Heidi89 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Hey, I'm new here and I was just looking for a few opinions. My ex and I had an amazing two years together...he was the most kind, caring, sensitive guy I'd ever met. About 6 weeks ago we had a silly argument and he ended it over text. The day before this argument we booked an expensive vacation so I literally had no idea what was coming. Anyway, I made all the mistakes, calling, begging etc. His family tried to talk with him because they knew he was making a huge mistake but he wouldn't listen. I think this might have pushed him further away. I tried to speak to him as friends for a week and that didn't work..I was either ignored or he was distant. Every weekend since we broke up he has been going out from Friday to Sunday and taking drugs with his friends which is not like him at all! He got into that before we got together but always used to say he was so glad he met me because I got him on the straight and narrow. I then started NC and did that for three weeks. I was still checking his facebook which was a huge mistake. I saw he and this girl he met after we broke up were majorly flirting..I'm pretty sure he likes her. Anyway, I hadn't heard from him and I got a text asking if I needed a book for uni that I left at his house. I didn't reply, so he sent me a facebook message the next day asking if I needed it. Then the day after that I got a 'I take it you aren't even speaking to me?' message. I replied saying I didn't need the book yet and I'd get it from his Mum when I did. He said he needed his passport back. So I called him and said that I wouldn't be in the house much over the next few days for him to get it so I said he could pick it up from my Mum at work, which he did. It sounds silly but I really thought at first he was using the book as an excuse to contact me but now I just think he was doing it selfishly as a way of getting his passport back. What do you guys think? Could he really have just changed from this loving, sentitive guy to some guy who takes drugs and doesn't care about me any more? He is closer to his sister than anybody else and even she can't believe the way he has behaved. It's so hard for me to take in, but the more time that passes, the more I think he really has changed!
Fufu Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Whether he changed or not should not be a matter to you anymore. I hope you are still maintaining your NC to heal yourself and move on. Trying to figure out if he has changed is just going to hinder your healing process. If he was loving and sweet in the past, today he's not doing anything like this to you. Keep up to you NC.
Author Heidi89 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Yeah, like I said we spoke today over his passport and I think that's what has kind of set me back a bit. But apart from that we hadn't spoken in three weeks. It's so hard to think he could throw away something so great as if it never meant anything to him. I really am trying to move on, but I still want him to come back so it's difficult.
geegirl Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Yeah, like I said we spoke today over his passport and I think that's what has kind of set me back a bit. But apart from that we hadn't spoken in three weeks. It's so hard to think he could throw away something so great as if it never meant anything to him. I really am trying to move on, but I still want him to come back so it's difficult. I'm sure it meant something to him Heidi. But over time, people change, their feelings change, their wants and needs change. It doesn't mean that just because he doesn't feel the same way now, what he had with you was meaningless. Don't discount your R just because it's ending. Keep NC. Keep going. Its hard, I know.
steamie Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I have a close friend that rapidly changed through a breakup, and as far as I know the changes she made are sticking. They aren't exactly what I feel the best decisions for her to be, but in the end it is her life not mine. In your situation, it might be more of a case of his relationship with you had him act a certain way, and he's sick of trying to fit the mold that he feels he has to fit in around you. If you know you did everything you could, there is no shame in sticking with NC. If you feel you have something to say to him for closure or peace of mind go ahead and say it if it feels right. Sometimes you have to let people crash and burn or make mistakes for themselves, otherwise they will never truly learn. Maybe one day he will wake up, but it has to be his decision. In the mean time, just try focusing on your own happiness.
Fufu Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Moving on and thinking of wanting him back is a contradicting thought. You either move on or put yourself in the past. Why would you want him back when he chose to leave you? What he was no longer represent how he's treating you now. NC in the early stage is hard but it does get better and better and better. I was with my ex for near 3 years, bought engagement rings, planned to get engage this end of year and guess what he broke up with me. I don't want to be with him anymore. Because if he can do this once to me, he can do this twice to me and I will not be able to withstand the pain twice from the same person. You can do it, put your heart and soul into you personal healing.
No_hope Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Yep, the father of my child left us for drugs and another woman. He used to be sweet and caring, a devoted father, and today? Today he is wasting his life away doing drugs, doesn't want anything to do with his kid. so yeah, people change. Don't worry about it, if it's meant to be it will happen. It could be tomorrow, and it could be 10 years from now. Just go live your life, and don't worry about him right now. Trust me.
hoping2heal Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Hey, I'm new here and I was just looking for a few opinions. My ex and I had an amazing two years together...he was the most kind, caring, sensitive guy I'd ever met. About 6 weeks ago we had a silly argument and he ended it over text. The day before this argument we booked an expensive vacation so I literally had no idea what was coming. Anyway, I made all the mistakes, calling, begging etc. His family tried to talk with him because they knew he was making a huge mistake but he wouldn't listen. I think this might have pushed him further away. I tried to speak to him as friends for a week and that didn't work..I was either ignored or he was distant. Every weekend since we broke up he has been going out from Friday to Sunday and taking drugs with his friends which is not like him at all! He got into that before we got together but always used to say he was so glad he met me because I got him on the straight and narrow. I then started NC and did that for three weeks. I was still checking his facebook which was a huge mistake. I saw he and this girl he met after we broke up were majorly flirting..I'm pretty sure he likes her. Anyway, I hadn't heard from him and I got a text asking if I needed a book for uni that I left at his house. I didn't reply, so he sent me a facebook message the next day asking if I needed it. Then the day after that I got a 'I take it you aren't even speaking to me?' message. I replied saying I didn't need the book yet and I'd get it from his Mum when I did. He said he needed his passport back. So I called him and said that I wouldn't be in the house much over the next few days for him to get it so I said he could pick it up from my Mum at work, which he did. It sounds silly but I really thought at first he was using the book as an excuse to contact me but now I just think he was doing it selfishly as a way of getting his passport back. What do you guys think? Could he really have just changed from this loving, sentitive guy to some guy who takes drugs and doesn't care about me any more? He is closer to his sister than anybody else and even she can't believe the way he has behaved. It's so hard for me to take in, but the more time that passes, the more I think he really has changed! Heidi, Every relationship endures conflict from time to time. Issues should bond a couple and make them stronger, not pull them apart. Especially since some of the issues a couple will face later in life as they age such as loss of children, loss of career, illness, etc. are pretty heavy. I once thought I was in the perfect RS. We got along all the time, for a year. 1 issue comes along and poof, he leaves the RS. I don't blame that on myself, it has nothing to do with me but only himself and the ability to leave and bail when times get tough is just not an attractive trait to me It's possible he was talking to this girl before he ended things, but would that really make you feel any better? The relationship has run it's course for him and it's time to move on.
Author Heidi89 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Thank you so much for all of your input. I guess things have changed for him. I thought he was making a harsh decision that he would regret after a couple of weeks and come back, but that has not been the case. I do still want him back, and that is essentially something that I don't have much control over. I'm just going to have to hope that my feelings change over time after sticking with NC. It really is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through..I thought we'd be together forever!
Fufu Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I thought I would be with my ex bf for life too, but sometimes people do change over time and we have to accept it. You wouldn't want him back, not now. (of course in future maybe if you guys have fate and realize the love is still there, maybe you guys can rebuild the relationship) However right now you just face to focus on yourself and your life now. NC is not hard, I love NC now, it keeps me calm and steady and not to over react.
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