spriggig Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 My whole sordid tale is on this site under this name, but I haven't posted in quite a while. Quick recap: Jan 2010--discover wife cheating. March 2010--kick her out of the house. November 2010--divorce final. Considering how badly it could have gone--it was all mostly neat, easy and clean. One son together, 12. We communicate about our son and money only, and that is almost entirely through email and texting. I've kept every one of my obligations--regarding money and kid and everything else. Perfectly. I've been as reliable, honest and responsible as an ex as I was a husband. Recently, I get the feeling she wants us to be "friends" or at least friendlier toward each other. I don't want to be her friend. What I really want is a selectively spotless mind--for us both to jettison all the crap and rewind with the magic ability to get it right at the second try--to find that eternal sunshine. But, that's impossible, so I want nothing. I want No Contact, but I can't have that either. I've given her zero foothold for complaining and yet, now she seems to want more from me. She judging me harshly for not wanting to be friends--it's only the tiniest of hints I get, because we've not talked about it. But, I can tell what's going on--we were married for 12 years, I can read her pretty well. Am I insane? Should I seek professional help? Or is this just par for the course?
Duckduckgoose Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Its par for the course. The one who trainwrecked the relationship is usually the one that wants to "be friends". While I am not 100% sure the motives behind that sort of behaviour I know it is motivated by selfish needs. You are in no way obligated to be her friend. Just keep conversation about your kid and money. I guess things aren't going so well with OM for her. Haha. Grass wasn't greener
melenkurion Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 We communicate about our son and money only, and that is almost entirely through email and texting. I've kept every one of my obligations--regarding money and kid and everything else. Perfectly. I've been as reliable, honest and responsible as an ex as I was a husband. That's all you need to do. Why on earth she expects anything else from you after what she did to you is beyond me. You have no obligation to be her friend. That helps her ease her guilt, I can't see that it helps you that much. Your only obligations are to your son and to yourself. You've been handling the necessary interaction with dignity and civility. That's enough. She destroyed any realistic chance of a friendship when she cheated. That's not your fault, and don't let anyone persuade you that it is.
whichwayisup Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 You owe her nothing outside of what you're doing now. You aren't ready for that. Maybe later in the future a casual friendship is possible, but it seems right now you're not. And, don't feel bad about it either! She should have no expectations or hopes that a friendship will be there considering how the marriage ended.
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