goodguyhurting Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I have been reading some of the posts here and this seems like a very kind, yet honest community. Long story short...I was dumped right before Christmas. My BF was drunk, said that I was too smart for him, he didn't love me anymore, and that his psychologist told him to dump me and that his friends didn't like me..among other things. We started dating about 1.5 years ago. I thought he was the one, I was waiting for...the love of my life, he was so attentive sweet and open with me. It was a long distance relationship (3.5 hour drive) that worked out surprisingly well. We were both in love. Up till the day we broke up, we texted each other every morning...saying we loved each other. We would skype and watch our shows every night, talk on the phone when we were tucked in and texted each other that we loved each other almost every night for a year and a half except for weekends and vacations that we were together. Sounds too good to be true...it was. Despite the love, there were red flags. For instance, he would tell me things like how his friends didn't like me. He told me that some people thought that I was arrogant because I am a surgeon. (I have been a surgeon for over 20 years...trust me...the thrill of telling people has long passed) He would belittle me in front of these horrible friends of his. He would at times be very cold and controlling ie yelling at me for using the bathroom at a bar and NOT telling him first, and talk on the phone to his friend like I wasn't even in the car. ("no, I don't have any plans tonight...I'd love to go to the party") and when I would remind him that I was in the car...and we had plans, he would get pissy. I strongly believed that he had borderline personality disorder. He was so loving at times, but especially on Sundays (the days I would drive back) he would be cold, aloof and I would wonder what I did to deserve the coldness. He would at times make me feel very unwanted when I came to see him, yet he would still come to see me too, and act the same way. He would go to the bars and drink on weekends when I wasn't in town...16 beers..18 beers and drive. Despite the fact that he had 2 DUI's. He didn't understand why I would get on his ass for drinking and driving. I was a killjoy, trying to spoil his good time. He had horrible self esteem. like NONE. I really think that he resented the fact that I had a respectable job and he hated his. Never once did I ever condemn or talk about our educational differences...cuz I didnt' care. I loved him none-the-less. But he would make comments like "I still haven't told my mother that you were a doctor" The whole thing was so schizoprhenic for me. He loved me, yet at times he didn't act like it. He always claimed to be depressed, down, blah...that was his big word...blah...and when I asked him what was up, he would get mad cuz he didn't know. The only time we ever fought when he tried to order me around and I stood up for myself. He was incredibly jealous of my friends. If I were to go out on the boat wtih a buddy...it was always..."is that your new boyfriend?" and I think he was serious. Two week before he dumped me, he called me while I was on call in the hospital saying that it was the first time he had ever seriously contemplated suicide. I asked him to take a deep breath and tell me what was going on. He said "I'm going to hang up. You sound like such a damn doctor" I asked him if I could call his friends, 911, my family...he said "no, I am ok. I dont' know why I even called." He then went to a Christmas party and got drunk with his friends. To make a long story short, I came back to my hometown, (where he lived) for Christmas. We were at a party and gave the host of the party a gift that he signed with both of our names. He proceded to get very drunk, laughing at me behind my back. Wouldn't leave the party after everyone else left, finally went out side and I pulled his collar to get him into the car, he ran back inside saying that I tried to strangle him...(drama queen). I didn't touch his neck but by then I was ready to strangle him! LOL Finally got his drunk ass into the car and he said that he was DONE. He did love me but was not in love with me, and he didn't want to be with me and he didn't want to be with anyone. I think he said something lame like he was "lone wolf" I told him that I completely agreed and I was thinking bout saying something too and that I didn't want to live like this...with his moodiness and disrespect. He yelled at me and said that I was tying to manipulate his emotions and control him. (For agreeing with him BTW). I stayed the night and we had a long talk and he let me have it and I let him have my opinion too. He then got very playful and said that I was going to miss him...I said...nope..2011 is gonna be a GREAT year. He texted me Christmas day and no texts since. You are probably saying "Good riddance" and the logical part of my brain says that too, and was saying it for a long time, but for some strange reason, I miss him and the good times that we did have. He called me exactly one month later, and I didn't answer. I called back a couple of days later and left a message, thanking him for the call. His facebook status then changed to "in a relationship" about a month after our breakup His facebook pages are full of pictures of him having a great time, lots of smiles, and beer. (he always took great pictures, even when he was very depressed). He generally didn't put pix on facebook but there are plenty there now!!! All of him having the time of his life. He forwarded me a joke from his new partner. I didn't respond. Now his big thing is "liking" my facebook posts and pictures. It seems that most of my posts get a "Tom likes this!" But never any comments. He gave the thumbs up to two of my posts today..but no comment...and stupid me looked at his pictures. He had three new pictures. One of him and his new partner on a beach trip that we were supposed to take together, and one of just his new partner, and the killer was one where he and the friends that don't like me, in my current city..labeled as such...all smiling...as if to say...I am here and didnt' even call you or think about you. That one hurt the most. I KNOW he was toxic and I KNOW I should move on and I'm trying but I am not sure of his motive. He dumped me, has a new partner. My questions: and PLEASE don't say...it doesn't matter...you need to move on!! Why is he still looking through my facebook pictures and saying that he likes them? You would think that the dumper would want to be as low on the radar as possible so as not to give the dumpee any false hopes that he is still thinking about his ex. Is it possible that he put those pictures on facebook knowing perfectly well that he would hurt me? Putting them there intentionally for me to see? I wouldn't put it past him. Is he trying to make me jealous or just a mean bastard? and if he is trying to make me Jealous WHY?????? My friend thinks that he is being his old passive-aggressive self and trying to coax me into contacting him, but I am not going to. I am so confused as to this guys motives. If and ONLY IF he called me, apologized and demonstrating that his therapy has helped him, I would talk to him, but that won't happen. He literally CAN'T say he is sorry...he told me that he just can't do that! He won't stay with a psychologist long enough or put forth any effort... Funny thing, I do miss him. HELP!
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