

For me though both men and women should treat each other with equal courtesy.

 

For me too.

[daphne]

For me though both men and women should treat each other with equal courtesy.

 

I think that's the first thing I've ever agreed with you about.

[musemaj11]

I think that's the first thing I've ever agreed with you about.

Chivalry is not common courtesy. They are different. U believe in chivalry. I do not.

[dreamingoftigers]

I would find it weird seeing some olympic medalist women waiting to have the door opened for them by some skrawny little dude.

[musemaj11]

I would find it weird seeing some olympic medalist women waiting to have the door opened for them by some skrawny little dude.

Unless u live in a backward place, I find it weird for anyone to have gender expecctations. Honestly when I'm walking behind a woman I expect her to hold the door for me out common courtesy toward me as a fellow human being and I do the same to others men and women. Here in socal though, most of the times women do hold doors for everyone too already. But I don't know how it is in less civilized parts of the country. Lol

[DreamerGirl27]

I have bad news for the people that love to talk about chivalry. Chivalry is antiquated and it is antiquated for a reason. Back in the seventies women said - we are equal - we wanted to be treated as equals.

 

I have no problem treating women as equals. They can open their own doors, let themselves into and out of the car. They can pay their own way as often as possible. It's not that I think women should pay more often, it's more like we don't need to spend so much money to get to know each other.

 

More women are in college than men now. The college population is over fifty percent women now. Why should men have to pay for everything? And we should open the car door for you?

 

Btw why, why should we be opening car doors for you ladies? I really don't have much interest in treating you in a manner other than my equal. You earned it. Embrace the equality.

 

What you have is women who want to be treated as equals when it comes to getting jobs, that promotion, to be President or Prime Minister. What have you.

Some women want that and then expect to be treated special in addition to every other facet of their being. They think they have a golden vagina.

Not all women are like this of course but the vast majority of their compatriots are.

 

When I see a colon cancer/testicular cancer awareness month during a major televised sports game with glorified ribbons, baseball bat, gloves, or a signified football marking the event. I might reconsider.

 

I really do not understand this line of thinking, either.

 

I have no problem being a woman and staying at home and cooking and cleaning for my man, in which case, if life still worked this way, I would expect a man to be chivalrous.

 

But, women want it all. They want careers AND to be moms AND to be homemakers AND to have men fall at their feet.

 

I want one or the other...either treat me like an equal, I can open my own car door occasionally (yes, once in awhile is fine, IF you want to, but ONLY if you want to, you should not be expected) or treat me like a china doll.

 

I don't understand the way most women think.

 

I pretty much think like a man. lol

[SteveC80]

I really do not understand this line of thinking, either.

 

I have no problem being a woman and staying at home and cooking and cleaning for my man, in which case, if life still worked this way, I would expect a man to be chivalrous.

 

But, women want it all. They want careers AND to be moms AND to be homemakers AND to have men fall at their feet.

 

I want one or the other...either treat me like an equal, I can open my own car door occasionally (yes, once in awhile is fine, IF you want to, but ONLY if you want to, you should not be expected) or treat me like a china doll.

 

I don't understand the way most women think.

 

I pretty much think like a man. lol

 

Bravo! That was beautifully put

 

Too many Women want the power of Men priveleges of women and responsibilites of neither

 

Youre a rare women who looks at a relationship as a parntership and not just something you gain from

[musemaj11]

I really do not understand this line of thinking, either.

 

I have no problem being a woman and staying at home and cooking and cleaning for my man, in which case, if life still worked this way, I would expect a man to be chivalrous.

 

But, women want it all. They want careers AND to be moms AND to be homemakers AND to have men fall at their feet.

 

I want one or the other...either treat me like an equal, I can open my own car door occasionally (yes, once in awhile is fine, IF you want to, but ONLY if you want to, you should not be expected) or treat me like a china doll.

 

I don't understand the way most women think.

 

I pretty much think like a man. lol

There are a lot of selfish men too who make women carry equal financial burden yet refuse to help with cooking cleaning and the kids.

[dreamingoftigers]

Unless u live in a backward place, I find it weird for anyone to have gender expecctations. Honestly when I'm walking behind a woman I expect her to hold the door for me out common courtesy toward me as a fellow human being and I do the same to others men and women. Here in socal though, most of the times women do hold doors for everyone too already. But I don't know how it is in less civilized parts of the country. Lol

 

I hold doors open all the time or at least catch them for people behind me, it just makes sense.

 

There are a lot of selfish men too who make women carry equal financial burden yet refuse to help with cooking cleaning and the kids.

 

So true!

 

I think that men and women should try to do a fairly equal division. When my H and I ran our business together we split the work evenly, after that I would do the evening estimates and he would deal with the administrative. It worked well (Aside from the explosions).

[musemaj11]

I hold doors open all the time or at least catch them for people behind me, it just makes sense.

 

So true!

Yea as I said as far as Im concerned its pretty much a settled issue here in California because everyone holds door for everyone. I wonder where all these people who still argue about who should open the doors live? Texas? Kentucky? Mississippi?

[Pyro]

A lot of it like pulling out the chair or opening and closing her car door many women don't want, there is no expectation except with very traditionally minded people, and I don't even think of since it wasn't taught or brought up when growing up. Everyone opened and closed their own car doors. No one was someone else's chauffeur.

 

Opening the door to a building/mall/restaurant is a bit different since it is apart of common courtesy but the practicality of who is closer to the door knob or handle plays a part as well. I still hold open doors for people I don't even know when I am out.

 

^^^this right here.

 

As far as bag holding goes, as long as her arms aren't broken she can carry them but if I can see that she is struggling with them then I will help out.

[Kelemort]

I would show no courtesy to another woman that I wouldn't show a man - including holding doors open and that sort of thing. My older brother once held a door open for a woman and she chewed him out, telling him that she could open it for herself. The audacity. It's just a polite thing to do and the genders of the people involved don't matter.

 

I don't expect someone to pull out my chair for me or to open the car door for me. But I expect courtesy. I would hold a door open for anyone - I appreciate it when others do the same for me.

 

My ex-boyfriend displayed absolutely nada in the way of manners. He'd never hold doors open, always walk ahead of me, never offer to pay for dinner (I always did), never introduce me to people and he'd hit the gas and drive off as soon as he dropped me off at home. It was a big sour point - manners are important in my family and I expect others to have them. They don't have to be perfect, but they have to try.

 

Current boyfriend has manners.

[Kelemort]

As far as carrying my own bags and things...I'm at the point in my relationship now where I feel totally fine just saying, "Shoulders are breaking off here. Can you take this?" He offers as well.

 

I find that if you're a woman offering to help a man, in most cases this seems to deeply offend them - even if they're much older and less physically capable. If I try to help my boyfriend carry something (even when he's not having trouble), he'll usually spout off with, "I can get it just fine, thanks," with a little irritation. I've learned to calm down on that a little bit - I grew up in a household that was very female-dominated. My mom did all of the manual labor, so I never knew it was such a sour point!

[musemaj11]

I would show no courtesy to another woman that I wouldn't show a man - including holding doors open and that sort of thing. My older brother once held a door open for a woman and she chewed him out, telling him that she could open it for herself. The audacity. It's just a polite thing to do and the genders of the people involved don't matter.

 

I don't expect someone to pull out my chair for me or to open the car door for me. But I expect courtesy. I would hold a door open for anyone - I appreciate it when others do the same for me.

 

My ex-boyfriend displayed absolutely nada in the way of manners. He'd never hold doors open, always walk ahead of me, never offer to pay for dinner (I always did), never introduce me to people and he'd hit the gas and drive off as soon as he dropped me off at home. It was a big sour point - manners are important in my family and I expect others to have them. They don't have to be perfect, but they have to try.

 

Current boyfriend has manners.

Yup, common courtesy by everyone to everyone is the way to go.

 

Chivalry is obsolete and dead as it should be.

[somedude81]

There is no point to chivalry.

 

I show common courtesy to everybody but I don't give women special attention. Why should I?

 

It's not like holding all of woman's bags is going to make her want to sleep with me.

[EyeJustDontKnow]

I don't care what society thinks about it, my gut tells me that the polite thing to do is open doors and be chivalric. Really don't think I could even be with a woman that didn't like that because it is one of my love languages.

[sumdude]

I was raised by old school, old world parents from Europe. I was taught what would generally be termed polite society. Keep your elbows off the table, always refer to your elders with the proper titles, make sure to meet, greet and say goodnight to all of your guests, keep your voice even, treat a lady like a lady, etc etc. Mind you though my folks also knew how to party and get down into the wee hours too.

 

Then I found myself faced with the real world of the US in the late 20th century. When I heard friends and especially girlfriends speak to their parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts etc using first names I was kinda stunned and confused. I also learned that my polite ways often had me labeled as a bit of a pu**y and too 'nice'. I would miss out on jobs, promotions, dates etc because the brazen more obnoxious types would muscle in where I thought I was just being a gentleman. But look at that word, gentle -- man.. not exactly sexy in this day and age.

 

Anyhow when it seems appropriate and possibly appreciated I'll still do it. But a woman has to act like a lady for me to treat her as one.

Edited April 8, 2011 by sumdude

[DreamerGirl27]

I was raised by old school, old world parents from Europe. I was taught what would generally be termed polite society. Keep your elbows off the table, always refer to your elders with the proper titles, make sure to meet, greet and say goodnight to all of your guests, keep your voice even, treat a lady like a lady, etc etc. Mind you though my folks also knew how to party and get down into the wee hours too.

 

Then I found myself faced with the real world of the US in the late 20th century. When I heard friends and especially girlfriends speak to their parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts etc using first names I was kinda stunned and confused. I also learned that my polite ways often had me labeled as a bit of a pu**y and too 'nice'. I would miss out on jobs, promotions, dates etc because the brazen more obnoxious types would muscle in where I thought I was just being a gentleman. But look at that word, gentle -- man.. not exactly sexy in this day and age.

 

Anyhow when it seems appropriate and possibly appreciated I'll still do it. But a woman has to act like a lady for me to treat her as one.

 

^This. Couldn't agree more. Women in America aren't women anymore. They're men who snort, grunt and burp and bring in hefty paychecks. If a woman can do that, she doesn't need a door held open for her.

 

I, on the other hand. Only have one goal.

 

I want to be a lady and be treated like one. Because I am one.

[denise_xo]

Are manners in the tradtional sense between men and women dead?Or do you still believe in holding doors open and carrying heavy bags for your lady?

 

I believe in showing general politeness and courtesy towards everyone. I don't expect any 'special treatment' in terms of opening doors or carrying bags on the basis of being female. Heavy bags are a shared responsibility if they contain things that relate to both of us (e.g. grocery shopping for the household). In our relationship, I tend to carry the heavier stuff around simply because I'm more used to it than he is and he gets tired more easily.