Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 I am not muscular or athletic. But I've noticed plenty of guys who are skinny, and are successful with women. I can admit that my social skills have somewhat to do with my lack of success. I've had interest - that is, until she finds out how shy I am, and then it's game over. However, is shyness another form of ugliness for men? Is that why I struggle so much?
BellePerdant Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I don't think I'm ugly, but I know I'm not a Victoria's Secret model either. I don't delusion myself into thinking I'm going to get some super attractive guy, but I do at least look for someone that's going to at least match me. My ex's haven't been ugly. In my opinion. In the end though, their looks aren't what built the relationship. The mutual attraction was what led to the possibility for a relationship, but again was not the sole reason for there being a relationship.
Darren Taylor Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I don't think I'm ugly, but I know I'm not a Victoria's Secret model either. I don't delusion myself into thinking I'm going to get some super attractive guy, but I do at least look for someone that's going to at least match me. My ex's haven't been ugly. In my opinion. In the end though, their looks aren't what built the relationship. The mutual attraction was what led to the possibility for a relationship, but again was not the sole reason for there being a relationship. I think models are overrated in looks, especially women. Modeling isn't always about the best looking, but it's about having the right look. The only VS model I found attractive was Adriana Lima.
elaina Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Im talking ugly faces not physiques Having either a too slim or a "chubby" face distorts the face. Working out and eating healthy helps ones' face as well as the rest of the body. Grooming eyebrows helps. Cleaning and moisturizing the face helps. Women wearing makeup in a way that flatters their features helps. There are beauticians who have helped "ugly" people look good in their face by showing them how to take care of their skin, and also showing them what makes them look nice. So many "ugly" people though don't take care of themselves and don't know how to make themselves look good.
BellePerdant Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I am not muscular or athletic. But I've noticed plenty of guys who are skinny, and are successful with women. I can admit that my social skills have somewhat to do with my lack of success. I've had interest - that is, until she finds out how shy I am, and then it's game over. However, is shyness another form of ugliness for men? Is that why I struggle so much? I think it depends on the girl you meet. If you happen to meet someone who's socially reserved like yourself, it could be a compatibility. I'm really outgoing and open minded. When it comes to fun, as long as it's safe and not too illegal, I'm usually down for anything. I'm pretty social and I love being with groups of people and meeting new people. I dated someone once who took me out to dinner all the time, which led me to believe he'd be willing to check out this party I got invited to. He said 2 weeks before the party took place that he wanted to go. Come the day of the party, he backed out without having a reason other than, "Cause." It got frustrating because I knew it was just that he didn't want to make the effort to meet new people. Granted, he's shut off in a sense, but when he WANTS to be, he's more personable than I am. Anyway, his unwillingness to at least try (not just that one instance with the party, there were others) to be more outgoing eventually became another reason for why it ended.
sweetjasmine Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Women don’t just want to date hot guys. Women want to date men they’re attracted to. There's a big difference. This is what I was trying to point out. Objectively, my SO is an average-looking guy. To me, he's very attractive. Objectively, I'm a little bit above average and I'm nowhere near supermodel or celebrity level. But to him, I'm very attractive. I've met men who were objectively better looking but less attractive to me. And funny enough, it wasn't just their personality. Attraction is a little more than simple, straightforward physical appearance.
Kamille Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I am not muscular or athletic. But I've noticed plenty of guys who are skinny, and are successful with women. I can admit that my social skills have somewhat to do with my lack of success. I've had interest - that is, until she finds out how shy I am, and then it's game over. However, is shyness another form of ugliness for men? Is that why I struggle so much? It depends what you mean by shyness. Usually shy people can open up to others in the right condition. It sounds like that doesn't happen with you, like you get shyer once a girl is interested... What's going on there?
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 It depends what you mean by shyness. Usually shy people can open up to others in the right condition. It sounds like that doesn't happen with you, like you get shyer once a girl is interested... What's going on there? Let me explain something. A girl can be smoking hot, and I can be confident, funny, and outgoing around her...that is, until she shows interest in me. Then I become extremely shy, and nervous, and have trouble making eye contact. It's something that's been going on since high school, and something I, at almost 29 years old, haven't been able to get over.
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 And I just realized something. I must not be ugly, if women have shown interest in me. I am way too sensitive. And probably have BDD, like my doctor said.
Kamille Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Let me explain something. A girl can be smoking hot, and I can be confident, funny, and outgoing around her...that is, until she shows interest in me. Then I become extremely shy, and nervous, and have trouble making eye contact. It's something that's been going on since high school, and something I, at almost 29 years old, haven't been able to get over. I wish I knew of a way to help with this. It seems to be the core of the problem LIM...
thatdog Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Let me explain something. A girl can be smoking hot, and I can be confident, funny, and outgoing around her...that is, until she shows interest in me. Then I become extremely shy, and nervous, and have trouble making eye contact. It's something that's been going on since high school, and something I, at almost 29 years old, haven't been able to get over. Hang out with more assertive people? This sounds silly and doesn't entirely fix the problem but I always had the same problem. I used to blush uncontrollably every time a girl flirted with me. If you can work on changing your attitude towards girls so that you view them as potential friends rather than potential dates it's easier to dismiss signals as just displays of friendship. Whe. If she's assertive enough she will eventually just ask YOU out instead by which point it wont matter if you are shy around them because
Enchanted Girl Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 http://www.largeandlovely.com/ There are plenty of sites that cater to big women looking for dates with tons of guys who will still date them. Are there any websites for women that have a thing for fat guys? I'm going to say this right now . . . It doesn't matter if there are web-sites or not about women who are attracted to fat men. There ARE women out there attracted to fat men. For instance, I am one of them. I wouldn't call it a fetish or a preference exactly. I just can't stand men who are thin. And I looked back at my dating life and all but one of the guys I dated was overweight. Because when I see skinny legs and skinny arms on a guy, I gag a bit (my best friend is dating a skinny guy that a lot of girls like and I got freaked out when I saw his legs one time) versus when I see my boyfriend, who has a beer belly covered in stomach hair, I rub it excitedly. My boyfriend weighs around 300 lbs. BTW and is about 6' tall. That being said, I don't find every fat man I meet attractive. And neither is every woman going to find anyone on this thread attractive. You CAN get a girlfriend, I don't care what you look like unless you are literally a freakish 1% of the male population, but you need to go after the right girls who will find YOU attractive and stop complaining that they aren't the hottest ones out there because neither are you. And not all girls you like back are going to like you back. Only 10% or less of men I've ever liked have returned the feeling. And I'm talking about major crushes. Men in general I've been attracted too, much lower number. And I also think Brad Pitt is fugly. If he tried to hit on me, I would reject him and he'd probably tell me that a fat, ugly girl like me has no right to reject him.
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Thanks Enchanted, that was the best and most empathetic response on this thread. I suppose I am my worst enemy. I relate past experiences to present and future experiences. That's why I very rarely ask out girls - because I think she'll reject me. Deformed people have found love. Why can't I?
Annoioso Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Above average women only exist up to a certain age (late 20s) and only with the aid of salons, makeup, clothing...basically mostly an illusion. I see no good looking older women around anywhere...women really need to reign their egos in . Even if they don't, mother nature will do it for them by making them fatter and crazier as they age.
Kamille Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 (edited) edited: was totally off topic. Edited April 8, 2011 by Kamille
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Above average women only exist up to a certain age (late 20s) and only with the aid of salons, makeup, clothing...basically mostly an illusion. I see no good looking older women around anywhere...women really need to reign their egos in . Even if they don't, mother nature will do it for them by making them fatter and crazier as they age. This is complete garbage. There are plenty of older women who are attractive.
orangelady Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 This is complete garbage. There are plenty of older women who are attractive. LIM, you're into older women? Darn
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 LIM, you're into older women? Darn My dating age range is from 21-35 years old. I'm 28. I imagine that when I turn 30, I'll widen it to 21-40.
Dust Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 And I just realized something. I must not be ugly, if women have shown interest in me. I am way too sensitive. And probably have BDD, like my doctor said. Stop basing your own self worth on what other people think of you. Having an attractive woman into you or not doesn’t change who you are. I wish I knew of a way to help with this. It seems to be the core of the problem LIM... If only you felt sorry enough to be his gf. If he stopped worrying about women and just enjoyed life he’d have a chance at more.
Kelemort Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I've seen it on here so many times. A woman describes herself as attractive. But she can't get attractive men, only ugly men. Then she gets upset that men only want her for sex. Well, what do you call what you're doing? You obviously want an attractive man for sex! Oh, and the kicker is, women are always complaining that men don't value their personalities, only their looks. Yet, they won't stoop down to give one "ugly guy" a date, because they value looks over personality. Bottom line is, if you want to be valued for something inside of you, value other people for what's inside of THEM. The love you take is equal to the love you make. I agree with you, only I think that it goes both ways. I see a lot of women doing this, but I also see a lot of men - and no matter WHAT they themselves look like - they refuse to settle for anything less than a supermodel. I think that the "ugly guys need not apply" thing is a sign of immaturity. But I will admit that there has to be some degree of physical attraction present to get things moving along. When I first saw a picture of my boyfriend, to be honest with you I was mostly unimpressed. It wasn't until we met and started hanging out that I really liked him as a person. He was reserved, shy, friendly, intelligent. And he gets me turned on. In very troublesome spots in our relationship, I admit that I once signed up for a dating site for an ego boost. I had no interest in flirting with anyone there and I never agreed to meet any of them - once their flattery got more serious, I stopped communicating. I first realized that my boyfriend was 'my type' when I found myself looking at other mens' profiles, comparing them to him and saying, "Yeah, but they don't have x feature, and that's attractive." When it comes down to it, a lot of the game is about screwing. But since a lot of the game also involves vertical time, it has to be more than that. Sooner or later a lot of the good looks fade anyways, and you're left with a gummy grandpa neckin' you. I think that a stage in a person's life dictates what they go for when it comes to looks. When I was younger - a teenager - oh God, I know for a fact that I ignored some great guys in favor of the ones who were adorable. Looking back, some of them were really bland, awful guys. Now that I'm older, I'm happy that I have a reliable, ambitious, helpful, friendly partner who is excellent with children. It doesn't matter to me that he'll probably never be on a big ol' poster at the mall. He's hot to me and he gets me turned on. I wanted someone to date, not a statue to admire.
Kelemort Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 I'm going to say this right now . . . It doesn't matter if there are web-sites or not about women who are attracted to fat men. There ARE women out there attracted to fat men. For instance, I am one of them. I wouldn't call it a fetish or a preference exactly. I just can't stand men who are thin. And I looked back at my dating life and all but one of the guys I dated was overweight. Because when I see skinny legs and skinny arms on a guy, I gag a bit (my best friend is dating a skinny guy that a lot of girls like and I got freaked out when I saw his legs one time) versus when I see my boyfriend, who has a beer belly covered in stomach hair, I rub it excitedly. My boyfriend weighs around 300 lbs. BTW and is about 6' tall. That being said, I don't find every fat man I meet attractive. And neither is every woman going to find anyone on this thread attractive. You CAN get a girlfriend, I don't care what you look like unless you are literally a freakish 1% of the male population, but you need to go after the right girls who will find YOU attractive and stop complaining that they aren't the hottest ones out there because neither are you. And not all girls you like back are going to like you back. Only 10% or less of men I've ever liked have returned the feeling. And I'm talking about major crushes. Men in general I've been attracted too, much lower number. And I also think Brad Pitt is fugly. If he tried to hit on me, I would reject him and he'd probably tell me that a fat, ugly girl like me has no right to reject him. lol! This brought back memories - my ex was 6'3" and 150 lbs. or so when we first started dating. Anytime there was any kind of horizontal contact or hugging, I felt like his ribs were stabbing me. I must've been a good girlfriend, because over the next year he plumped out to about 190 lbs. I finally felt comfortable being pulled close to him. My boyfriend now is 5'6", 5'7" and about 150 lbs. when we first started dating too. He's plumped out to 165, 170 lbs. Sex is much more cushioned and much better when everybody's slightly heavier. I want my boyfriend to be healthy - but I'd be lying if I said the cushion for the pushin' ain't workin'!
irc333 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Yeah, I saw this one profile, and it was coming from a woman that wasn't much to look at herself..... "If you know your OLD and UGLY!!!!! do not waste my time!!!!" I've seen it on here so many times. A woman describes herself as attractive. But she can't get attractive men, only ugly men. Then she gets upset that men only want her for sex. Well, what do you call what you're doing? You obviously want an attractive man for sex! Oh, and the kicker is, women are always complaining that men don't value their personalities, only their looks. Yet, they won't stoop down to give one "ugly guy" a date, because they value looks over personality. Bottom line is, if you want to be valued for something inside of you, value other people for what's inside of THEM. The love you take is equal to the love you make.
irc333 Posted April 8, 2011 Posted April 8, 2011 Yeah, believe it or not, I know this woman, she's probably 5'1", 90lbs, and her boyfriend she's living with is a grotesquely overweight man Not a "pleasantly plump" guy, but he's on the verge of needing a hoveround to get around...not joking, just being seriously. He's chronically obese...and I figured she must've met him in person or something. Turns out, she met him on an ONLINE dating site of ALL places, suprised the crap out of me, figured a tiny petite lady like her would easily hit the delete key as soon as he saw an obese guy. She's tiny herself, and there's no way he could be "on top" of her, without probably crackin' her ribs or something. So there is that small few that don't mind that even. lol! This brought back memories - my ex was 6'3" and 150 lbs. or so when we first started dating. Anytime there was any kind of horizontal contact or hugging, I felt like his ribs were stabbing me. I must've been a good girlfriend, because over the next year he plumped out to about 190 lbs. I finally felt comfortable being pulled close to him. My boyfriend now is 5'6", 5'7" and about 150 lbs. when we first started dating too. He's plumped out to 165, 170 lbs. Sex is much more cushioned and much better when everybody's slightly heavier. I want my boyfriend to be healthy - but I'd be lying if I said the cushion for the pushin' ain't workin'!
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 I agree with you, only I think that it goes both ways. I see a lot of women doing this, but I also see a lot of men - and no matter WHAT they themselves look like - they refuse to settle for anything less than a supermodel. I think that the "ugly guys need not apply" thing is a sign of immaturity. But I will admit that there has to be some degree of physical attraction present to get things moving along. When I first saw a picture of my boyfriend, to be honest with you I was mostly unimpressed. It wasn't until we met and started hanging out that I really liked him as a person. He was reserved, shy, friendly, intelligent. And he gets me turned on. In very troublesome spots in our relationship, I admit that I once signed up for a dating site for an ego boost. I had no interest in flirting with anyone there and I never agreed to meet any of them - once their flattery got more serious, I stopped communicating. I first realized that my boyfriend was 'my type' when I found myself looking at other mens' profiles, comparing them to him and saying, "Yeah, but they don't have x feature, and that's attractive." When it comes down to it, a lot of the game is about screwing. But since a lot of the game also involves vertical time, it has to be more than that. Sooner or later a lot of the good looks fade anyways, and you're left with a gummy grandpa neckin' you. I think that a stage in a person's life dictates what they go for when it comes to looks. When I was younger - a teenager - oh God, I know for a fact that I ignored some great guys in favor of the ones who were adorable. Looking back, some of them were really bland, awful guys. Now that I'm older, I'm happy that I have a reliable, ambitious, helpful, friendly partner who is excellent with children. It doesn't matter to me that he'll probably never be on a big ol' poster at the mall. He's hot to me and he gets me turned on. I wanted someone to date, not a statue to admire. Great post. I agree with every word. I admit that I am shallow in some respects. But I don't want a blow up doll with no brains and substance to her, either. I want both looks AND personality. I suppose you're right, Dust. However, I just wish the activities that I enjoy, and the way I look, wouldn't be such a detractor for women. I'm sorry that I love to read, play video games, love sci fi, and like progressive rock. These are things that will never change about me, and if I found a woman who accepted me for these things, and liked them too, that would be my dream girl.
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 8, 2011 Author Posted April 8, 2011 Yeah, believe it or not, I know this woman, she's probably 5'1", 90lbs, and her boyfriend she's living with is a grotesquely overweight man Not a "pleasantly plump" guy, but he's on the verge of needing a hoveround to get around...not joking, just being seriously. He's chronically obese...and I figured she must've met him in person or something. Turns out, she met him on an ONLINE dating site of ALL places, suprised the crap out of me, figured a tiny petite lady like her would easily hit the delete key as soon as he saw an obese guy. She's tiny herself, and there's no way he could be "on top" of her, without probably crackin' her ribs or something. So there is that small few that don't mind that even. I guess I just have to be more open minded.
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