Anna86 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Hi guys, just wondering if what I am feeling is normal...I think it is, but it feels so abnormal to feel this way...... I have started NC with my ex, actually, its LC....I asked him not to call/text me. I know if I call/text him he will respond and I said he can send me an email in a few weeks if he wants. Anyway, hardest part over. I am not going to call/text him, I don't want to. Its far easier knowing I can so I am less likely to flip out and feel the forbidden urge to call him this way!! Basically, I am keeping myself REALLY busy....I am working extra hard at work, I worked 24 hours in the last two days, mostly unpaid as I need to catch up on things!). I got satisfaction from my hard work over the past few days, then tonight, I rewarded myself with a quiet beer and food with my friend after work, came home, watched my favorite tv...then...boom. It hit me again, I miss him so much..... I really just want to be back in that happy place I was in. This sucks. I feel so alone and empty. Like a huge part of me has died. I was with him every night for the past year and I am so used to just sleeping next to him and I loved waking up beside him, and now I sleep and wake alone. When I am busy, I am okay and don't think of him. When I am alone he is in my thoughts and I think about all the things that went wrong. I have started to blame myself for the break up. He told me a few days ago that I wanted too much attention and that I never let him have space...He said he couldn't deal with it and wanted to concentrate on his goals in life. Before this he told me I did nothing wrong and I was perfect for him, so I am upset that he has decided to tell me my faults now...many months later.... Anyway, I am just venting, and wondering if it is normal to feel this way.... Also, has anyone felt like this only to find themselves again and one day feel happier than they ever have before? It feels so intense right now......
Trevster Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Well in my case my girl broke up with me like it was nothing and we have been together for 3 years and now she makes it seem like we didn't exsist. We were with each other everyday and it seemed so happy! I told her all her faults alot but her flaws are what really brought me to her because deep down that person is perfect for you! I wonder everyday if she feels the way you do because she keeps herself busy with her friends and family and school and I hope at the end of the night she feels this way! If they truly made you happier than anyone else you think can that person deserves a new beginning just to start new with each other! I feel this same way even though I was broken up with after I'm not busy she pops in my head and I cry to the lord that we are meant to be so just pray about it and look to the lord! Proverbs 16:3 commit yourself to the lord, and you plans will succeed! Maybe you should text him we always wonder if they miss us as much as we miss them!!!
smudge21 Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I don't think you're feeling anything different to what the majority feel when a relationship ends. You just get so used to that person being there, that the thought of them gone is often too much to handle. Things do get better and you will find your happy face once again, but it takes time. It won't happen instantly but slowly you will start to accept things and live with them until eventually you're back where you were before you met this person. Before you even knew this person. That's what always gets me - my ex was no-one to me this time last year. She'd never played a part in my life in any way and our paths had never crossed. So how come she can have such a hold on me now. How come one simple meeting can lead to so much change in my life. It's all very wierd when you start thinking like that. Anyway, good luck with it. I wish you all the best.
Ttrent Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I think a lot of us have felt the same way you do. I know it's hard, but you'll have really good days and some bad days. Even though it doesn't feel like it, after a few weeks there will be many more good days than bad. I'm in the same boat as you, it's only been a few weeks for myself. What works for me is keeping busy like you said and being proud of what you're able to accomplish. Recently I picked up hiking and jogging to keep me out of the house when I'm alone (that's when the feelings tend to creep up for me as well). Being with friends helps a lot too, even if it's just for dinner or a late night movie on the couch. You'll get through it, don't worry!
Little_Bee Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 It is absolutely normal. The other person spent an important part in our lives and we thought about them very often during the day but in a happy way and not like now in a sad way. Your heart and mind need time to adjust to not having the person around you anymore and that will time. Allow yourself the time and allow yourself to be sad and heartbroken as this is also part of the healing and moving on process. Yes, it's good to keep busy but it's also good to have quiet moments as trying too hard to not being sad and to distract ourselves is not good for us either. We have to work through the feelings to be able to find happiness again.
Rose T Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Also, has anyone felt like this only to find themselves again and one day feel happier than they ever have before? It feels so intense right now...... Anna, I would say I'm in that happy place right now. It's been such a rollercoaster but you do have to get yourself off the drug that is your ex to find happiness being a single person, which is a fundamental stage to go through I think before you start dating again. Keeping busy is good, learning to like yourself again and respect yourself as a single person for all your excellent qualities, is even better. It takes time. You have to avoid seeing your ex to cross the river and the part of that transition, when you're on the metaphorical bridge over the water, is very lonely at times. But once you're on the other side you'll be so proud of yourself. You can do this. Stay strong. You have to get through this to find real happiness again, believe it.
geegirl Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 It's perfectly normal. You're going through the stages. There are days I feel like I am so done and a happy as a lark and then BAM, one morning I will wake up feeling empty and sad, like a gaping hole inside of me. Especially when I am alone. It will come in waves. Up and down. Just feel those sad feelings and let them pass, because they will. Slowly but surely the bad/sad feelings will be few and far between and the intensity will slowly subside. It just takes time as cliche as it sounds but that is all we have on our side. Your ex played a big part in your life, emotionally and mentally. There's a huge void in your life now and you're slowly starting to fill it up in different ways. Keep doing what you're doing. You're moving forward.
Fufu Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 I rather be lonely than to be depressed over a man that broke my heart. "I have started NC with my ex, actually, its LC....I asked him not to call/text me. I know if I call/text him he will respond and I said he can send me an email in a few weeks if he wants. Anyway, hardest part over. I am not going to call/text him, I don't want to. Its far easier knowing I can so I am less likely to flip out and feel the forbidden urge to call him this way!!" Sweet, go NC NC NC NC NC. LC serves no purpose for your situation. It''s good that you are taking steps up not to contact him however you don't have to tell him he can send a e-mail to you if he wants. I will actually suggest you to block his e-mail, reading them will only hinder your personal healing process. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Basically, I am keeping myself REALLY busy....I am working extra hard at work, I worked 24 hours in the last two days, mostly unpaid as I need to catch up on things!). I got satisfaction from my hard work over the past few days, then tonight, I rewarded myself with a quiet beer and food with my friend after work, came home, watched my favorite tv...then...boom. It hit me again, I miss him so much....." You don't miss him anymore, you miss what you guys had and that's past so look forward in life and be happy again. Don't stuck yourself in the past. Keep yourself busy and you are doing great. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I really just want to be back in that happy place I was in. This sucks. I feel so alone and empty. Like a huge part of me has died. I was with him every night for the past year and I am so used to just sleeping next to him and I loved waking up beside him, and now I sleep and wake alone." This was past, PAST. It doesn't matter anymore. Ask yourself this, in future, you have a new bf who treats you far sincerely than your ex-bf and he's willing to be with you for life. This is better right? Than to be missing someone who chose to leave you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- "When I am busy, I am okay and don't think of him. When I am alone he is in my thoughts and I think about all the things that went wrong. I have started to blame myself for the break up. He told me a few days ago that I wanted too much attention and that I never let him have space...He said he couldn't deal with it and wanted to concentrate on his goals in life. Before this he told me I did nothing wrong and I was perfect for him, so I am upset that he has decided to tell me my faults now...many months later...." No one is always right in a relationship and no one is always at fault. You don't have to blame everything on yourself for the break up. I wouldn't want to be with a man who only blames everything on me and chose to walk out. He can do this once, he can do this twice to you and do you want to get heartbroken again by the same person? I am happy to see that you are starting to do things to heal yourself,continue doing it and don't stop, don't give in to any urges and temptations, in time to come, very near future, you will be happy again and you won't even think of your ex anymore.
Author Anna86 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 Awwww thanks for all your wonderful responses!! You guys are the best!! I didn't think of him all day at work, and didn't think of him until I got home!! I guess thats a good sign. Also, I have no desire to talk to him. None. I feel no hate or anything, I just don't want to go back to that place again. It's hard, as I used to get so excited to see him after work and thinking of him made me happy at work. He was a major reinforcement. I could do ANYTHING with him and I enjoyed it. Finding something as reinforcing as him is hard. I can find things I like, but none that give me that huge boost. It feels like I can never love again. Its strange, I just can't imagine myself with some other guy!! It seems so strange. This is normal too?? But, I always hear that people get rebounds? I have no desire to have a rebound...I guess my ex was my rebound for a few weeks...Ironic. Do any of you guys have any good experiences after break up? What can you learn during a break up? I want to concentrate on all of the positives of being single.
geegirl Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) Little steps Anna. When you know deep down that you don't ever want to go back to that place again, it's a sure sign that you are making it. No more looking back. I feel that way too. I can't imagine investing myself in someone else. Maybe I can't imagine it now because I have nothing to give but like you, that feeling of never wanting to be with another guy or love again looms inside me. But I believe that comes from heartbreak. You've got your walls up, your defense system is tightly wound around you guarding you in protective mode. Love is the last thing you want to feel or think about because it is that same thing that just crushed you. As you heal you will start to open up again. There's going to a come a day when you start checking guys out and getting the flutters when someone pays notice...it will happen. Then you'll want to date and see what's out there and all that good stuff. When you are truly healed and happy within yourself, it will all come together. I don't believe in rebounds too. People say it will make you forget your ex. I think it serves to hurt you more and the other person as you're getting together for all the wrong reasons. I'm learning to set clear boundaries on what I will accept and I won't in future relationships. Figuring why I made the mistakes I made when choosing past partners. Going to therapy. Trying to delve into my co-dependence issues and work them out. Beginning to use this time to dig deep into what I want to do with my life (maybe because I'm 40 and time is running out and I've spent way too much time on idiots!), feeding into my passions...I've told myself that I need to invest time in ME and only ME until I am capable of making healthy decisions for myself. It may take years but it's well worth it. Who knows, maybe the ex was a blessing in disguise! Edited April 7, 2011 by geegirl
Fufu Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Awwww thanks for all your wonderful responses!! You guys are the best!! I didn't think of him all day at work, and didn't think of him until I got home!! I guess thats a good sign. Also, I have no desire to talk to him. None. I feel no hate or anything, I just don't want to go back to that place again. Anna, you don't have to say thank you I believe we all went through hard break ups and we can understand the pain and abandonment feelings we had. You are doing better and better and I am very happy for you. ^_^ Be proud of yourself too. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It's hard, as I used to get so excited to see him after work and thinking of him made me happy at work. He was a major reinforcement. I could do ANYTHING with him and I enjoyed it. Finding something as reinforcing as him is hard. I can find things I like, but none that give me that huge boost. I had these feelings too, in the past whenever I saw my ex, everything lights up in my heart and it certainly took me serious self discipline to get use to my brand new life without him. However, I treat this as a rediscovering of myself of how strong and independent I can be being single. You can too as I believe you are a strong lady. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- It feels like I can never love again. Its strange, I just can't imagine myself with some other guy!! It seems so strange. This is normal too?? But, I always hear that people get rebounds? I have no desire to have a rebound...I guess my ex was my rebound for a few weeks...Ironic. It's normal to feel this way, I told my mum I couldn't love again. She told me, "Girl, you don't have to rush to love someone or a new person. Take your time to love again. At this moment, love yourself more first. When the right time comes and the right man comes, you will fall in love again." Personally, I don't really believe in rebounds, to me it's just not ethical and feel like excuses to me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do any of you guys have any good experiences after break up? What can you learn during a break up? I want to concentrate on all of the positives of being single. Here are a few experiences I had after breaking up and rediscovering myself in the process. - I feel freedom, relax and calm. - I learned the mistakes I made from my previous mistake and tell myself in my next relationship, I will not do it again. - I learned that being single after years of relationship is not that scary after all. I found out that I am much stronger than I thought who I was.
Beeotch Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 Hi guys, just wondering if what I am feeling is normal...I think it is, but it feels so abnormal to feel this way...... I have started NC with my ex, actually, its LC....I asked him not to call/text me. I know if I call/text him he will respond and I said he can send me an email in a few weeks if he wants. Anyway, hardest part over. I am not going to call/text him, I don't want to. Its far easier knowing I can so I am less likely to flip out and feel the forbidden urge to call him this way!! Basically, I am keeping myself REALLY busy....I am working extra hard at work, I worked 24 hours in the last two days, mostly unpaid as I need to catch up on things!). I got satisfaction from my hard work over the past few days, then tonight, I rewarded myself with a quiet beer and food with my friend after work, came home, watched my favorite tv...then...boom. It hit me again, I miss him so much..... I really just want to be back in that happy place I was in. This sucks. I feel so alone and empty. Like a huge part of me has died. I was with him every night for the past year and I am so used to just sleeping next to him and I loved waking up beside him, and now I sleep and wake alone. When I am busy, I am okay and don't think of him. When I am alone he is in my thoughts and I think about all the things that went wrong. I have started to blame myself for the break up. He told me a few days ago that I wanted too much attention and that I never let him have space...He said he couldn't deal with it and wanted to concentrate on his goals in life. Before this he told me I did nothing wrong and I was perfect for him, so I am upset that he has decided to tell me my faults now...many months later.... Anyway, I am just venting, and wondering if it is normal to feel this way.... Also, has anyone felt like this only to find themselves again and one day feel happier than they ever have before? It feels so intense right now... ... To the bolded section: YES and YES Believe me....I know that whole feeling of feeling lonely, that emptiness, that adjustment to having a routine with someone to it being painfully obvious they aren't there and it feels like you will never recover. But alas, you do! That is human nature and life....NOTHING stays the same forever. But while going through it it feels like a dark tunnel with no end in sight, but as the days/weeks/months pass you walk further along and start seeing some light until you get out of the tunnel completely and can look back on it waaaay in the distance. Keep doing what you've been doing! Being busy in healthy ways: hanging with friends, working, just focusing on your self and your growth and things you want to do. Grieve, cry if you must and just be kind to yourself knowing how you feel is completely normal and 1 day (only thing is no one can predict the day) you will be restored and feel like new! I and so many others that are LS "veterans" have once been in your place....and now I can say I am happy, over my ex, doing my own thing, interested in someone else and I KNOW from experience with that that nothing horrible lasts forever. It is still not something I want to go through again, BUT I at least know firsthand that as bad as it feels it will not last always and I will bounce back.
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