flyaway Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 my boyfriend and I have dated for about 4 months. we have known each other for 8 years though and have been good friends the entire time. the relationship has been great and I know we are both really happy. I have been burned in the past by an x and am struggling with something now. he has both guy and girl friends and is open about them and has introduced me to any and all of them. i dont have a problem but now all of a sudden i do. there this is one girl. he used to be good friends with her but then she started liking him and got strange. he was single at the time but did not want to be with her and told her this but she got stranger and thats when he cut her out of his life for a year or so. i remember when he told me. apparantly she calmed down a month ago and re-added him on fb. he told me he would be happy to be friends again if she behaved herself but if not, she woudl be gone. hes been very open about her like he is with all his friends. they dont talk much but he texted me today to let me know that they were grabbing a bite to eat and he woudl call me right afterward. this is the first time hes seen her in over a year. i don't know if she has a bf or not. i feel so jealous! i said "k" to him but inside i feel so jealous. what if he falls for her? im not worried about him cheating on me but i guess im worried about him falling for her or something. and im quite jealous. my x always used the "friend' cover to cheat but he was shady and not open at all. my guy doesnt show any of the red flags. i know im such a hypocrite because when he was with his last gf for 2 years he and i still went out as friends and it really was friends only. i had a bf at the time. he is not the flirty type and treasures monogamy. he was so loyal to his last gf and he had many opportunities to cheat but he said no. i trust him not to cheat but im scared hell fall in love w/ someone else help. i dont want to be one of those jealous gfs.
stace79 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I totally understand how you feel. I posted about something similar today. I don't really worry about guys cheating. I am more worried that by having "close female friends" he will fall for her and break up with me. I'm the type that when I'm officially with a guy, I limit time spent alone with male friends because I think it's the respectful thing to do. I'm somewhat religious and my beliefs say that once you commit to a man, you commit fully and it's now my job to eliminate any potential risks to my relationship. I guess not a lot of other people believe that way, because I consistently worry about other females around the guy I'm dating or bf (if I'm in a relationship). Sorry I do not know the answer, but I can sympathize with how you feel!
Memphis Raines Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 actually, i don't think you have to get over the jealousy towards this situation one bit. he is going to meet up with someone he KNOWS wants him. that is unacceptable. I wouldn't dare go out with a woman that wants me, especially when my gf knows it.
Author flyaway Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 i know i cant tell him to get rid of his female friends cause i have male friends myself. i want us to have other friends. thats the thing memphis: i dont know if she still likes him. he cut her out of his life when she liked him and got weird and he didnt like her. he told me he would be happy to be friends with her again but only if she didnt like him. his words not mine. i hope he gets down soon so i can find out whats up.
Author flyaway Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 wow. i feel stupid now. he got back a bit ago and he was very open about what happened. turns out, its not the same girl i was thinking of. he had this one girl like him and he cut her out of his life because it was awkward and he didn't like her back. this is a DIFFERENT girl. i got them confused since they have similar names. he told me he would not go out with a girl who liked him and he prefers if they are in relationships, like him. anyway, she really wants to meet me now and he says he will be happy to introduce us. plus, she is with someone in a happy longterm relationship (been together for years)) and the guy is becoming a transsexual and thats what she is into. she's happy, he's happy, i'm happy. happy ending.
Memphis Raines Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 wow. i feel stupid now. he got back a bit ago and he was very open about what happened. turns out, its not the same girl i was thinking of. but if it was the same girl, you'd have every right to be pissed. there is a difference between having opposite sex friends and having opposite sex friends that you KNOW has designs on you.
Author flyaway Posted April 9, 2011 Author Posted April 9, 2011 yeah he has already told me that he doesnt want to hang out with anyone who likes him out of respect for me. and i agree i will do the same for him. so we got that straightened out.
KatieB Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 This does seem a little strange to me I'm afraid, sounds rather like a date, doesn't it? If it isn't then don't worry, jealousy is natural and shows that you care, just don't let it get out of hand like I have! It really ruins your life and happiness And don't feel stupid, I have my share of moments when I've realised something and feel like a total ass lol Katie
Author flyaway Posted April 15, 2011 Author Posted April 15, 2011 yeah i dont much care if he has lunch with a female friend as long as she doesnt like him and hes not doing it tons. i sometimes will eat with a male friend myself. i met the girl he ate with recently and shes really nice. she has a girlfriend. well i guess that cleared itself up, lol. but honestly if even if she was straight i would be okay with her hanging out with my bf without me as long as she didnt like him in that way. i have male friends so trust needs to go both ways! my bf and i both agreed that its best to let each other know of the others plans and to only hang with people who don't like us in that way. im glad we are on the same page.
Memphis Raines Posted April 18, 2011 Posted April 18, 2011 yeah he has already told me that he doesnt want to hang out with anyone who likes him out of respect for me. and i agree i will do the same for him. so we got that straightened out. then it sounds like you have a winner of a boyfriend if this is true. and having friends of opposite sex isn't a problem. but IMO, its not a good thing when opposite sex friends, when one or both have committed parnters, hangs out alone and goes on basically what can be thought of as dates. not saying your bf does this, just sayin:)
Author flyaway Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 yeah i agree. my bf and i are more "one on one" ppl and tend to only hang out with 1-2 ppl at a time. neither of us like groups. to clarify, the outing he had with the girl was at the mall. its near his college. he ran some errands there and met her there and they grabbed food in a restaurant there. no one got dressed up or anything. he texted me before and after letting me know what was up and letting her say hi to me. he and i talked more and he said that its a date depending on the atmosphere. if both people are in happy relationships and its just a quick bite to eat and not a dressed-up thing and it doesnt last hours, then its not bad. i totally agreed since i do go to eat with male friends. i think about back to when we were just friends and he was with his gf of 2 years. he and i would go out and grab a bite to eat. he never flirted with me or made any moves and was very respectful about his boundaries and privacy of his gf. of course i never pushed them and we were just friends. if hes like with other girls how he was with me, then i have nothing to worry about.
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