spiderowl Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) I'm feeling pretty down after another disappointment. Was chatting to a guy online via dating site. Nice profile, looked nice enough to me, sounded pleasant, polite yet fun. Email interactions were good and he seemed bright. We talked on the phone and then it all went wrong. He talks slowly, much slower than I can cope with. I'm sure he's intelligent but it didn't come through in his conversation because of the slowness. He also 'lectured' me on one or two things that I already knew about but which were in his line of work. He was nice, friendly and polite. He seems to like me and wants to meet, was talking about me visiting him and stuff. Now what do I do? I found myself doodling and looking to see what's on TV because I was losing interested in the conversation, yet I know he's a bright guy. It's not something I can fix, is it? I can't cope with conversations at that speed. I should have realised there was a problem when he seemed really keen to get to know me and yet, from what could I tell, he's a pretty high-status guy. I can see why he's finding it hard to meet the right woman. I'm just finding it a real problem meeting guys who I don't feel I'm having to compensate for in some way. Either they aren't quick-witted enough or they don't seem to have the social skills to conduct a proper conversation. Instead of an interaction, they bore me with self-centred conversation or talk down to me like I'm a bit stupid and fluffy-headed. I feel like giving up on guys and I can honestly understand why some women do. What do I do now? I've got to let him down gently somehow. Edited April 7, 2011 by spiderowl
Author spiderowl Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Any thoughts? I don't understand why I can't meet a guy who seems bright enough and who I feel attracted to as well. I also don't know what to say to this guy. He's nice and well-meaning. Do I really have to tell him he talks so slow I lose track?
gaius Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Just say you don't feel a connection, no need to be mean to him. He isn't going to change into a witty guy and become super entertaining if you bring it up. Can take a while to find a suitable partner sometimes, don't get discouraged. Funny guys with wit certainly exist.
gaius Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) A duck walks into a bar........ Edited April 7, 2011 by gaius
Mrlonelyone Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I know just how you feel. The best thing one can do in a case like this... well there are two things. Give a person a chance to make a first and second impression. Talk to him on the phone again and see if...it goes the same this time. Allot of men and women think they have to be "ON" when they have a date. So they will over do it. He could speak slowly because he wants to be sure not to turn you off or misspeak. He could monopolize conversation because he thinks that equals being dominant. etc. Women do the same sorts of things to men. It's a human reaction to being nervous. One time someone acts this way is a coincidence twice is a pattern. Bottom line... perhaps give him one more phone call and if that's the same way... tell him you just aren't feeling it.
Author spiderowl Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Thanks for your thoughts on this. I should give him more time. We had a better call but still I felt like winding him up. I'm used to people processing things rapidly as I work with researchers. I'm finding most people don't and it's very frustrating. Maybe I should give up and resign myself to being alone in the future
neowulf Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 (edited) Thanks for your thoughts on this. I should give him more time. We had a better call but still I felt like winding him up. I'm used to people processing things rapidly as I work with researchers. I'm finding most people don't and it's very frustrating. Maybe I should give up and resign myself to being alone in the future If it's not working for you, just let the guy go gently and keep looking. It's a *HUGE* world, with millions of people in it. If you know what works for you (e.g. Quick witted, great conversationalists), then use that knowledge to weed out the ones that won't work quickly. It sounds to me like you "want it to work" with this guy more out of frustration than actually liking him for him. I can understand that feeling, believe me. Yet, in the end, it's pointless. It works or it doesn't. Just move onto the next one. There's *always* a next one Stay strong. The day you "resign" yourself is the day you give up. I don't think you want to give up. You want to meet someone, fall in love and build a life. Keep at it! Edited April 9, 2011 by neowulf
Author spiderowl Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 Thanks neowulf. He sounds a nice guy and has been kind. I don't want to hurt him and it seems such a bizarre thing to find. Everything looks great in writing - he's bright, reasons well, has good ideas - and then we talk and I feel like someone has slowed his brain down and it's almost a different person. He's definitely not an idiot so it must be his manner or something. Maybe he'll speed up if we talk more?
Recommended Posts